Author Nightsky Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 du·ty /ˈd(y)o͞otē/ Noun A moral or legal obligation; a responsibility: "it's my duty to uphold the law". (of a visit or other undertaking) Done from a sense of moral obligation rather than for pleasure: "a fifteen-minute duty visit". Not only is YOUR grasp of the english language alarmingly lacking...apparently you have short term memory as well. Hey smart guy you have to read the context I use the word. Duty is also synonymous with the word responsibility. The word doesn't have to mean "MORAL OBLIGATION." Also even with in the context of your use she isn't OBLIGATED TO DATE ME there for I'm saying this be part of one of the obligations one takes when dating some one not that some one feel obligated to do anything. It's a dishonest way of putting it you have no honesty in the way you talk or the way use word. It's very silly.
KungFuJoe Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Hey smart guy you have to read the context I use the word. Duty is also synonymous with the word responsibility. The word doesn't have to mean "MORAL OBLIGATION." Also even with in the context of your use she isn't OBLIGATED TO DATE ME there for I'm saying this be part of one of the obligations one takes when dating some one not that some one feel obligated to do anything. It's a dishonest way of putting it you have no honesty in the way you talk or the way use word. It's very silly. I'm sorry...uhh...what? You should probably take a bit more time with your posts. Try to stop after every sentence and re-read what you've wrote. It would definitely help with you being able to correctly convey your thoughts into comprehensive sentences. Right now it just sounds like you're typing streams of thought. And not very coherent ones at that.
Author Nightsky Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 I think that a person who is selecting for a partner based on the belief that they will keep on having sex because it's their "duty" to do it. You kind of started writing something but than just put a period in. Must be a mistake. In a really strong and healthy relationship' date=' yes, both partners would feel like making each other happy even if they weren't in the mood. [/quote'] Ok so it seems you follow my logic. I've already read ahead so I see where you've gone horribly wrong. At this point yes this is exactly what I'm saying with an emphasis in this dialogue on sex. That is unselfish and giving. I would disagree. I mean obviously you're still your own person. The thing is when you promote your family, or friend etc. You do it for yourself. I mean if you're promoting some one say making your wife happy at the destruction of your self there is a problem. I think that's where your great disconnect to what I'm saying comes in. But the attitude of "it's a wifely duty" is probably not going to yield a very promising situation. Reminds me of the tales of the 1950's, with the horrified woman laying there on her back, eyes clenched tightly shut, hands in fists and just counting the moments until her "wifely duty" has been completed. Gross. Where do you get off on being remind of imaginary feminist propaganda about the 50's in anything I've said. Reminds me of reading on here some ones advice to "be aggressive when going after girls" than the person felt the need to write "but don't rape them." I've seen that retarded insulting logic before. Like every man is one step away from being a rapist what a joke. Make sure you tell them not to be rapists. Wheres your disconnect I said likes to please, and see's it as important is probably a better word than duty but you have to do me the favor of reading the context in which I use words. So to take another example that I'm sure you wont argue with, refraining from dating or romanticly involving oneself with other people while in a committed relationship could be seen as a rule or what ever you want to call it right. Obviously people in frustration come on here and say they want some one faithful etc. Obviously that doesn't mean you want some one who is dating you while they cry to themselves about all the other people they could be dating. I mean a ridiculous example but it seems it's needed if I want to communicate with some of the people here. For the record' date=' my husband has some difficulty keeping up with my sexual nature, and we have a very good relationship on every level - but if he were to come at me with this "wifely duty" crap (which he never would, because he's too much of a man for that), I'm pretty sure my desire for him would start to nosedive into extinction. [/quote'] For the record what you wrote makes no sense. If it him having trouble keeping up with your sexual nature means you like having sex more than him... so why would he explain to you about "wifely duties." I mean you've described him as a man who breathes a sigh of relief when you aren't in the mood so your example makes no sense. Also your example involves your husband I assume of many years having some kind of personality snap. Makes no sense. Your logic it's absent.
Author Nightsky Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 I'm sorry...uhh...what? You should probably take a bit more time with your posts. Try to stop after every sentence and re-read what you've wrote. It would definitely help with you being able to correctly convey your thoughts into comprehensive sentences. Right now it just sounds like you're typing streams of thought. And not very coherent ones at that. You're right you are sorry. You should look up the definition on the internet and post it highlighting the portions completely out of context with the way the word is being used in the sentence.
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 I mean if you're promoting some one say making your wife happy at the destruction of your self there is a problem. Wait. If a woman doesn't want to have sex with YOU, but does it out of duty and to "make you happy" there is not a problem … but if YOU do what YOU don't want to in order to make your wife happy … there IS a problem? How's that? Where do you get off on being remind of imaginary feminist propaganda about the 50's in anything I've said. Well, for one thing, your choice of using the term "wifely duty." Very 1950's. For the record what you wrote makes no sense. :D:D That's funny! The stuff you wrote in this entire post is unintelligible! To wit: If it him having trouble keeping up with your sexual nature means you like having sex more than him... so why would he explain to you about "wifely duties." Huh? Also your example involves your husband I assume of many years having some kind of personality snap. Say WHAT??? Your logic it's absent. Your ability to write coherently it's absent. But, best of luck finding that perfect girl who's willing to do her duty by you. I have a feeling it will take a particularly dutiful one to sign up for the job! 2
Author Nightsky Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 Wait. If a woman doesn't want to have sex with YOU, but does it out of duty and to "make you happy" there is not a problem … but if YOU do what YOU don't want to in order to make your wife happy … there IS a problem? How's that? I said wasn't in the mood to have sex, not doesn't want to have sex. This idea of a woman gritting and bearing her teeth is some fantasy you concocted. I also never said do it at her expense as some self sacrifice, I was writing you an example of how doing stuff for your family and friends should never be self sacrificing. You should be doing it because you want to. The entire point of this thread is a woman should "want" to please her man. She should want to have sex whether she is in the mood or not. Very big distinction you can't get your head around. Like I don't feel like going to dinner, but I want to because it's important to my gf/wife. Not I'm going to dinner and going to break down in tears and grit my teeth. Your ability to write coherently it's absent. But, best of luck finding that perfect girl who's willing to do her duty by you. I have a feeling it will take a particularly dutiful one to sign up for the job! Yes, because you are very intelligent. I think that a person who is selecting for a partner based on the belief that they will keep on having sex because it's their "duty" to do it. What a brilliant sentence.
carhill Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 I say date a girl who likes to please her man. That desire, that like, can be a positive and healthy thing inside and outside of the bedroom. In fact, life experience has taught me to look for it long before the 'bedroom' ever becomes a potential. Watch for the actions to match. The verve, the enthusiasm, imbues the actions of 'pleasing' with a flavor all its own.
Author Nightsky Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 That desire, that like, can be a positive and healthy thing inside and outside of the bedroom. In fact, life experience has taught me to look for it long before the 'bedroom' ever becomes a potential. Watch for the actions to match. The verve, the enthusiasm, imbues the actions of 'pleasing' with a flavor all its own. Oh I agree. The thing is they should want to do that when it comes to frequency of sex.
veggirl Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Well per usual I think many of you are reading waaay too far into things. I agree with the sentiment and I would want the same thing from my man. I don't expect my man to produce a woody and just lay there while I ride him because I want sex, but I would and do expect him to put an importance on our sex life and making sure it is regular. If I am feeling a bit "meh" on sex that night, and my man is really horny and wanting it, I have no problem "doing my part" and trying to get myself in the mood to please him. I do think we have a duty to keep each other pleased! I'm not saying either one gets sex on command, but I see nothing wrong with wanting a partner who WANTS to keep the other one sexually satisfied, whether they are particularly in the mood that night or not. You are all creating this random situation where the man is badgering the woman for sex every night and she is never in the mood but lays down anyway. That's not what it is about at all... 1
ThaWholigan Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Well per usual I think many of you are reading waaay too far into things. I agree with the sentiment and I would want the same thing from my man. I don't expect my man to produce a woody and just lay there while I ride him because I want sex, but I would and do expect him to put an importance on our sex life and making sure it is regular. If I am feeling a bit "meh" on sex that night, and my man is really horny and wanting it, I have no problem "doing my part" and trying to get myself in the mood to please him. I do think we have a duty to keep each other pleased! I'm not saying either one gets sex on command, but I see nothing wrong with wanting a partner who WANTS to keep the other one sexually satisfied, whether they are particularly in the mood that night or not. You are all creating this random situation where the man is badgering the woman for sex every night and she is never in the mood but lays down anyway. That's not what it is about at all... I think it's his choice of words more than anything. I agree with him in essence, but I would rather the woman be as horny as me as opposed to meh. I just don't like the idea.
veggirl Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 I think it's his choice of words more than anything. I agree with him in essence, but I would rather the woman be as horny as me as opposed to meh. I just don't like the idea. Yes but 2 people being equally horny at the same times is not realistic forever. Okay, for example, my first serious boyfriend. When we started having sex we were on the same page, we both wanted it all the time. once that wore off, I wanted it a lot more than him. He told me "I'd be happy having sex once a week" and I was like :eek: no no no. I told him once a week wouldn't work for me! Keep in mind we were 21 and had only been together for a year at this point! Eventually we got in this stupid routine of basically having sex on Friday nights. I would crawl on him and kiss him and touch him to try to get him horny to have sex with me. It wasn't every day, it was like...i'd try that on a tuesday or something. He would push me away and go back to his video games! He was a good boyfriend besides that and I stayed with him and was always frustrated! What he SHOULD have done was put in the effort. When I was crawling all over his lap, maybe instead of pushing me away to play a video game or watch tv or WHATEVER, he should have turned everything off and given me a little attention, and given things a chance to escalate rather than just "ugh not now!" That's what I'm talking about in regards to doing your duty. Making time and freakin trying to keep your partner happy! And wanting to do so. Not necessarily wanting to fk all the time, but wanting to try, willing to put aside the stupid distraction in front of you and have a little sexy time, see what transpires. Sometimes w/ my current bf I wouldn't necessarily be in the mood but he would be. I'd let him take the lead and I'd let him kiss all over me and touch me instead of just saying "I'm not in the mood!" and more often than not, I get in the mood. 3
ThaWholigan Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Yes but 2 people being equally horny at the same times is not realistic forever. Okay, for example, my first serious boyfriend. When we started having sex we were on the same page, we both wanted it all the time. once that wore off, I wanted it a lot more than him. He told me "I'd be happy having sex once a week" and I was like :eek: no no no. I told him once a week wouldn't work for me! Keep in mind we were 21 and had only been together for a year at this point! Eventually we got in this stupid routine of basically having sex on Friday nights. I would crawl on him and kiss him and touch him to try to get him horny to have sex with me. It wasn't every day, it was like...i'd try that on a tuesday or something. He would push me away and go back to his video games! He was a good boyfriend besides that and I stayed with him and was always frustrated! What he SHOULD have done was put in the effort. When I was crawling all over his lap, maybe instead of pushing me away to play a video game or watch tv or WHATEVER, he should have turned everything off and given me a little attention, and given things a chance to escalate rather than just "ugh not now!" That's what I'm talking about in regards to doing your duty. Making time and freakin trying to keep your partner happy! And wanting to do so. Not necessarily wanting to fk all the time, but wanting to try, willing to put aside the stupid distraction in front of you and have a little sexy time, see what transpires. Sometimes w/ my current bf I wouldn't necessarily be in the mood but he would be. I'd let him take the lead and I'd let him kiss all over me and touch me instead of just saying "I'm not in the mood!" and more often than not, I get in the mood. Fair enough. I just don't want to end up paying for hookers in my 50s after a sexless marriage (no offense to the referenced poster). It's unlikely to happen anyway, as I will cut my losses in any event. But I understand, she won't be up for it all the time - I don't have a problem with that, I would just rather that not become routine in itself. The only way I could get around it would be to find someone whose libido is higher than mine! .
Author Nightsky Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 Well we have a variety of characters out tonight don't we. monicaelise who is having a good tome perfecting her stand up act. Balzac and Wholigan who I see as having simplistic views over libido and missing the point I'm trying to make. soccerrprp who I respect and appears to be a realist who lives in TX. One of the only good posts along with Carhil's sweetkiwi who I think gets what I'm saying... but is going off on some tangent about how men always let her down sexually... movingon12 wrote some insult about me not being able to please women. This is a child like view to what I'm talking about. Elswyth has a complete disconnect from reality as I see it. Talking about extinguishing passion. Please. I eat a can of black beans with more passion than her view on sex. Some fragile thing, omg omg he said he wants regular sex and he expects it now I have no passion. hahahahaha muahahfajfoijaifjai jhahahahah ... ha! Oh and KingFuJoe who seems to be autistic. Than there is YOU veggirl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! VEGGIRL!!!!!!!! VEG VEG VEG GIRL!!!!!!!!!
Author Nightsky Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 Sometimes w/ my current bf I wouldn't necessarily be in the mood but he would be. I'd let him take the lead and I'd let him kiss all over me and touch me instead of just saying "I'm not in the mood!" and more often than not, I get in the mood. How interesting. Now we're back on track instead of listening to people drone on about their insecurities. Which brings me to a point I don't think I made. A girl who isn't in the mood for sex, but than has sex will often find herself in the mood for sex and enjoying it as it happens.
TheZebra Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 I want my next guy to have pretty high libido. With my ex I always had to initiate sex, throughout all friggin 5 years! In the last few months of the relationship he always had an excuse. Too tired. Too full. Too... I dunno. Very frustrating... and no, I never gained weight or anything throughout the relationship. If he's not up to doing it at least 3 times a week, it ain't gonna work
Author Nightsky Posted December 31, 2012 Author Posted December 31, 2012 I want my next guy to have pretty high libido. With my ex I always had to initiate sex, throughout all friggin 5 years! In the last few months of the relationship he always had an excuse. Too tired. Too full. Too... I dunno. Very frustrating... and no, I never gained weight or anything throughout the relationship. If he's not up to doing it at least 3 times a week, it ain't gonna work I've been watching you TheZebra. I like your posts even if I haven't been taking the time to "like" them. As for the initiating thing. I could care less if a woman ever initiates as long as she is willing. In fact I like initiating oh yeah!
xxoo Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 What you chumps fail to realize is libido can be there one day and gone the next. You don't ant to start building a history only to have a year or two down the line "I'm not in the mood" be said all the time. Why do you think that happens? Often it is because the boyfriend/husband forgets his "duties". The boyfriend/girlfriend experience goes both ways! My H treats me like a girlfriend, so I act like one
Author Nightsky Posted December 31, 2012 Author Posted December 31, 2012 Why do you think that happens? Often it is because the boyfriend/husband forgets his "duties". The boyfriend/girlfriend experience goes both ways! My H treats me like a girlfriend, so I act like one Oh you and your vague non useful advice. Expecting sex is treating your gf like your gf! Bam you like that!? 1
Kamille Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 I lost my libido in my first LTR. It was disastrous. And as a result I've come to realize that intimacy is a responsibility shared by both partners. That means, for me, making sure I ask for what I want and also make time for hot sex in bed. So I get what Nightsky is saying, even though we're using a different kind of vocabulary. 1
sweetkiwi Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Im all tangents baby. I am talking about wanting a man who has a willingness to please me and be pleased by me. I usually take the reins sexually so generally he gets in the mood quick. I think my relationships wouldve been more rewarding for me If i wasn't being rejected. So basically what you're saying but Im a woman with this real problem of not finding men that have a constantly high libido like me. 2
xxoo Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 I say date a girl who likes to please her man. Well, that's what I am.....20 years and counting. But the man is doing his part. He is a man who likes to please his woman, outside the bedroom. Are you a man who likes to please his woman? Because it goes both ways. 1
Vercetti Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Im all tangents baby. I am talking about wanting a man who has a willingness to please me and be pleased by me. I usually take the reins sexually so generally he gets in the mood quick. I think my relationships wouldve been more rewarding for me If i wasn't being rejected. So basically what you're saying but Im a woman with this real problem of not finding men that have a constantly high libido like me. I'm a bit biased but think best bet is check out some gothy guys, they can be extremely romantic and very open ( i.e perverted but not slutty ). You might just end up in New Orleans living in a hostel for a few months 2
veggirl Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Some of the posts that are made and then people like them are really confusing in this thread. Nightsky is yelled at for putting some of the responsibility on the woman, to want a girl who WANTS to please him and is willing to put in the effort even if she's not exactly in the mood. Okay, fine but then there is a post like this from movingon: There will always be men who are unable to keep his partner satisfied/interested after the initial few months. In these cases, like the OP is planning, he will have to rely on her sense of 'duty' - even though they both know she will get very little enjoyment out of it. How sad. Of course, there are other men who are actually very good in bed, so that - even after the initial mad passion fades - they will always be able to reignite it in their woman. which gets all sorts of likes. movingon is basically putting the responsibility on the man, solely. And assuming if someone doesn't want sex, it's because the man is not skilled. So it's the MAN'S job to reignite the woman, and that's okay but to say it's a woman's job to play along is not? Speaking from my experience, which I posted in this thread, skill has nothing to do with it when someone just flat out is like "ugh not now". I would consider myself to be pretty on top of things sexually and that didn't change the fact that my bf was NOT willing to put in the effort unless the moment was absolutely perfect and he was ALREADY in the mood. That's unacceptable. I need someone who will rally and try even if initially not in the mood every time. for example!! A current example, where I am the one not necessarily in the mood. As most of you know my bf is across the country from me right now. We have to have sexy time via facetime! He wants it tonight and has been hinting all day. I was planning on relaxing and watching TV all night. I'm not really in the mood. I could tell him no, he's certainly not gonna dump me over it or anything. but I don't want to tell him no. I want him to be happy. (oh god let me throw out that yes I understand there are other things that are important in a relationship besides sex, but this thread is about sex). so anyway, he had a great day today and he wants to cap it off with some sexy time with his girl. He's gonna get that! Because I want him to be pleased and satiated and happy. It WON'T be the expense of myself. I am happy to make him happy. It turns me on to make him happy. Turning him down just because I'm not super horny right now, that's a romance killer over the long run. Sure finding someone who wants sex everytime you do (and no more than that) would be ideal but lets be real. That's not gonna happen. people make concessions in relationships EVERY DAY. you compromise on things. why is it any different when it comes to sex? It doesn't have to be. it's not for me. I am ASSUMING that my current example is basically what Nightsky is getting at when he says he wants someone who wants to please him and will go for it even not totally in the mood at the moment. does every thread have to turn into a war of semantics? I thought the gist of what he was saying was clear, not sure how clinging to single words really does any good, all it does it take s.hit way off track.
veggirl Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 That desire, that like, can be a positive and healthy thing inside and outside of the bedroom. In fact, life experience has taught me to look for it long before the 'bedroom' ever becomes a potential. Watch for the actions to match. The verve, the enthusiasm, imbues the actions of 'pleasing' with a flavor all its own. Yeah I agree whole-heartedly with this, and I hope your post didn't get lost in all the arguments.
sweetkiwi Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 I'm a bit biased but think best bet is check out some gothy guys, they can be extremely romantic and very open ( i.e perverted but not slutty ). You might just end up in New Orleans living in a hostel for a few months New Orleans huh? For gumbo and sex? Are there a lot of goth guys out there??
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