EDR88 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 (edited) I posted a few months back and since then, some new things have come to light. I have tried to condense this long story down as much as possible. Id really appreciate if anyone would read it and give some advice/thoughts. Me and my girlfriend have been going out for 5 years. We really loved each other and had a great relationship. About a year ago, she moved to another city and things started to go downhill. She became more and more distant and seemed to be falling out of love with me. We still saw each other every couple of weeks though. About 6 months ago I found out she had been out on a date with another guy. Now the thing is, this guy happens to be a pretty famous celebrity here in the UK, who had come into the shop she works at and asked her out. She told me she had been feeling really unsure of things for ages anyway, and so when he came along and asked her out, she thought she may as well go and see what it was like to go out with a celebrity. Its not like everything was perfect with us and then she got asked out by someone else and went...She was already thinking about whether to break up with me at the time he showed up. She assured me she hadn't been out with anyone else before him and wouldn't have gone out with him if she wasn't feeling so unsure about things with us. (just so you know, not only is this guy rich and famous, he's also very good looking, stylish and cool, has cool tattoos and has done modelling…. basically he is everything I'm not. On top of that, everyone from teenagers to your nan loves him) Anyway, after that she broke up with me. I was heartbroken. Life was S***. I finished uni and ended up moving home, to the same city she lives in now. About a month or so later she called me and said she had made a huge mistake and wanted me back. She said she was so sorry for treating me like **** and felt so guilty about it. She assures me she loves me very much, wants to marry me and even wants my babies.I found out she had been out on three dates with this guy and then she found out that he had another girlfriend already and was actually just like every other rich young famous ******* who thinks he can get whatever he wants. She told me they kissed a few times but promised me that nothing else happened between them. She said theres nothing she can do to prove she's telling the truth, but she assures me she is. So were back together now, and things have generally been quite good. However, I cannot stop thinking all this. How do I know she's not lying about only kissing him? She probably wouldn't tell me if anything else had happened for fear of hurting me more...But people always go on about how sex after three dates is not unusual. And given who he is, I feel this is especially true. I do believe that she's genuinely sorry and really does love me, and I genuinely think she wouldn't do something like that again. Its the first time anything like this has every happened and it all seemed incredibly out of character. But I can't stop thinking about it. I also can't help but think maybe she showed a side of herself I have never seen before. Anyway, I love her and, before all this, I wanted to marry her. But I don't believe she's told me everything and it kills me to think about it. I don't know how i'l ever be able to forget about it and I will never really know the truth. How can i spend the rest of my life with someone with all this in mind? Should I just accept that whatever happened, she loves me now and be happy with that. Am I a fool to take her back after she treated me so badly? I don't know what Im supposed to do. I think I know what sort of response I will get, but any thoughts and advice would be massively appreciated. Sorry its so long! Edited December 30, 2012 by EDR88
Sav Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 I don't know what others will do but for me, I would break up with her. Even if I'm in love with her, having such thoughts will just prolong the rotten relationship. Why did I say this is a rotten relationship? Because there is no trust. And by no means do I blame you. This topic could very possibly be the fuel for many future arguments and then you will end up hateful and whatnot. Let's just say she's telling the truth. It doesn't change the fact that she dumped you for someone "better", or so she thinks. The reason she came back was she realised she was being played. That's the truth. I won't settle being second best, so should you. But then again, love is a stupid thing, so whatever your decision, no one will blame you. But do what's best for yourself Gd luck
Author EDR88 Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 I don't know what others will do but for me, I would break up with her. Even if I'm in love with her, having such thoughts will just prolong the rotten relationship. Why did I say this is a rotten relationship? Because there is no trust. And by no means do I blame you. This topic could very possibly be the fuel for many future arguments and then you will end up hateful and whatnot. Let's just say she's telling the truth. It doesn't change the fact that she dumped you for someone "better", or so she thinks. The reason she came back was she realised she was being played. That's the truth. I won't settle being second best, so should you. But then again, love is a stupid thing, so whatever your decision, no one will blame you. But do what's best for yourself Gd luck Thank you for your reply. This does concern me, and my distrust has been the cause of arguments recently, that we never used to have. However she knows I dont trust her right now and we both hope that in time, my trust in her will be restored. What worries me is that its been 6 months now and I still feel very insecure/worried/jealous when she goes out with friends, which I never used to. Plus I am worried that I will always wonder what really happened between her and this celebrity D*ckhead.
Author EDR88 Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 Have you seen the movie "Closer" ? Nope. How does it relate? And was there a happy ending!?
Author EDR88 Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 Anyone else have any thoughts...?
loversquarrel Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 You can't trust her. Trust your gut. Your gut is telling you something more happened, listen to it. It's picking up on subtle body language clues she is dropping, but you're trying to figure out what exactly. If you are serious about her then pursue the questioning, eventually it will work. If she doesn't come out and tell you, you will find out from her reactions. I have much experience with this and have learned the hard way to trust my gut. Every single time it was correct. My girlfriend concealed things from me the same way yours is. She wouldn't tell me everything about a guy she hung out with. Eventually she broke and although I may not have gotten every detail, I got enough. On a side note - I would not consider this girl marriage material, she made you feel a certain way and is no longer worth that type of commitment. I know it sucks, but you are not alone.
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