RhapsodyinBlue Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 I guess I should preface this post by saying that I am a gay male. I’m 24, about 6'ft tall and thin. I'm graduating in May with my Master’s degree. So for the most part I have my s**t together. However, I’ve never been in a relationship. I haven’t had much success with dating either. I don’t think I’m that bad looking and people seem to love my personality. I just don’t understand why I have such a hard time finding guys to talk to. My classmates always give me compliments on my looks and the way I dress. They are all surprised I have never been in a relationship and never get hit on. If I’m interested in a guy, he usually aren’t interested in me. I do have standards when it comes to dating but I’m not extremely picky. I like guys of all races. Sometimes I think I may be a little too lenient, but either way I haven’t been successful. I’ve tried the online dating thing for years, which has been horrendous. Everyone just wants sex and wants to know how much I’m “packing”. Majority of the guys who message me are old and overweight. No disrespect to those people, but I’m not really interested in dating someone who is older than my parents. Needless to say, I’ve completely washed my hands with online dating. It’s like a human meat market. I’ve gotten feed-back from some guys who I’ve gotten to know on a friendship-level. They’ve told me I look intimidating. They all said they would never approach me if they saw me. This is mind-blowing to me because for most of my life I’ve had self-esteem issues. At least I don’t think I carry myself like a prude. I do know my worth and carry myself with confidence even though I can be timid at times. I’m usually laughing, dancing, drinking and smiling when I go out. So it’s not like I’m standing against a wall looking angry. I’m not a f**king model :-/ I’m just your average Joe who wants to be loved like everyone else. Trust me, I’m far from boring or normal. It’s practically why I have so many friends and why friends tend to gravitate towards me. Romantically? It’s another story. Everyone says the right person is out there for me and will come into my life eventually. It just sucks now because even if I want to have a little “fun” it’s still hard finding people who are attracted to me. Occasionally, I’ll get called “cute” or “handsome” but I can’t exactly say I feel like either one of those words. I just don’t know what to do to look “less” intimidating. Or maybe it's something else? Here are a few pics of me: ImageShack® - Online Photo and Video Hosting ImageShack® - Online Photo and Video Hosting ImageShack® - Online Photo and Video Hosting
sweetkiwi Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 First of all babe you're in LA. I think youre good looking but so is 75% of LA. Is it possible most guys want the hook up and see you as the type to go home to, not have a fling with?
MoreThanThat Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 I'm with Sweetkiwi - LA is tough. I had been on/off with someone for 5 1/2 years. He was 24 when we first got involved and I was his first real relationship. We had been friends first and I got to hear about his OLD stories. He lives in SoCal and went through the hetero equivalent of what you did. My suggestion? Get out there and participate in local activities where you may get to meet some interesting people who have common interests. Broaden your social network. I think people today are having much better success online with finding relationship material people with social media and actively expanding their networks rather than OLD. Good luck!
Maneater Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 As others said, it's bc you're in LA. You seem like a nice down to earth guy w a great personality and I'd give you a 7.5. I'm not gay so I'm not sure I know what gay men like but I see nothing terrible about you! Like someone else said, look elsewhere in Cali. La is too superficial and people just want one night stands. Goodluck!
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 You seen friendly and approachable, with a great smile. Not intimidating at all. There are gay men's groups for everything--hiking, biking, running, soccer, whatever. Join some groups based on your personal interests. Also, if you don't like the guys who approach you, spend more time asking out those guys who interest you. 1
Author RhapsodyinBlue Posted December 31, 2012 Author Posted December 31, 2012 Thanks guys I really appreciate the feedback. Yeah, LA's a tough cookie I have to say lol. I guess I'm always constantly comparing myself to other people I know and I don't seem to have the luck they have. Then again, they change men like underwear.
Author RhapsodyinBlue Posted December 31, 2012 Author Posted December 31, 2012 As others said, it's bc you're in LA. You seem like a nice down to earth guy w a great personality and I'd give you a 7.5. I'm not gay so I'm not sure I know what gay men like but I see nothing terrible about you! Like someone else said, look elsewhere in Cali. La is too superficial and people just want one night stands. Goodluck! Lol I'll take 7.5 and thanks for the response. I didn't think any males would respond.
veggirl Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 7.5?! 7.5?????? no no no. You're like a 9 so yes possibly people are intimidated by your looks. so you mentioned that people say they wouldn't approach you because of that, well do you approach guys? I am baffled that you can not get a date.
amaysngrace Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 7.5?! 7.5?????? no no no. You're like a 9 so yes possibly people are intimidated by your looks. so you mentioned that people say they wouldn't approach you because of that, well do you approach guys? I am baffled that you can not get a date. I agree. I'm sad that he's gay. 1
Author RhapsodyinBlue Posted December 31, 2012 Author Posted December 31, 2012 I agree. I'm sad that he's gay. Lol aw you guys are too kind. ACTUALLY, I get hit on by women more than men. If I were straight, I'd havehell of a lot of options lol. Unfortunately, I do not approach people. It's not like I refuse to do so, but it makes me so uncomfortable. But I think it's a habit that I will have to break. :-/
veggirl Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Lol aw you guys are too kind. ACTUALLY, I get hit on by women more than men. If I were straight, I'd havehell of a lot of options lol. Unfortunately, I do not approach people. It's not like I refuse to do so, but it makes me so uncomfortable. But I think it's a habit that I will have to break. :-/ It's absolutely a habit you need to break if you are being told by people in real life that you are too intimidating to approach! I mean if you are out and drinking and dancing and having fun, why don't you approach guys you find attractive? All you have to do is say hi, maybe compliment them somehow? I don't know, I'm trying to remember how guys used to approach me in those situations, usually they just barged their way into my conversation, or they would talk to me when I was up at the bar getting a drink, just ask if I'm having fun, etc.
Author RhapsodyinBlue Posted December 31, 2012 Author Posted December 31, 2012 It's absolutely a habit you need to break if you are being told by people in real life that you are too intimidating to approach! I mean if you are out and drinking and dancing and having fun, why don't you approach guys you find attractive? All you have to do is say hi, maybe compliment them somehow? I don't know, I'm trying to remember how guys used to approach me in those situations, usually they just barged their way into my conversation, or they would talk to me when I was up at the bar getting a drink, just ask if I'm having fun, etc. Yeah. I think it stems from self-esteem issues I had as a child and teenager. I used to hate rejection. I'm way too analytical. I always imagine what the person is going to say if I were to approach them. So I just shoot it down. I don't go to clubs and bars to look for men, but I always my eyes open ;-) I've learned to stop going to some places in LA because some are more chill than others.
Teacher's Pet Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Dude, I wish I looked as good as you. Straight, gay,whatever.... You are a good looking guy. You don't need to "flaunt" your looks, just believe in yourself. You seem like a great guy. -TP if I were younger and switched teams, I'd so be there
Author RhapsodyinBlue Posted January 4, 2013 Author Posted January 4, 2013 Dude, I wish I looked as good as you. Straight, gay,whatever.... You are a good looking guy. You don't need to "flaunt" your looks, just believe in yourself. You seem like a great guy. -TP if I were younger and switched teams, I'd so be there Thanks for the compliment buddy. I think if I raise my vibration a bit more and start going out more then things will fall into place. Outside of clubs, I probably do give a more "standoffish-I don't want to be bothered" look because my face is naturally like that Lol.
pteromom Posted January 4, 2013 Posted January 4, 2013 You are incredibly good looking, so yes, I could see how you may be intimidating. I think you have to get over not being able to initiate communication. I also agree that clubs are not the place to meet someone for a serious relationship. People are there looking to get laid, not meet their soul mate. You need to put yourself in situations where you find like-minded guys. Hobbies, sports. Maybe some gay-specific clubs (not night-clubs LOL). As a woman, which is probably the same for you as a gay male, I know that MOST single men who are aggressively looking are dogs. They are after one thing. You have to be willing to weed through all of them to find the good guys. They are definitely out there.
JuneJulySeptember Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Gay guys typically have to go to gay clubs to meet other guys. Or gay meetup groups. If you meet a guy and bond over work or school or something, that won't work. What are the chances that he will be gay AND you both attracted to each other? Slim to none. If you don't go to places to specifically meet gay men, it will never happen. One of the guys in my extended social circle has had probably twice the girlfriends that I have had and he's been gay pretty much his whole life. He was just doing the keeping up appearances part. So he's really good looking. He's a doctor too. But he won't get laid unless he hits the clubs.
Author RhapsodyinBlue Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 Most definitely. I think know just the places to start hanging at out...in West Hollywood ;-) But not necessarily at the clubs.
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