Angel Heart Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Tolerate it? Dismiss it? Confront him/her? Empathize with the person? Try to be helpful? Accept it?
movingon12 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Tolerate it? Dismiss it? Confront him/her? Empathize with the person? Try to be helpful? Accept it? I put it down next to my own and accept what happened in our past is what made us who we are today. 1
TaraMaiden Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Deal with it yourself. I'm your spouse, not your therapist. If i wanted clients, I'd charge you. Your baggage is your own, don't involve me - I have enough of my own taking up the room in my locker. 1
Author Angel Heart Posted December 31, 2012 Author Posted December 31, 2012 I'm more interested in how they put up with yours. I use a baggage handler. I actually don't have much baggage. What with my divorce over for many moons and having an empty nest, I don't have many. And thanks for your curiosity, how thoughtful or how insulting. Whatever.
ScienceGal Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Tolerate it? Dismiss it? Confront him/her? Empathize with the person? Try to be helpful? Accept it? Depends what it is. The way I look at relationships is that there are things you can compromise and things you can't. It's all about realizing your own boundaries. These can be associated with "baggage" or not. For example, I would not date a smoker. That's something I can't compromise on and has nothing to do with baggage. If I felt a connection with someone who had certain baggage-like habits that I could tolerate (e.g. overly emotional, poor communicator, anxiety) I would empathize and try to deal and help them work through it. If they had abusive tendencies, physical or emotional, I'd be gone. Also, if a long term relationship is in mind, these things must be discussed (as opposed to just tolerating). 1
MissBee Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Tolerate it? Dismiss it? Confront him/her? Empathize with the person? Try to be helpful? Accept it? It depends on the baggage. We all have it. You need to find someone who 1. owns their baggage and 2. the baggage size and weight is within your limit. No one is perfect, needless to say; however, what you do is choose those whose imperfections are tolerable to you. There are certain kinds of baggage/issues/drama that I cannot deal with and therefore won't date someone with those issues. Other issues/baggage I might and it's largely based on their lead and how I see them dealing with it and whether they seem to be balanced and handling it versus their life is a wreck or I'm expected to be the one to bear the baggage.
whichwayisup Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Tolerate it? Dismiss it? Confront him/her? Empathize with the person? Try to be helpful? Accept it? What kind of baggage are you talking about? Kids from another marriage, an ex? or emotional damage from childhood or past bad experiences in life? You be understanding and compassionate. Be there to listen, give advice and to be supportive. If things are bad and it's interferring too much then they should seek counseling to deal and cope with the baggage to make life better.
NoMoreJerks Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 My ex had a lot of baggage from his previous relationships. I was understanding and patient, and gave him the benefit of the doubt, and listened without judging or saying anything, whenever he talked about his exes (about 10 times overall). He eventually started abusing it, though, by constantly comparing me (and stuff I did) to his exes. He would constnatly criticize me and tell me his exes used to act the same way, etc. He also clearly was not over his last ex, and he kept taking out his frustrations from that relationship (she had dumped him) on me.. he would often also go off about how women (he had beef with women in the West especially) are so mean, evil, etc., and how they are ALL gold-diggers who do not respect men (for him, respect = worshipping a man), etc. He wanted a submissive woman who would cater to any and all his needs, without so much as expecting anything in return, not even emotional intimacy from him (which is probably why he loved Thai women so much, though the irony is that they ARE the real gold-diggers since they are poor and "worship" foreign men because they want their money!).. At first I ignored those red flags (which were obvious even from the first 2 weeks of dating him). But it just became too much to bear. I didn't dump him -- he dumped me, but at some point I was so pissed off that I told him to stop contacting me until such time as he found it in himself to apologize and to treat women (and me) with respect. He also used to claim he was into chivalry, and I told him that he shouldn't use that word until he learned to act like it. He dumped me like 5 days after that argument (I went off on him because he kept giving me the silent treatment for days, and I had just had enough of it). Anyhow, it had gotten too much and if he hadn't dumped me, I probably would've thrown in the towel at that point, since it was really getting me stressed and affecting my mental and physical health. I will never ever let a man unload his baggage or frustrations , onto me. EVER AGAIN. 1
todreaminblue Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 baggage is a part of life if soemoen hasnt baggage then they arent suitable for me because they havent lived yet.......or worse they dont take responsibility and cut and run.....footloose and fancy free....isnt reality.i would as moving on said, place it down next to mine and go into the future knowing the baggage i have has given me valuable life experience that cant be changed but has been learned from and is part of my life......for the greater good......which is.....i have strategies to avoid collecting more of the same.....ill pass that on to a partner who is with me....baggage can be negative or positive its all perspective.....deb
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