Zammo25 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Why did I not take my chance ? I did not sleep last night, alone, frightened, reliving events last year on a loop in my head. I cannot for the life of me understand why I did what I do and now I am paying for it. Complete and utter madness. I am at rock bottom and terrified.
Author Zammo25 Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 I did not take the chance to sell up and move in with her. Now I have lost her and am alone in my terrible house hating every day. Another Man has stepped up to the plate now. I am scared and just cannot understand why on earth I did not go for it. I loved her and miss her terribly.
Author Zammo25 Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 I am actually feeling like death is the only answer. Gone into a real tailspin this Xmas. I had my last chance and now it is gone. Fool.
Shim_kattty Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 It may feel like the end, but it isn't. If you mope around & she sees she'll be glad she didn't move in with you. Pick yourself up. There are some great women out there & there will be other opportunities. There is a reason it happened. You can't see it now because your judgment is clouded, but there is going to be a better outcome. Be patient.
Author Zammo25 Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 It may feel like the end, but it isn't. If you mope around & she sees she'll be glad she didn't move in with you. Pick yourself up. There are some great women out there & there will be other opportunities. There is a reason it happened. You can't see it now because your judgment is clouded, but there is going to be a better outcome. Be patient. Thanks Shim. I am not thinking clearly I know. My head is a mess. I was coping this year but got news she is still with the new guy after 6 months and living together, introduced him to family and friends. That sent me into a terrible downward spiral for the last week. I cannot fathon out for the life of me why I did not seel and move in with her. We could be living a great life together now and I am alone, broke in a ****ty house I hate. It is madness.
sedona Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Get help too. Talk to a friend. Find a counselor that you trust.
Author Zammo25 Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 The new guy is everything I am not, big, hunky, good looking, strong, reliable, not depressed, not broke, steady job, good income, own assets, decent pension lined up.
spaniard Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 The new guy is everything I am not, big, hunky, good looking, strong, reliable, not depressed, not broke, steady job, good income, own assets, decent pension lined up. Trust me, he is not flawless either. You see the new man as someone who is better than you in everything, because your ego has been hurt. These things you mentioned are things that can be achieved. You can be just as strong, reliable, happy etc etc as any man. I think first you should work on your self-esteem. Have you considered joining a gym? I know it's one of the most common answers, but trust me, it does help. At least it's a great way to divert your thought for an hour and half or so. 3
crashvector Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 The new guy is everything I am not, big, hunky, good looking, strong, reliable, not depressed, not broke, steady job, good income, own assets, decent pension lined up. Man I can feel your pain through your words. For this, I am terribly sorry. However, this new guy is like a new car. At first, it smells good and is all shiny and you LOOOVE taking that baby for a ride. Then, after a while, you start to notice its flaws. Perhaps its too rough on bumpy roads...or it burns too much gas, or it doesnt have enough "get up and go". Same thing will happen with this guy. However, there's a chance she may love this guy and stay with him. You have to accept it. no matter how bad you think your situation is, it could be worse. Not to try and compare, but lemme tell you a little bit about ME: I was married. Had a job that paid me $125K a year. When I decided I wanted to follow my dreams and become a nurse, my then wife decided to start cheating on me. We had a beautiful home: 5400 square feet...brick floors in the kitchen, two fireplaces, solid walnut floors, etc. Guess where I live NOW? In a trailer park in a 16x80 foot trailer. I was about to be married in 5 months to the woman of my dreams. She dumped me three days ago. The house I was going to move into was one that she bought (with my help) after she moved from a McMansion across town. I had already started moving a few small things over in preparation for selling my trailer and moving in. I just completed my 6th semester at university to earn my master's degree in medicine to be a physician's assistant, with the possibility of going to medical school since I am a double major (Master's of science in nursing and microbiology). On top of this, Im turning 36 in a couple of weeks. So...yeah...it can ALWAYS get worse. the only reason *I* am still hanging on is that im praying to GOD and hoping just as hard that i won't be stuck here forever. I was supposed to be moving in with the woman I would spend the rest of my life with in about 3 months. Instead, I'm in a glorified toaster lonely and alone. 1
todreaminblue Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 (edited) Why did I not take my chance ? I did not sleep last night, alone, frightened, reliving events last year on a loop in my head. I cannot for the life of me understand why I did what I do and now I am paying for it. Complete and utter madness. I am at rock bottom and terrified. i am sorry you feel that way hitting the bottom hurts......take some time for yourself...you didnt take that chance for what ever reason, there is a reason you didnt you might not know or ever know why you didnt ...you cant dwell there or that bottom will be bottomless.....you are battle scarred...but scars fade...they dont go away you live with them...you will be ok....i have hit bottom many times.....done some crazy things taking chances...i took a crazy chance not long ago kamikaze deb......with someone i have feelings for....it doesnt hurt any less to take the chance.......i am hurting now he has another......or will have another if the girl is smart and not a fool.......so taking a chance not taking a chance there is always that chance of pain...either way.....keep that in mind...dont beat yourself up for not taking a chance.....being a kamikaze hurts just as much when you hit the bottom...if you are regretting the not taking a chance that much, it means next time, you know to take that chance and live with no regrets about chances next time, its all growth even though it doesnt seem that way..... ......deb Edited December 31, 2012 by todreaminblue
Renard99 Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 The new guy is everything I am not, big, hunky, good looking, strong, reliable, not depressed, not broke, steady job, good income, own assets, decent pension lined up. You don't need to be any of these things to be a good person. I'm not big, hunky, good looking or strong. I hate my job and I'm stressed. I don't earn a lot of money and my pay has been frozen so no pay rises. The only thing I truely own is my car (and even then it's a rust bucket) and I have virtually no pension to speak of..... yet I consider myself to be happy. I simply try to be the best person I can be. That's all you can do. You just need to roll with the punches and have the desire to come out the other side victorious
Sari Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 Why did I not take my chance ? I did not sleep last night, alone, frightened, reliving events last year on a loop in my head. I cannot for the life of me understand why I did what I do and now I am paying for it. Complete and utter madness. I am at rock bottom and terrified. Zammo, you can't possibly know how things would've turned out if you had sold your house and moved in together. I took the plunge with a previous ex and we went from very happy to broken up in the space of a year. You're fixated on this perfect alternate reality you think you have thrown away, but I think this unsubstantiated version of reality would have played out rather differently to your torturous fantasies. If she broke up with you over this, she is obviously fickle and not willing to put in the effort. You don't need someone like her, stop blaming yourself!
big bear Posted January 2, 2013 Posted January 2, 2013 Two things: 1. If you and I (or all in the forum) keep on wondering why did something bad happen to us, we should also wonder why did something good happen to us too. We don't do that so it's time, we do not ruminate on the past. 2. forgive yourself. I had so many opportunities to get her back but I never initiated. And when everything went wrong I became clingy and immature. Bottom line: We are human. We make mistakes. What we can do is correct our mistakes and hope not to repeat them. For that you need to stop let go. Now you might say it is not that easy. I agree it is not. Even I am not able to do 100% what I said. I am still in denial. But make a start. Take the first step to healing. You will realize the second step is easier. And before you know you will be sprinting.
winstonsdreams Posted January 3, 2013 Posted January 3, 2013 Hey Zammo, i hope time is helping you as much as it helped me. I can't echo the words of big bear enough. Particularly the part about forgiving yourself, you know deep down you are a good person and you have a lot to offer the RIGHT girl. As hard as it may be to accept this you have to remember you made the decision you thought was right at the time. I am going through the same thing as you remember that. But two things i have learnt to do are to forgive myself and to remember we thought our reasons were justified at the time. I know this is incredibly hard, i really do, man it must have been like 8 months and i still think about her every day, but NC helps so much. I am over feeling sorry for myself, i have made peace with whatever higher power is out there and i am trying to get on with it. A couple weeks ago i was out and i ran into a girl who i had never met before, we exchanged numbers and have been out on a couple dates and it feels wonderful. I thought i would never meet anybody ever again, but have faith my friend. When you are ready get back out there, leave the past where it is, behind us, look to the future there is a whole world out there man!
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