judithlove Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 my ex and i have broken up about 5 weeks ago. i still miss him and want to be with him! we booked to travel together for his birthday! we went on no contact for 2 weeks but we still speak now he decided that we still should go together and we are good friends " we will be comfy around each other" i want to go but I'm scared I'm going to go to step 0 ? what should i do ? help me please?
crashvector Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 my ex and i have broken up about 5 weeks ago. i still miss him and want to be with him! we booked to travel together for his birthday! we went on no contact for 2 weeks but we still speak now he decided that we still should go together and we are good friends " we will be comfy around each other" i want to go but I'm scared I'm going to go to step 0 ? what should i do ? help me please? Well, there's two sides to this: What I know you SHOULD do, and what i would actually do if I were in your place. What you SHOULD do is not go. It will only hurt you in the end. What I would ACTUALLY do is get all excited about the chance to be with her again, go on the trip and spend the whole time pining away for my sweetheart to love me again, make advances towards her, get shot down repeatedly, then end up broken hearted all over again. Your choice. but I'm weak and I know it. 1
Mr.White Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 My ex and I just broke up a week ago. We planned a trip for our anniversary. I would only personally go with her just for sex.Though spending a weekend would set me back to step 0 I would still do it knowing what I could get out of it. Plain and simple my opinion of your trip would be sexual.It is on his BIRTHDAY and I cannot stress how I stressed the fact with my girlfriend about my birthday sex. "We will be comfy with each other" - You both are comfortable naked around each other, which makes sex so much easier. I suggest that if you already have paid to get a refund if possible. 1
cavalier99 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 my ex and i have broken up about 5 weeks ago. i still miss him and want to be with him! we booked to travel together for his birthday! we went on no contact for 2 weeks but we still speak now he decided that we still should go together and we are good friends " we will be comfy around each other" i want to go but I'm scared I'm going to go to step 0 ? what should i do ? help me please? I say go ONLY if you are comfortable being his Wing Woman and are comfortable with him f-cking or hitting on other woman and then coming to your bed for sex if he strikes out. 1
TaraMaiden Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Ok, let's rip this little post to bits, shall we...? my ex and i have broken up about 5 weeks ago. i still miss him and want to be with him! No - he dumped you. You wouldn't have broken up if he still wanted to be with you, because you still want to be with him. So let's call it what it is, shall we? we booked to travel together for his birthday! we went on no contact for 2 weeks but we still speak In that case, you didn't go no contact, you just didn't speak for two weeks. Now? Now you're flat-out back to square one. Like when he dumped you. only, worse - because you still see him - but can't have him because he dumped you. now he decided that we still should go together and we are good friends " we will be comfy around each other" He decided? What, he calls all the shots? He didn't ask you what you thought about it? He's just decided you can be friends because you're "comfy around each other"...? Yeah. right. he's planning sex. We're all agreed on that one. i want to go but I'm scared I'm going to go to step 0 ? what should i do ? help me please? You want to go because you want to hope that it will be on again. You want him back, and you want him to want you back - but you know that it's not going to happen. What you're doing, my dear, is desperately clinging to breadcrumbs. Read the No Contact Guide in my signature (link) it tells you all about breadcrumbs, and why they "just want to be friends". In your ex-'s case, he's hoping to take advantage of your good nature and get his whistle damp. Then you'll be dumped again. Do NOT go. You may have to forsake the price of the trip. But please believe me when I tell you - it will be a small and worthy price to pay for keeping your dignity, not being a pushover, and finally standing up to his manipulative ways. What a jerk. You shouldn't be 'confussed'... you should be hopping mad, and angry as hell! 1
beyond Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 my ex and i have broken up about 5 weeks ago. i still miss him and want to be with him! we booked to travel together for his birthday! we went on no contact for 2 weeks but we still speak now he decided that we still should go together and we are good friends " we will be comfy around each other" i want to go but I'm scared I'm going to go to step 0 ? what should i do ? help me please? Noooooooo Judith! You're thinking - maybe there is a chance we can get back together, I miss him so much. He's thinking - still want my holiday and get some sex with someone I'm 'comfy' with. I can't imagine anything LESS 'comfy' than sharing a room and bed with someone I have feelings for who has told me thay don't want me. He can sell the tickets and split the money or take a friend and reimburse you - that is the DECENT thing to do. If not then just write off the loss to experience xx 1
Author judithlove Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 thank you so much guys i really appreciate your help. i was really confused and i didn't know what to do because every time he called to speak to me we spoke like we were in a relationship and its true i did/ do still have hope. but as you guys have said it right. he only wants SEX. he didn't even text me on new years eve and he only dumped me to find him self and he kept saying we are amazing for each other! we dated for 2 years never had big fight or did anything wrong but i just never saw what a jerk he is until he said he wants to leave because he wants to find him self and he said i was so pushy. we paid a big amount of money for this trip. but to keep my dignity i will cancel on him. not so soon tho. i think ill leave it to the last min so that he doesn't take any with him
Author judithlove Posted January 1, 2013 Author Posted January 1, 2013 No - he dumped you. You wouldn't have broken up if he still wanted to be with you, because you still want to be with him. So let's call it what it is, shall we? you don't understand how much this comment made me open up my eyes In that case, you didn't go no contact, you just didn't speak for two weeks. Now? Now you're flat-out back to square one. Like when he dumped you. only, worse - because you still see him - but can't have him because he dumped you. He decided? What, he calls all the shots? He didn't ask you what you thought about it? He's just decided you can be friends because you're "comfy around each other"...? Yeah. right. he's planning sex. We're all agreed on that one. You want to go because you want to hope that it will be on again. You want him back, and you want him to want you back - but you know that it's not going to happen. What you're doing, my dear, is desperately clinging to breadcrumbs. Read the No Contact Guide in my signature (link) it tells you all about breadcrumbs, and why they "just want to be friends". In your ex-'s case, he's hoping to take advantage of your good nature and get his whistle damp. Then you'll be dumped again. Do NOT go. You may have to forsake the price of the trip. But please believe me when I tell you - it will be a small and worthy price to pay for keeping your dignity, not being a pushover, and finally standing up to his manipulative ways. What a jerk. i finally ave rilsed after 5 weeks. what i hate so much is that i loved him with all my heart, treated him with so much respect and gave him everything he wanted You shouldn't be 'confussed'... you should be hopping mad, and angry as hell!
TaraMaiden Posted January 1, 2013 Posted January 1, 2013 judithlove - sorry if I appeared blunt - but sometimes the 'cold bucket of water' approach is required - and works. Good plan to wait to break it to him.... I would even do it at the airport! Go with bags (put whatever you want in them - you're not going!) and at the crucial moment at the check-in, wish him well, and hope he enjoys his trip, but you've decided to go somewhere else on your own! "Good luck, send me a postcard!" And walk off! (Could I get into your bag, to watch - ?!?) 1
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