mortensorchid Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 The other day, I was talking with someone who was doing the OLD thing after his marriage broke up. I told him a few things that I have learned, as he is new to this realm of thinking/doing. Having done it for a long time now, I can say that I have learned a few things in terms of OLD: 1) Paying - Say you were going to meet the person for a drink, coffee or a meal. I believe the man should pay for it. If he does not want to pay for such a small thing, he will prove himself to be miserly in other things. But this applies to real world situations as well. 2) Calling - Say you have gotten together with a person. If he has not called within 48 hours after the get together, then he probably won't ever again. He might call after a week or two just to see what you were doing, and you might have another get together with him, but chances are you aren't going to hear from him again after that second call/get together. Why? Well there could be a few reasons why, but the bottom line is that he's just not that into you. 3) Talking - Don't open up too quickly and tell every bit of your life story or how your day was. They will then think that there is not that much that they can offer you if you have been through whatever it is that they have to offer. Those are really the only three definates that I have come across in this world in terms of OLD. I have heard of a few where the two have a LTR or they end up getting married even. If that is the case, that is the case. I also realize this sounds rather bitter of me as well, but if the OLD world was more promising than this, I would be advocating it more than I do. I think OLD is to keep people from feeling lonely and cooped up in their houses/work places without any prospects of meeting anyone else.
TheBigQuestion Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 One thing you haven't learned: how to spell "indefinitely." 1
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Do you mean that you have learned them "definitely," or is your learning actually indefinite? I definitely disagree with your first point. I do NOT think a man needs to pay for whatever is consumed during a first meet, and I am sure that if he doesn't it has no bearing at all on how he spends his money while in a relationship. Personally, I preferred to go dutch on meetings. They're not DATES, and I did not want them to be misconstrued or for any expectations to be formed. I pretty much agree with #2, and #3 up to a point, except I think your reasoning is off. IMO the reason not to tell your life story or every detail of your day on a first meeting is that it's socially inappropriate. If guys did that with me it was kind of a red flag. People should be discovering about each other over time. 2
joystickd Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 I dont mind paying because we usually do something or meet at some place that i would have done by myself.
Fondue Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 I don't really do OLD, I tried it about a week ago for ****s and giggles. I got a hit on my first night and ended up meeting up with her like two days later for a drink. She texted me she was going to be late ~15mins, she came about 25mins late instead. I don't tolerate tardiness, as I am a very punctual person myself. I was within 5minutes of walking out of that place. I texted her back before she got there that this is kind of rude and that she better make it up to me. So he payed for our drinks as an apology. She wants to see me again for sure and we definitely clicked. In this situation, was it inappropriate of me not to pay? Just curious what a female thinks. Also, I been noticing that women in general tend to be late to events. I asked my female friends about this some time ago, and they ALL said they are typically late to dates, too. They never gave me a reason why, but they usually giggle and tell me that they typically arrive "fashionably" late to dates with men. Why is this?
Maneater Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 I don't really do OLD, I tried it about a week ago for ****s and giggles. I got a hit on my first night and ended up meeting up with her like two days later for a drink. She texted me she was going to be late ~15mins, she came about 25mins late instead. I don't tolerate tardiness, as I am a very punctual person myself. I was within 5minutes of walking out of that place. I texted her back before she got there that this is kind of rude and that she better make it up to me. So he payed for our drinks as an apology. She wants to see me again for sure and we definitely clicked. In this situation, was it inappropriate of me not to pay? Just curious what a female thinks. Also, I been noticing that women in general tend to be late to events. I asked my female friends about this some time ago, and they ALL said they are typically late to dates, too. They never gave me a reason why, but they usually giggle and tell me that they typically arrive "fashionably" late to dates with men. Why is this? It wasn't wrong but I think you could have cut her some slack. She was polite enough to text you so i dont see a problem w that. I'm always late to my dates not more than 25 min though. It's just a men vs women thing. Don't take it personal
Fondue Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 It wasn't wrong but I think you could have cut her some slack. She was polite enough to text you so i dont see a problem w that. I'm always late to my dates not more than 25 min though. It's just a men vs women thing. Don't take it personal Isn't it really rude to be late though? For example, what would you think of a man whom you self up a date with and he made you wait for 15mins+? Wouldn't you be at least a little bit peeved? Or would you cut them some slack? Also, how appropriate is it to walk out after some time of waiting? Who is the ******* in that situation?
Maneater Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 To address the op. I absolutely agree w 1. I think it's a must that men pay. It doesn't have to be a 5 star restaurant. Drinks are fine. I am polite and never choose the most expensive cocktails or entree if we're at dinner. I always offer to split but they of course decline my offer. Expecting a man to cover you when it's at the most $35-40 is not asking a lot! Yes men do not like to know the small trivial things of day to day. I also try not to complain about a lot. Men get stressed out enough w their jobs. Good observations op!
Maneater Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Isn't it really rude to be late though? For example, what would you think of a man whom you self up a date with and he made you wait for 15mins+? Wouldn't you be at least a little bit peeved? Or would you cut them some slack? Also, how appropriate is it to walk out after some time of waiting? Who is the ******* in that situation? Yes it is slightly rude. Depends on where you live? I live in major city so sometimes it really is impossible to show up on time. I alway think 15 min leeway is fine, especially when man or woman texts ahead of time. After 30min if person does not contact you at all, then leave.
iris219 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 1. I agree. I always offer to pay and men almost never let me. They only time they allow us to go dutch is after a few dates. I've never run into a man resistant to pay like you see on LS. Men generally want to pay. If they don't offer to pay, I see that as them either not being generous or not being interested. 2. Agreed. An interested man will contact you very soon after the first date, typically that same night. 3. Yes, but not for the reasons you cite. There's simply no reason to spill your guts to a stranger.
todreaminblue Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 I don't really do OLD, I tried it about a week ago for ****s and giggles. I got a hit on my first night and ended up meeting up with her like two days later for a drink. She texted me she was going to be late ~15mins, she came about 25mins late instead. I don't tolerate tardiness, as I am a very punctual person myself. I was within 5minutes of walking out of that place. I texted her back before she got there that this is kind of rude and that she better make it up to me. So he payed for our drinks as an apology. She wants to see me again for sure and we definitely clicked. In this situation, was it inappropriate of me not to pay? Just curious what a female thinks. Also, I been noticing that women in general tend to be late to events. I asked my female friends about this some time ago, and they ALL said they are typically late to dates, too. They never gave me a reason why, but they usually giggle and tell me that they typically arrive "fashionably" late to dates with men. Why is this? well i am not fashionable then i am not late for dates and if a guy made me wait on a first date.....doubt id stay..unless i felt it was legit fro the reason to be late...to me it isnt fashionable its just rude....and wasting time that could be spent getting to know each other...first dates are ice breakers....a chance to settle nerves and relax a little whoever is left waiting is on the back foot maybe its about that and not fashion....i think it is more a pua style.....the person waiting is left feeling grateful the person just turned up.....not my style....how to make me icy not break that ice....wouldnt do it to another......deb
iris219 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Also, I been noticing that women in general tend to be late to events. I asked my female friends about this some time ago, and they ALL said they are typically late to dates, too. They never gave me a reason why, but they usually giggle and tell me that they typically arrive "fashionably" late to dates with men. Why is this? If I'm excited about the date, I'm never late. If I don't care, sometimes I lose track of time and will be a few minutes late.
TheBigQuestion Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Do you mean that you have learned them "definitely," or is your learning actually indefinite? I definitely disagree with your first point. I do NOT think a man needs to pay for whatever is consumed during a first meet, and I am sure that if he doesn't it has no bearing at all on how he spends his money while in a relationship. Personally, I preferred to go dutch on meetings. They're not DATES, and I did not want them to be misconstrued or for any expectations to be formed. I pretty much agree with #2, and #3 up to a point, except I think your reasoning is off. IMO the reason not to tell your life story or every detail of your day on a first meeting is that it's socially inappropriate. If guys did that with me it was kind of a red flag. People should be discovering about each other over time. One is free to act according to their preference as far as #1 is concerned, but whether a guy insists on paying the first bill really doesn't say anything about him other than his willingness to adhere to tradition. I'm quite sure plenty of cheap, neglectful, and even abusive boyfriends have paid on first dates. 1
TheZebra Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Isn't it really rude to be late though? For example, what would you think of a man whom you self up a date with and he made you wait for 15mins+? Wouldn't you be at least a little bit peeved? Or would you cut them some slack? Also, how appropriate is it to walk out after some time of waiting? Who is the ******* in that situation? I'm like you. If I have a class, an interview, a date, anything I'm always early or exactly on time. My mother taught me at an early age that it shows respect to be on time, so it's something I value as well. Given how it was your first time out with her, I'd say to cut her some slack. Not everyone is like us, after all. She DID text you to let you know, which was a good sign. I would only make it an issue if she was consistently late to everything you guys did. If I had been you, I wouldn't have made a big deal about it. Not on the first date. Think about it from her POV; if she was late by accident and isn't normally like this, now she thinks you're a high maintenance guy who's going to give her **** if she ever makes a little mistake. Not a good start.
Author mortensorchid Posted December 31, 2012 Author Posted December 31, 2012 Isn't it really rude to be late though? For example, what would you think of a man whom you self up a date with and he made you wait for 15mins+? Wouldn't you be at least a little bit peeved? Or would you cut them some slack? Also, how appropriate is it to walk out after some time of waiting? Who is the ******* in that situation? I am with you on this Fondue, punctuality is important. If you are the type of person who is 15-20 minutes late for everything no matter how important it may or may not be, I understand that. It's not a good thing to do, but I understand it. If you are the type who is chronically late at ALL times for things, it says that you don't care. In your situation, however, I think you could've cut this woman a tad of slack here, as it was a first meeting. Are you going to see her again? Do you like her despite that?
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