sydneylovesyou123 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Hey everyone! I'm currently in a very tough situation. I met this guy at my college last year, we ended up going to high school together. Sad news, he graduated and went to pharmacy school this year. Over the summer, we had a great time. After being very hesitant, we finally decided we would try the long distance. He went into school thinking it would be a joke. Wrong! Pharmacy school is tough, but this is an accelerated program making it even tougher! He's had many breakdowns and his stress is very intense. The entire semester, I have been there for him. He hasn't been treating me too great, but he told me he is a completely different person when under stress. However, his stress became my stress throughout the semester. Right before my finals, we went on a break...i caved in and talked to him. and we agreed to take things slow. We have been hanging out basically every day of break, which has been nice! However, I am a very emotional person..and I continually bring up where we stand. Alllll I get from him is "I don't know's and I don't know what to tell you's" It drives me absolutely insane. I really do believe he has no clue. Tonight we had a conversation, I got a little out of him at least. It started with me joking about another guy and he didn't seem to care. He doesn't care about anything. He said he stopped caring after he lost his ex girlfriend (who cheated on him, even though they were having similar problems) and his best friend (his best bud screwed him over big time) within the same week. This isn't fair to me, because that's his past that I had absolutely no part of it. If I were there, I wouldn't do any of those awful things those people did. It's almost as if nothing bothers him, at all. He could care less if he sits at home and sleeps all night or goes out and has fun. Sounds a little like depression to me? Anyways, he told me he didn't want to hold me back. That if he thought there was someone better out there for me, to do that. Ultimately, he just wants to see me happy. He said he doesn't know what he wants with life and doesn't know if he can handle a relationship, especially being long distance. He's been struggling through school; he has just barely passed last semester. I'm assuming he is rethinking if this school is for him. He says that everything is great when we are together, but bad when we are apart. He says that I don't deserve for him to treat me that way, but that's how he handles stress; taking it out on the people closest to him (family and gf). He said he doesn't want me to think there is someone else because there is no one up there at school for him. I asked him if he thought there was better out there for him. He said he honestly doesn't even think about that. So I truly do believe him with that. He wants me to be happy and do what I want to do. If it means waiting around until he decides what he wants, then that's fine. If not, then he understands. He said we should just see how things go because he is a go with the flow kinda person. It just sucks because it is so awesome when we are together, aside from whenever I bring things up. I want things to work out, not if I'm the only one giving effort though. I'm trying to not be selfish and be as understanding as possible, pharmacy school needs his undivided attention, but I don't understand because unlike his ex girlfriend who would always put him down, I continually tell him that he is a good person and that I care so much and that I understand that this is how he gets when stressed. What more could a guy ask for? I'm easy going, I just get attached too easily. I don't wanna leave or move on, maybe some space would do us good? I feel like he really takes me for granted. Maybe I should not be so available. Maybe he just thinks I will always be there. All these thoughts run through my head, I don't know what to do. Any thoughts would help!
Mr.White Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Chemical engineering is a very difficult major which is very stressful. It seems to me that he is still hurt from his past (I am currently studying it). How he says he does not know where you two stand, if there is someone out there better for you and to pursue them makes me think he does not want to be in a relationship with you or cannot handle a relationship at the moment. It could be the stress from school and how he has not moved on from the past, but maybe he needs time to heal. Guys and girls are both very complicated, the social media portrays the image of men as just unemotional sex driven savages but are just as emotional as women. Any relationship there will be times where one person takes the other for granted whether it is a friendship or a relationship. It can be vice versa and continually switch as well. You make yourself effortless to chase. Possibly try telling him how you feel as if you are taken for granted.
Author sydneylovesyou123 Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 Thanks for your feedback. I think that is a very true statement, that he doesn't think he can handle a relationship and is still affected by the past. I honestly cannot take his "i don't care's and I don't knows". That's all I get. He also brought up the "love" conversation, and said, what if you say it to me first and I respond with "I don't" and what if I never love you because of my past. All very hurtful for me... Anyways, you bring up a good point that i make myself effortless to chase. How do I make him put in an effort?
Mr.White Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Thanks for your feedback. I think that is a very true statement, that he doesn't think he can handle a relationship and is still affected by the past. I honestly cannot take his "i don't care's and I don't knows". That's all I get. He also brought up the "love" conversation, and said, what if you say it to me first and I respond with "I don't" and what if I never love you because of my past. All very hurtful for me... Anyways, you bring up a good point that i make myself effortless to chase. How do I make him put in an effort? Possibly talking to him could help him get over the past. I had smoked a whole pack of tobacco with my friend and talked about my ex relationship and it had helped me incredibly! Maybe he does not have close guy friends that he can be emotional with as I do (AMAZING! I thought being open like this would be gay around my friends but they understand my pain). You can never force someone to love you, if you force it I can guarantee you it will fail. Like my father said about his marriage to his first and only wife my mother "Love is like a roller coaster, sometimes you give 100% and they give 70%. You just have to wait." Yeah but turns out my love with my ex was at the end of the roller coaster and we got off Just having a talk about what he thinks he wants and you telling him what you want is good, state that neither of you is perfect and maybe you two and find a neutral middle ground.
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