Women cannot know if a man has "negative vipe\thoughts".

[Els]

Agreed. As gaius says, somedude excels at getting attention on the internet...and that's no crime in itself. It's a talent of sorts. He could start a blog and it would be well subscribed. Somedude evidently strikes a chord with a lot of people. Maybe representing some sort of everyman, or everyperson that people relate to and feel frustration with....but at the same time they will him to succeed, as he ploughs his path through life in a bewildered but ultimately benign sort of way.

 

I feel like I should raise a glass at this point. Happy new year to the somedude in all of us, and here's hoping that at some point in 2013 somedude will be in somechick.

 

:laugh: That's an excellent quote!

 

As much as I often shake my head at the things SD says and does, I wouldn't lump him in with the genuinely venomous and bitter posters here either. And I do hope he succeeds, one day.

[Imajerk17]

Which women on this thread are rolling their eyes at LR?

 

I personally think LR's views on abuse and the insensitivity of such remarks are spot on.

 

Yeah not on this one really. LR gets a little overdramatic on some of SD's other threads though. Like SD's "potentials" thread back in September where LR got all upset because he felt that SD was objectifying his prospects. Please.

 

As far as SD's remarks: Look, this is a forum on male-female dynamics. People are going to express views on things that might be painful. You might disagree with SD's remark and I get it hits upon a very sensitive topic (as I noted a few posts above), but it was well within the bounds of what's allowed on the forum. I'd have a lot more respect if more people had instead said something like: "I disagree with you because..."

Edited January 1, 2013 by Imajerk17

[Els]

Yeah not on this one really. LR gets a little overdramatic on some of SD's other threads though. Like SD's "potentials" thread back in September where LR got all upset because he felt that SD was objectifying his prospects. Please.

 

As far as SD's remarks: Look, this is a forum on male-female dynamics. You might disagree with SD's remark and I get it hits upon a very sensitive topic (as I noted a few posts above), but it was well within the bounds of what's allowed on the forum. I'd have a lot more respect if more people had instead said something like: "I disagree with you because..."

 

I definitely don't think SD's comment was illegal as pertains to the forum ToS at all - I simply think it was insensitive. We are also allowed to call people on insensitivity as we see it, and in SD's case people tend to be especially enthusiastic to do so because he constantly expresses how he doesn't understand why girls don't like him. Essentially, people are telling him, "This is one of the reasons girls don't like you." It's solid advice.

 

I personally didn't say anything at all about it because I didn't see any point in it, having been through the carousel dozens of other times on other threads. I only responded to your posts about the women 'eye-rolling' at LR; I rarely see that happen, and it's especially unlikely to happen here (with regard to the abuse topic). Most women are going to agree with LR that SD's comment was insensitive. I can think of ONE woman in all of LS who might take SD's side in this case, that's about it.

Edited January 1, 2013 by Elswyth

[Imajerk17]

I definitely don't think SD's comment was illegal as pertains to the forum ToS at all - I simply think it was insensitive. We are also allowed to call people on insensitivity as we see it, and in SD's case people tend to be especially enthusiastic to do so because he constantly expresses how he doesn't understand why girls don't like him. Essentially, people are telling him, "This is one of the reasons girls don't like you." It's solid advice.

 

I personally didn't say anything at all about it because I didn't see any point in it, having been through the carousel dozens of other times on other threads. I only responded to your posts about the women 'eye-rolling' at LR; I rarely see that happen, and it's especially unlikely to happen here (with regard to the abuse topic). Most women are going to agree with LR that SD's comment was insensitive. I can think of ONE woman in all of LS who might take SD's side in this case, that's about it.

 

I'm not sure I agree with this though. This forum isn't a party or a date where vibing is the key objective.

 

(I did get on him though for insensitive remarks in another thread for women who weren't his physical type who were trying to give advice.)

 

At least one woman rolled her eyes at LR in that thread and then it got shut down. I thought he was being melodramatic there.

[somedude81]

SD has tuned EVERYONE out who doesn't agree with his views on women.

 

But, some of us just like to talk.

Not at all.

 

Here's thing, I'm only interested in learning more about how to interact and attract women. I don't give a damn about people telling me how I care about my online name or how I'm looking for online validtion or me being passive aggressive on this forum etc. That sh*t is meaningless to me.

 

When somebody talks to me about women or what I can do to get girls, I listen.

 

BTW telling me that I'm some kind of women hater and think that women are property and that I disrespect them because I said "get girls" is exactly the crap I ignore.

 

I've gotten lots of great advice on this forum and I'm happy for that. Though it's come with a whole lot of BS that I tune out because none of it is helpful.

[somedude81]

This seems to be an ongoing trend with many of the young men here who can't get laid to save their lives but continually start "this is how it is with women" threads.

I have never made any sort of thread like that. Go ahead and look at the threads I've made since I first joined. At least 99% are me asking a question about women or a specific girl.

Agreed. As gaius says, somedude excels at getting attention on the internet...and that's no crime in itself. It's a talent of sorts. He could start a blog and it would be well subscribed.

I've been told that before.

 

All I can say about it is that I wish I could do this sort of thing in real life. It hasn't helped me socially or romantically at all. How can I be interesting online and have almost nobody care about me in the real world?

 

 

Somedude evidently strikes a chord with a lot of people. Maybe representing some sort of everyman, or everyperson that people relate to and feel frustration with....but at the same time they will him to succeed, as he ploughs his path through life in a bewildered but ultimately benign sort of way.

It's rooting for the underdog. I'm also a regular member and have managed to not get myself banned yet.

 

I feel like I should raise a glass at this point. Happy new year to the somedude in all of us, and here's hoping that at some point in 2013 somedude will be in somechick.

The closest we've had was verherzn. She hasn't been seen round her for a while. Eventhough she was the closest thing to the female SD, she's still had it a hell of a lot better than I have.

 

BTW, I think I must have given Imajerk17, 20 likes from this thread alone. He's one of the few voices of reason and he's not soft on me either.

Essentially, people are telling him, "This is one of the reasons girls don't like you." It's solid advice.

Is it?

 

I've been told stuff like,

 

Women don't like you because you don't respect them.

 

The reasons why that statement fails is for several reasons

 

1. Plenty of women don't care about respect at all. Meaning a guy being respectful and not much else will not get a date. Many guys completely disrespect women and do amazing with them.

 

2. People trying to connect what I say on an anonymous forum to how I act in real life and are using it to jump to the conclusion that I don't respect women at all. Yes I said an Un-PC thing about abuse. Does that mean that I say such things in mixed company or that I'm rude or spiteful to women? Of course not.

 

I don't like spending time talking about nonsense like whether I respect women or not. It's a waste of my time and energy.

 

I know exactly why I do poorly with women, and it's frustrating when people want to talk about other things that will have absolutely no affect on my dating life.

[monicaelise]

Ay! Could it be? Someone who actually knows how attraction works rather than just operating off of hearsay?

 

Oh the irony!

[somedude81]

*Ignore this post*

 

Can't delete

[Mme. Chaucer]

Ay! Could it be? Someone who actually knows how attraction works rather than just operating off of hearsay?

 

How about "operating off of" experience? Does that count? Because there are plenty of us posting here who have been on all sides of the "attraction" issue. Mostly we don't have big half-baked theories about "how it works" though.

[Lonely Ronin]

I agree. But Lonely Ronin is a special case. He keeps "taking offence" to SD's remarks he deems insensitive to the female gender, to the point where many of the *women* on here are rolling their eyes at LR. LR is a smart guy but dude needs to chill.

 

What part of I don't care don't you understand?

[Lonely Ronin]

I agree with everything you just said except about the easy fix.

 

I think this quote is a good example of what I'm talking about.

 

Here's thing, I'm only interested in learning more about how to interact and attract women.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Experience doesn't matter if you don't know how to dissect that experience. "Half-baked theories" do just that fine enough.

 

Truly, "dissecting" all the parts of life have very little to do with living it successfully.

[somedude81]

What part of I don't care don't you understand?

 

I think this quote is a good example of what I'm talking about.

Who said learning how to interact with and attract women was easy?

[Necris]

This is often used as shaming tactic in dating against males to shut then up\blame them.

 

"You have a negative vibe".

 

First of all non of you have seen me irl, how could you possible know how i present myself to people only by my writing.

 

Second: Ted Bundy, if women where so cleaver they would never have been fooled. He is the perfect example that women cannot pick up your bad vipe.

 

Unless you walk around depressed as uck obviously. But very few are like that.

 

I agree with the OP here, most women aren't psychics, and I've seen plenty of terrible acting, negative guys with girlfriends, so it doesn't bother them or they can't sense it. I've also seen alot of positive, seemingly good acting guys without girlfriends. If women were so good at picking up on these things they wouldn't get involved with abusive crazy acting men or players who don't care about them but just want sex would they? Of course there are some women who can pick up on these kind of things but they are rare.

 

So when someone says its your vibe, aura, etc. preventing you from getting a date its most likely false. In order for it to have any real effect you have to be fairly overt showing your negative side.

[Lonely Ronin]

Who said learning how to interact with and attract women was easy?

 

I didn't say it was easy, you are looking for an easy fix, and that's not the same thing.

 

 

I'm going to lay this out for you, and I dare you to tell me where my logic is flawed.

 

A few Days or weeks ago, you made a comment along the lines, that since you never had a good relationship with your mother you might be looking for the love/affection that you never got as a little kid.

 

If we assume the above is correct, I think it's safe to say that when you find someone you are attracted to you are probably more interested than the next guy is. I see this as causing you issues in a couple ways.

 

One, you might be coming off as clingy, overly interested, etc.

 

Two, when you get rejected, you are cut much deeper than the next guy(for example your thread about being ignored). I'm willing to bet, this ties back to your mom, because subconsciously it's not some random woman you barely know rejecting you, it's you mother rejecting you.

 

In regards to your un pc comment, did you make it, because it's what you thought in the spur of the moment, or did you do it deliberately to be provocative?

 

If it was a spur of the moment thing, how likely is it that this doesn't happen IRL as well? If anything in my opinion it's more likely to happen in real life, because you can't change your mind before you hit post, or edit it later. Once you say it, you have to live with it.

 

If you did it deliberately, what did you hope to gain from it? You didn't get any positive attention for it online, and most likely wouldn't in real life either. If a woman did give you positive attention for it, is that really the type of woman you would want to associate with?

 

Back to my original point.

 

I thin you are looking for an easy fix to your situation, because learning to be suave and a attract women is easier than addressing the underlining issue a above. Even if you learn how to attract women tomorrow and are Don Juan himself by next week, you are never going to be able to keep a good normal woman in your life. Simply put no woman is going to be able to make up for what you didn't get as a child.

[Teknoe]

I didn't say it was easy, you are looking for an easy fix, and that's not the same thing.

 

 

I'm going to lay this out for you, and I dare you to tell me where my logic is flawed.

 

A few Days or weeks ago, you made a comment along the lines, that since you never had a good relationship with your mother you might be looking for the love/affection that you never got as a little kid.

 

If we assume the above is correct, I think it's safe to say that when you find someone you are attracted to you are probably more interested than the next guy is. I see this as causing you issues in a couple ways.

 

One, you might be coming off as clingy, overly interested, etc.

 

Two, when you get rejected, you are cut much deeper than the next guy(for example your thread about being ignored). I'm willing to bet, this ties back to your mom, because subconsciously it's not some random woman you barely know rejecting you, it's you mother rejecting you.

 

In regards to your un pc comment, did you make it, because it's what you thought in the spur of the moment, or did you do it deliberately to be provocative?

 

If it was a spur of the moment thing, how likely is it that this doesn't happen IRL as well? If anything in my opinion it's more likely to happen in real life, because you can't change your mind before you hit post, or edit it later. Once you say it, you have to live with it.

 

If you did it deliberately, what did you hope to gain from it? You didn't get any positive attention for it online, and most likely wouldn't in real life either. If a woman did give you positive attention for it, is that really the type of woman you would want to associate with?

 

Back to my original point.

 

I thin you are looking for an easy fix to your situation, because learning to be suave and a attract women is easier than addressing the underlining issue a above. Even if you learn how to attract women tomorrow and are Don Juan himself by next week, you are never going to be able to keep a good normal woman in your life. Simply put no woman is going to be able to make up for what you didn't get as a child.

 

A lot of us have issues stemming from years and years ago. I just crafted an email to my cousin whom I love offering him a place to get counseling on campus. Therapy is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it is the strong who seek it out, and the weak who avoid it... or tries it, but never sticks it out.

 

SD, like so many of us, could benefit from a consistent platform of therapy. He's got some serious core issues that need attention, but he continues to overlook/deny/ignore. It's no wonder he's in the same spot in 2013 as he was in 2010, except 2+ years older.

 

Like Els, I too wanna see SD be successful. I want to read that he is content in life... whether that's with a GF or not. But realistically, he should work toward finding contentment being single FIRST. Unfortunately, he remains fixated on finding a GF yet ironically, that very fixation is only making his end goal more difficult. Imagine that.

 

He thinks if he makes friends or whatever other activity that doesn't DIRECTLY correlate to helping him get a GF is only distracting him and taking him further from the path of gaining a GF. What he fails to recognize is it's the exact OPPOSITE.

 

We know what he's been doing (focusing 110% on GF GF GF) has been failing miserably for him. Why not do a different strategy or approach? Even if it's a one month trial process? What have you got to lose? Certainly not any dates.

[somedude81]

I didn't say it was easy, you are looking for an easy fix, and that's not the same thing.

 

I thin you are looking for an easy fix to your situation, because learning to be suave and a attract women is easier than addressing the underlining issue a above.

That's news to me.

 

If attracting woman was "the easy fix," I would have done it a decade ago.

 

No, I don't see it as the easy fix, I see it as the only fix. And it is something that is very difficult to accomplish.

 

 

I'm going to lay this out for you, and I dare you to tell me where my logic is flawed.

 

A few Days or weeks ago, you made a comment along the lines, that since you never had a good relationship with your mother you might be looking for the love/affection that you never got as a little kid.

 

If we assume the above is correct, I think it's safe to say that when you find someone you are attracted to you are probably more interested than the next guy is. I see this as causing you issues in a couple ways.

 

One, you might be coming off as clingy, overly interested, etc.

You were right about this seven or so years ago. I've long sense moved past that stage because I know it turns women off.

 

If you actually bothered to read my posts, you'd know that I'm afraid to show any interest....

 

Two, when you get rejected, you are cut much deeper than the next guy(for example your thread about being ignored). I'm willing to bet, this ties back to your mom, because subconsciously it's not some random woman you barely know rejecting you, it's you mother rejecting you.

Yup. Nothing to disagree with there.

In regards to your un pc comment, did you make it, because it's what you thought in the spur of the moment, or did you do it deliberately to be provocative?

How about you ask the first guy who made that point?

If it was a spur of the moment thing, how likely is it that this doesn't happen IRL as well? If anything in my opinion it's more likely to happen in real life, because you can't change your mind before you hit post, or edit it later. Once you say it, you have to live with it.

I already addressed that in a post in this thread not too long ago.

 

TLDR: No I wouldn't say something like that IRL.

 

Back to my original point.

Even if you learn how to attract women tomorrow and are Don Juan himself by next week, you are never going to be able to keep a good normal woman in your life.

Only one way to find out.

 

If for some reason you're trying to discourage me from trying to get a GF, save your breath.

 

 

 

A lot of us have issues stemming from years and years ago. I just crafted an email to my cousin whom I love offering him a place to get counseling on campus. Therapy is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, it is the strong who seek it out, and the weak who avoid it... or tries it, but never sticks it out.

 

SD, like so many of us, could benefit from a consistent platform of therapy. He's got some serious core issues that need attention, but he continues to overlook/deny/ignore. It's no wonder he's in the same spot in 2013 as he was in 2010, except 2+ years older.

 

Like Els, I too wanna see SD be successful. I want to read that he is content in life... whether that's with a GF or not. But realistically, he should work toward finding contentment being single FIRST. Unfortunately, he remains fixated on finding a GF yet ironically, that very fixation is only making his end goal more difficult. Imagine that.

 

He thinks if he makes friends or whatever other activity that doesn't DIRECTLY correlate to helping him get a GF is only distracting him and taking him further from the path of gaining a GF. What he fails to recognize is it's the exact OPPOSITE.

 

We know what he's been doing (focusing 110% on GF GF GF) has been failing miserably for him. Why not do a different strategy or approach? Even if it's a one month trial process? What have you got to lose? Certainly not any dates.

All we need now is Meeks to pop in here and then the three of you can have a dialog about me. Maybe you guys could make a fan club and wear custom t-shirts.

[ChessPieceFace]

If a lot of people are telling you you have a "negative vibe" then you do. There's lots of different types and levels of negativity... but in any case I'd recommend counseling. I'm pretty negative myself, I can't afford counseling and don't have any insurance that could foot the bill. So I just go day to day and try to analyze and adjust my mindset as best I can. If you're in denial about your own negativity, you aren't even accomplishing that much, and nothing will change until you start introspecting.

[Lonely Ronin]

That's news to me.

No, I don't see it as the easy fix, I see it as the only fix. And it is something that is very difficult to accomplish.

 

It's only part of what you need to fix, and in regards to a real relationship, (one that last years), it's the least significant thing you need to fix.

 

 

You were right about this seven or so years ago. I've long sense moved past that stage because I know it turns women off.

 

Really? You said counselling didn't work so how have you moved on? Being OK with your mom now, does not address the issues from you past, it just means that damage isn't still being accrued.

 

 

If you actually bothered to read my posts, you'd know that I'm afraid to show any interest....

 

Yea, because you are afraid of rejection, because you associate a lot more pain with it than most guys do, don't you?

 

 

How about you ask the first guy who made that point?

Every normal person on LS know why he does it, no need to ask him.

 

I already addressed that in a post in this thread not too long ago.

 

TLDR: No I wouldn't say something like that IRL.

 

Stop reading what you want to read so you can make a smart ass response back, and read what I actually said. I am not saying you are a woman hater, because anytime someone tells you are doing something offensive towards women that seems to be what you automatically assume.

 

What I'm saying is if you or anyone else makes dumb comments on a forum you are going to do it in real life as well. It shows that you have a tendency to not think before you talk, and that will get you in trouble a lot. It doesn't matter if you really mean what you said or not, once you have offended someone, the damage is done. And please don't respond with your standard i'm not like that IRL retort. You most likely don't know your offending someone, because IRL most people aren't going to jump down your throat like they do on LS.

 

 

If for some reason you're trying to discourage me from trying to get a GF, save your breath.

 

Again stop reading what you want to, and read what was actually said.

 

If you want real success, you need to address the issue from your childhood. Because you are more afraid of rejection than other guys you freeze up, and don't approach when you should. Secondly, You're not going to be able to stay in a relationship with a normal well adjusted woman, because as you said you self (indirectly) that you are looking for her to make up for what you didn't get as a child. Almost know woman is going to be able to stand up to that, it will just drive them away.

[Teknoe]

Apparently the therapy sessions SD did willingly go to didn't help at all. Whether that's the therapist's fault or SD's fault is anyone's guess. I think that refusing to get professional help from SOMEWHERE/ONE is going to be more counter-productive to "getting a girlfriend" than having "gotta get a girlfriend" tunnel vision.. I guess rock-bottom has yet to be hit.

 

He said he tried several, but none clicked. Just educated guess here... he never sticked it out long enough with one therapist to get the most bang for his buck. If online strangers urging him to make positive changes irks him... imagine how fast he'd split hearing it in real life. He just doesn't seem like someone who wants to give it a real strong effort. There are no magic pills here.

 

What I'm saying is if you or anyone else makes dumb comments on a forum you are going to do it in real life as well. It shows that you have a tendency to not think before you talk, and that will get you in trouble a lot. It doesn't matter if you really mean what you said or not, once you have offended someone, the damage is done. And please don't respond with your standard i'm not like that IRL retort. You most likely don't know your offending someone, because IRL most people aren't going to jump down your throat like they do on LS.

 

Exactly. Perfect example was the breast comment he made to his former friend, Danielle, which led the relationship to finally implode. We all knew it was on the rocks already, but then SD had to go and drive her over the edge with an ill-timed and inappropriate joke/comment.

 

Not.able.to.read.body.language.and.properly.assess.situations

 

Sad thing is we all saw it coming a mile away (as he was updating the thread and posting his play by plays) and many of us tried to warn him to cool it with her, but he charged on ahead and look what happened.

[somedude81]

If this was back during the asylum system' date=' Somedude would have been lobotomized and thrown in the loony bin never to be seen again.[/quote']

As if. I'm far from the most crazy person on this thread.

 

I've got two guys who are obsessed with me.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I didn't say it was easy, you are looking for an easy fix, and that's not the same thing.

 

I don't think that any "fix," easy or not, is really sought at all. This Internet interaction seems to be an end unto itself. It's kind of a compelling situation, and many of us have lots of experience and insight to share about it, so we continue to get involved. That's all moot, though, because the whole point is simply to have social interaction and attention, and this is how it's acquired.

 

Even though I'm quite sure I'm right, that won't stop me from pitching in my own 2 cents from time to time. Also it won't stop me from thinking that some day, SD might get tired of having a social life that only consists of arguing on LoveShack and go out and make one happen. We all are always capable of change. It just gets harder and harder the longer we stay stuck.

[Els]

I'm not sure I agree with this though. This forum isn't a party or a date where vibing is the key objective.

 

(I did get on him though for insensitive remarks in another thread for women who weren't his physical type who were trying to give advice.)

 

At least one woman rolled her eyes at LR in that thread and then it got shut down. I thought he was being melodramatic there.

 

Yes, that 'one' woman is the one I mentioned. That does not equate to 'women'. The thing about 'vibing' is that, unless you are an extremely skilled actor with a lot of experience, you will not be able to control exactly how you come across to people. A very select few are able to come across completely differently in two different situations, as they please. The vast majority of us are not.

 

 

Is it?

 

I've been told stuff like,

 

Women don't like you because you don't respect them.

 

The reasons why that statement fails is for several reasons

 

1. Plenty of women don't care about respect at all. Meaning a guy being respectful and not much else will not get a date. Many guys completely disrespect women and do amazing with them.

 

2. People trying to connect what I say on an anonymous forum to how I act in real life and are using it to jump to the conclusion that I don't respect women at all. Yes I said an Un-PC thing about abuse. Does that mean that I say such things in mixed company or that I'm rude or spiteful to women? Of course not.

 

I don't like spending time talking about nonsense like whether I respect women or not. It's a waste of my time and energy.

 

I know exactly why I do poorly with women, and it's frustrating when people want to talk about other things that will have absolutely no affect on my dating life.

 

Well, you don't understand what I was saying about you not knowing how you come across to people, so we're pretty much stuck there. Also, for the last time, it's not about whether you talk about abuse and women in front of people or not. It's the fact that you were clueless about why anything you say here can possibly be construed as offensive, so you are not likely to know even if you do say/do offensive stuff IRL. And no, sensitive topics are not the only things you can possibly be offensive about.

 

You take what people say waaaay too literally and self-admittedly are poor at reading body language, so if nobody IRL tells you you're being offensive, you won't realize it. Online, in LS, people are going to be much more blunt with you and tell you exactly what they think of you. Very few people, especially college-age girls who barely know you, are going to give you that IRL.

[Mrlonelyone]

I love to play the devils advocate here but Somedude is not that first person in the history of humanity to suggest that a certain portion of the female population seeks violent abusive men. A woman who worked with domestic violence victims and founded the very first domestic violence shelter for years, saw the same people come back to the same man or type of man again and again wrote a book about this.

 

Prone to Violence: Erin Pizzey, Jeff Shapiro: 9780600205517: Amazon.com: Books

 

A full free PDF of the book.

http://norskgoy.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/erinpizzey_pronetoviolence.pdf

 

The basic idea is that there are certain women who are a type of mentally abusive. It's not that they choose abusive men again and again... they mentally and physically attack whatever man they happen to be with until he abuses them. Hence those women are "prone to violence".

 

While this is not the case in all abusive relationships if a person is in one abusive relationship after another after another you have to ask yourself...what's wrong with them? Are they really the victim?

 

Then there are women from certain old world / third world cultures where they think it's normal for a man to hit a woman as a matter of course.

 

If somedude has seen more than a normal share of such women around him then it wouldn't be surprising for him to think what he thinks. Especially if it was a woman he cared for or a close relative. There are some women in the world who think that a man is only passionate about them if he is the jealous, possessive, abusive type who will slap them for even looking at another man or being too assertive with them.

[ScreamingTrees]

Well, let Somedude come here for cherry picked advice that doesn't really help him, so he can be here and dateless in another 4 or 5 years, seems to be the most likely outcome considering how he's that bad at connecting with people as it is.