Women cannot know if a man has "negative vipe\thoughts".

[Imajerk17]

Oh dear are you really going to open that pandoras box? with placing the blame on victims rather than the offenders. Go look up what is happening in India right now about a certain victim and tell me you still believe that stance.

 

You are comparing someone who was RAPED by strangers to someone else who over and over again willingly chooses a guy with violent tendencies time and time again, and trying to say they are more or less the same??

 

No.

[Vercetti]

I knew SD was going to get slammed for this remark from the women and the one or two male White Knights on here. Thing is though, SD only said outright what every guy has thought at one point or another. I also think the word 'victim' is overused in our society. A good portion of the time, someone is in a situation because on some level, that is what they want. Including here.

 

In many situations, the woman saw the signs right from the beginning and yet she went right into the relationship anyway. What else could it be?

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dissociation_(psychology)

 

Given women dissociate far easier then men and have a higher tolerance for pain, think we have the answer.

 

Sprinkle on a little stock home syndrome, the picture is complete.

[Carenth]

You are comparing someone who was RAPED by strangers to someone else who over and over again willingly chooses a guy with violent tendencies time and time again, and trying to say they are more or less the same??

 

No.

 

Yeah except the people who believe that women who get raped deserved or wanted it use the same arguments you did for this example.

 

Why are you shifting blame onto the victims? they are not the ones that are beating the **** out of them. Yeah they may of made some bad choices or they may of been in a relationship that was not abusive to begin with seriously you honestly believe they want or deserve what they get?

 

That the offenders have no role to play in this? It's this kind of thinking that makes me lose faith in humanity.

[Imajerk17]

Have you ever heard the phrase "some things are better left unsaid" ? Just because he thinks something, doesn't mean he should always share it. In this case, it's kind of screwed up if he thinks someone wants to be abused. The vast majority of people don't want to be abused. Some people have a piss poor idea of what abuse is, and still others are afraid to leave because of the great unknown.

 

In my world there are no Sacred Cows. If someone repeatedly walks into a situation time and time again, then that they might be seeking it out on some level that is a valid possibility. The same thing holds just as much, if not more so, for MEN who repeatedly find themselves in abusive relationships.

 

Acknowledging and saying this outright does not absolve the abusers. Saying that I am implying that rape victims secretly want it is disgusting though. Don't insult a rape victim by saying that being attacked just walking down the street is the same as knowingly and willingly entering the life of someone where the signs are all clear to see. Carenth, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

 

Sometimes Lonely Ronin, I think you just like being the White Knight, that you like presenting yourself as this evolved male in contrast to SD and his "brutish" ways. You keep responding to his posts and feigning outrage even though you basically knows that is just who he is on here.

Edited December 31, 2012 by Imajerk17

[somedude81]

In my world there are no Sacred Cows. If someone repeatedly walks into a situation time and time again, then that they might be seeking it out on some level that is a valid possibility. The same thing holds just as much, if not more so, for MEN who repeatedly find themselves in abusive relationships.

 

Acknowledging and saying this outright does not absolve the abusers. Saying that I am implying that rape victims secretly want it is disgusting though. Don't insult a rape victim by saying that being attacked just walking down the street is the same as knowingly and willingly entering the life of someone where the signs are all clear to see. Carenth, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

 

Sometimes Lonely Ronin, I think you just like being the White Knight, that you like presenting yourself as this evolved male in contrast to SD and his "brutish" ways. You keep responding to his posts and feigning outrage even though you basically knows that is just who he is on here.

 

The white knight is pretty much his thing. Been doing in response to me for as long as he's been here.

[Teknoe]

Happy New Year everyone!

 

 

What boggles me is that you admit that you have little social experience. You admit that you don't know women and people in general well and you don't know how stuff works socially. You then proceed to tell EVERYONE who has more social experience than you that they are wrong and you know better than them and you are 100% sure that this and this is what you are projecting IRL.

 

SD, do you have a response to this? Or will you ignore this reply, or reply with "None of your business" ?

[somedude81]

Nope. I'm not even sure what she talking about. *shrug*

[Teknoe]

Nope. I'm not even sure what she talking about. *shrug*

 

 

Really? Hmm, I'm not sure how you are not sure what she is talking about. The text seems pretty clear to me. But I'll try to break it down. I'll be paraphrasing you (don't wanna waste time combing through your actual posts but I remember the general gist of things you write)

 

I have no clue how girls work. I don't know how to flirt. I don't know how to read their body language. Can somebody help me out? Sorry, I simply don't have ANY experience in this realm. I struggle in social situations. I just can't read women... I don't know what they are thinking

 

and then you will go and write

 

The girls in my salsa class have no clue I am a negative person. They think of me as happy and fun

 

So SD, you claim you can't read women('s body language) and then you go and claim the exact opposite -- that you are 100% sure for a fact that the salsa girls see you as a fun person (which implies you ARE able to read women's body language).

 

So, how can you claim to not be able to read what women are thinking in one post, and then in another go to a posture of "I know without a shadow of a doubt that they saw me as a fun happy guy."

 

How can you know that you interpreted the salsa girls' thoughts of you accurately -- if you don't know how to read women, as you've claimed in the past?

 

That's what Els was getting at. Does this help to clarify her question?

[Els]

I have a little niggly feeling he won't get what you're talking about either, Tek. It's okay. Happy new year.

[gaius]

I guarantee that you'd do great with women if you put in as much effort improving yourself as you do telling everyone on here who disagrees with you that they are wrong.

I actually admire somedude and don't think he needs to improve at all. Gets exactly what he wants in life. He stands out among the guys who don't have a girlfriend on here as one who can seemingly lasso attention and hijack a thread whenever he wants. Even when it's blatantly obvious he has no real interest in dating. How much more improved can you get? Necromancer is competition in the realm of saying exactly what unpopular opinion you know will get you the kind of mothering, negative attention some people seek and somedude effortlessly took over his thread. He has a flawless technique few others can successfully emulate.

 

I never knew there were so many co-dependent people out there ripe for the picking. Learn something new everyday.

[somedude81]

Really? Hmm, I'm not sure how you are not sure what she is talking about. The text seems pretty clear to me. But I'll try to break it down. I'll be paraphrasing you (don't wanna waste time combing through your actual posts but I remember the general gist of things you write)

 

 

 

and then you will go and write

 

 

 

So SD, you claim you can't read women('s body language) and then you go and claim the exact opposite -- that you are 100% sure for a fact that the salsa girls see you as a fun person (which implies you ARE able to read women's body language).

 

So, how can you claim to not be able to read what women are thinking in one post, and then in another go to a posture of "I know without a shadow of a doubt that they saw me as a fun happy guy."

 

How can you know that you interpreted the salsa girls' thoughts of you accurately -- if you don't know how to read women, as you've claimed in the past?

 

That's what Els was getting at. Does this help to clarify her question?

Have I ever claimed that I'm completely unable to read the body language of women?

[Mme. Chaucer]

Ysomeone else who over and over again willingly chooses a guy with violent tendencies time and time again.

 

Someone who chooses people with violent tendencies over and over, or who leads an unsafe lifestyle like that of a streetwalker definitely has plenty of responsibility for the choices they make for putting themselves in danger.

 

THIS IN NO WAY MITIGATES OR EXCUSES THE ACTIONS OF ABUSERS.

 

That's 100% on them. It doesn't matter whether a person was, in your opinion, "asking for it" or not.

[Lonely Ronin]

Sometimes Lonely Ronin, I think you just like being the White Knight, that you like presenting yourself as this evolved male in contrast to SD and his "brutish" ways. You keep responding to his posts and feigning outrage even though you basically knows that is just who he is on here.

 

Think what ever you want, because personally I don't give a shi*.

 

 

with regards to SD, he isn't brutish, he just has his head up his as*. I'm not feigning it. If I ever ran into SD in real life, after gibs slapping him along side the head a few hundred times, I'd try and talk some sense into him. His biggest issue is his personality, he is stubborn as hell, he has issues with women directly related to his bad relationship with his mother, and he acts like an easy fix exists and he just hasn't found it yet.

[Imajerk17]

Someone who chooses people with violent tendencies over and over, or who leads an unsafe lifestyle like that of a streetwalker definitely has plenty of responsibility for the choices they make for putting themselves in danger.

 

THIS IN NO WAY MITIGATES OR EXCUSES THE ACTIONS OF ABUSERS.

 

That's 100% on them. It doesn't matter whether a person was, in your opinion, "asking for it" or not.

 

It is indeed. But if someone (male OR female) willingly seeks out partners who are likely to abuse her, then it stands to reason that the abuse isn't deterring the person, and is even on some level drawing this person in.

 

Anyway though, this was about SD getting slammed for his remark. I get that this is an emotionally charged topic. Many a woman has been in an abusive relationship, and if people truly took on the attitude of "she likes that sort of thing" then that might become a death sentence to many of these women. Many men have lost a lot though, in their dealings with women who seemingly need to be in these bad relationships, and they are wondering why can't these women be held accountable for their choices. Anyway, SD said something that every guy has at one point or another thought to himself. And people here reacted emotionally to it. Not the most PC thing to say, but as this is the forum to discuss male-female dynamics, it is an appropriate place to utter that thought.

[Imajerk17]

Think what ever you want, because personally I don't give a shi*.

 

 

with regards to SD, he isn't brutish, he just has his head up his as*. I'm not feigning it. If I ever ran into SD in real life, after gibs slapping him along side the head a few hundred times, I'd try and talk some sense into him. His biggest issue is his personality, he is stubborn as hell, he has issues with women directly related to his bad relationship with his mother, and he acts like an easy fix exists and he just hasn't found it yet.

 

It's obvious to everyone that SD has tuned you out. And yet you persist. So who is the stubborn one here.

[KungFuJoe]

Think what ever you want, because personally I don't give a shi*.

 

 

with regards to SD, he isn't brutish, he just has his head up his as*. I'm not feigning it. If I ever ran into SD in real life, after gibs slapping him along side the head a few hundred times, I'd try and talk some sense into him. His biggest issue is his personality, he is stubborn as hell, he has issues with women directly related to his bad relationship with his mother, and he acts like an easy fix exists and he just hasn't found it yet.

 

I agree with everything you just said except about the easy fix.

 

SD doesn't believe an easy fix exists. He believe NO fix exists and his situation is hopeless. So all he can do is complain about it and hope others sympathize with him.

 

I think his passive/aggressive nature is the biggest problem here. People tell him that he doesn't respect women and he will reply that he does, even getting upset that someone could even fathom the notion. But then in his very next comment, he will say something degrading about women, in a sneaky manner.

 

I wish him the best, but I SERIOUSLY thinks he needs to continue therapy (if he isn't still going).

[Teknoe]

Have I ever claimed that I'm completely unable to read the body language of women?

 

OK SD, I am not going to comb through your nearly 10,000 posts to find exactly what you wrote word for word. Because I don't need to. I've read many comments from you in the past year stating over and over how you just don't know how stuff works. Right now, you're playing the semantics game, in a bid to "protect" your online image/persona that you've created.

 

One of the big issues here I think is common sense things fly over your head a little too often. Too often for discomfort... meaning... it should be an issue in your life that you (re) examine a little closer. What Els wrote originally was plain and clear as day. Yet you weren't able to process it or understand it. I don't know if you have selective reading issues (particularly when someone isn't patting you on the back -- which BTW you're quick to like I can see... just looking for validation eh?) or if you SIMPLY JUST DON'T GET IT.

 

Either way, it's an issue.

 

You did admit this BTW in your "It Feels Impossible" thread

 

Yeah I don't always understand what people mean. So what?

 

It's better that I'm asking questions and trying to understand.

 

The issue is... when you don't understand (and it seems too many times you DON'T)... then effective communication is impossible... and without effective communication, life just sucks. Yes you do ask a ton of questions, but you are often fishing for either validation or magic pill theories... either of which are rarely offered up to you. Then you have the gall to go and chastise or be snarky with those posters who are genuinely trying to lend a hand... as a real life friend might do. So you ask questions and instead of trying to understand, you're trying to defend yourself/continue fooling yourself that you know better than others who suggest X, Y and Z.

 

You don't exactly listen very well, my friend. You're too quick to shut down and shut down discussion of actual change. It's just the same fluff and excuses time after time. As I've stated before, here's the trend with you for the past 3 years or so

 

---

 

I haven't read through this whole topic but I'm noticing a disturbing trend with SD81:

 

1. He'll make a thread complaining about his lot in life

 

2. People will give him the same type of sound advice that actually works in most cases. It's not "sexy" or "flashy" but it's sound advice. He either says he's already tried it but it's never helped and thus never will or he ignores it

 

3. People will ask him for specifics i.e. "can you describe what you've been trying for self-improvement the last month or two?" He will ignore it or say that's not what the thread is for

 

4. When the thread gets too "personal" for comfort, SD stops responding altogether, and the thread disappears into obscurity

 

5. SD starts a new thread a week later. Repeat steps 1-5

 

At some point, man, you got to address the real issues at hand here. Everyone's been saying, it's not about girls. It's about your own personal self-assessment. Until you straighten that out, you can expect your life to continue being miserable because you're doing it all to yourself.

[KungFuJoe]

It's obvious to everyone that SD has tuned you out. And yet you persist. So who is the stubborn one here.

 

SD has tuned EVERYONE out who doesn't agree with his views on women.

 

But, some of us just like to talk.

[Imajerk17]

SD has tuned EVERYONE out who doesn't agree with his views on women.

 

But, some of us just like to talk.

 

I agree. But Lonely Ronin is a special case. He keeps "taking offence" to SD's remarks he deems insensitive to the female gender, to the point where many of the *women* on here are rolling their eyes at LR. LR is a smart guy but dude needs to chill.

[monicaelise]

SD has tuned EVERYONE out who doesn't agree with his views on women.

 

But, some of us just like to talk.

 

This seems to be an ongoing trend with many of the young men here who can't get laid to save their lives but continually start "this is how it is with women" threads.

[Teknoe]

This seems to be an ongoing trend with many of the young men here who can't get laid to save their lives but continually start "this is how it is with women" threads.

 

 

very disturbing trend indeed. "I don't know much so help!" but suddenly they know when it comes time to "protect" or "defend" their online name. Interesting. If these folks would spend just half the energy on actual real life self-improvement as they do "protecting their online name," then they might actually get somewhere.

 

But somehow, I fear that fear and the comforts of the trite and known is somehow safe and inviting to these folks ... inviting enough anyhow to forego any real effort it'd take for actual change to occur.

 

And so the beat goes on...

[Imajerk17]

Yeah. I can't absolve SD from this completely either. If anyone makes thread after thread after thread asking basically the same thing, then most of the posts towards them aren't going to be that nice. People are going to assume that either someone really is that bad off to be posting all these threads, or they are going to feel pissed in a way that people were pissed at the Boy Who Cried Wolf.

 

In all fairness though, SD isn't really part of the Bitter Brigade. He doesn't make threads claiming to know all the answers the way members of the Bitter Brigade do. He actually seems like a pretty nice guy. AND he has taken action. AND how did THIS thread get focused on him? For making that remark? That isn't really SD's fault IMO.

 

He would get a much better response IMO if he cut down on his thread count.

[Els]

I agree. But Lonely Ronin is a special case. He keeps "taking offence" to SD's remarks he deems insensitive to the female gender, to the point where many of the *women* on here are rolling their eyes at LR. LR is a smart guy but dude needs to chill.

 

Which women on this thread are rolling their eyes at LR?

 

I personally think LR's views on abuse and the insensitivity of such remarks are spot on.

[monicaelise]

Yeah. I can't absolve SD from this completely either. If anyone makes thread after thread after thread asking basically the same thing, then most of the posts towards them aren't going to be that nice. People are going to assume that either someone really is that bad off to be posting all these threads, or they are going to feel pissed in a way that people were pissed at the Boy Who Cried Wolf.

 

In all fairness though, SD isn't really part of the Bitter Brigade. He doesn't make threads claiming to know all the answers the way members of the Bitter Brigade do. He actually seems like a pretty nice guy. AND he has taken action. AND how did THIS thread get focused on him? For making that remark? That isn't really SD's fault IMO.

 

He would get a much better response IMO if he cut down on his thread count.

 

I, personally, don't think most of the boys that do this are part of the "Bitter Brigade". It's more the "very frustrated, hormonal, naive young male brigade". They don't bother me. I just find it a little funny (funny ha ha) that so many of the young men who make these declarations about "all women" have little to no experience with them. Perhaps that's why they're doing it, hell if I know...

 

The "Bitter Brigade" appears to consist of a slightly older, less intelligent, more genuinely angry, non-virgin (but pretty much failures in the relationship dept) demographic. They're not funny, they're just a little scary and mean.

[Taramere]

In all fairness though, SD isn't really part of the Bitter Brigade. He doesn't make threads claiming to know all the answers the way members of the Bitter Brigade do. He actually seems like a pretty nice guy.

 

Agreed. As gaius says, somedude excels at getting attention on the internet...and that's no crime in itself. It's a talent of sorts. He could start a blog and it would be well subscribed. Somedude evidently strikes a chord with a lot of people. Maybe representing some sort of everyman, or everyperson that people relate to and feel frustration with....but at the same time they will him to succeed, as he ploughs his path through life in a bewildered but ultimately benign sort of way.

 

I feel like I should raise a glass at this point. Happy new year to the somedude in all of us, and here's hoping that at some point in 2013 somedude will be in somechick.