Women cannot know if a man has "negative vipe\thoughts".

[Teknoe]

Well, SD, we're falling into that little trap again. What boggles me is that you admit that you have little social experience. You admit that you don't know women and people in general well and you don't know how stuff works socially. You then proceed to tell EVERYONE who has more social experience than you that they are wrong and you know better than them and you are 100% sure that this and this is what you are projecting IRL.

 

Slow down right there. Even very experienced and socially competent people do not always know how they come across to others IRL. That is why some of them get people to give them feedback. If you're very inexperienced and socially inept, it is virtually impossible for you to know for a certainty how you come across to everyone IRL. You can deny that until you are blue in the face, but it's true.

 

 

That's the thing I don't get, either. He goes around in his threads starting off with "How does ___ work? I just don't know. I have little experience, rather none basically, with women. Can someone tell me??"

 

So he goes from a posture of NOT knowing, to later all-knowing when he "chastises" posters who are actually trying to genuinely help him. It's a cat and mouse game he's been playing for years on end. He's been blinded by the own illusions he has created.

 

The funny thing is, SD you keep harping about how the girls in the salsa class can't possibly know you're a negative person... you basically admit that deep down you are a negative person, and you believe you've somehow convinced them otherwise. Even if it were true that they didn't pick up any negative vibes, congratulations? Look at the big picture. You are still, ultimately, a negative person and... where are those salsa girls now? They probably haven't thought of you since the last class while you're here still talking about them like they were your real friends.

 

It's almost like you've turned LoveShack into a game of "Them vs. me." That's not a healthy way of viewing this board. We're trying to help, but you are meeting us with extreme resistance. The only one you're hurting is yourself.

[Teknoe]

This place is for venting remember that. Do you really think i walk around depressed with negative attitude at school while socializing with people?. If i was like that i wouldn't have any friends, but i have many.

 

SD has no friends. Not even acquaintances that he sees once a month. He's completely isolated himself from the world, and has been for years now. That's why his social skills are not up to par and why he hasn't grown much in the last several years.

[somedude81]

[quote=Teknoe;4484043

The funny thing is, SD you keep harping about how the girls in the salsa class can't possibly know you're a negative person... you basically admit that deep down you are a negative person, and you believe you've somehow convinced them otherwise. Even if it were true that they didn't pick up any negative vibes, congratulations? Look at the big picture. You are still, ultimately, a negative person and... where are those salsa girls now? They probably haven't thought of you since the last class while you're here still talking about them like they were your real friends.

How does that prove anything?

 

And no none of them are my friends and no, I didn't want any of them to be my friends.

 

The only reason I talk about them is because they are the most recent girls that I was around that I also interacted with on a regular basis.

 

If you asked any of them to candidly describe me, none of them would say that I'm negative and a woman hater. Fact is, I've actually been told the opposite by girls in the class and they talked about some other guys giving off negativity.

[ThaWholigan]

How does that prove anything?

 

And no none of them are my friends and no, I didn't want any of them to be my friends.

 

The only reason I talk about them is because they are the most recent girls that I was around that I also interacted with on a regular basis.

 

If you asked any of them to candidly describe me, none of them would say that I'm negative and a woman hater. Fact is, I've actually been told the opposite by girls in the class and they talked about some other guys giving off negativity.

Maybe you don't give off any vibe at all. That can be as bad, if not worse in my experience.

[Teknoe]

If you asked any of them to candidly describe me, none of them would say that I'm negative and a woman hater. Fact is, I've actually been told the opposite by girls in the class and they talked about some other guys giving off negativity.

 

 

They know you how well? (think about it for 10 seconds). Exactly, not very well.

 

You may trick someone into believing you are something when you are on a very casual limited set of interactions. But once they spend more time with you, eventually, the type of person you are becomes clearer and clearer.

 

Even if a girl were to go past the "extremely casual classmate" stage with you, what then?

 

The only example we have to go off on was Danielle, who proceeded from "casual classmate" to "acquaintance/hang out buddy" -- and look how that turned out. You should have asked Danielle how she thinks of you when you had a chance. I highly doubt she would have described you as a cheerful and delightful person, based on the way she lashed out on you and how the relationship imploded.

[somedude81]

Maybe you don't give off any vibe at all. That can be as bad, if not worse in my experience.

I give off a safe, friendly, funny, un-sexual vibe.

[Els]

How does that prove anything?

 

And no none of them are my friends and no, I didn't want any of them to be my friends.

 

The only reason I talk about them is because they are the most recent girls that I was around that I also interacted with on a regular basis.

 

If you asked any of them to candidly describe me, none of them would say that I'm negative and a woman hater. Fact is, I've actually been told the opposite by girls in the class and they talked about some other guys giving off negativity.

 

You do realize that the vast majority of young women do not talk about someone's flaws right in front of them, right? Especially if they aren't even friends with them (and thus don't feel obliged to provide blunt honesty), but mere acquaintances? They talk in front of A about B, and in front of B about A, but not in front of B about B?

[somedude81]

They know you how well? (think about it for 10 seconds). Exactly, not very well.

 

You may trick someone into believing you are something when you are on a very casual limited set of interactions. But once they spend more time with you, eventually, the type of person you are becomes clearer and clearer.

So what?

 

My whole goal right now is to get girls to go from not knowing me to wanting to spend more time with me. In essence, go on dates.

 

If I get into a relationship with a girl and over time she starts to think that I'm negative, then I'll worry about that then. Right now, it's nothing to even bother with.

 

I'm certainly not going to get into another Dani situation where I regularly spend time with a girl who doesn't want to date me. Not making that mistake again.

Even if a girl were to go past the "extremely casual classmate" stage with you, what then?

I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

 

The only example we have to go off on was Danielle, who proceeded from "casual classmate" to "acquaintance/hang out buddy" -- and look how that turned out. You should have asked Danielle how she thinks of you when you had a chance.

I did. Also including what she thought of me before I let intentions be known and so on.

 

I highly doubt she would have described you as a cheerful and delightful person, based on the way she lashed out on you and how the relationship imploded.

How many people would describe their ex in a positive manner after the relationship ended from a big fight?

 

Yes I know we didn't date, but the general idea is valid. If she thought I was a negative and bad person, we wouldn't have been friends for two years.

[Vercetti]

Well, SD, we're falling into that little trap again. What boggles me is that you admit that you have little social experience. You admit that you don't know women and people in general well and you don't know how stuff works socially. You then proceed to tell EVERYONE who has more social experience than you that they are wrong and you know better than them and you are 100% sure that this and this is what you are projecting IRL.

 

Slow down right there. Even very experienced and socially competent people do not always know how they come across to others IRL. That is why some of them get people to give them feedback. If you're very inexperienced and socially inept, it is virtually impossible for you to know for a certainty how you come across to everyone IRL. You can deny that until you are blue in the face, but it's true.

 

Aye to see ourselves as others do would truly be a gift.

 

Random. Think everyone that is socially jittery should wait tables for a bit. You're forced to interact with anyone and everyone. Learning to anticipate needs and be non abrasive with all types. Tips or lack of tips is a great trial and error indicator of what works and doesn't. In the end will become very good at reading people.

[ThaWholigan]

I give off a safe, friendly, funny, un-sexual vibe.

Aka, no vibe .

[somedude81]

Aka, no vibe .

Heh sure.

 

I'd also reckon I'm very forgettable.

 

Those are the reasons I do poorly with women.

 

Not because I'm some kind of bitter misogynist. Hell, I'd probably do better with girls if I were

[Teknoe]

So what?

 

My whole goal right now is to get girls to go from not knowing me to wanting to spend more time with me. In essence, go on dates.

 

If I get into a relationship with a girl and over time she starts to think that I'm negative, then I'll worry about that then. Right now, it's nothing to even bother with.

 

I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

 

 

Sorry SD, life doesn't work that way. You are avoiding the issue and only doing so will prolong your suffering. You won't be able to cross that bridge when you get there because WITHOUT change on your end that bridge will sadly never come.

 

I'm not going to say anything further than that. You have a choice. You can either cast aside your pride and seek professional help (sustained therapy, not do it for 3 months and quit) or you can continue living as you currently are. We know the results of the latter. I would go with the former if I were you, and try to repair broken foundations, but that choice is only up to you.

[Lonely Ronin]

My whole goal right now is to get girls to go from not knowing me to wanting to spend more time with me. In essence, go on dates.

 

If I get into a relationship with a girl and over time she starts to think that I'm negative, then I'll worry about that then. Right now, it's nothing to even bother with.

 

This is the entire wrong way of approaching this situation. You deal with something as significant as this ahead of time, not the last minute. for example, when you meet a woman you like, you should have run several possible conversation scenarios through your head, by the time you actually talk to her. If for no ther reason that it makes you more relaxed.

 

Yes I know we didn't date, but the general idea is valid. If she thought I was a negative and bad person, we wouldn't have been friends for two years.

 

Sorry man, but she was messed up in her own way, and not a good frame of reference.

 

You want to know how I'm so GD sure a normal woman can sense a bad vibe? I have seen it several times with my female friends. I have heard so many storied I lost count. They meet a guy talk to him for a while and something feels off, so they excuse them selves and leave. They they talk to a friend, and it always goes down like "I know him he is a player", or "he is a jerk" etc etc. They don't have to know it's negative, they just have to sense something isn't normal.

 

I have Personally seen it go the other way as well. I have been told on several occasions that i give off a very positive vibe, and that has worked in my favor.

[Pyro]

Heh sure.

 

I'd also reckon I'm very forgettable.

 

Those are the reasons I do poorly with women.

 

Not because I'm some kind of bitter misogynist. Hell, I'd probably do better with girls if I were

 

I guarantee that you'd do great with women if you put in as much effort improving yourself as you do telling everyone on here who disagrees with you that they are wrong.

[Mme. Chaucer]

 

Though maybe she enjoys getting physically abused.

 

Remember a few threads ago when you asked for an example of your skewed and disrespectful view of women? Every thread you post in is rife with them, if you want more. But here's a handy one.

[Mme. Chaucer]

A "negative vibe" is the way other people perceive you, so whether it's a woman or a man, they can certainly have this perception. That's why it's called a "vibe," it's something you give off. Heck, maybe the OP, SD and a couple of other regulars around here who spread a "negative vibe" willy nilly might actually be bright and sunny creatures, but that's not how they come off to others.

[Teknoe]

A "negative vibe" is the way other people perceive you, so whether it's a woman or a man, they can certainly have this perception. That's why it's called a "vibe," it's something you give off. Heck, maybe the OP, SD and a couple of other regulars around here who spread a "negative vibe" willy nilly might actually be bright and sunny creatures, but that's not how they come off to others.

 

I've shared this story before, but I used to lead a small group of young adults ages 22-29. There was this guy who came later in the group, named Bob, who gave off a horrible vibe. He said socially inappropriate things and compounding that, had very awkward body language. Everyone picked up on it. Being the leader though, I tried to gently guide him and help him. I met up with him 1 on 1 over lunch one day to talk to him about his behavior and how it was hurting other members of the group, and how it was hurting HIMSELF. Know what he did?

 

He denied, called me a hater, said the whole world misunderstands him and that it's the world vs. him and always has been. He then stormed out of the restaurant. I was flaggergasted... but it goes to show you, there are delusional people out there slowly living a life of denial and they refuse to acknowledge or see what is clear for anyone else to see.

 

It comes down to pride mostly... but there's also fear incorporated since with real change there always comes an element of painstaking trial and error (but ultimately worth it in the long run)

 

Last I heard from Bob, he's in the same exact situation 2 years later. He still has trouble making friends, he still scares off the ladies and he still believes nothing is "wrong" with him... that the world has somehow unjustly put him in a "box" or category that he can't get out of. Total victim mentality combined with stubbornness and blind pride.

 

Killer combinations, right there. Sadly, that's the vibe I get from SD, and have gotten since I first joined LS back in 2010. He's read this type of post 1,000 times over, but he still ignores the core issues at hand here. Believe you me, SD, girls isn't the #1 issue here. Or learning how to flirt. Or how to attract a woman. All this nonsense is just distraction from what it would take for you to truly get to the next level of a fulfilling life.

 

But... I'm not so sure you want that. Many people don't... at least, they're not willing to make the effort to make it possible.

[somedude81]

I guarantee that you'd do great with women if you put in as much effort improving yourself as you do telling everyone on here who disagrees with you that they are wrong.

Very little effort actually

 

Sadly, that's the vibe I get from SD, and have gotten since I first joined LS back in 2010.

Yup because you know me oh so well in real life from seeing me interact with other people, talking to them about me and our own talks over a couple of beers. Oh wait....

 

 

 

He's read this type of post 1,000 times over, but he still ignores the core issues at hand here. Believe you me, SD, girls isn't the #1 issue here. Or learning how to flirt. Or how to attract a woman. All this nonsense is just distraction from what it would take for you to truly get to the next level of a fulfilling life.

So you're saying that if I got whatever I was missing, I'd still be able to get a GF even if I didn't learn how to flirt and what it takes to attract women or improve my confidence, and take more risks?

[TheZebra]

Women can pick up bad vibes. It's whether they act on it or not... and that's why you see some women in bad relationships. They don't like being emotionally/physically abused, but their self esteem is so poor that they fear that if they leave the abuser their life will fall apart and they'll lose everything. Take away that fear and they will leave the aggressor.

 

I know my mother can tell everything about a guy just by talking to him for a few minutes. If I ever want to know the character of a guy I'm dating, all I have to do is introduce them to each other and I'll get a novel of a response from her. I remember one time in particular, at my ex's graduation, she met his family. She barely talked to his brother, but did manage to observe him and the others throughout the event. At the end of the day she tells me that she knows the guy is cheating on his wife. Of course, my face was (?!) and I asked her how she knew and she just shrugged and said that she just knew. I thought she was crazy. Cut to two years later and guess what I find out? Yup... cheated.

[Teknoe]

Yup because you know me oh so well in real life from seeing me interact with other people, talking to them about me and our own talks over a couple of beers. Oh wait....

 

I've noticed this is the card you always fall back on. "Right because... you know me in real life right? You've seen me around girls, right?" How convenient, considering this is the internet and none of us have ever met you.

 

You live an isolated life, SD. You have no friends. You don't even have acquaintances. You admit to this freely. It's not particularly healthy. It doesn't sound like ANYONE knows you... and this allows you the perfect excuse to pull out the card "But you don't really know me... you don't see me in real life."

 

I seem to recall Chokie offering to meet up with you in Vegas. I seem to recall another poster offering you a free meet-up with a professional female friend of his... you all turned it down.

 

Pretty soon the things you do time after time is who you are.

 

 

So you're saying that if I got whatever I was missing, I'd still be able to get a GF even if I didn't learn how to flirt and what it takes to attract women or improve my confidence, and take more risks?

 

What I'm saying is rebuilding your foundation and resetting priorities will help take care of everything else... and make you in a healthier state of mind to date... and be able to attract someone.

 

But of course, I'm wrong, Tha is wrong, Els is wrong... we're all wrong. You know the right formula even though you admit time after time you have no clue what you are doing... I still want to see you address this. You claim you don't know how girls work, how to read them, etc. yet you claim no girl can know you give off negative vibes. Hmmmm

[Mme. Chaucer]

So he goes from a posture of NOT knowing, to later all-knowing when he "chastises" posters who are actually trying to genuinely help him.

 

And says something insulting, yet very telling - like "Bzzzzt, Wrong Answer."

[Imajerk17]

Ding ding ding!

 

Though maybe she enjoys getting physically abused.

 

I knew SD was going to get slammed for this remark from the women and the one or two male White Knights on here. Thing is though, SD only said outright what every guy has thought at one point or another. I also think the word 'victim' is overused in our society. A good portion of the time, someone is in a situation because on some level, that is what they want. Including here.

 

In many situations, the woman saw the signs right from the beginning and yet she went right into the relationship anyway. What else could it be?

Edited December 31, 2012 by Imajerk17

[Carenth]

I knew SD was going to get slammed for this remark from the women and the one or two male White Knights on here. Thing is though, SD only said outright what every guy has thought at one point or another. I also think the word 'victim' is overused in our society. A good portion of the time, someone is in a situation because on some level, that is what they want. Including here.

 

In many situations, the woman saw the signs right from the beginning and yet she went right into the relationship anyway. What else could it be?

 

Oh dear are you really going to open that pandoras box? with placing the blame on victims rather than the offenders. Go look up what is happening in India right now about a certain victim and tell me you still believe that stance.

 

Don't say they are not related either because you are basically saying these women wanted or deserved to be abused. Also not every guy thinks like this, some such as myself think violence is abhorrent and there is no excuse for it and no one deserves it.

Edited December 31, 2012 by Carenth

[Lonely Ronin]

Thing is though, SD only said outright what every guy has thought at one point or another.

 

Have you ever heard the phrase "some things are better left unsaid" ? Just because he thinks something, doesn't mean he should always share it. In this case, it's kind of screwed up if he thinks someone wants to be abused. The vast majority of people don't want to be abused. Some people have a piss poor idea of what abuse is, and still others are afraid to leave because of the great unknown.

[Imajerk17]

Yes, women AND men do go by a vibe when it comes to attraction. Being "safe" or a "good partner" might help but it isn't center when it comes to attraction. The Reptilian part of our brain which feels attraction, is not the same as the neocortex part of our brain which is responsible for judgement and decision-making.

 

Many men will fall over a woman who comes across as someone who will be a lot of fun in bed (and will overlook "her crazy"), and will often pass up a woman who is a much better long-term partner. [see Mark Sanford, governor of South Carolina a few years ago.] Many women will fall over a guy who fits her archetype--e.g., "chemistry", and will more or less ignore the glaring red flags that are in place.

 

We tend to see the latter--women falling for bad boys--more than the former on here. It seems that most of the guys on here are struggling with the attraction aspect of dating in the first place, while most of the women have attraction more or less down. They seem to be focusing on making better decisions as to who they end up with--learning to go by not just the Reptilian part of the brain which feels "chemistry" but the neocortex which evaluates whether the guy is actually someone who could be a good person to end up with.