Carenth Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 (edited) So true. For someone in SD's shoes, the best thing is to commit oneself to seeing a professional therapist. He has seen many before... which tells me he jumped from one to the next... he never got too close to one... or once he did, he felt he was in too deep and jumped ship. Now he doesn't want to see another one. Sounds like a person scared of the pain that comes with real change... while wanting magical results with little to no effort. That is exactly the formula for how a person stays stuck in the same spot year after year. Some people perfect this formula better than others... Sadly, my cousin needs professional help and he too is stubborn about it. I'm hoping to see if he might change his mind in 2013. He's 24 and a half and just got a lot of issues he needs to work out. Seeing a professional therapist would help. Sorry to hear that about your cousin, sadly to say at least in my case I was seriously stubborn as well. I got help when I started feeling like crap when I was in my late teens and had a bad reaction to the medication they put me on and refused to get help again for another two years. That time I found a psychiatrist who worked very well with what I needed, I'm very happy these days and have been medication free for the last 3 years which I'm quite proud of. Unfortunately if your cousin is anything like me (incredibly stubborn) no amount of other people talking to me about how I should go get help would budge me. Only one day it just clicked, that I was sick of been miserable and went and made a plan to change that which included getting professional help. Unless he wants to change himself it probably won't happen... Edited December 30, 2012 by Carenth 1
somedude81 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 I do find it hilarious how you'll get women who claim to have this sixth sense when it comes to detecting all manner of undesirable traits have, almost universally, dated creeps, criminals, deadbeats, scumbags and raging alcoholic at some point in their lives. It's terrible that you married someone who never drank excessively, only to have him turn into a ra.. Wait, he was drinking excessively when you met him? Dat intuition. Ding ding ding! Though maybe she enjoys getting physically abused.
Els Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Oh, trust me, plenty of mature men who are capable of having healthy relationships and don't just think with their lower heads, are able to detect unhealthy vibes as well. That is why women with very messed up attitudes tend to end up solely with men who are using them for sex and don't want anything to do with the person that they are. 2
Lonely Ronin Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Though maybe she enjoys getting physically abused. An you wonder why you have women problems...... O and don't give me any "I was being sarcastic BS", even if you wear some **** just shouldn't be said. 1
somedude81 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 An you wonder why you have women problems...... Give it a rest dude. That crap is getting old.
Lonely Ronin Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Give it a rest dude. That crap is getting old. Stop saying/doing stupid shi*
Carenth Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Give it a rest dude. That crap is getting old. The truth sometimes hurts, if that is how you feel about women it is going to show one way or another. If you think physical abuse is funny (regardless of gender but it seems you are quite hung up on women in particular). I think it's about time you had a good hard look at yourself and see whats really eating you inside. To even joke about it "sarcastically" (a great back out excuse btw.. not really) is pretty low brow. Though I expect you will just disregard this as rubbish. You are welcome to go back to eating in the trough with the negative brigade if you wish, though I don't imagine you will learn much. 2
somedude81 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Do I really have to explain myself? Look at what Greznog posted. If women were such good detectors of negative vibes, then they would never get into a relationship with an abusive man. That's obviously not the case. So there are only two thigns going on. Either they can't tell that a man will be abusive, or they enjoy being abused, which is why they date a man they know from their intuition that will be abusive. Now which one seems more likely?
Carenth Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 (edited) Do I really have to explain myself? Look at what Greznog posted. If women were such good detectors of negative vibes, then they would never get into a relationship with an abusive man. That's obviously not the case. So there are only two thigns going on. Either they can't tell that a man will be abusive, or they enjoy being abused, which is why they date a man they know from their intuition that will be abusive. Now which one seems more likely? Neither. Let's make an amendment then shall we? I myself never said everyone is able to pick these vibes (notice how I said people not women, you seem to be quite stuck on this point). So lets change it to, most well adjusted, mature adults will be able to pick up on these vibes and I assume these are the sort of people you would want to be dating right? This does not account for people with low self esteem/self worth, who are naive or just simply don't know any better or are powerless to free themselves from such situations. Your black and white painting is seriously naive, so is your belief that people can not tell you are full of bile and hatred. Just because some people fall into that category doesn't mean it's acceptable to joke about that kind of stuff unless you know, you yourself like to be at that level. Seriously your negative attitude/outlook on life and woman in general is the number one reason you are having trouble I guarantee it. Edited December 30, 2012 by Carenth 5
somedude81 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Neither. Let's make an amendment then shall we? I myself never said everyone is able to pick these vibes (notice how I said people not women, you seem to be quite stuck on this point). Want to know why I'm stuck on the topic of women not being able to read vibes? I'll give you a hint. Read the thread title So lets change it to, most well adjusted, mature adults will be able to pick up on these vibes and I assume these are the sort of people you would want to be dating right? This does not account for people with low self esteem/self worth, who are naive or just simply don't know any better or are powerless to free themselves from such situations. So everybody in an abusive relationship is low self-steem and naive? Just because some people fall into that category doesn't mean it's acceptable to joke about that kind of stuff unless you know, you yourself like to be at that level. Huh? Seriously your negative attitude/outlook on life and woman in general is the number one reason you are having trouble I guarantee it. No matter how many times people say crap like that, it doesn't make it true. Seriously, how would a girl I meet in my Salsa class even guess that I have a negative attitude/outlook on life and woman in general? They can't. Which is the point of this entire thread.
Carenth Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 (edited) Yeah I don't really care about the title of the thread this applies to both genders and it seems you are hung up on women bashing so nice try to back out of that one though. uh-huh keep telling yourself that, let us know how that ends up going for you. Seriously one day you are going to have to look inwards to realise what you project outwards to others is just negativity, this would actually require the desire to change which is not an easy thing for sure, it's why most people don't change. No not everyone in abusive relationships have low self-esteem and are naive, helps if you actually read what I wrote rather than cherry picking. Some of them are powerless to leave those situations and not all abusive relationships start as abusive relationships. However you seem quite content living in your quagmire of self loathing and hatred, disregarding all outside information as rubbish because it goes against your proven beliefs. The girl from Salsa class could tell just from your body language and if she spent time with you I'm sure something would slip out like your hilarious anecdotes about how women "love to be abused" or some other seriously negative comment or opinion would come out. Edited December 30, 2012 by Carenth
ThaWholigan Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 .Seriously, how would a girl I meet in my Salsa class even guess that I have a negative attitude/outlook on life and woman in general? They can't. How do you know?
sweetkiwi Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Nope. Most can't. That's why pua works. On SOME women. I get creeped out daily. So i hit eject. Can't speak for all women. Once i thought it'd be fun to be in a mutually abusive relationship. It was and then it wasn't. I escaped. But not after he tossed me across a room. Stupid me. I went against my better judgement and stayed with a jerk for 8 months. I was quite a BITCH to him too though. But in ways that didn't crush his weak ego (on purpose). Anyway women get creeped out alllllll the time. And we encounter jerks all the time. And wolves in sheep's clothing. Only the first category is a sure fire way to turn any woman off. Even being negative won't do it.
monicaelise Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Ding ding ding! Though maybe she enjoys getting physically abused. Okee dokee... Little logic lesson, the following is a formal fallacy... If P, then Q not P Therefore not Q Applying this error to our own thread... If a woman picks up a negative vibe, then there is a negative vibe A woman does not pick up a negative vibe Therefore there is no negative vibe. You seem to have made a wrong turn fellas. The OP originally stated that women tell men they're putting off a negative vibe because they want to shame men. That's not true. A woman will tell a man she's picking up a negative vibe because she is picking up a negative vibe. The fact that she doesn't pick up a bad vibe from someone who she should is evidence of nothing, except that she may have an exceptionally high tolerance for nasty behaviour and that the man in question has to be an extreme shmuck if she does pick one up. 2
somedude81 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 How do you know? How could they? Look over post 13 for more info.
sweetkiwi Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 If women couldn't read vibes then all the guys who cant get dates would at least get a few.
Taramere Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Do I really have to explain myself? Look at what Greznog posted. If women were such good detectors of negative vibes, then they would never get into a relationship with an abusive man. That's obviously not the case. So there are only two thigns going on. Either they can't tell that a man will be abusive, or they enjoy being abused, which is why they date a man they know from their intuition that will be abusive. Now which one seems more likely? Anybody can be abusive. Most people who behave in abusive ways probably do so as a result of one, or a combination of, the following factors alcohol drugs stress incompetence in conflict management general poor emotional coping skills mental health problems In those situations, it's unlikely that the person wants to be abusive. My father had poor emotional coping skills when he was younger on account of having suffered an abusive childhood. He married into a supportive family (my mother and her extended family). I have to say that my childhood could be a bit of a nightmare at times, but over the years, he learned anger management skills. He's a very kind person with a conscience, who was unlucky with his childhood but who ultimately had the strength of character, the heart and the motivation to overcome it. Since I had a childhood in which I witnessed temper outbursts regularly, I'm alert to people having anger management problems. I think lots of people have had similar experiences and are alert to anger problems for the same reason. There are ways of dealing with people like that, but it takes a bit of skill. Somebody who isn't well versed in dealing with an angry individual is highly likely to get abused...not through any fault of their own, but because they just don't have the knowledge, skills and experience to deal with it. Then there is that small percentage of sociopathic individuals. They don't tend to give off the same warning signs. Reason being that sociopaths don't tend to suffer from anxiety. Whereas another person might only be abusive when they've lost control of themselves, a sociopath will be abusive in a very calm and calculated way...but they're not going to let their targets in on their abusive little secret until they've got them locked in. Unfortunately, sociopathic behaviour is often celebrated by the media. People start to mimic it in an effort to be cool. However, I think that applies mainly in the case of emotionally immature and/or weak individuals. In other words, a lot of unpleasant adolescents grow out of it into perfectly nice and caring people. The other thing is that when somebody has been badly burned by a badly handled break up (and, let's face it, break ups do tend to be badly handled since they're such difficult situations) they're more likely to talk about their ex in "he was an absolute bastard...she was such a bitch..." terms. We're not supposed to do it. The healthy and functional sounding thing is to present this scenario of "I have great, friendly relationships with all my exes". Well, that's all well and good but not very feasible if the break up resulted from one person cheating and lying to the other. Being cheated on feels like abuse. Being lied to feels like abuse. There are ways in which a person can be abused without the person they feel abused them ever laying a finger on them or raising their voice to them. You might think you're a great guy, and you might one day pair up with a woman who you get into a conflict with, shout cruel things at...and then stand there and think "sh*t, am I an abuser after all?" We're all capable of it. We can all get sucked into that victim/persecutor/rescuer thing. People who learn to manage potentially unpleasant and relationship-ending conflict calmly, under circumstances that would raise most people's blood pressure to the roof, are the exception rather than the rule.
somedude81 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Okee dokee... Little logic lesson, the following is a formal fallacy... If P, then Q not P Therefore not Q Applying this error to our own thread... If a woman picks up a negative vibe, then there is a negative vibe A woman does not pick up a negative vibe Therefore there is no negative vibe. Of course not. I know I have negative thoughts about women. What I'm saying is that the girls I'm around aren't picking that up. And the main reason for that is that when I'm around girls, I'm happy, so I'm not broadcasting any negative vibes. It's when I'm alone at home that I'm sending out all my angry signals.
somedude81 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 If women couldn't read vibes then all the guys who cant get dates would at least get a few. Not if they aren't physically attractive, have low self-confidence and don't know how to flirt.
sweetkiwi Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Of course not. I know I have negative thoughts about women. What I'm saying is that the girls I'm around aren't picking that up. And the main reason for that is that when I'm around girls, I'm happy, so I'm not broadcasting any negative vibes. It's when I'm alone at home that I'm sending out all my angry signals. Then why do you say you cant get a girlfriend or women ignore you or you only want naive girls? Doesn't sound like success in keeping your negative vibe underwraps. 5
Taramere Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Of course not. I know I have negative thoughts about women. What I'm saying is that the girls I'm around aren't picking that up. And the main reason for that is that when I'm around girls, I'm happy, so I'm not broadcasting any negative vibes. It's when I'm alone at home that I'm sending out all my angry signals. How do you know, though? How we think we're presenting to others, and how they actually see us, can be two very different things. 2
monicaelise Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Of course not. I know I have negative thoughts about women. What I'm saying is that the girls I'm around aren't picking that up. And the main reason for that is that when I'm around girls, I'm happy, so I'm not broadcasting any negative vibes. It's when I'm alone at home that I'm sending out all my angry signals. I wasn't referring to your vibe. I was referring to your mistake in thinking that grezwhatever posted something relevant or insightful when he made the less-than-useful comment about women who think they have intuition getting into relationships with bad men. The fact that this happens only tells us that a lot of time women do not pick up the bad vibes when they should. It says nothing about any woman being wrong about picking them up when she does. In essence, one has to be an exceptionally crappy dude if these oblivious women are picking up bad vibes. Women are generally more tolerant than they should be, not the inverse. That's basically all the comments I was referring to make clear. 2
Els Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Well, SD, we're falling into that little trap again. What boggles me is that you admit that you have little social experience. You admit that you don't know women and people in general well and you don't know how stuff works socially. You then proceed to tell EVERYONE who has more social experience than you that they are wrong and you know better than them and you are 100% sure that this and this is what you are projecting IRL. Slow down right there. Even very experienced and socially competent people do not always know how they come across to others IRL. That is why some of them get people to give them feedback. If you're very inexperienced and socially inept, it is virtually impossible for you to know for a certainty how you come across to everyone IRL. You can deny that until you are blue in the face, but it's true. 7
Author Necromancer Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 If someone can only post negative things, how does their online persona not give off a generally negative vibe, if that's what they're known for posting? Whether they're being negative about themselves or others.. They're still negative, and it shows in what they're saying in their posts. How stupid can you be? This place is for venting remember that. Do you really think i walk around depressed with negative attitude at school while socializing with people?. If i was like that i wouldn't have any friends, but i have many.
somedude81 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Then why do you say you cant get a girlfriend or women ignore you or you only want naive girls? Doesn't sound like success in keeping your negative vibe underwraps. Answered in the post directly above your own. I wasn't referring to your vibe. I was referring to your mistake in thinking that grezwhatever posted something relevant or insightful when he made the less-than-useful comment about women who think they have intuition getting into relationships with bad men. The fact that this happens only tells us that a lot of time women do not pick up the bad vibes when they should. It says nothing about any woman being wrong about picking them up when she does. In essence, one has to be an exceptionally crappy dude if these oblivious women are picking up bad vibes. Women are generally more tolerant than they should be, not the inverse. That's basically all the comments I was referring to make clear. Then I made a mistake in my previous post or whatever.
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