Author vixee Posted January 6, 2013 Author Posted January 6, 2013 You know what would cure that infatuation in a heartbeat? Tell your H and his W. Guaranteed cure! You know what else will kill this? Go ahead and have your fling. He will have you, the hunt will be over and he will move on. Dead, the affair will be dead along with your marriage and family. Do friends turned lovers cheat and if I don't have sex with him then can we not carry on bring friends and see each other or talk every now and then? This is the only place where I write whatever I feel, without pretence. I know I really need help. I am considering investing in counsellor. I need to get over these feelings!
TaraMaiden Posted January 6, 2013 Posted January 6, 2013 (edited) Do friends turned lovers cheat and if I don't have sex with him then can we not carry on bring friends and see each other or talk every now and then? Never alone. Always with your H. And always, holding your H's hand and being affectionate and demonstrative to him. Engage in as impersonal way as you can. This is the only place where I write whatever I feel, without pretence. I know I really need help. I am considering investing in counsellor. I need to get over these feelings! What do you think you might gain from seeing a Counsellor, that you haven't gained here? Don't get me wrong - nobody's claimed to be professional, or that we know it all - but what exactly are you expecting to happen, if you see a Counsellor? You DO know, don't you, that they can't fix this FOR you? They do precisely what we've done. Give you the tools for the job so you can do the fixing and maintenance, yourself. If you want a way to get over these feelings, you need to stop even receiving his crap. Change his name on your phone to "That phukkin' wanker AGAIN!!" That way, you just delete before even reading. You could send this message - I've advised this to other people before, and apparently it's very effective. The Moment - the very INSTANT you receive another text from him, reply with these precise words: "Your message could not be delivered because the recipient has blocked this number. " Then? Then - BLOCK - HIS - NUMBER!! Please don't give me excuses about needing to keep in touch because of business issues. Your H can always pass the messages on..... if you really want to do this - you can. I've just handed you another tool.... see....? Edited January 6, 2013 by TaraMaiden 2
Author vixee Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 Never alone. Always with your H. And always, holding your H's hand and being affectionate and demonstrative to him. Engage in as impersonal way as you can. What do you think you might gain from seeing a Counsellor, that you haven't gained here? Don't get me wrong - nobody's claimed to be professional, or that we know it all - but what exactly are you expecting to happen, if you see a Counsellor? You DO know, don't you, that they can't fix this FOR you? They do precisely what we've done. Give you the tools for the job so you can do the fixing and maintenance, yourself. If you want a way to get over these feelings, you need to stop even receiving his crap. Change his name on your phone to "That phukkin' wanker AGAIN!!" That way, you just delete before even reading. You could send this message - I've advised this to other people before, and apparently it's very effective. The Moment - the very INSTANT you receive another text from him, reply with these precise words: "Your message could not be delivered because the recipient has blocked this number. " Then? Then - BLOCK - HIS - NUMBER!! Please don't give me excuses about needing to keep in touch because of business issues. Your H can always pass the messages on..... if you really want to do this - you can. I've just handed you another tool.... see....? A big thank you for this post!! One question, and I have been meaning to ask this in a private post as this is a bit silly! But oh well! I have felt this OM has been very lucky for me, a lot of times I have had unexpected profits and promotions. How can I get over that ? Biggest concern is, losing a lucky charm. So if we are friends he can at least wish me luck ! Again I m not implying that I m not going to take your advice on board, I m changing his name already and will block him. I need to come to my senses ASAP. Thanks.
TaraMaiden Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 A bit like Dumbo with the little white feather, convinced it's what made him fly... He one day accidentally dropped the feather. And still flew.... Get the analogy? Drop the feather. 2
Steen719 Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Do friends turned lovers cheat and if I don't have sex with him then can we not carry on bring friends and see each other or talk every now and then? What does this mean? Will he cheat on you? Or do you mean if you are his lover, does that mean you are cheating? Do you really think you can be friends with a man who you want to sleep with and who wants to sleep with you? This is the only place where I write whatever I feel, without pretence. I know I really need help. I am considering investing in counsellor. I need to get over these feelings! You most assuredly need to see a counselor. There is something off about the way you are looking at this - no offense. What if - really think about this. If your H had a woman who was interested in him and his biggest thoughts every day were about how he was denying himself this pleasure and his thoughts were with her and how infatuated he was with her. He has said no despite really wanting her, but still wants to see her some - as a friend. Really? That would be OK? Did you know that even if by some chance you and your AP decided to leave your spouses and break up two families to be together, the chances of the two of you ending up together and happy is pretty slim? (Someone here will know the statistics) Read some stories about how many people who betray their families end up happy and together. Precious few. You are at a crossroads here and you seem to want to find ways to keep in touch with this creep and to find a way to "cheat just a little". It does not work that way and you, dear, are on a very slippery slope. I don't think you will like where it leads you. 1
Author vixee Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 A bit like Dumbo with the little white feather, convinced it's what made him fly... He one day accidentally dropped the feather. And still flew.... Get the analogy? Drop the feather. I have a big project starting tomorrow that came to me cause I felt he wished me luck, not because i deserved it! and that day he went to drop me for the presentation . I m already thinking how will I pull it without his guidance and wishes. I m so sure though that he will wish me luck but I won't acknowledge it! I have already dropped that feather. I hope I can fly equally high tomorrow! * panicked*
CantgetoveritNY Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 Am I crazy? Am I the only one that is thinking this WS has already had sex with her MM? She is minimizing to us? She is testing her talk to make sure her BS buys it? Good luck. Even if she did not have sex with MM she is in for a rough ride. 1
Author vixee Posted January 7, 2013 Author Posted January 7, 2013 Am I crazy? Am I the only one that is thinking this WS has already had sex with her MM? She is minimizing to us? She is testing her talk to make sure her BS buys it? Good luck. Even if she did not have sex with MM she is in for a rough ride. I DID NOT HAD SEX WITH HIM! And I am not in for any ride!!! IT IS OVER! Just trying to heal after a breakup! What is so difficult to understand? All the feelings I express here are the ones I want to get over, I am not showing them to OM or anyone else for that matter. PS: What does WS and BS stand for? I get that it refers to me though (I guess).
TaraMaiden Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 I have a big project starting tomorrow that came to me cause I felt he wished me luck, not because i deserved it! and that day he went to drop me for the presentation . I m already thinking how will I pull it without his guidance and wishes. I m so sure though that he will wish me luck but I won't acknowledge it! I have already dropped that feather. I hope I can fly equally high tomorrow! * panicked* Oh stop it. You got the project because you earned it. You wouldn't have got the project if you didn't deserve it, or if the donor didn't think you could handle it. Think instead, how proud of you your H will be when this comes to fruition and it's a resounding success.... Keep him away from you, and that includes in your head.... Am I crazy? Am I the only one that is thinking this WS has already had sex with her MM? She is minimizing to us? She is testing her talk to make sure her BS buys it? Good luck. Even if she did not have sex with MM she is in for a rough ride. Don't project. If she says she hasn't had sex with him, I believe her. What would be the point of lying to us here? 1
CantgetoveritNY Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 I DID NOT HAD SEX WITH HIM! And I am not in for any ride!!! IT IS OVER! Just trying to heal after a breakup! What is so difficult to understand? All the feelings I express here are the ones I want to get over, I am not showing them to OM or anyone else for that matter. PS: What does WS and BS stand for? I get that it refers to me though (I guess). By rough ride I mean if I'm doubting you just imagine what your husband will think. Especially if someone other than you tells him. And I'm doubting you b/c of how you keep talking about the affair partner. (AP) I take Tara's comment to heart though and will not express further doubt.
2.50 a gallon Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 vixee Sorry, you can't be just friends as it has already gone beyond that. Every interaction, whether you message him or he messages you and you read it, and it is back to square one. Rough ride - it is like a roller coaster, some days you are up and the next morning you desparately need to ineract with them 1
Bryanp Posted January 7, 2013 Posted January 7, 2013 There is no such thing as somebody being a lucky charm. I think this may be your way of rationalizing it some some way that it is acceptable to continue the friendship in some manner.
Author vixee Posted January 8, 2013 Author Posted January 8, 2013 He sent me 'miss u' text and I sent him that message which says the number is blocked, as I quite liked the idea. He sent me text from a new number saying: 'I m looking to move near your place, it's good locality! Hoping to be ur neighbour. You may want to save this number.' I replied: I m going to tell your wife ! OM replied: please do ! Then I told H, that I had an affair and he started laughing like crazy !!! Just won't listen to anything !! I said I need help to get over it and OM is planning to move to our neighbourhood !! He says, don't worry let him do that then we will break his house down and then more chuckles!!!! I don't get this reaction!! Is this normal OM & H reaction ? What did I do wrong?? I hate H!!!
TaraMaiden Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Block his new number. Tell his wife. Simple. (That might also wipe the grin of your H's face..... ) 3
Bryanp Posted January 8, 2013 Posted January 8, 2013 Congratulations on telling your husband. His reaction strikes me as extremely odd. It sounds like he is in total denial. Maybe he will stop laughing when you tell him that you have scheduled an appointment for him to take an STD panel. Your OM sounds like a stalker. 1
Author vixee Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 I have been reading more stories on the forum and I am amazed to hear that to what extent OM can go to just to sleep with OW. Is it that women are always a pray? Or may be they were only in the threads that I decided to read? Do women hunt OM down as well for sex? Coming back to my case, I wonder can someone be such a big maniac that just for chance of sleeping with me he wants to move his well settled family from one town to another? There has to be a limit to what OM/OW can do to get laid!! For me today was a quite day and I feel that I am recovering fast, thanks to this forum. And one thing is for sure that I will never be the pray for OM, not for anyone else but for myself & my own self respect! 1
TaraMaiden Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 S.hi.t, I'm going to hate myself for this.... It's not 'Pray' it's 'Prey'...... And I really DO suggest you tell his wife - and back it with text-proof. Shut him up for good. Jeesh, something has to be done here. You need to - why is there no feminine equivalent to "Man up and grow a pair!"....? That's what you have to do - in the feminine state. 2
Decorative Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 S.hi.t, I'm going to hate myself for this.... It's not 'Pray' it's 'Prey'...... And I really DO suggest you tell his wife - and back it with text-proof. Shut him up for good. Jeesh, something has to be done here. You need to - why is there no feminine equivalent to "Man up and grow a pair!"....? That's what you have to do - in the feminine state. Ovary up? There's that Betty White quote about va jay jays. Something about how balls are rather delicate when tested, but that women's parts can take a pounding. #apologizes in advance for the sheer indelicate nature of the above post. But I could not help but think of that quote. LOL 2
BetrayedH Posted January 9, 2013 Posted January 9, 2013 Ovary up? There's that Betty White quote about va jay jays. Something about how balls are rather delicate when tested, but that women's parts can take a pounding. #apologizes in advance for the sheer indelicate nature of the above post. But I could not help but think of that quote. LOL Lol. Ovary up.
Author vixee Posted January 9, 2013 Author Posted January 9, 2013 S.hi.t, I'm going to hate myself for this.... It's not 'Pray' it's 'Prey'...... And I really DO suggest you tell his wife - and back it with text-proof. Shut him up for good. Jeesh, something has to be done here. You need to - why is there no feminine equivalent to "Man up and grow a pair!"....? That's what you have to do - in the feminine state. Sorry about the typo!! I use my phone to post messages and auto-complete plays up sometimes!! I don't want to be giving excuses but his wife is a bit in her own world, I don't like her much!! And I don't think she will be able to do anything about it, sometimes I feel she knows, but in any case I will tell her when I feel that's it lets pick up the phone and ring her, specially if I see any sign of him moving around my town!! I also doubt if he will move to my area 'for me'.. but he used to say earlier that his tenancy agreement will run out soon and he is looking for houses to rent and he used to joke about moving closer to me so that we can be together more often and go to gym etc.. Lets see..I am just so glad that I am out of this in time and xmas holidays came and we did not get to meet alone, otherwise I may have slept with him (the way it was going) and would have been crazy mad by now!!
Author vixee Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 Also, maybe I missed something but did you sleep with the OM? I was under the impression that you didn't. Did not sleep with OM 1
Author vixee Posted January 10, 2013 Author Posted January 10, 2013 I admit that I am not that courageous in making confessions as all of you expect me to be!! But with a lot of push from the hundreds of posts here I tried doing that..didn't work as expected!! I also try to avoid all the drama and the consequences!! I wish all this can sort itself out with time...
CantgetoveritNY Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I admit that I am not that courageous in making confessions as all of you expect me to be!! But with a lot of push from the hundreds of posts here I tried doing that..didn't work as expected!! I also try to avoid all the drama and the consequences!! I wish all this can sort itself out with time... You will be fine! I think so anyway. Just give it time. It sounds like your heart is in the right place and that is 90% of what you need. Your H sounds like a problem though. To react like he did. Wow. 1
Bryanp Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I am just guessing but maybe the way you confessed made your husband feel you were not really serious. I suggest writing a letter to your husband describing the events that occurred and how important it is to you to fix the relationship. You need to make him realize how serious this was. Good luck.
BetrayedH Posted January 10, 2013 Posted January 10, 2013 I am just guessing but maybe the way you confessed made your husband feel you were not really serious. I suggest writing a letter to your husband describing the events that occurred and how important it is to you to fix the relationship. You need to make him realize how serious this was. Good luck. Yeah, I'm a bit mystified as well and tend to think this ^^^. Where I really agree is that a serious conversation is needed. How bizarre. As for the OM, I think it's time to contact the BW. Good grief. You sure know how to pick 'em. 1
Recommended Posts