TaraMaiden Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 ..since his last text.. I know I have to move away and I have ..he don't know yet!! It's hurting me already big time, what will happen when he will know? This is a lot of heartache..I am not being a baby/teenager just ranting!! I have never felt this way before!! As crazy as it sounds H is the only one I have ever been with, he is my first love and the chemistry was strong but different between us!! I am not able to think about anything else at the moment, just OM and his passionate love that I am about to throw out the window! It really hurts.. Oh stop... it's not 'his passionate love' you're about to throw out of the window! It's his fervent desire to get between your legs, totally regardless of the damage it's going to do! Remember his response when you mentioned his leaving his wife? let's take it slow and see how we gel...? Oh really? Read instead - "You must be kidding if you think I'd throw caution to the wind and throw away everything I have with my wife based on this! It might never work! You want me to throw my back-up plan out of the window? we haven't even had sex yet! Get outta here!!" Please - open your eyes - see it as it really is - an effort for you both to phukk someone else to alleviate the hum-drum boredom of your current existences....! It's thrilling, it's exciting, it's a foray into the unknown...it's a disaster of enormous proportions just waiting to happen!! Please DO as I suggest! send the text and then cut him off! You know - deep in the recesses of your logical analytical mind - it makes sense!
Oberfeldwebel Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 You need to step back and take a deep breath. Darren Steen is correct, you have bought into this Harlequin Romance approach of his and swallowed his lines as if they are true. You see this new relationship as perfect, but it is a fantasy and not real life. A true relationship has you living with each other, keeping up the house, managing the kids, being tired and irritable, financial issues, dealing with the stresses of everyday life. That takes the bloom off the rose of any relationship. You have none of these things with Barney (OM). He remains untainted in a world that does not exist. How can your husband compete with a fantasy. I don't know your husband other than what you have written here. I will not tell you to stay or go, that is your decision alone to make. However, I will tell you that before you start a relationship with Barney or anyone else, end the relationship you are in now. Also before you have a physical relationship with Barney, you need to be blunt with him and ask the real underlying question. Are you going to leave your wife? His immediate reaction will be telling. When his wife, family and friends learn of the relationship, you will find him a lot less attentive. I could be wrong, but I think that he is only interested in satisfying his own selfish desires.
TaraMaiden Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 I completely agree: I contribute this next bit, a lot: Relationships are sustained by three important, vital and co-dependent factors: They are in fact, like the tripod supporting the fragile porcelain dish within the laboratory.... These three, inseparable and co-effective factors are: Communication (effective and constructive) Respect (For self and partner) Trust. If one of these is damaged, bent or broken, the other two - with the best will and effort in the world - cannot function effectively to hold the relationship up on their own, or even as a pair... Looks to me, from where I'm standing, that all three are in dire need of attention, here. But it's true: Of the three, Trust has to be the least salvageable. It's like owning a precious, antique porcelain vase - which you one day drop, and badly chip. No matter how expertly or invisibly it's repaired - the damage is there, the item is devalued - and you KNOW it's never going to be the same again.... 1
Author vixee Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 To tell my H or not is a complete different issue. I am very clear about what to do about that . I only want to focus on OM + me.
CantgetoveritNY Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Vixee whatever you decide to do I'm very grateful for you post. And all the responses. It has been very enlightening as to why and how decent women get sucked into an affair with an MM. I hope you get away before it is too late. 1
Author vixee Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 (edited) Passionate love......oooo come on, you really believe that? Your inexperience doesn't know the difference between a man who simply wants to f you and love. But here you are and people are telling you the truth and the difference, but you don't see. Love IS, what your hubby does everyday, how he looks at you, how he sees you as the special woman who only has given her body to him. Love IS not, some mm who wants to stick his penis in you, to have you fawn over him because you were silly enough to believe his empty words. Hell you don't even Love him, you don't know him, you just know his fake persona designed to bed you. A man who truly loved you, would not be wanting to f you while you were married, he would not want to bring you that pain or put you in that position. Get Real! Value yourself and your life, your husband, your kids instead of obsessing about some sex on the side. So basically anyone who wants to have sex before marriage is a pervert? H wanted us to have sex before we got married and we did do it quite a few times, he did not walk away. He married me. I am not defending OM but he asked for it, and when I said not before we have monogamous relationship, he backed off. So before stumbling on this forum, I read at some other places that this is one of the ways how some men express their love! Is that not true? Again, I am not defending or supporting anyone or trying to justify myself. But I can't be complete idiot! I am calling it off because I don't see this going anywhere and because he won't give me priority on weekends or when he is with family..which also explains a lot (where I stand in his life at the moment and all that we have discussed here). I am in love with OM that's a fact, and he loves me too, but after all the discussion I am doubting his love. We have great chemistry and there is no denying to that but despite everything we both are not in a situation to give anything more to our relationship! I am confused & hurt but just for the sake of sanity (if you want to call that) I am out of this! I really do appreciate everyone's concern and input in this matter. Edited December 30, 2012 by vixee
TaraMaiden Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 So basically anyone who wants to have sex before marriage is a pervert? H wanted us to have sex before we got married and we did do it quite a few times, he did not walk away. He married me. Exactly. But there was nobody else at that time, and he wasn't being unfaithful - was he? I am not defending OM but he asked for it, and when I said not before we have monogamous relationship, he backed off. And this tells you... what? That's right.... it's all he was looking for! So before stumbling on this forum, I read at some other places that this is one of the ways how some men express their love! Is that not true? No. When a woman is married, it's how men express their lust. Have you looked at the Infidelity forum? Not always happy reading.... Again, I am not defending or supporting anyone or trying to justify myself. But I can't be complete idiot! I am calling it off because I don't see this going anywhere and because he won't give me priority on weekends or when he is with family..which also explains a lot (where I stand in his life at the moment and all that we have discussed here). You SHOULD be calling it off because it's the wrong thing to do, would damage your family irreparably, and it's all for the wrong motives! You SHOULD be calling it off because an affair isn't the answer to what ails you, and because you need to address the problems you already have, without making new ones! I really do appreciate everyone's concern and input in this matter. So you sent him the text - yes....? ("No I didn't......")
Author vixee Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 So you sent him the text - yes....? ("No I didn't......") I sent him the text and have no reply yet!! It's Sunday remember
TaraMaiden Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Doesn't matter what day it is... And don't expect any form of contact from him at all, regardless of the day. Don't go looking for it, or waiting for it Monday onwards.... Oh, hang on - it's not going to happen, because you've deleted his number and blocked everything too.....Right? 2
Author vixee Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 Doesn't matter what day it is... And don't expect any form of contact from him at all, regardless of the day. Don't go looking for it, or waiting for it Monday onwards.... Oh, hang on - it's not going to happen, because you've deleted his number and blocked everything too.....Right? Ha ha..you sound like my favorite teacher from high school No did not do any of that! I remember his number anyway. When I am at home my phone is on silent or switched off and I am not touching it. And he will wait for 3 days before doing anything, that has been his pattern so far in such situations.
alexandria35 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 So basically anyone who wants to have sex before marriage is a pervert? H wanted us to have sex before we got married and we did do it quite a few times, he did not walk away. He married me. Huh? that's not what LadyGray said at all. It's not even close. She said if the OM loved you he wouldn't be asking you for sex WHILE you are MARRIED. Because a good man who loved you wouldn't be asking you to compromise your morals or do anything to damage your home or yourself. And you know, the same could be said about you. You say you love this guy, but you want to see him destroy his life, marriage and family for your own selfish gain. You don't give a damn about him beyond what you want from him. If you were to run away from your marriages to be together, he would have to leave his home and his children. His kids would be heartbroken and he would have to know he was the cause of their pain and broken home. He would have to face that and live with it everyday and that's okay with you because you just want his passionate loooove right? I am not defending OM but he asked for it, and when I said not before we have monogamous relationship, he backed off. that's not how I read your first post. You said he backed off emotionally when you told him you loved him and wanted to spend your life with him, but he has continued to talk about having sex. So before stumbling on this forum, I read at some other places that this is one of the ways how some men express their love! Is that not true? All men like sex, love or not. It's a very foolish and naive woman who will think a man loves her or even likes her just because a guy wants to bed her. I thought our mothers all taught us this when we were still teenagers. Again, I am not defending or supporting anyone or trying to justify myself. But I can't be complete idiot! I am calling it off because I don't see this going anywhere and because he won't give me priority on weekends or when he is with family..which also explains a lot (where I stand in his life at the moment and all that we have discussed here). I am in love with OM that's a fact, and he loves me too, but after all the discussion I am doubting his love. We have great chemistry and there is no denying to that but despite everything we both are not in a situation to give anything more to our relationship! I am confused & hurt but just for the sake of sanity (if you want to call that) I am out of this! Yeah too bad your not calling it off because you love your husband and family. You're just saying your going to end it because you're not getting what you want out of it. Selfish and self centred, it's all about you. I suspect that all this MM needs to do is step up his efforts and sweet talk a little and you will be right back in the palm of his hand. I really do appreciate everyone's concern and input in this matter. Good luck. Please keep us posted on how the affair is progressing. 4
Author vixee Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 (edited) Good luck. Please keep us posted on how the affair is progressing. Thanks..sure I will. And I can debate on what your response is but it will not help so I would rather not. Edited December 30, 2012 by vixee
TaraMaiden Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Ha ha..you sound like my favorite teacher from high school Yeah. If I could tell your parents about your dreadful behaviour, trust me. I would. No did not do any of that! I remember his number anyway. When I am at home my phone is on silent or switched off and I am not touching it. Well you should! You've now gone NC - but you fully want, expect and are waiting for him to contact you! What the hell are you thinking - ?! This isn't some fun mind-game - this is the end of all that!! And he will wait for 3 days before doing anything, that has been his pattern so far in such situations. And I take it that by the time he tries on Wednesday, you of course will absolutely refuse to respond or even acknowledge his existence and persistence? Right? RIGHT - ?! 2
Author vixee Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 Yeah. If I could tell your parents about your dreadful behaviour, trust me. I would. Well you should! You've now gone NC - but you fully want, expect and are waiting for him to contact you! What the hell are you thinking - ?! THis isn't some fun mind-game - this is the end of all that!! And I take it that by the time he tries on Wednesday, you of course will absolutely refuse to respond or even acknowledge his existence and persistence? Right? RIGHT - ?! Right..I am not going to acknowledge his existence.
TaraMaiden Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Good. Keep it that way. And when you feel your resolve slipping, come back for another whupping. 1
Author vixee Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 (edited) Good. Keep it that way. And when you feel your resolve slipping, come back for another whupping. That's the plan. So..in these kind of situation two people should not enter back in friend zone? Or can they? I do not plan to because I will always fear slipping again...just a thought! Edited December 30, 2012 by vixee
Furious Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Vixee You really don't need any advice. You have the ability to lie to your husband and socialize with your MM's wife and children while conducting your affair without an ounce of empathy for the people your are hurting. You're quite shrewd and you will play with the drama you've invited into your life. I believe the reason you're here is not because you feel guilt or remorse but that your MM is just as shrewd as you are and he's keeping you on your toes by not responding to you in a timely fashion. You feel rejected by your MM because he makes you wait for his texts, you are struggling with being played by him and you wish to be the one controlling the situation. It's actually hilarious how you are both playing cat and mouse with each other. I truly think the amazing connection you both feel is because you share many of the same qualities when it comes to craving external validation and the ability to be deceitful and enjoy the drama it brings. I sincerely wish you end up with each other, you are a true match. 2
TaraMaiden Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 So..in these kind of situation two people should not enter back in friend zone? Never. Or can they? No, of course not... can you honestly say you could ever look him in the face again, without ever thinking about this? Right.... I do not plan to because I will always fear slipping again...just a thought! Oh come on... you knew the answer already, didn't you? 2
Author vixee Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 Vixee You really don't need any advice. You have the ability to lie to your husband and socialize with your MM's wife and children while conducting your affair without an ounce of empathy for the people your are hurting. You're quite shrewd and you will play with the drama you've invited into your life. I believe the reason you're here is not because you feel guilt or remorse but that your MM is just as shrewd as you are and he's keeping you on your toes by not responding to you in a timely fashion. You feel rejected by your MM because he makes you wait for his texts, you are struggling with being played by him and you wish to be the one controlling the situation. It's actually hilarious how you are both playing cat and mouse with each other. I truly think the amazing connection you both feel is because you share many of the same qualities when it comes to craving external validation and the ability to be deceitful and enjoy the drama it brings. I sincerely wish you end up with each other, you are a true match. This is so not true. I will prove you wrong.
Furious Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 This is so not true. I will prove you wrong. It's not true ,you, your husband and children, socialize and holiday together with your MM, his wife and children. That behind their backs you and MM are secretly involved. Fact: not once in your thread have you even shown any guilt for doing this to your husband and children, and MM's wife and family. Fact: you and MM are accomplished liars. Fact: you're pining away for MM and upset it sometimes takes days for him to respond to your texts. Fact: Fact that you're willing to destroy two families because you're so in love with a cheating MM. Where was I wrong? Why does the truth rub you the wrong way? 1
Steen719 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Vixee You really don't need any advice. You have the ability to lie to your husband and socialize with your MM's wife and children while conducting your affair without an ounce of empathy for the people your are hurting. You're quite shrewd and you will play with the drama you've invited into your life. I believe the reason you're here is not because you feel guilt or remorse but that your MM is just as shrewd as you are and he's keeping you on your toes by not responding to you in a timely fashion. You feel rejected by your MM because he makes you wait for his texts, you are struggling with being played by him and you wish to be the one controlling the situation. It's actually hilarious how you are both playing cat and mouse with each other. I truly think the amazing connection you both feel is because you share many of the same qualities when it comes to craving external validation and the ability to be deceitful and enjoy the drama it brings. I sincerely wish you end up with each other, you are a true match. So, this is cold and hard, isn't it? It is also the truth. Your concern has been with you, not your husband, certainly not your children. What about his wife and children? You know, one thing I have seen here over and over is that the person involved in an affair is able to depersonalize the affair partner's family. While it is not an attractive quality, you really aren't so different from many people entering into affairs. Your concern is basically for you. While you simper as a victim, you are refusing to see that if you and this cheating creep get together, you are destroying many people's lives. You are concerned that it will hurt you, yes, but you just cannot imagine the pain you could wreak. If you have any doubt that divorce hurts people, read on here about how it does. Making the right decision is great - at least a step in the right direction. Now concentrate on the right reasons; your commitment to your husband and children, your decency as a person who would not sleep with another woman's husband and attempt to be the kind of person you would want your children to know well and admire. 3
Author vixee Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 This is one thing I was worried about that everyone will start judging me. I fell for MM, but one thing is for sure that I am not going to sleep with him or be his mistress. Not even thinking about not getting out of this.
Author vixee Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 H told me OM was asking about our plans for tomorrow night. He texted him. I just had a look at his mobile. Thishow the convo went 4 hours back OM: Hey mate! what r ur plans for tomorrow? H: going for party at ____ A few mins later: OM: This place is full! H: Yeah, you should have booked in advance. OM: Never mind, I have booked another place!
TaraMaiden Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Tell your H you don't want to mix with that guy any more because he gives you the creeps! See? He can't talk to you - so he's coming in by 'the back door'..... 1
Author vixee Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 It's not true ,you, your husband and children, socialize and holiday together with your MM, his wife and children. That behind their backs you and MM are secretly involved. Fact: not once in your thread have you even shown any guilt for doing this to your husband and children, and MM's wife and family. Fact: you and MM are accomplished liars. Fact: you're pining away for MM and upset it sometimes takes days for him to respond to your texts. Fact: Fact that you're willing to destroy two families because you're so in love with a cheating MM. Where was I wrong? Why does the truth rub you the wrong way? We did not meet as family after we started having an affair! It was before that. In the thread I did not show many emotions. I want to help myself before I start thinking about others. They can wait for my confession a little bit!
Recommended Posts