mauserman Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 So the story goes, Girl starts flirting with me, I ask for girls number, she gives it to me and we start texting. Girl gets more flirty. I really like this girl, and tell her that I'm very interested in her. Girl acts a little shy after this, but I think she was possibly flattered. She goes on vacation for the holiday's, and we text a little. She sends me a text asking if she can ask me a random question...then proceeds to ask how old I am. I respond also asking why. She only responds "curious.." Later out of the blue she sends a text asking if I know she has a bf. I kept it pretty short, but she sends several texts, including the next day, saying how sorry she is and how bad she feels, and that she can't wait to see me again. I told her I'll talk to her when she gets back. So I was thinking, did she tell me this to "test" me? To see how I would respond? Do girls do this even when they don't have a bf? For what it's worth I've never seen the boyfriend, she's never brought him up, and her facebook says single.. I'm planning on telling her that I'm still interested in her, but as long as she has a boyfriend I'll respect that. What are your thoughts? I swear she's in to me, even if she has a bf. Is my response good enough to pass her possible "test", or sway her from her bf to me if she really does have a bf? Planning on keeping friendly distance from her after talking to her.
Shaun-Dro Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 So the story goes, Girl starts flirting with me, I ask for girls number, she gives it to me and we start texting. Girl gets more flirty. I really like this girl, and tell her that I'm very interested in her. Girl acts a little shy after this, but I think she was possibly flattered. She goes on vacation for the holiday's, and we text a little. She sends me a text asking if she can ask me a random question...then proceeds to ask how old I am. I respond also asking why. She only responds "curious.." Later out of the blue she sends a text asking if I know she has a bf. I kept it pretty short, but she sends several texts, including the next day, saying how sorry she is and how bad she feels, and that she can't wait to see me again. I told her I'll talk to her when she gets back. So I was thinking, did she tell me this to "test" me? To see how I would respond? Do girls do this even when they don't have a bf? For what it's worth I've never seen the boyfriend, she's never brought him up, and her facebook says single.. I'm planning on telling her that I'm still interested in her, but as long as she has a boyfriend I'll respect that. What are your thoughts? I swear she's in to me, even if she has a bf. Is my response good enough to pass her possible "test", or sway her from her bf to me if she really does have a bf? Planning on keeping friendly distance from her after talking to her. She's playing games to garner control over the situation. I take it that you are probably young (20s?) and don't have enough experience with women and the games they play just to see how you'll respond.
Author mauserman Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 Wow, I guess I'm that obvious. You're absolutely correct with your assumptions.. So this is a legitimate game? Can I still win at this point?
TaraMaiden Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 I would fall off her radar, and if she contacts you saying something along the lines of "I haven't heard from you, are you ok, is everything all right?" or whatever, just reply - "I'm fine. Just keeping a respectful distance seeing as you have a BF. My policy not to interfere with that, or steal-date a gal.... " That will bring out more into the open.... 4
Author mauserman Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 It's going to be kind of hard to completely fall off her radar because... here we go I'm gonna catch flak for this, I work with her. But I won't make obvious effort to talk with her like I did in the past. Would it be a good idea to be more flirty with other women I work with? Somehow I feel that if I play games back that makes me the bad guy.
TaraMaiden Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 No, but interaction should be kept to purely professional matters. Funnily enough, the "All-New Caliguy No Contact Guide!" was written by a man in your position, that is, he worked for the same company, and in the same building as the woman of his dreams, who unceremoniously dumped him when he felt extremely vulnerable (family bereavement) and I believe, cheated on him. So it is possible. Just back off - don't flirt with anyone else at work either. That gives out the wrong signals to the other ladies - and frankly "office romances" are truly not a good idea. This is why a lot of companies implement a 'no relationships' rule. 1
Author mauserman Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 Sound advice, will take it. Hopefully time will shed some light on things. I'm still shocked and feel like a sap finding out that apparently even a single girl who likes you may say she has a boyfriend just to see how you respond. I always figured it means 1) she really has a boyfriend, or 2) she doesn't and wants to get away from you.
Mrlonelyone Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 It can be a test. Do not make the mistake of treating someone in a BF/GF relationship as if they are in a Husband/wife relationship (unless they are like living together with kids like they are practically married or something.) She could be testing you to see if you turn tail and run in fear of her BF. She could be testing you to see if you would be ok with a fling or a polyamorous situation. (Some people have open relationships). Or she could have decided to make some other guy she's had her eye on her boyfriend weather he knows it or not.
NoMoreJerks Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 On the flip side, she could be testing you to see if you like her enough to chase her even though she might (hypothetically) have a bf. For all we know, she doesn't have a bf, but wants to see if you're into her enough to chase after her despite the fact that another man is in the picture. Whatever the case, these are silly head games and she sounds like a b*tch to me. Avoid and ignore.
gaius Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Wow, I guess I'm that obvious. You're absolutely correct with your assumptions.. So this is a legitimate game? Can I still win at this point? Maybe if the only prize in mind is sleeping with her or getting some action. If you're thinking of stealing her for yourself, then just know she will do the same thing with you. Hide you away like a retarded cousin so other guys think she's single and give her more attention. Doesn't sound like much of a prize to me. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Think about these: 1) If she has a bf, and is doing this with you, what makes you sure she won't be doing it if/when you become her new bf...? 2) If she's the sort of person to play mind games, do you really want to be with her, and keep second-guessing all the time? Because I can assure you, if she's that sort of a person, and she seems to be, you will always be kept wondering and trust me, it gets VERY tiresome after a while. 2
Mrlonelyone Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Think about these: 1) If she has a bf, and is doing this with you, what makes you sure she won't be doing it if/when you become her new bf...? She has a BF... being someone's BF/GF is all about a testing phase to see if you are good enough together to be Husband and wife (Or at least baby daddy and baby mama). Until you are one of those things there is not a question of morality. 2) If she's the sort of person to play mind games, do you really want to be with her, and keep second-guessing all the time? Because I can assure you, if she's that sort of a person, and she seems to be, you will always be kept wondering and trust me, it gets VERY tiresome after a while. Depends on his attitude. Would you want a woman to be committed to you forever and ever just because you've been on some arbitrary number of dates even if you aren't making her happy?
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Generally only two times that a woman pulls the "I have a boyfriend" card: She has a boyfriend (Fancy that! Only on LS would that be an improbability!)She's not interested and she doesn't want to hurt your feelings Either way, the person has zero interest in dating you. To see that as a challenge, is akin to the guy who is told "No, I don't want to date you," and somehow views that as a challenge to be overcome...because, she "must" like me. Don't go down that path. It's highly unattractive, and that's the kindest thing that can be said about that type of behavior. My guess is you were a lot younger than she realized, and she lost interest as soon as you told her your age. Playing games will only underline your immaturity and reinforce that she made the right decision when she dropped you. Good luck with that tactic! No offense, but since you seem young and inexperienced, I'll add this. (Apologies if you're are neither.) I've found it so much easier to take people at their word than to whip myself into a pretzel wondering what games someone might be playing...and how I might get them back or "win." That type of thinking and behavior tends to be a recipe for few relationships of poor quality, bitterness, cynicism, and unhappiness. All the best in your dating endeavors! There'll be others.
Cutiepie1976 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 She has a BF... being someone's BF/GF is all about a testing phase to see if you are good enough together to be Husband and wife (Or at least baby daddy and baby mama). Until you are one of those things there is not a question of morality. Depends on his attitude. Would you want a woman to be committed to you forever and ever just because you've been on some arbitrary number of dates even if you aren't making her happy? Sorry, but being someone's BF/GF typically entails exclusivity. If my BF, when I'm in a relationship, ever started parsing the English language the way you are or making your arguments (about not being a baby daddy or husband) to explain why he could play the field anyway, we would be done. Any emotionally healthy woman with an ounce of self-respect would walk away. And quite frankly, so would any guy worth his salt, should his GF pull out such statements as reasons to cheat. Yes, cheat! Get real! 1
Eddie Edirol Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Generally only two times that a woman pulls the "I have a boyfriend" card: She has a boyfriend (Fancy that! Only on LS would that be an improbability!)She's not interested and she doesn't want to hurt your feelings Whats worse and adds to this, her BF might not be paying much attention to her, she feels lonely and unsexy, and she is using you for validation. So once she knows that she has you where she wants you, she tells you she has a boyfriend to see if you will continue to follow her around like a puppy dog and continue to boost her ego at the expense of your endless time and energy. She gets all she needs and you get nothing. Dont let her do it to ya. 3
Cytochrome c Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 I've never let "I have a boyfriend" dissuade me from pursuing a girl. Boyfriend/girlfriend aren't sacred; there's no vows or contracts like in marriages. People leave their boyfriends and girlfriends for other people all of the time. I've dated girls who had boyfriends before, and girls have left me to date other guys. It's not a big deal.
phineas Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Last chick who flirted with me like this & then said she had a BF I told her I felt sorry for him then ignored her for a week. Then when I did finally respond I asked her for nudes. She stopped contacting me after that.
Author mauserman Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 Alright so found out today from others that she does indeed have a bf. So the test theory is out. Believe me I hear you guys, last thing I want is to end up with this chick and have her cheat on me, or use me as a rebound, or as one said use me for validity of herself.. Im going to tell her plain and simple Im not the kind of guy that makes moves on taken women. Im still interested in her, but as long as she has a bf ill respect that and keep my distance. Who knows, maybe shes in an uncertain or rocky relationship and thats why she was so ridiculously flirty with me. If she ever happens to break up with the guy, ill show my interest but proceed very very cautiously, taking things slow. Thanks for all the replies 1
Cytochrome c Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Alright so found out today from others that she does indeed have a bf. So the test theory is out. Believe me I hear you guys, last thing I want is to end up with this chick and have her cheat on me, or use me as a rebound, or as one said use me for validity of herself.. Im going to tell her plain and simple Im not the kind of guy that makes moves on taken women. Im still interested in her, but as long as she has a bf ill respect that and keep my distance. Who knows, maybe shes in an uncertain or rocky relationship and thats why she was so ridiculously flirty with me. If she ever happens to break up with the guy, ill show my interest but proceed very very cautiously, taking things slow. Thanks for all the replies She's NOT "taken;" She isn't married. It absolutely does not matter that she has a boyfriend
TaraMaiden Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 so your GF starts flirting with another guy and giving him the impression that she's a cert, and he begins flirting back - and that's ok with you, is it? 1
Mrlonelyone Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 She's NOT "taken;" She isn't married. It absolutely does not matter that she has a boyfriend ^^This. When I think of a woman being "taken" she is at least engaged or has a BF she's been with so very long it's like being engaged or married. Let me put this in real guy terms. A typical BF GF relationship is like a test drive. You take em around the block and through the neighborhoods...you get an idea of how they feel if it's a good fit. Then you consider buying (getting married) or leasing (moving in and shacking up). You can still change your mind before the papers are signed. While engagement and marriage are like having signed all the papers, made the payments, and facing real consequences if you don't keep on making the payments. You can't change your mind nearly as easily. You are committed to many many years with that car. Why do people want to conflate the seriousness of marriage (or domestic partnerships even) with simply having gone on a number of successful dates with someone? It's like saying that having take an car on a couple test drives is the same as owning it. Oh and yes I would be OK with a GF or BF of mine flirting with other people. If they think I can't make them happy in a long term relationship or don't see a future with me I'd rather let them go than have them be miserable and with me.
TaraMaiden Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 ......Oh and yes I would be OK with a GF or BF of mine flirting with other people. If they think I can't make them happy in a long term relationship or don't see a future with me I'd rather let them go than have them be miserable and with me. on that proviso I could agree. But if there's a course of two-timing going on, and she has no intention of choosing, but wants to have her cake and eat it - that would be different. Right?
Cytochrome c Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 so your GF starts flirting with another guy and giving him the impression that she's a cert, and he begins flirting back - and that's ok with you, is it? I'm sure it's happened before (as I've seen ex-GF's out with guys less than a week after breaking up). Yeah it sucks but so what? I've started flirting and going out with girls towards the tail-end of relationships with other girls before. It's simply how dating works. It's not a big deal.
TaraMaiden Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 I'm sure it's happened before (as I've seen ex-GF's out with guys less than a week after breaking up). Yeah it sucks but so what? I've started flirting and going out with girls towards the tail-end of relationships with other girls before. It's simply how dating works. It's not a big deal. You see.. there's all these provisos.... less than a week after breaking up..... tail-end of relationships.... there's nothing to say that either of those scenarios are going on.
Mrlonelyone Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 (edited) You see.. there's all these provisos.... less than a week after breaking up..... tail-end of relationships.... there's nothing to say that either of those scenarios are going on. Ahh but what can bring on the "tail end" of a relationship? Meeting someone who meets more of your needs. No one here is talking about breaking up people who are truly in love and destined to be married (at least for a time). We are talking about playing the dating game. Part of the game is keeping one eye open for someone who better fits your needs. Trying to find the best possible fit to your personality, and relationship style, and sexuality. Edited December 30, 2012 by Mrlonelyone
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