MelissaD Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 My long-distance boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2.5 years, long distance for over a year. We broke up a few weeks ago because he said he wasn't sure he could give me what I need right now (mostly because of work). I started no contact but he contacted me within the week saying he had made a mistake, realized he doesn't need to push people away because he's not happy and wanted me in his life. He also talked about applying for grad school in my future town (I'll be starting a new job in August). We ended up getting back together and saw each other for almost a week just before Christmas-perfect. Then he went home for Christmas and is now saying the same thing- he's not sure he can handle a long distance relationship. He says he isn't sure it's the right decision but has shut down and thinks he need to stick with his decision. I'm going to see him for New Years on Monday and will probably be there for almost a week. I know he will change his mind eventually but I want to talk to him now and try to fix things now. Maybe 30 days NC to see how we feel without an official breakup? What do you all think?
crashvector Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 My ex fiancee (damn that hurts to say) told me the same thing...she cant give me what I need. Why do people think they can decide for us what we need?! Shouldnt each person be allowed to decide for themselves what is good enough? Just so unfair... 1
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 N/C isn't meant to handle a rejuvenation of your relationship or feelings. N/C is meant to heal oneself and end any future feelings/relationship. Do not go N/c if you want to have a future. Instead, talk it out with him and reassure him...
NoMoreJerks Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 My ex fiancee (damn that hurts to say) told me the same thing...she cant give me what I need. Yeah, ditto for my ex.. He told me: I can't give you the attention you need, can't make you happy. I kept insisting that he did make me happy, but it was useless. That's just a line they use, IMO... it's more about them not wanting it, than them thinking about us and the "fact" that they can't satisfy our needs.. 1
christine07 Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Yeah, ditto for my ex.. He told me: I can't give you the attention you need, can't make you happy. I kept insisting that he did make me happy, but it was useless. That's just a line they use, IMO... it's more about them not wanting it, than them thinking about us and the "fact" that they can't satisfy our needs.. thats exactly what mine did and what I said back as well. Then he started dating someone less than a week later.
Author MelissaD Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 It just makes it extra confusing because I really do think it is not about me and more about the fact that at this time in his life he can't handle a long distance relationship because of where he is in his life. I suppose I'll have to ask him what he can give, assure him I am happy with him, and see if what he can give is enough. Or he may just say he can't be with me... 1
Toddbt12y1 Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 It just makes it extra confusing because I really do think it is not about me and more about the fact that at this time in his life he can't handle a long distance relationship because of where he is in his life. I suppose I'll have to ask him what he can give, assure him I am happy with him, and see if what he can give is enough. Or he may just say he can't be with me... I hope when you talk to him it all goes well!
MyAngel Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Yep I got the "I can't give you what you deserve" too and the truth is, if they really loved us then they would move heaven and earth to give us what they think we need. They just don't love is enough to bother so they leave. Simple
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