crashvector Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 If anyone has any advice, please...I beg you... I wish someone could help me with this....this hurts SO much that I don't know what to do.... Not even the prescription of xanax I got is dulling the pain....I can barely breathe...my angel is gone and I'm SO lost.
Gottabestrong Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Stop thinking of her as your angel. Focus on your son, he should be the most important person in your life. Go out and do something with him and remind yourself that your most important job in life is to be a good Dad. If you have a breakdown and can't function properly anymore than you are not doing him a good service.
Author crashvector Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 Stop thinking of her as your angel. Focus on your son, he should be the most important person in your life. Go out and do something with him and remind yourself that your most important job in life is to be a good Dad. If you have a breakdown and can't function properly anymore than you are not doing him a good service. My son is with his mom until next wednesday. We have week on/week off custody.
MyAngel Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 You'll get through this crash. Many of us are weeks or months into the break up and with each passing day things get just a bit better. Yes I have gone back and forth several times with my moods but I know that the more time I heal, the better I will be. It just takes time and you also have to want to move on and I know for me that the wanting to move on is not quite there yet but better than it was. We've all gone through this and we understand the pain in your heart. Hang in there crash xx
Just smile Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 I feel terrible because I know EXACTLY the pain you feel., Although I'm a mother and am forced to smile. Forced to get up. Forced to go about my day. When they are with their father I allow myself to be in pain.. Frankly im getting sick and tired of feeling in pain. It's annoying. Today I tried every single time I began to cry. I said NO. And so far no tears.but the pain remains the same. Falling asleep sucks because waking up is such horrible pain. I'm humiliated by this man as well so it's horrible. Please try and read. Go out. Find friends to hang with .ANYTHING to not be in pain.so I hear,it does get better. 1
Author crashvector Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 You'll get through this crash. Many of us are weeks or months into the break up and with each passing day things get just a bit better. Yes I have gone back and forth several times with my moods but I know that the more time I heal, the better I will be. It just takes time and you also have to want to move on and I know for me that the wanting to move on is not quite there yet but better than it was. We've all gone through this and we understand the pain in your heart. Hang in there crash xx Thank you. the mornings and evenings seem to be the hardest. I keep expecting her to call in the morning to tell me she loves me, and that she hopes I have a good day. then, at night, she always called at 9PM to tell me about her day and to tell me goodnight. We would chat for an hour or so, just about things and how much we were looking forward to being married, etc. At the daylight fades, my heart dims, too. I spend the entire day in prayer..praying that God will release me from this pain...and that he will help HER find peace and comfort and happiness as well. This is SO terrible. I want to hear her voice, smell her hair....just ONE more time..... I never expected it to be THIS bad...and each day seems to be worse than the one before it...
Author crashvector Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 I feel terrible because I know EXACTLY the pain you feel., Although I'm a mother and am forced to smile. Forced to get up. Forced to go about my day. When they are with their father I allow myself to be in pain.. Frankly im getting sick and tired of feeling in pain. It's annoying. Today I tried every single time I began to cry. I said NO. And so far no tears.but the pain remains the same. Falling asleep sucks because waking up is such horrible pain. I'm humiliated by this man as well so it's horrible. Please try and read. Go out. Find friends to hang with .ANYTHING to not be in pain.so I hear,it does get better. I am alone here. I have no friends because I moved up here to be closer to her. I agree..falling asleep is SO painful...and its worse when i wake up. Last night...I woke in the middle on the night and sleepily reached over to put my arms around her...when I didn't feel her there, I PANICKED. Then, when I realized she would NEVER be there again, I fell apart and cried for the next four hours. This is SUCH a terrible thing...
NoMoreJerks Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 I'm sure I won't say something no one has said - you'll get through it! You're not alone. I think we've all felt the same way at some point, and sometimes it's a relief to remind yourself of that- that you're not alone, that others totally understand your pain and sense of loss. It's been a week since I was dumped, and it hasn't gotten easier. I try to force mysel to get up and do things, but it all seems pointless. I've stayed in bed for most of the past week as a result. I am beginning to dread sleeping, since, for 6 days out of the past 7 days, I have been having dreams about him coming back, and wanting me back, and then waking up and realizing it was just a dream. Every time that happens, I don't want to get out of bed and face reality. So I definitely sympathize. People tell me that time will heal the heartbreak but I know that it won't. Sure, I might be able to go on and feel numb about the whole thing, but it won't truly go away. I know that, because I 've always know how I would feel about things. I have almost never been wrong about how I thought I'd feel about something in the future.
MyAngel Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 . Today I tried every single time I began to cry. I said NO. And so far no tears.. I have been doing this too. If I hear a sad song I immediately get rid of it. If I start to feel the tears coming, I refocus. Ive been crying every bloody day for 3 weeks now since it ended and I'm sick of it. Why should I be here crying and missing her when she would have moved on without a backwards glance. No. I don't want to be this weak person. I've always been a crier but I know there's strength in not letting myself crumble into pieces. I'm stronger than that.
MyAngel Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 It's the hope that's a killer. There's still some deluded flicker of hope that she will ring or text and say how much she misses you and she was wrong but the days pass and it doesn't happen and you learn to live with that. The hope eventually fades and you accept what has happened. I'm still not there. I still have that flicker of hope although I know that what I want won't ever happen. And Some days I'm okay with that more than others.
LostOne1 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 I am alone here. I have no friends because I moved up here to be closer to her. I agree..falling asleep is SO painful...and its worse when i wake up. Last night...I woke in the middle on the night and sleepily reached over to put my arms around her...when I didn't feel her there, I PANICKED. Then, when I realized she would NEVER be there again, I fell apart and cried for the next four hours. This is SUCH a terrible thing... hey man it get better. I went through the same phase you're going through now. I hated sleeping or waking up.. it was so painful. My eating stopped for a bit, didn't work out.. I was a total mess. Then as time went on.. the sleep got better, the mornings got better.. the pain then just came and went randomly but less often. It's as if your body adjusts to the new life and new way things are going to be and you just slowly accept it and get used too it. It's going to be a hard few months and all I can say is you NEED to stay calm as possible. If you need some time off take it for a week. Then get yourself busy again afterwards and being busy keeps things off your mind. Post on this site anytime you feel like it or when your down. We are all here to help each other and you WILL get through this trust me. When it happened to me I thought I would be dead in a week or 2. But it's been about 5 months now and I would've never imagined surviving till now. But I'm here and alive and breathing and still fighting the pain some days and trying to win in life still. So don't give up and know that it's going to be okay no matter what happens. Someone once told me when 1 door closes.. another one opens. 1
LostOne1 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 It's the hope that's a killer. There's still some deluded flicker of hope that she will ring or text and say how much she misses you and she was wrong but the days pass and it doesn't happen and you learn to live with that. The hope eventually fades and you accept what has happened. I'm still not there. I still have that flicker of hope although I know that what I want won't ever happen. And Some days I'm okay with that more than others. It is... Which is 1 thing I learned now. If a BU happens.. NEVER hope. Accept it really is over and that would've made my pain better. You move on a bit faster accepting it early on rather than hoping and dragging it on and hurting yourself even more. I see it as if someone wants to leave you. Then you should accept it and say hey this person wants to leave... let me hold the door for them. And just let them go and know they don't want this and there is no use begging. It's the same as when we are kids our parents feed us something and we refuse over and over again. TO a point where we cry or shout and say NO I don't want to eat that stuff. And parents can't force a kid to like something if they don't. But maybe over time the kid changes their mind and starts liking the food. Kinda the same thing.. if someone leaves you.. let them go. Maybe they WILL realize their mistakes, but never HOPE on it. Accept it's over and move on with life. 1
Author crashvector Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 Ive been having chest pains every since she told me. I called a doctor friend of mine, who mercifully gave me a prescription of Xanax (i'm a nurse). The only sleep I've gotten was thanks to the prescription...and that was only 2 hours...when I woke up to discover she wasn't there with me and I absolutely lost it. I cried so hard I popped a blood vessel in my right eye and now I look like I've been in a fight and lost. I'm just a mess right now....I explained to my exwife that she may need to keep our son a few extra days. She was actually quite sympathetic and told me she was sorry I was hurting...which was nice of her. My face and my side, and now my EYE hurts from crying so much....
LostOne1 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Ive been having chest pains every since she told me. I called a doctor friend of mine, who mercifully gave me a prescription of Xanax (i'm a nurse). The only sleep I've gotten was thanks to the prescription...and that was only 2 hours...when I woke up to discover she wasn't there with me and I absolutely lost it. I cried so hard I popped a blood vessel in my right eye and now I look like I've been in a fight and lost. I'm just a mess right now....I explained to my exwife that she may need to keep our son a few extra days. She was actually quite sympathetic and told me she was sorry I was hurting...which was nice of her. My face and my side, and now my EYE hurts from crying so much.... The chest pain is just from what's going on.. I had them too. It's just one of those feelings where you will feel restless for a few weeks. Sleep wont come, eating won't be good, and sitting around won't help either. it's something you gotta push through and it will eventually pass and the pain and all will calm down to a point where you can sleep like you did normally.
Author crashvector Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 yeah, but my eye looks terrible...and hurts really bad now, too Never realized you can cry so hard you can burst blood vessels in your eyes before... As for now, I have a small supply of xanax for when i start to panic or when my mind will not allow me to calm down....but its been three days since I could eat anything without throwing up.
Coping Vortex Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 I'm right there with you. I'm a few more weeks out but my hope is fading more each day and maybe a good thing. Trust me we all feel what you do I was a mess the first two weeks. Funny she called me out of the blue after two weeks and we talked we cried we told each other we missed each other blah blah. The next day she went back to NC. so it was bull****. We actually met in person after three weeks we talked for 5 hours held each other she told me it can't be like before but I suggested we start over. She liked that idea and we felt like we were back. The next day that's right NC again. So except for a Merry Christmas crumb. She has stayed NC. She isn't coming back. So my advice to you is to assume the same with your situation. But hang in there it's still early in the game for you. Give her time. Don't bug her and beg. 1
Author crashvector Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 I'm right there with you. I'm a few more weeks out but my hope is fading more each day and maybe a good thing. Trust me we all feel what you do I was a mess the first two weeks. Funny she called me out of the blue after two weeks and we talked we cried we told each other we missed each other blah blah. The next day she went back to NC. so it was bull****. We actually met in person after three weeks we talked for 5 hours held each other she told me it can't be like before but I suggested we start over. She liked that idea and we felt like we were back. The next day that's right NC again. So except for a Merry Christmas crumb. She has stayed NC. She isn't coming back. So my advice to you is to assume the same with your situation. But hang in there it's still early in the game for you. Give her time. Don't bug her and beg. I wont, or at least am trying not to. However, she just forwarded me two emails two of my female friends sent her. She didnt say anything, just forwarded them to me, she only replied to one of them, but her tone was one of "Its over and I still love him, but everyone needs to understand that it's over." I replied to her telling her I was SO sorry they did that and that I promise I had NO idea they were going to do it. Then, i promptly told the two friends to knock it off because its just going to hurt her more, despite their good intentions, and I do NOT want her to be hurt more than she is already.
FailedFirstLove Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 It is so painful it's gonna be the biggest struggle ever. Maybe go on holidays or do something new in life? Move houses to try start a new life
Author crashvector Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 It is so painful it's gonna be the biggest struggle ever. Maybe go on holidays or do something new in life? Move houses to try start a new life yeah, I'm probably gonna have to sell my house and move.
Coping Vortex Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Crash, I'm having a really bad today myself. I'm more depressed than I have ever been over this BU. The images of my baby with another guy are killing me. I keep seeing her smiling up (she's short) at her new guy. Maybe after a night if hot sex with him. Maybe a night out on the town with her. These images are killing me. Just be thankful in your case that is no other man that you know of. Trust me it just makes things worse. I think this helpless felling we have is the worst of all. I keep looking at the clock thinking "what is she doing right now?" It's a bad habit I can't stop. I sent her flowers for her birthday my last contact I will ever make to her. I got no word she got them. Probably because she is at his house for the weekend. I can only guess. Like you I don't see how I can ever recover. I just am reeking off the days when I can feel and love again. For now this pain we feel is like absolute torture.
LostOne1 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 I'm right there with you. I'm a few more weeks out but my hope is fading more each day and maybe a good thing. Trust me we all feel what you do I was a mess the first two weeks. Funny she called me out of the blue after two weeks and we talked we cried we told each other we missed each other blah blah. The next day she went back to NC. so it was bull****. We actually met in person after three weeks we talked for 5 hours held each other she told me it can't be like before but I suggested we start over. She liked that idea and we felt like we were back. The next day that's right NC again. So except for a Merry Christmas crumb. She has stayed NC. She isn't coming back. So my advice to you is to assume the same with your situation. But hang in there it's still early in the game for you. Give her time. Don't bug her and beg. Regret of not giving my ex her space... wish I had found courage to not beg and bother her. Just had let it go.. although I don't know if it would have made a difference or not.. at least I could've gone out with a better and nicer way than our fight. I think Patience is the key.. and I didn't realize it then and do now.
HurtinUnit Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Hey crash... Hang in there, things will get better whether you believe it or not. You just have to keep going. You don't have a choice, life doesn't stop. You have a son to worry about and you should be focusing on that. You need to be strong for him. You are allowed to grieve, it\s important that you do. Just know that one day you will wake up and that ache won't be there anymore. Clean yourself up and go buy a book, or get some movies, buy a model to build. Do something to distract yourself. People will be here to discuss and help. I've been reading through these forums for a little while now and I'm shocked by how amazing and insightful people are. How helpful and empathetic. Let them help you. They're certainly helping me. Good luck, keep your chin up. Things will get better in time. This too shall pass.
Author crashvector Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 Crash, I'm having a really bad today myself. I'm more depressed than I have ever been over this BU. The images of my baby with another guy are killing me. I keep seeing her smiling up (she's short) at her new guy. Maybe after a night if hot sex with him. Maybe a night out on the town with her. These images are killing me. Just be thankful in your case that is no other man that you know of. Trust me it just makes things worse. I think this helpless felling we have is the worst of all. I keep looking at the clock thinking "what is she doing right now?" It's a bad habit I can't stop. I sent her flowers for her birthday my last contact I will ever make to her. I got no word she got them. Probably because she is at his house for the weekend. I can only guess. Like you I don't see how I can ever recover. I just am reeking off the days when I can feel and love again. For now this pain we feel is like absolute torture. I am so sorry for you. My fiance was a tiny thing herself...maybe 5'3"...so I know what you mean about looking up at you....I always thought it was the cutest thing. If it helps you, know that hearing your story makes my heart heavy with pain for you. I just hope God shows ALL of us some mercy in these bleak, dark times.
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