Tgirl007 Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 (edited) My parents, a couple friends of mine and I can't stand her and we all have our reason. Not only has she cheated on him twice (maybe more that I'm not aware of) but my close friend told me they were arguing once, she chased him and then threw a dish in his direction. It barely missed his head by inches. If that she had injure him with that plate, I would have beat her myself. Plus, he doesn't come to visit us like before and when he does, suddenly he's in a bad mood. Just recently on this Christmas, he left about 3 hours earlier. All I can say is ever since he met that bitch, he's changed completely. And to make matters worst, that's his first relationship ever (he's 20). I don't know why is he still defending herself when it's obvious she's not a good person and is taking advantage of his good nature. Plus I heard from other she smokes pot too. Why is he still with her? Will he leave her eventually? Edited December 29, 2012 by Tgirl007
sweetkiwi Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 What does pot have to do with it? Anyway Im in the same position. My brother is 19 and with the ugliest neediest girl he could find. All you can do is ride out the storm. Getting in the middle will drive the wedge further and further apart until you somehow unite them in their dislike of you. Get it? Trust me it'll end and maybe start again and end. But it WILL end. Help him pick up the pieces but DO NOT talk crap about her to him unless you want him mad at you, even after the breakup.
Author Tgirl007 Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 It would make all of us happy if he gets rid of her. I'm trying not to talk crap about her but it's hard too when you see a loved one getting treated poorly and you seeing them crying once (he was in tears when she first cheated). If she was the right girl, she would make him happy and never cheat nor throw a dish at him.
Balzac Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 You've really got zero reason to talk about her. Focus your discussions w your brother about personal boundaries on other things. This problem is really about your brother's willingness to be a victim. How does he handle other areas if his life? Focus on the person that matters to you, your brother. 2
Keenly Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 As a human being, you really have no right to tell another human being, brother father sister or mother, what to do. You have to deal with it. Oh no she smokes pot? I've smoked every single day for eight years, and I am just fine thanks. I didn't immediately skip to crack or meth or anything like that. Ignorance about weed infuriates me.
Author Tgirl007 Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 As a human being, you really have no right to tell another human being, brother father sister or mother, what to do. You have to deal with it. Oh no she smokes pot? I've smoked every single day for eight years, and I am just fine thanks. I didn't immediately skip to crack or meth or anything like that. Ignorance about weed infuriates me.The problem is there is nothing good about her and she is treating my brother badly. We know he can do better but refuses to listen. It takes a lot for me to judge someone and she seems like a controlling, cheater and pot smoker. Adding all that together plus my brother not standing up to himself is what makes me hate her and the situation.
Author Tgirl007 Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 This problem is really about your brother's willingness to be a victim.I don't know why if we were both brought up right and neither of my parents cheated. Victims are usually abused and/neglected kid but this isn't the case with us. There was nothing missing at home and our parents were involved in our school field trips, we would go camping something, etc. 1
Balzac Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Generally we learn about romantic relationships from our opposite sex parent. Each child's experience is his own. Some guys dig bat shyte crazy gurls between the sheets. Again, focus on your brother, avoid any conversations that focus on this girl. He's young. 1
Radu Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 I don't know why if we were both brought up right and neither of my parents cheated. Victims are usually abused and/neglected kid but this isn't the case with us. There was nothing missing at home and our parents were involved in our school field trips, we would go camping something, etc. Same was for me, and i ended up with 3 batshyte crazies, one after the other. Is your mom a strong woman ? With the right way, you can turn just about everyone into a victim.
bentnotbroken Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 I have two brothers....I have gone through this more times than I can count. My youngest brother married the sloth from hell. For almost 10 years he put up with her crap. They had two children and instead of getting better that sloth turned into a brick with moss growing on top. What I learned from that situation...if we had stopped talking to him about her and about what we wanted for him and support him in those rough times...he probably would have left a lot sooner. I also have had to learn this with my own son. Step back, keep my mouth under control where is choice of women is concerned and he gets tired of it pretty quickly. I know you want to step in and protect him...but my grandma used to say...."the best sense is bought sense." A lesson he learns with her will be one that sticks with him. Don't shield him so that he learns his lesson well. 1
alexandria35 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 BNB has got it right. From my own experience I can tell you that there is nothing you can do or say to make him break up with his gf. The more you try to make him see what you see the further away you push him and the closer he will draw to his gf. My family used to hate the men I picked but there was nothing they could do to fix me. They tried various tactics..attacking my bf which put me in the position of having to defend him, rejecting my bf which put me in the position of having to choose between my family and my man, rejecting me which hurt but which also made me more attached to my bf as he wasn't rejecting me. Now that I have adult brothers and my own adult children I remember how it was for me and I never interfer in their relationships. I love them and I would never let their choice of a partner come between us and our relationship. If they need me to talk to or for support I will be there for them, otherwise I consider their relationship none of my business. I don't believe your brother just suddenly gets in a bad mood when comes to visit. I think you or others in your family make remarks or give their unsolicited opinions on his gf and then he gets in a bad mood. Back off and let him live his life and learn his own lessons.
alexandria35 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 I don't know why if we were both brought up right and neither of my parents cheated. Victims are usually abused and/neglected kid but this isn't the case with us. There was nothing missing at home and our parents were involved in our school field trips, we would go camping something, etc. Well you said this is his first relationship and so this is probably the first time he has been in love. First time love is pretty powerful and it's also really scary to walk away because a lot of people in love for the first time mistakenly believe that they will never love again..lol. As I've aged I've learned that the world has many people and many options and we can fall in love with pretty much anyone who we are nuturing an intimate relationship with, but I sure didn't see it that way when I was young and in love for the first time. My parents kept wanting me to dump my first love and they would tell me that there would be other guys and I would be in love again. What? I couldn't fathom such a thing. "No! I'll never meet anyone else, nobody will ever love me and I will never love again!!" I used to wail. LOL 1
newmoon Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 get out of his business i'd say. relationship dynamics between two people can be complex and the way you know your brother as a brother isn't the way he'll be at work, in love, etc. you cannot know his behaviors in that regard. he may well like what this girl is all about and be staying with her for reasons you'll never be able to fathom, same as with the next girl or the next. you can hate on her all you want, but it really isn't your business, imo. just be there for your brother a support and not as an opinionated sister telling him what to do
Anela Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 I don't like my sister's now-husband for several reasons, but I've never thought that she should leave him for that reason. (I've been accused of wanting to break them up, and it annoys the hell out of me.) She thinks the world of him, for her own reasons, and he is supposedly treating her better than he used to. I'm afraid it's his business. You can't do much of anything, other than let him know any concerns - and be aware that he might distance himself from you because of that - or wait it out, to be there for him, should the relationship end. I heard my mother saying that she wished my sister hadn't married her husband, but she was afraid to say anything (and she didn't stand up for me when I was trying to maintain my boundaries - I was told to accept her choice, blah blah blah - no concern for my comfort whatsoever, even though he's caused trouble for me before).
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