toofartogo Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 So I met this great guy on POF this past Sept and we've been together at least every weekend since we met. We have strong chemistry and can talk about nearly everything and despite the fact that he's 12 years older and 65, the sex is fantastic. Also, we share very uncommon interests in intellectual type pursuits and that means a great deal to me--b/c I have such unusual tastes in these things, I'm either hard to date or I don't connect as well when I do--I didn't even have this much in common with my ex-husband of 23 years. Also, he is a farmer with a beautiful farm and his lifestyle totally appeals to me. The problem is that I do not easily fall in love and not sure yet if that's the way I'm headed or not. He is hopelessly in love with me and has said so for the past 3 months--less than a month into our relationship. We talk on the phone every evening since we live 2-1/2 hours apart and get together on weekends and one night when he couldn't get me on the phone (I was at the gym) I could tell that he was getting upset from the way his voice sounded on voicemail. This bothered me so much that I considered calling it off but decided to wait. He also acts very insecure and I believe it's b/c he knows that his feelings are much further along than mine but this outpouring of feelings on his part makes me take a step back sometimes--I hate to say it but it's sometimes a turn-off. Maybe it's because I had a stalker shortly after my marriage ended and even though I don't think he has it in him to be a stalker the feeling it gives me is a tiny bit similar. Also, part of my reluctance has to do with certain "pink flags." By this I mean that the man has almost as many faults as he does virtues. He is a total slob and has crap littered all over his yard--some of it is valuable tools that he just left out in the weather. He is late to everything but so am I to a certain extent, just not as bad. He is retired but only lives off social security b/c he didn't save any money for retirement. Or rather, he had a shared one with his ex but gave it up to get custody of his young son whom he is now raising. (This is not a problem to me as I love kids) He has stated that he spent all of his money on farmland and that I do believe. Oh and the man is cheap cheap cheap. When we eat out we share an entree, which at least he lets me choose, lol. I might add that I also have all of these qualities myself, but he is 10x worse. Also, I have a sizeable retirement account. On the other hand, he is very kind to everyone and gets along well with my friends and family and loves me dearly and would do anything for me I believe, even spend money if he had to, lol. Or does he? It's only been slightly short of 4 months to our relationship. Some days I feel completely loving towards him and others I think I must be nuts to even consider this and the age diff does bother me a bit. If he lived in town I'd be fine b/c we could just continue to date, but he is starting to want me to move in with him and the distance is a factor. I'm tempted to do it but then I think about that trashy yard. . . And then I wonder if I'm just afraid of love and trying to find excuses or maybe completely out of touch with my feelings. I think I'm running about 60:40 on this right now. Well what would you do?
xpaperxcutx Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Run don't walk. He may be nice but a stingy personality will eventually escalate into something far worse if you decide to move in with him. It's not only the age difference, but the fact he is 60 and living off of SS means he will eventually live off of you and ask you to contribute to a major part of rent. You have 20 more years to go before retirement, you are still in your prime while he's turning into a senior. The sex may be great but he will probably need to go viagra soon if not now. I think you should date someone near your age group and someone who is more financially stable.
Author toofartogo Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 Run don't walk. He may be nice but a stingy personality will eventually escalate into something far worse if you decide to move in with him. It's not only the age difference, but the fact he is 60 and living off of SS means he will eventually live off of you and ask you to contribute to a major part of rent. You have 20 more years to go before retirement, you are still in your prime while he's turning into a senior. The sex may be great but he will probably need to go viagra soon if not now. I think you should date someone near your age group and someone who is more financially stable. Well maybe I'll retire in 10 years but I see what you're saying. I have been trying to date someone nearer my age group--had been saying all along that I'd date 10 up or 10 down, but that's easier said than done as even 53 yr old men don't want to date 53 yr old women and finding someone younger, which would make more sense, is practically impossible and I'm pretty good looking for my age, lol.
Recommended Posts