BlueBird11 Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 (edited) Please help with advice, I don’t know what to do anymore…. dared for 3.5 years. we planned marriage, kids, grad school, etc. He was my 3rd bf and i was his first gf. We were LDR for 2 yrs but visited a lot. Then towards the end things became very tense and strained cause of school, careers, etc. pressures were increasing. I think we both thought ending the relationship would make it easier so we did but still acted like we were dating. Then one night he made out with and spent the night with a girl . He skyped me the next day and said he wanted to stop hooking up because he wanted to get to know her.he also said" I know you must be surprised I moved on so quickly but im not in love with you anymore." By this time I had instilled the NC rule about 90% and I could tell it was making him antsy cause he always questioned why i wasnt efficiently responding.Tngs never went anywhere w/ the grl. For two weeks it was like we were dating again and being openly intimate. On the night before I had to leave for a 1 month family visit, he told me he could see us dating again because we had a happy relationship. For that month we talked all the time but when I saw him again He said I and a relationship held him back from doing things. But then other days he would say we fit together like a puzzle piece but were incompatible. literally almost every week he came up w/ a different reason why we didn’t work or couldn’t be together. Bear in mind we were hooking up this entire time and fought quite a bit. I told him i wasnt in love w him (not true.i guess i said it to protect myself) and i wasnt trying to get him back. Since then he would ask if i would ever consider dating him in the future. He afterwards said things like if theres anyone I would want to be the mother of my children it would be you or you’re the person I am most comfortable around. he even makes implicit remarks that I could be his future wife. This lasted for 2 months. Then something in him changed. He started constantly wanting to hang out with me and was always inviting me over. We started calling each other by pet names, we hug and kis and act like a couple in secret, and openly spend the night at each others places. To others we say we are just really good friends . Ive tried my best to not lead so majority of the time we text, hang, etc, its cause he initiaties. Here’s the problem, weve been behaving like this for 1 year since breakin up. This on some level isnt reality. I love him and he says he loves and cares about me too. Im also nervous cause he just added the grl from the party on a social media website. I dont know if this is my cue to save face and go, or stick around and wait? i dont tnk i could be just friends at this point.... ADVICE PLEASE Edited December 29, 2012 by BlueBird11
sedona Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Ummmm, why don't you just talk to him? Tell him how you really feel. Although I guess it depends on what you really want. Do you want this arrangement you have now to go on forever? Or until one of you (that is, him) meets someone else? If so, then enjoy things while they last. But if you want a solid, steady, dependable, monogamous relationship, then you should take the chance and tell him the truth. He might bolt, and that will be incredibly painful... but is this half/half relationship really something that makes you happy?
xpaperxcutx Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 No don't talk to him and tell him how you feel. This guy jerked with your feelings because he had GIGS. He went and sleep with another girl immediately after the breakup and when that relationship didn't work, he wound up coming back with you- the backup. He said he didn't love you and that's true because he was more comfortable with the idea of being with you rather than " loving" you. The reason things have become the way they have become is because you allowed this " friendship". You openly spend the night in his place and kiss him without any objection and now you're complaining? If you like him then you tell him how you feel with the added fact that you need to break all the charade and pretending to be friends. If he just likes the status quo and refuse to be in a stable relationship with you, you walk away and stop being ' friends".
Gottabestrong Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 You should talk to him and find out where he stands and what he thinks about your 'relationship'. If he just sees you as FWB and you want more, than I would cut my losses and move on.
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