What do you do when.......

[Justtiredofit]

Victims....what do you do when you get those recurring thoughts of what your wayward spouse is doing? It is KILLING ME thinking of her with another man! I just can't get it out of my head, and don't know what to do????

 

Is there anyone on here that has experience with this, and knows what to do?

[smog]

Hey man,

 

I know exactly how you feel. I was going through this two months ago and its an awful place to be in. Firstly there is no way to control these thoughts as they will just drift in and out. Its going to hurt because you love/loved this person and thought they would always be exclusive to you. The very thought of another man enjoying this is sickening.

 

Te good news is that it does fade and you become a bit more comfortable with the idea. As your brain begins to condition itself to single life your feelings for her will decrease and the attachmnet you have wont have the same sting in the tail it did at the start.

 

Remember though that these ARE JUST THOUGHTS. Make believe which your imagination is blowing out of proportion. In your mind its the perfect movie and everything in her world is breezy and perfect. The reality is that she will be going through exactly the same as you and her day to day life wont change that much either. The imagination is a powerful tool and creates overblown scenarios every time!

 

Also if your girl is with another guy or getting with other men then she isnt worth worrying about. Personally sleeping around is a fairly unhealthy way of getting back on track and addressing your issues. One night stands are generally s@+t anyways if your are emotionally beat up.

 

It will get easier in a month or two it will ease but right now it will plague your mind.

 

All the best.

[Yasuandio]

You cannot think about two things at one time. THerefore, you must get your mind on something else. This obsessive thinking and the anxiety that often evolves with it I find also very difficult to overcome - especically when trying to go to sleep.

 

You can also end up making stupid mistakes when your in this mode - so be careful.

 

The best thing to do is to go out on some dates yourself - absent of that, you must do something to make yourself happy, a hobby, a trip, something you've always wanted to do. She is not going to make you happy - like everyone tells you, it is true - only you can make yourself happy.

 

1) If the suffering has reached the point of obsession and anxiety, there are drugs that can be prescribed that help somewhat. You need to see a psychiatrist and decribe these symptoms (not a general practioner - they don't get it, and do not give the proper medical treatment combination to alievate the inner anxiety.

 

2) Work - you can pour yourself into your job and achieve a promotion. That will get your mind off it.

 

3) A hobby you have missed. Get it out and do it.

 

4) Some good movies, Netflex, Cable Chanels, a little comfort food, and a fire in the fireplace. The movie will take your cognitive thoughts off the matter for the time of the movie.

 

5) Posting and Reading on LS - this is a method to learn about how other's have coped with your situation, and to share your feelings, and receive feedback.

 

6) Go out, get a new kick'in hairstyle.

 

7) After Xmas sales are on! Get all new clothes - a whole new look. A leather jacket, tough looking boots, some nice skirts. I personally like "Black Code" colone by Armani. Dude your self up so you are non-recognizable, and give your old stuff to Good Will.

 

8) If you can afford a new/used car, start shopping for a sports car, a Vet, or Beemer (Manual drive for sure). You don't have to buy it right away, just start shopping for it. Start researching what your "whatever car" is worth. Perhaps list it in the Car Trader Mag for the heck of it.

 

If you tell me you cannot afford this stuff - then GET A SECOND JOB. That will help you get your mind off her, and you will be bringing in the bucks to get these extras, and it's these "extras" that are all you will be thinking about after awhile.

 

Whenever she comes across your mind, start a car search on the computer. Beamers, Vets, (Screw the Mercedes - Go for the Sporty models).

 

I'm driving a souped up Z3 Roadster, in "Pull me Over Red." I put a performance chip in the computer which totally uped the hourse power, you can rev and shift way into the red zone! Also installed SpuperSprint muffler, Huge B&N Intake, Steel Quick Shift, Performance Struts. I can blow the doors of a Porche anyday. My baby only has 57,000 miles - and is perfect, not one ding.

 

Now, tell me what kind of car you want.

[revitup]

Just tired....you have me running all over the place for your posts!!!

 

 

I can't keep up with you,but I will try.I knew what was going on before I knew what was going on.Now that my DD14 has told me what was really going on,it's worse than what I thought was going on!I realize this isn't going to inspire you very much.... but it is ,what it is.

 

For me it was a little easier this time (3rd) with her antics.It will be different for you ,until she comes back ,and does it 2 more times!!!!!Then you will have more insight like me.

 

My belief is that she will come back to you when she is done with her mission.My bipolar W did just that,after of course I had been nearly neutered by years of her passive aggressive and abusive behavior towards me.

 

For you, also a Husband of bipolar WW ,you might need to take a look into "gaslighting".It opened my eyes even more.Look at the bipolar/borderline personality disorder /gaslighting sites in particular.

 

Bottom line is that you have no control over anything but your own thoughts!You can control what you think about at least for a minute or two at a time.

 

Short answer is ...prepare yourself for the woman you really want and deserve.And if it is the one you have already married,then so be it.If not,you will need to be a strong man to attract a strong woman.

 

Man up and be strong,it is in you.It is in all of us.

 

REVITUP