Confusion? Waste of time? not quite friends or dating...

[hgroog]

Please understand that I have a lot going through my mind right now. I see a therapist but she had no words for this situation. I wrote a lot because a lot has happened and I tend to remember things in full detail. Thank you to those who read all of this and consider helping.

 

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There is a guy at work whom I have a little crush on. I've noticed him before my recent break up, and I could see him staring at me from time to time. He would get so tense when I was around (very obvious too!) We don't work the same department and have different schedules so we rarely see each other.

 

In September of this year, I had to contact him about information for volunteering at a hospice he works at part time. We exchanged some small talk (through texting) just nice things about the joys of volunteering and compliments. But that was it! The next day, I got a text from his friend asking me what my deal was. Turns out the guy asked his friend about me, which I thought was kind of immature since he could have asked me instead of his friend, but I guess he was unsure of the situation. The friend told me at first that he is a really nice guy and we should consider dating. I didn't want to make the first move and I told the friend this so we ended the conversation. The guy and I talked for only 1 day and that was it. Then a few days later, I get another text from his friend telling me that he's not a nice guy and is "going crazy". His friend basically said, he has a new girlfriend every week and that I don't "meet the requirement" for the kinds of women he looks for. Why didn't he tell me this at first? I'm not sure. I was kind of upset at first but I got over it.

 

 

A week before thanksgiving, I got a text from the guy again. He basically asked me if I wanted to hang out with him sometime. I agreed. We texted each other again (he never called me) and he told me nice things like how he thought I was really pretty and he asked me what my interests were etc. This brought back all those feelings I had before and made me confused. (he asked about my ex who used to work with us and made a very public breakup with his cheating on me, he mentioned that he saw me crying in my car a lot and he felt bad.)

 

I made the mistake of texting his friend again and asking him why he was suddenly interested and he told me that I should ignore him. I said I would deal with it and I was just curious. This was indeed a mistake because the guy texted me for only two days and then disappeared. Our last text seemed normal and there was not awkwardness.

 

A few days of silence so I finally texted him to ask whats up. He seemed nice and then asked if I was telling my entire department about him and I talking. I had not told anything to anyone (except I found out it might have been the friend telling people since he likes to gossip) the last text I sent to the cute guy was me saying I thought he was really nice and I appreciated him being honest with me. He said the same to me. This was the last time I heard from him until now.

 

 

I sent a huge text to multiple people on my contact list for xmas, and he was on there. He responded back with a similar greeting. I was at work and he ended up coming into work that day and started chatting with me on the companys IM program that we use (we are allowed to do this btw) and we talked and joked around at first. But he asked me strange questions like, "what did you have for lunch?" "is there any place to eat that is open on xmas?" and I honestly thought he was going to ask me to dinner but it may be he was looking for is own lunch for the day...

 

When I saw him in the halls on our breaks he looked kind of serious and would not smile when he greeted me. He never stopped to talk to me and would just walk by really fast. (he did see me a few days before and smiled tho?) I told him in the chat program that he should call or text if he wants to hang out, and he said for me to do the same. Then I went home and haven't heard anything again.

 

I feel like this was supposed to go somewhere but instead it went nowhere and I don't know why. Lack of communication? Maybe his idea of hanging out was purely sexual and of course, me not being an easy lay, he gave up? Or maybe his friend told him not to talk to me anymore? I'm confused!!

 

There is one thing his friend told me about the last time we spoke, was that the guy was engaged to a woman he was with for 6 years and they broke up over year ago. The guy knows that I split from my ex fiance a year ago, so I'm wondering if this might have something to do with it? I never confirmed this with him because its not my place to talk about his relationship, if he wanted to tell me he would have. (I like how his friend talks about it like its nothing too... /sarcasm)

 

I'm the kind of person that needs closure. I've been hurt enough in my life that I am sick and tired of crap. I try to be as kind and considerate of others feelings and more often than not, people disappear rather than confront me about issues we have.

 

I want to talk to him though and ask him why but would that be the right thing? or should I forget about it and move on? I am not desperate for a boyfriend, I've been single for a year and enjoying taking care of myself, but I don't want to rule out dating entirely because of what happened to me! I did not pressure this guy at all either, I've just be sort of left hanging and waiting for him to make another move. I've heard he is shy but that's unless "liquid courage" is involved i guess which would explain his behavior in a way. But I don't judge him for that because its not my place to do so. I just wanted to get to know him, is that wrong? Am I really wasting my time?