rakel_aki Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 6 years now. A few years back he bought a sports car. His dream car. But he is in big debt and only by 2016 he is going to pay it off. He works with his parents on his family farm. I am 24 and was hoping to get married next year (he is 25). So I asked him how he was going to pay off the car till then? He doesn't know. When he first got the loan he told me that his parents promised to give it to him. But I guess they backed down on it and now he is paying for it. Is it unfair for me not to wait 3 more years just because he wants to keep his sports car? I feel like he is choosing keeping the car over our relationship. Am I being reasonable?
movingon12 Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Why can't get you get married even if he's still in debt?
Author rakel_aki Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 Why can't get you get married even if he's still in debt? Thanks for the response. Because almost all his monthy pay goes to pay the car. Not much is left of of his salary, and I really don't want to live counting the pennies because he wants to ride his sports car.
movingon12 Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 But isn't that what you guys are already doing?
Author rakel_aki Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 But isn't that what you guys are already doing? We are not living together. It is impossible to live together with his debt. For me to move in he has to pay it off.
Author rakel_aki Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 He sounds like a very financiallly irresponsible young man. I don't believe his parents were going to buy the car and then 'suddenly' withdrew their offer at the 11th hour. I think he either misunderstood their intentions or it was wishful thinking on his part - because HE'S the one with the loan and he's the one paying it off. If a car loan is causing this guy to be broke and have to live at home with his parents until he's 30 years old, then he ain't marriage material. This kid is doing it backwards - that 'dream' car of his is usually bought by men in midlife crisis after 40 years old. What guy buys a car that drains every penny he has, forcing him to live at home with his parents until he's way too old to be depending on mommy and daddy? He's completely irresponsible and has a lot of growing up to do. I have no credits what so ever, I pay everything I buy. if I can't have it I simply don't buy it! And this is making me go crazy! I love him. I am trying to talk it over with him, but he says that he doesn't know what to do. I told him to sell it or he was going to lose me! My heart is broken He made me think I was crazy for thinking that its not a big of a deal. Putting our life on hold just because he wants his sports car? I can't do it.
soccerrprp Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 I have no credits what so ever, I pay everything I buy. if I can't have it I simply don't buy it! And this is making me go crazy! I love him. I am trying to talk it over with him, but he says that he doesn't know what to do. I told him to sell it or he was going to lose me! My heart is broken He made me think I was crazy for thinking that its not a big of a deal. Putting our life on hold just because he wants his sports car? I can't do it. Get/establish credit! There are soooo many reasons to do this! Just be responsible about it and move on if he chooses a fricken' car over someone he supposedly loves!
Author rakel_aki Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 Get/establish credit! There are soooo many reasons to do this! Just be responsible about it and move on if he chooses a fricken' car over someone he supposedly loves! I live in Portugal. There are no credit scores here. What I meant by I have no credits, is I have not asked for money from anyone to buy something. I buy what I can. It hurts. I love him. But I can't wait another 3 years just beacuse he wants his sports car.
Ninjainpajamas Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 This sounds like something that may have inadvertently worked out on his favor...since he doesn't have to commit to marriage over a sport car. It also shows his level of maturity and sense in how he manages his money, also his desire to attain material things he cannot realistically afford, so he can look good to all of his friends but of course in debt and living at home. I understand wanting the nice things when you are young....I mean I can't the bald 65 year old in his topless corvette, his 3 strands of hair blowing in the wind, silk button down skirt with hawaiin trees on it, cruising at 35 miles an hour in the fast last is exactly the hottest thing on the road....that would have been a much better poosy magnet when he was 25 with a full head of hair, youth and no grey hairs poking out from his chest. But again, this guy is looking to settle down and supposedly marry you sometime in the future..this just doesn't look good and seems to be a big incompatibility, plus he's irresponsible, that means when you guys are living together and he goes and blows his money on something stupid guess who's picking up the slack...do you want to be a mom scolding his child over financial issues or someone on the same page? you think love is going to fix that and make you any less pissed off or broke yourself? It's nice that you feel in love and all that...or love this guy, that's all good and great...but in the real world you'll need more to lean on, you need a partner, you need a companion, someone you can communicate with and agree upon and see eye to eye on many different things...you may not have a lot of money between the two of you, but working together and the benefit of the relationship is what is important...if you're dealing with a selfish guy who's still maturing, I think at the end you will have walked away anyway. You have to ask yourself about this relationship...what is real, and what is fantasy, this is it...you're living it now, what does it look like to you? you want to be one of those wishing on a star, "hoping" everything will be better in the future...the get in line...you'll be waiting for a while, and guess what? likely for nothing, or when it does happen would it have been worth the sacrifice and time spent fighting for it? Will you even be happy by then?
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