Cassandra92 Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 (I didn't think this really belonged in the breaking up forum.) I've been sort of 'dating' a guy from my work, nothing serious but just hanging out a few times, coffee and movies etc. I've been trying to figure out if I just like him as a friend or more. So the last time we hung out a couple of weeks ago he made it very clear that he liked me, but after he did that and I got home and thought about it I realised I didn't return the same feelings. I don't date much or enter into relationships lightly, and if I did it would have to be with somebody I was crazy about, and I just was not feeling that spark with this guy. Also I don't think I could handle a relationship right now or have the energy I would need to put into it as I have a busy year of study coming up, so there are two underlying factors there. I haven't seen him since then because of the Christmas break, but we have messaged a few times and I've kept it brief because I felt weird about the whole thing. He seemed to have picked up on that because he sent me a message saying how it seemed I didn't want to be 'chat buddies' with him anymore - which I found to be pretty needy and immature, but also made me realise I need to be upfront with him as soon as the opportunity presents itself. We go back to work in about a week (it's a fairly casual job with mostly young people, no office rules against dating or anything) and I would really like to minimise the awkwardness once I tell him I'm not interested in a relationship. Any ideas on the best way to do this? Would sending him a message before I see him again be really rude, or should I just nip it in the bud? I don't want to hurt his feelings but as nobody has made any commitments and it's been very platonic I don't feel any need to meet up with him for a big chat about it. I'd still like to stay friendly but of course if that doesn't happen it isn't a huge deal to me.
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 I think that sending him a message to set him straight is appropriate. Try to keep it short, don't shoot yourself in the foot by going into too much detail.
Mrlonelyone Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Since this is someone you work with and have known for a while you have to consider the working friendship as more important than any romantic potential. So sending a message that you don't feel that way or whatever is just too impersonal. Here is what I would tell him, what I would want to hear in a similar situation. Tell him that you enjoy his company, that you like working with him and hanging out with him. You value his friendship and professional relationship. "Our relationship should remain professional because no matter what we have to work together." Emphasize the professional aspects of your relationship then behave professionally. If you handle this in a cruel or unprofessional way it would not be good for you. The very common sending a text message then ignoring the person just will not work. Even if he's totally cool how you act about things can make you look bad to others in the office. Furthermore he's someone you need to interact with in a friendly way in order to get work done.
Mrlonelyone Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 I think that sending him a message to set him straight is appropriate. Try to keep it short, don't shoot yourself in the foot by going into too much detail. Set him straight. You make it sound like he's a guy who reached too far up her skirt. They went on what can be construed as dates. They need to work together after this. I'm just saying.
Author Cassandra92 Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 Thanks for the feedback - I definitely would keep it brief as going into too much detail isn't necessary, but I'll make sure I give him a good reason. As for still working together, I would like to still be on friendly terms but we don't really 'work together' so much as the nature of the job is everybody does their own thing (we work on phones.) Plus I don't plan to stay there too much longer so if he decides to not speak to me after it will be a little awkward but not the end of the world. I just don't know how he will react but he has been a nice guy (so far) and we haven't been super involved so hopefully it will be relatively fuss free.
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