Messed up but still want him back ask for

[shirlly]

I have to admit I have done something that very wrong when I tried to win my ex back. We have dated for almost one and half year, we shared interests, just like perfect match to each other. We broke up since he said he suddenly lost feelings for me, stopped talking to me and refused my calls. I did try to bring him back immediately, I did not follow NC rules, we still talked, seemed I had a good chance if I stayed calm and seized the opportunity.

 

Then I did something super super stupid, I found he was using some dating app on phone, so I added him using a different identity and said hi, he responded to me and start to chat with me online. I did not try to flirt with him, I complained to him about my failure relationship, talking just like me and it turned out that he said he fell in love with the girl I faked, said lots of sweet words to her. I was so jealous and angry, I told him the truth, of course he was humiliated, and pissed off, he thought it was schemed revenge, he said lots of hurt words and said he would never ever had anything related to me anymore.

 

I did not mean it, I was so sad and regretful that I did so, we have absolute No contact for like two months, I gave him the space and time to cool down. I did send him a written sincere apology letter last week, not expecting any response, just trying to say I did not mean to get revenge or something, I just wanted to talk to him so desperately but obviously in the wrong way.

 

I know I can't do anything if he can not forgive me for that.I still love him, still want him back, it's not like cheating or something else in the relationship separated us. During our talk, I can still feel the sparks between us. I was just too desperate to bring him back , I lost myself and lost control. I did it in a wrong way and I want to make it right and at least give one more try.

 

I tried to calm down and act mature now, I don't want to over-apologize , that would make the situation even worse. I guess my biggest issue is to remove his resistance and reverse ruined image of mine, I do need your advice!

 

Thanks

[Missing Him]

We all do stupid things, you aren't the first and you won't be the last.

 

Obviously that was wrong to do, but what you need to accept at this point is that there isn't anything left to do. You can't keep contacting him, especially if he is angry at you. If he wants to contact you he will. The best thing for you to do at this point is give him his space and let him decide if he wants to forgive you/talk to you again. In the meantime, it would be best to move on. I know that's easier said than done, but it's all that's left for you to do.