FailedFirstLove Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 It's now almost 4 years we've been in this relationship for. (14th january) It was long distance for majority of the time but we've always been happy. He called me everyday and we shared everything together. First year we barely saw each other but then he came down every 6 months after. In May he came down to visit me but ended up deciding to live here instead. He also needed to get away from his family because they are crazy. We struggled through a lot my parents accepted our relationship but was against him moving in because of tradition. So we were trying to find a place he could move into and my friend offered but in the end my parents had sympathy so he stayed. He didnt have to pay for anything and my parents even paid for his personal belongings, but yes there was pressure from us to get his life back on track and to help around the house. there was always problems with his family because his mum would always go looking for a boyfriend and go live with him whilst her kids would be left with the older sister. She needed them to get money off the government as a single mum, and the money my ex would get from work she would ask for and guilt him into giving it to her. Before this there wasn't much contact between him and his family but then his mum began to contact him more. Near december she asked him to go back up and help her move stuff to another house. We had quite a few fights cause it didnt make sense to me. She had 5 kids which can all help her move. plus her boyfriend and family members and brother in law. But the excuse was that they were all busy.. and she apparnetly had an accident and broke her ankle so she cant walk for 2 years. In the end i had to let him go up and help cause there was no other way. He promised he would come back and we booked the flight and everything. We had another argument the second day he went up and he barely contacted after that but i would ask him occasionally... your still coming back right? and he would always say yes. He was to board the plane at 5:30 that morning and i was sleeping ready to pick him up... He called me at 1:30 and told me he was never coming back again... and to send his belongings to him. I was so lost and confused and kept asking him to please get on the plane and talk to me here. And he told me no. It was his choice to stay there because i went too far. I didnt know how to tell my dad so he told me to hand the phone to him. and He told my dad he wasnt coming back.He told me he was very angry at me. And i tried to ask him to talk once i let him calm down after a week. one day he told me he was unsure and doesnt know what the future is gonna be like... then the next morning when he was tired and i kept him up he told me his mind was set on not coming back again.. This is the 3rd week now and im still struggling everyday to accept his not coming back. The other day he texted me if i wanted to talk just as friends and i was so angry because he told my family friend his mum wanted him to stay there. When previously he told me that his family hadn't said anything. But this is the same situation that happened once before. He was going to move out with his friend. and his mum asked him to go with her to his auntys house. When he went they did some weird thing where his father and grandma thats passed would come and possess his auntys body and tell him to take care of his mum and if he moves out they will come hurt him. He was freaked out and shaking and told his friend he can't move out. His friend was so angry and i had to go try explain it to him. Im so lost and confused still but i know if i tried talking to him i would be a wreck and acceptance will never come. every morning i wake up and i panic wanting to talk to him. Its all i think about and i miss him so much. When i told him ill send his stuff and if he could send mine he told me he doesnt want to waste the memories but is going to cherish them. I told him i coulnt move on with my life if i was friends with him cause the feeling and hurt will always remain. But my mind changes everyday... i dont know what to do, feel humiliated that he left me high and dry last minute like that but apart of me feels like he was made by his family to do that again...
MyAngel Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 I'm so sorry sweetie. Do you know why he is staying with his mum and not coming back? What did he say? Is it because of his family problems? Your argument before he left didn't seem bad enough to throw away 4 years of love for.
Author FailedFirstLove Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 I'm so sorry sweetie. Do you know why he is staying with his mum and not coming back? What did he say? Is it because of his family problems? Your argument before he left didn't seem bad enough to throw away 4 years of love for. I have no idea because he refuses to say anything. His a person that supresses everything. Atm i have a feeling it is his family thats keeping him there, but its probably alot of things as well... His comfortable at home and his friends are there.Before he left he told me to beleive in him and that he will come back cause he loves me... But everything changed last minute.. and he did say he was at his auntys house alot... i think its a big possibility they tried to persuade him to stay and look after his mum. His very indecisive and gets easily influenced by whoever is around him. and because he has family problems any appreciation from his family makes him feel loved. So if his mum tells him she really needs him, he cant say no to that. And because its long distance now i know that i have no chance anymore. His probably moved on with his life
MyAngel Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Why were you asking him if he'd come back? Did you somehow know it would be the last time you'd see him?
Author FailedFirstLove Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 Why were you asking him if he'd come back? Did you somehow know it would be the last time you'd see him? I had a feeling... His mum manipulates him subtly... everytime she needs his money she will say shes behind on rent and if he doesnt give it then they will be homeless,, but she would go and buy iphones for her youngest daughter... he never gets anything. She can make him do the house work whilst the other kids are harder to ask. and before he left she started with the guilt of how she cant walk and no one takes care of her... even though his older sister stays at home and doesnt work. and if his not there she doesnt get the extra money she would get. I think ive given up,,, i dont want to manipulate him into coming back. His never his own person, he gets pulled back and forth and his going to have no future... up there he wont have a future because his mum just wants him to do anything to get money and she doesn't believe in studying
MyAngel Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 I don't understand why he would just choose to walk away from you because of something his mother said he has the ability to make his own mind up and not have to throw away his relationship with you because of her. I'm sorry what a crappy thing to do. How are you coping?
Author FailedFirstLove Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 I don't understand why he would just choose to walk away from you because of something his mother said he has the ability to make his own mind up and not have to throw away his relationship with you because of her. I'm sorry what a crappy thing to do. How are you coping? At the beginning i couldn't accept it. I kept crying and crying thinking of ways to get him back. but all my friends would stop me. At this stage im just so confused... The mornings are horrible and i would just feel like i need to talk to him. But theres times when im angry at what his done. He told me i did 10x worse but he left me stranded without any explanation... then there are times when i say to myself i have to move on,,,, the guy i knew and loved isnt there anymore. I want to get to that numb stage where i dont feel anything anymore. I try my best to keep occupied but it doesnt always work. i dont know how long this will take but i dont want to be like this... i dont want this horrible feeling!! Soemtimes i feel so sorry for him, what if his going through a hard time.. he has no self confidence at all and the lowest esteem ive ever seen. So he is so easily influenced... He doesnt have his own self because he always goes by what whoever closest to him is saying. i know its none of my business anymore but i still worry and care for him.
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