jholla Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Do you think its socially acceptable for women to approach men at bars/clubs? My friend has been dating a guy she met a few months ago. She saw him at a bar went up to him and started talking. He ended up being a doctor and is really good looking. Most of the guys who approach me are players or losers. My friend is pretty but I wouldn't say she's gorgeous. If she didn't go up to him they would have never met. Have any of you done this? Do guys think its weird if a girl starts the conversation?
Casablanca Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Guys love it when women make the first move! I have no problems with it 1
Pyro Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 I encourage it. It will cause less bytching about women not initiating things. 1
Fondue Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 It depends on how you approach/make conversation. Countless times has a woman came up to me and made a comment about my hair, clothes, etc., but I just thought it was a friendly gesture and that's all. It took me a long, long time to realize it was their way to "start" a conversation. Most men are baboons like myself, we don't read into hints. Make it more noticeable that you are interested in the person if you do attempt to approach in these places.
tigressA Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Clearly it worked out well for your friend! Perhaps if you start doing it you'll be dealing with more winners than losers.
Author jholla Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 I feel like it would be so awkward. I don't want to do it.
veggirl Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Yes of course women can make the first approach and start a conversation! They should do that if they see someone they are intrigued by. That's all great, imo it should end there though, like they shouldn't ask a man for his # or ask him on a first date or anything like that. But first approach is fine. I made the initial conversation with my BF and then he took the lead from there. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 I never know how to approach. I mean, I don't really know what to say that's not too cheesy/awkward. What lines do people use? Also, would you approach if a guy is with a male friend, and sitting at a table in the pub? I had this situation a few times, where I was interested in one of them, but was too scared to approach because it's always easier for someone to approach someone who's on their own than it is to approach someone who has company. One guy approached me once, and asked if I wanted to join him and his friend at their table, but doing the reverse seems a bit rude, no? Like, if I went up to their table and said, do you mind if I join you ? It comes across as a bit desperate, given that I'm the one who is sitting on her own, no? I don't know. I am very independent-minded and don't want to appear desperate when I'm actually not, so I have never approached a guy myself, because of that.
crude Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 It funny what people consider desperate. If a woman talks to a stranger, smiles, touches herself, touches the man, then if those silly signals don't work, she talks to A who texts B who tells the man's friend C that the woman might be interested, then he relays the message to the target, somehow that's not desperate? It seems less desperate to me if the woman simply has the balls to speak to a man she's spotted face to face and ask him out if need be. All the games and indirect routes make her seem like an immature, gutless wonder. Women should just "woman up" for a change.
NoMoreJerks Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 It funny what people consider desperate. If a woman talks to a stranger, smiles, touches herself, touches the man, then if those silly signals don't work, she talks to A who texts B who tells the man's friend C that the woman might be interested, then he relays the message to the target, somehow that's not desperate? It seems less desperate to me if the woman simply has the balls to speak to a man she's spotted face to face and ask him out if need be. All the games and indirect routes make her seem like an immature, gutless wonder. Women should just "woman up" for a change. I don't ever ask friends to tell a guy I'm into him. But if I don't find an appropriate situation to approach him, I just don't approach him and let go of it. I think, though, that partly, mens' perceptions are also to blame for it. A woman who approaches a man, especially in a bar, will often be thought of as desperate and wanting a ONS (because it's so unusual for women to do the approaching, and most of the women who DO approach are those that want ONS). I was once treated like this, because I was at the bar on my own, and the guy assumed I wanted a ONS.
PogoStick Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Yes it's ok, but only if you're wearing a burka.
movingon12 Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 I did once. By accident. Worked out very well. Wouldn't have made a habit of it though, but that's mainly because I'm shy. I have a friend who is always chasing guys - she normally goes with the tried and trusted 'do you have a light?'. Though that only works if you're a smoker. 'So, are you having a good night?' whilst waiting at the bar works well.
Keenly Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 If I was at the bar, and you were too, and you were interested and approached me, I would be flattered. To the point where I don't care if she is fat, ugly, smells bad, whatever I would still have a conversation with her. Women should do this more often so that shy guys like me can stop sitting there with sweaty palms and self impeding thoughts. 1
crude Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 A woman who approaches a man, especially in a bar, will often be thought of as desperate and wanting a ONS (because it's so unusual for women to do the approaching, and most of the women who DO approach are those that want ONS). I was once treated like this, because I was at the bar on my own, and the guy assumed I wanted a ONS. Maybe women should aim a little higher. Not all men are simple minded like that. Maybe bars attract a ONS kind of guy. Believe me, many men are better than that. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Maybe women should aim a little higher. Not all men are simple minded like that. Maybe bars attract a ONS kind of guy. Believe me, many men are better than that. So where would a girl meet men and approach them??? I mean, I've been to bookstores and bookstore cafes, but haven't seen approachable men, and have never been approached in bookstores.. Supermarkets? Once, only once, a guy saw me and stood in his tracks and was mulling whether or not to talk to me, but didn't. But that's about it. That's all I can think of, in terms of places to meet someone. Approaching men at supermarkets is very awkward, besides the fact that you can't observe someone in a supermarket for some time... in a setting like a bar or a bookstore, you can... I am just at a loss as to where one would meet men.. Most of my friends are of a certain ethnicity and THEIR friends are also of that ethnicity and I have to say I am not attracted to men of that ethnicity (no offense). Most men in my city are also of that ethnicity (Arab in case you were wondering), so that severely limits my options. At any rate, my friends are too busy with their studies (all PhD students) to go out much, and when they do, it's with those Arab friends of theirs, so I don't really find that an opportunity to meet men in whom I might be interested romantically/sexually..
sweetkiwi Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 I met my ex at a bar. Well outside a bar. I made friends with a girl inside and i set my eyes on my ex and talked to him. He's shy. There's no way he would have realized i thought he was adorable And i asked him for his number after i was invited to the disco the next day. Only his. I made it pretty obvious i was into him. The next day he kissed me at the disco and in the middle of the crowd we were making out in the strobe lights. Then we madeout outside. Everyone was making fun of us. But IMO there are way better places to find good guys.
NoMoreJerks Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Well, there are good guys at bars/pubs.. I mean, I go there with my friends (men and women) often, and I do consider my friends to be good people. But I think that if you go alone, you attract the wrong sort of men/crowd a lot of the time. Usually, the good people are sitting at tables with their friends, but they are not easy to approach for obvious reasons..
sweetkiwi Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Well I've met nice guys at my work. At yoga. And anywhere there's people. I probably don't look approafhable myself to some people. (Tattoo, plugs, sometimes bitch-face). But you never know till you try!!!!
Author jholla Posted December 31, 2012 Author Posted December 31, 2012 Any idea on what to say first? I find myself attracted to educated guys: doctors, lawyers etc (not because of money I just like intelligence) any idea where these types of guys typically hang out? I haven't met too many of them in bars.
Vercetti Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Any idea on what to say first? I find myself attracted to educated guys: doctors, lawyers etc (not because of money I just like intelligence) any idea where these types of guys typically hang out? I haven't met too many of them in bars. Cocktail lounge / jazz clubs / restaurants with stars / private clubs / orpheum / tennis / racket ball / golf / museums / galleries / charity balls / black tie events / wine races.
DreamFinder Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 So where would a girl meet men and approach them??? I mean, I've been to bookstores and bookstore cafes, but haven't seen approachable men, and have never been approached in bookstores.. Supermarkets? Once, only once, a guy saw me and stood in his tracks and was mulling whether or not to talk to me, but didn't. But that's about it. That's all I can think of, in terms of places to meet someone. Approaching men at supermarkets is very awkward, besides the fact that you can't observe someone in a supermarket for some time... in a setting like a bar or a bookstore, you can... I am just at a loss as to where one would meet men.. Most of my friends are of a certain ethnicity and THEIR friends are also of that ethnicity and I have to say I am not attracted to men of that ethnicity (no offense). Most men in my city are also of that ethnicity (Arab in case you were wondering), so that severely limits my options. At any rate, my friends are too busy with their studies (all PhD students) to go out much, and when they do, it's with those Arab friends of theirs, so I don't really find that an opportunity to meet men in whom I might be interested romantically/sexually.. Try volunteering. I've known people who have met their partners that way. 1
NoMoreJerks Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Try volunteering. I've known people who have met their partners that way. Typically, the people who volunteer in my city are not my "type" of people -- they're usually much too young for me, and / or are hipster style people. I don't want to find someone for the sake of finding someone. I want someone I'm compatible with, in terms of lifestyle, interests, etc.. That's why I've never gone the volunteering route to find a partner. I've volunteered before, but not for that, and I wouldn't volunteer just for that, because I know it's an exercise in futility.
musemaj11 Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 (edited) Any idea on what to say first? I find myself attracted to educated guys: doctors, lawyers etc (not because of money I just like intelligence) ... Right .... Its funny how you claim to seek someone of intelligence yet the first thing that comes to your mind is a 'lawyer' not a 'teacher' or whatever. Edited December 31, 2012 by musemaj11
FlyOverEstates Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Of course it is, why wouldn't it be?
TheZebra Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 Right .... Its funny how you claim to seek someone of intelligence yet the first thing that comes to your mind is a 'lawyer' not a 'teacher' or whatever. Being a lawyer has many real entry barriers in the form of the LSAT just to get into law school, and then the Bar Exam after that, which can have pass rates of as low as 50% in some states. Anyone with a bachelors degree can be a teacher. The exam you have to take for the subject you're teaching is a joke... when my ex took it he studied for a couple of days and passed. In comparison, it took him more than 2 months of non-stop studying to pass the Bar. Therefore, you're more likely to find smart lawyers than smart teachers. There's a higher barrier to entry so you're likely going to weed out the dummies early on.
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