I found out my husband's affair 6months ago!!!

[linda lex]

I have been married to my husband for 21years now and we have 3 boys,aged 21, 18 and 15. I see my marriage as a happy one before the s**t hits the fan and I thought my whole world ended 6months ago. My teenage niece found a pic of my husband and his gf on a facebook, did some digging and his whole affair was blown.

My boys are extremely angry at their father and I moved back to my sister's place for a week at 1 point. My husband was remorseful and begged for forgiveness. I am now in my mod 40's and the thought of starting over again scares me as much as the pain of seeing my beautiful family being torn apart if I do walk. I found out so much lies and betrayals! This isnt my husband only affair during our marraige but this is the 1st affair I know of. All his discretions and many women were revealed to me and my whole entire family as me and my siblings and my nieces and nephews are very very close. I feel so humiliated and I thought I might die from this heartache. I also found out that this current affair of his is not a fling but a 1year long committed relationship. My hisband invested heavily in this woman. I am talking cars,condos,large amount of money deposited monthly into her account, lavish gifts and many more. He took her on holidays,metings,every business trips and even met her parents and immediate familes!

This woman is 31years old,single,very seductive and well educated. She is a very desirable woman indeed. I have seen all her pictures. She knew my husband is married all along but contibue to see my hisband. I know they have not been in touch ever since they were found out but of late, I found out that my husband is trying to reach out to her again. What should I do? I also noticed that my husband misses her. I fought with him becos of this but he accused that I am oversensitive and he is bending backwards trying to fix us. My birthday was last week and he took me to a nearby island for a holiday but I woke uo in the early daawn and I saw my hisband on the ohone texting. I know it is her. When I throw away everything that woman has ever bought him,Prada and stuff, I can see that my husband feels sentimental towards it. She changes the way my husband dresses and his taste in music and food and so many other stuff. He dress so well and listens to music hr has never even know existed before.

It is clear my hisband wont leave me or the boys because I know he sees divorce as a failure on his part but will he cheats again with her? I know he miss her. Just last month I overheardhis frens talkin amongst themselves regarding my husband and the mistress. They remarked that my hisband lost the zest and spark for life when he ended his affair. That really stung. Pls tell me wat to do. Things between us right now are getting better but I cant forgive him whole heart and forget. Their affair isnt just bout sex. It was a relationship which they both shared so many many days together,fun things they did but my husband never did with me before. Ols advice

[KathyM]

You are not dealing with a remorseful man. You are dealing with a serial cheater who is still continuing on with his interest in women outside of your marriage. I know he's feeding you lines to keep his family and his assets intact, but his actions show he is not committed to being a faithful husband. I would suggest you tell him it's obvious marriage is not suited to him, and it's time you let him go so that he can have the single life he seems to want.

[WhatYouWantToHear]

will he cheats again with her?

 

Yes. You have two options. Okay, 4. See if you can spot the sane option (bonus points for being able to follow through on it once identifying it):

 

1. File for divorce, believe him when he says its over with her and cancel the divorce. Then find out he's still seeing her and refile. Wash rinse repeat the process.

 

2. File for divorce and never look back.

 

3. Continue on as you have since you found out. Always worrying, always thinking about leaving, but never actually doing anything.

 

4. Decide that the situation is acceptable and be happy with what he has with you and what he has with her. Essentially, you enter into some kind of open relationship.

 

 

Intelligence is overrated, discipline is where its at. Everyone can see the answer, the truly smart and happy people act on their knowledge. A lot of pain in the short-term is better than constant pain in the long-term.

[veryhappy]

Your pain is showing in your post. I'm sorry you are going through this.

 

Your h won't leave you. He already made it clear he wants to stay married. The only problem is that he wants both worlds, so he'll continue as long as he can. The OW doesn't seem to stop the A and who knows what he's telling her, likely lying he'll be leaving you. Your only chance is to shake him into reality to end the A. Enough with being nice to him. Ask him to move to the guest bedroom or out of the house until he's done with her and ready to be with you. It's a lot to ask for him because he brought back the spark in his life, but he will do it if he fears losing you.

 

You might want to consider meeting with the OW and see what you are dealing with exactly. It can also be that once she meets you, she will get out of the way.

[Furious]

I have been married to my husband for 21years now and we have 3 boys,aged 21, 18 and 15. I see my marriage as a happy one before the s**t hits the fan and I thought my whole world ended 6months ago. My teenage niece found a pic of my husband and his gf on a facebook, did some digging and his whole affair was blown.

My boys are extremely angry at their father and I moved back to my sister's place for a week at 1 point. My husband was remorseful and begged for forgiveness. I am now in my mod 40's and the thought of starting over again scares me as much as the pain of seeing my beautiful family being torn apart if I do walk. I found out so much lies and betrayals! This isnt my husband only affair during our marraige but this is the 1st affair I know of. All his discretions and many women were revealed to me and my whole entire family as me and my siblings and my nieces and nephews are very very close. I feel so humiliated and I thought I might die from this heartache. I also found out that this current affair of his is not a fling but a 1year long committed relationship.

My hisband invested heavily in this woman. I am talking cars,condos,large amount of money deposited monthly into her account, lavish gifts and many more. He took her on holidays,metings,every business trips and even met her parents and immediate familes!

This woman is 31years old,single,very seductive and well educated. She is a very desirable woman indeed. I have seen all her pictures. She knew my husband is married all along but contibue to see my hisband. I know they have not been in touch ever since they were found out but of late, I found out that

my husband is trying to reach out to her again. What should I do? I also noticed that my husband misses her. I fought with him becos of this but he accused that I am oversensitive and he is bending backwards trying to fix us. My birthday was last week and he took me to a nearby island for a holiday but I woke uo in the early daawn and I saw my hisband on the ohone texting. I know it is her. When I throw away everything that woman has ever bought him,Prada and stuff, I can see that my husband feels sentimental towards it. She changes the way my husband dresses and his taste in music and food and

so many other stuff. He dress so well and listens to music hr has never even know existed before.

It is clear my hisband wont leave me or the boys because I know he sees divorce as a failure on his part but will he cheats again with her? I know he miss her. Just last month I overheardhis frens talkin amongst themselves regarding my husband and the mistress. They remarked that my hisband lost the zest and spark for life when he ended his affair. That really stung. Pls tell me wat to do. Things between us right now are getting better but I cant forgive him whole heart and forget. Their affair isnt just bout sex. It was a

relationship which they both shared so many many days together,fun things they did but my husband never did with me before. Ols advice

 

 

 

From what you said your husband is a serial cheater. Basically your husband is a selfish a man who feels entitled to have a wife and family and yet act single when it suits him.

 

Men like him won't change, they basically will do damage control and then resume their cheating when things settle down at home.

 

At this point, you can either live in limbo, never trusting him, or, as painful as it will be, divorce him. There are no short cuts, and either way will be difficult.

[CantgetoveritNY]

OMG. If ever there was a time to say kick him to the curb, now is it!

[Mr. Lucky]

How can this be:

Things between us right now are getting better but I cant forgive him whole heart and forget.

When you say this ???

I know they have not been in touch ever since they were found out but of late, I found out that my husband is trying to reach out to her again.

So he cheated on you in the past, he's cheating on you in the present and he's planning to cheat on you in the future. And that's your definition of "getting better"?

 

linda lex, you are simply enabling him to cheat. Why shouldn't he? He's been doing it for 20+ years without any consequences other than some hurt feelings on your part. I hope you're comfortable with the concept of an open marriage because that's what you're living - multiple partners, STD exposure and all. Time to wake up if you really want to change things...

 

Mr. Lucky

[2sunny]

He's not sorry he cheated - just sorry he got caught = that's the worst kind of cheater!

 

Divorce him ASAP and get as many assets for yourself as you can.

 

Do NOT move from the house!

 

He cheated = he leaves TODAY! Pack one bag and tell him it's on the front lawn - and that it's over.

 

Do not give in to vacations and jewelry - that's just a buy off to help him feel less guilty and to pretend he can get you to stay while still seeing his OW.

 

And don't be so foolish - of course he's still in contact with her.

[whichwayisup]

Linda, tell him to pack his sh.t and get the f out of your house. He's had numerous flings and now a serious affair. He's been living a double life and hasn't shown you any respect, remorse, or given you any reason to trust him again.

 

Talk to a good lawyer and divorce him.

 

It'll hurt and be really hard - But this isn't the man you married 21 years ago. This man now is selfish, cruel, and chose to cheat on you, chose to betray his whole family unit. Consquences...

 

Sorry you're hurting. Rely on your family and good friends to help you through this.

Edited December 30, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[xpaperxcutx]

I would say your husband is only remorseful he got caught and he probably knows how much he is going to lose if you file for divorce and custody.

 

I'm sorry to say this, but you should definitely surround yourself with supportive friends and family members because staying with a serial cheater is only going to emotionally drain you. You need to find yourself a good divorce lawyer, because the things that you can fight for as a betrayed spousal are child support and alimony.

 

I wish I can offer you the advice you want to hear like " get marriage counselling would save your marriage" but that would be lying to you. There are so many red flags, writtin by you, on why you should not stay in this marriage. For one, your husband is emotionally and financially invested in this woman- housing accomendations and financial support- money that otherwise would go into your retirement fund or better yet, go into your kids college funds. Tahe other woman is being treated like a Queen all because of her looks and youths while you have given him the better part of your life to be a supporting wife and bearing his children. A good man who loves and respects his wife wouldn't be caught dead cheating, yet your husband has willingly sought out a woman and willingly open his wallet to do so without consideration of the consequences.

 

You hear it all the time that men are driven by their libidoes and testorones yet, there are men who live by integrity and refuse to cheat. Your husband have proven how selfish he is, simply by cheating, and it's bigger betrayal that he has been doing it for so many years. Moreover, by the looks of things, he's not willing to stop even though he has been caught.

 

As a woman, you owe it to yourself, first, to stop lying to yourself things are going to get better; second, you need to be strong for your kids. By staying with him, you are simply telling your kids that it's okay daddy cheated and that it's okay to turn a blind eyed to it. I think you love your kids more than anything in the world but staying in a cheating home for the sake of the kids doesn't necessarily mean it's healthy. Be a good mother, but at the same time, know that you do deserve better than all this.

Edited December 29, 2012 by xpaperxcutx

[linda lex]

I feel like more info needs to be given. I have met the OW months ago when ti found out about the affair. From that meeting, I kbow

1) she didint believe in marriage or wan kids of her own

2)she has never wanted my husband to divorce me nor has my husband made her any promise to leave us and marry her.

I asked her to leave my famiky alone and she apologized for causing me so much pain & embarassment but told me not to stay in touch with her becos she doesnt owe me any explplaination; 'I am not the one who is married and cheating' were her parting words.

 

My niece and nephews and my siblings added her on facebook and she was doing a lot of travelling so I know my husband has not seen her in person ever since the break up.

I dont know why there are some nasty replies here when this is the 1st time I am writing here, hoping for some advices and understanding. Not some tough love.

 

What if I say divorce is not an option? I was ignorant all these years. In those many years, me and my husband were happy. I feel happy and contented and we have no issues at all. The sex was still great, and as a family, we are functional and united. Will we ever go back to that again? I sure hope so but, I dont think I am able to trust him again. These 6months, I followed my husband EVERYWHERE and I was in total control of his money but he does a better jofb than me. My husband is a very successful in properties and hedge funds. He has offshore accounts everywhere(something I found out these months)

I feel like I have not known this man I married bcos he kept so many secrets from me all these years. I love the person he has been potraying to me in the last 21years a lot. I wish i have never found out bout wat i found out.

 

You alk should also know that my husband has never lived with me and the boys for long periods all these years because of his business. He come home for a week in a month or once every 2months. It has been like that for the past 10years and never ONCE he gave me any reason to doubt him. Until 6months ago that is. I realised how foolish I was but my boys adore him- he is always generous with them. They were as shocked as I was about my huband's affair. Now, they are staying at home with my mother living in the house with them as I travel the globe with my wayward husband. I miss my boys and home but i cant leave my husband alone to go on trips with his friends or partners.

 

My husband is doing his best trying to restore faith and trust but i know it will take a long while. I know he is only sorry bcos he got caught but he has been a model husband and great father all these 21years. I just want things back to the way it was. I hate all these dinners and parties he is forever attending for his work. But i know i have to go with him or some other woman will attend with him. There are days I feel i love him for what he potrayed to me and the boys rather than who he really is. I feel sick when i know he has shared so many fun things in common with his mistress. We both do our roles very well. I take care of the house and boys and as a family, we are perfect.

 

Pls no more disbeliefs or put downs. If u find my situation bizzare, u really have no idea! I am fulfilled as a mother and as his wife. Until i found out so much. I did talk to my husband about his affair and he was quick to put the blame on his mistress. He claimed she threatened him with suicide if he leaves her (he has no idea i actually met the OW) and i know thst is bollocks. I am suicidal. The OW will never hang on to my husband or any other man. I met her and as much as i despice her, she was not all to blame. I have to add that she offered to give me all the gifts my husband gave her bcos she claimed she isnt after my husband's wealth. In fact, she wanted nothing except for all of us to leave her alone (my 5siblings called her frequently when the affair was found out)

That is why I said she seems smart and intelligent. I was obssesed with her and i still am. She changed my husband after all and i want to stop but i cant. My husband went for her and it is not hard to see why. My sister gave me a lot of info on her and she was surprised to learn that she even volunteered at the local animal shelter since her teens! I compare myself wjith her a lot and my husband is quite annoyed but i cant help it sometimes. There are so much emotions run thru me and i am exhausted.

 

I cant pack up and leave or ask my husband to leave. I am 45 while my husband is 46 and he has been the provider all along. I cant start over at 45. I want to start over with my husband. Is it still possible? If he has been that unhappy, he would have left us a long time ago right? I have no more tears to shed or angry outbursts to show. I pray to find peace within my marriage. I noticed that my husband seems a bit distracted or withdrawan of late. He used to be the lufe and soul of party but, ever since he was found out, he seems much introverted. I never noticed it before but i do now. He takes me everywhere he goes and behaves like a perfect attentive husband but i cant put my finger on it; seems he is on automode. I hate to admit this but i realused that my husband was the happuest last year. I didint kbow it tgen but now i know his affair was the cause of his spark in the eye. I thought it was bcos of his two companies made huge profits but really, it was just his mistress. It hurt so bad. This woman is the reason behind his spark and glint in his eye? The spring in his step? Can our marriage be saved at this point? I want to and i know my husband wanted to and my boys want us to be together as a unit. But our marriage has never been based on lust or passion or interests. I never made him worry bcos i made sure everything in the household and the boys are ok. He is my husband the the boys father. We go to family gatherings and celebrate holudays as 1unit. We are a united functioning unit. still

[woinlove]

It seems to me that you don't value yourself enough. You deserve all you share with your children as well as a husband who is honesty and loyal and treats you with respect. I would not settle for less. I doubt your H will change after living a double life for so long and with so little respect for you. You are putting up with so much less than you deserve and your sons will see this. Love and value yourself. See a counsellor if you feel stuck by fear and uncertainty.

[CantgetoveritNY]

If you want to put up with him having a mistress but having you as his wife, having you as his public companion but her as his secret pleasure, that is your decision. I would think that would be pretty hard to do but it is up to you.

 

However, you should not deny yourself the knowledge of what the law entitles you to. You don't have to even be considering divorce to talk to a divorce lawyer. You need to hear what an attorney says you have as options before you decide what to do. Some of the options you have don't involve a divorce but until you talk to an attorney you don't know what they are. Just knowing that you have options will make you feel better. Even if you decide you don't want to avail yourself of those options.

[linda lex]

I have been a good mother and wife for so long. I received little education and my only work experience was a clerk,23 years ago. I stopped working shortly after meeting my husband.

I enjoy spending time with my boys and I meet up with other friends once a week for spa and coffee. I dont think I want to leave my husband. I have more to lose than gain if I leave. I can rough it out but that is beside the point. What about the boys? Where are they going to live? With their daddy or with me in this current house. How am i to divide their time between me and my H then? Do i cut off all ties with my in laws? They visit us every weekend and we get along well. The divorce is going to be real messy. I am chinese and in our culture, divorce is a major setback and failure. We dont throw in the towel unless anyone gets abusive in a marriage. It is not a common practise.

His affair has already brought on so much pain and embarassment. But his parents and siblings have no idea. I know it will break my in laws heart if they knew the truth. Their perfect model son is a cheater?

I know what I want. To be in this marriage with my husband. What i dont want is another affair-which i doubt he will commit but I am not so sure with the mistress I met 6mths ago. She is a real threat. All my siblings agreed and will watch out for her and her alone. I doubt she will want my husband back but, my sons adviced me not to leave the marriage. They need us as 1 united unit like all those years. So my husband doesnt stay with us during the past 10years but he has never missed one birthdays,new year,xmas or family gatherings. Any family gatherings and me and him will be there as a unit. How can I change that now?

I am uncertain if i will be truly happy if i stay on but i am certain of me being miserable if i leave. I checked all his texts phones and sometines, it is exhausting. This has never happened before. I never snooped in all the years we were together. Can u imagine the level of trust i had in him? Can he restored that? I know he wants to. How can I make him totally forget about her and the whole episode? He has never mentioned bout her but, i suspected he still thinks of her. How can he not? The books he reads, movies he watches,music he listens to, places he likes to shop, right down to the stupid Lamer face cream he put on was a direct influence from her!

[CantgetoveritNY]

 

I dont think I want to leave my husband. I have more to lose than gain if I leave. I can rough it out but that is beside the point. What about the boys? Where are they going to live? With their daddy or with me in this current house. How am i to divide their time between me and my H then? Do i cut off all ties with my in laws? They visit us every weekend and we get along well. The divorce is going to be real messy. I am chinese and in our culture, divorce is a major setback and failure. We dont throw in the towel unless anyone gets abusive in a marriage. It is not a common practise.

 

 

I understand. You can't get divorced. Still, SEE A LAWYER. You need to know what he will tell you. Knowledge is never bad. You can decide what to do with the knowledge you get. Don't deny yourself knowledge. Did you regret going to school even though you never worked? Knowledge is good. Get some knowledge about your situation. Please.

[linda lex]

Cantgetlover, I will seek legal help just in case. Thanks for your valuable input.

There are days I wished for things to stay the same, minus the affair of cos. On some days I feel angry. Some other days I feel plain sad. Some days like now I feel lie such an outsider watching my life like I have no control over it.

[woinlove]

Try not to be so obsessed about the OW. It really doesn't matter if she is a serial OW or whatever. You have 3 sons and your future to consider, so try to focus on that. You said your H was trying to re-establish contact with her. You cannot control your H. He will do what he wants and it is extremely difficult for a serial cheater to change. Few manage it after years of cheating.

 

Follow the advice here, demand more respect for yourself as this is not only good for you, but for your sons too. See a lawyer. You and your sons would probably be fine financially if you divorce and the lawyer can reassure you. Also see a counsellor if you are afraid of the future without your H. Maybe you are still in shock, but you are not placing enough value on yourself. A counsellor could help you see that, if you don't believe the people posting here.

[ComingInHot]

I have to say it... Your husband sounds like he's loaded. Maybe check into if your state will enable you to get HALF the marital assets in a divorce due to infidelity (with proof). Then you wouldn't half to start over*

Just a thought. Still kind of crappy I know, but just sayin'...

[Oberfeldwebel]

I am sorry that you have to go through this experience, but I think you need to take a deep breath and look at this logically. Firstly you don't seem to understand the value that you have to your family including your husband. The fact that he has a desire to keep the family unit together counts for something. Don't ever compare yourself to this woman 15 years your junior. She may be attractive and love animals, but you have raised 3 young men and kept the family unit together almost single-handedly. That is a quite an accomplishment in and of itself.

 

You state that you want things to be as they were before you knew of the affair. The problem is they cannot, once a bell has been rung it can't be unrung. Also, what you perceived as reality was never the truth. Your husband has been working and traveling for most of your marriage and has been a free spirit. I would bet this isn't the first affair, only the most recent and more importantly the one that you had to deal with personally.

 

You have also stated that you have no intention of leaving, nor making him leave, though he doesn't appear to be there much anyway. I don't intend to talk you out of that, it is your decision to make. However, I do think that for your own sanity and to recover a measure of acceptability to your marriage, that you need to move forward together with a more honest relationship. He needs to be honest with you, reveal passwords to phones, computers, etc to see who he is speaking to and when. Next you need to tell his family what he has done, this will be painful to them at first, but if they are people of integrity, they will actually be an ally in the recovery.

 

Lastly you need to start investing time in you. Exercise is good to help relieve stress and will make you a healthier person. Spend time on hobbies, volunteer work, do something you have always wanted to do. Your boys are at an age they are doing things for themselves, you need to do somethings just for you. You can't MAKE your husband be faithful, so concentrate on being a better you and then it really doesn't matter if he stays or goes. You will be surprised that there are others that would find what you have to offer quite interesting, if things don't work out for your marriage.

[linda lex]

I appreaciate to all of you here who took time to share valuable advices. Thank you.

Sometines it is nice to hear from people who arent my immediate families becos you all give unbiased opinions.

 

My husband is doing very well and becos of him, me and the boys enjoy a very good lifestyle. We have more than enough and my husband has always been very generous to us. It stung when I found out his mistress spend so much of his money. I checked his credit cards (he had the banks send the statements to his other company'address) and I saw heavy regular purchases at Tiffany&co, Cartier and so much more. It pain me so much to write this. Here i was saving every penny while there she was spending like there is no tomorrow and the worst is my H is happy spending on her! God damn.

I know for a fact that I can get more than his assets and money in the event of divorce. Women here get a lot of advantadge here in my country. N i know my H will give it up without ugly lawsuits in court. That wont cripple him. He made his fortune on his oen and he will make his fortune again. Losing us and the respect of his sons will get to him. My H is iliterate. He was raised in extreme poverty so he received very little education. He does not speak much Eng or understand Eng. He is extremely astute so I respect him for achieveibg so much despite having so little.

 

When I first met him, he was a struggling odd job worker. Life was hard but things changed after he married me when I got pregnant. He now has a huge diversify portfolio of business and he made his first bucket of gold in illegitimate but lucrative deals. All these years, there were no major setbacks in our marriage or our lives. We had 3sons who are nice strapping lads with 2 of them in college now. My boys are very close to me but when it comes to spending n buying games and cars, they like their dad a whole lot more. I am much stricter when money is invovled. My siblings are advicing me to get back from OW wats meant to be mine and the boys. But, that doesnt seem right sonehow. Legally those are hers unless she gave it up like she said she would. Should I proceed but my eldest son isnt interested in those. It is a substantial amount. In 13months, my H spend close to Sgd600,000 in credit cards sales for her. The condos and car are worth close to Sgd2million even though it is still on loan which I assume she is paying for the instalment on her own and not by my H!

 

I agree with you all for telling me to get a good lawyer to protect myself. I should also add that my H has set up my personal account for me so many years ago as well as my 3 boys. He has made sure we are all well taken care of. In the event of divorce or his death, money is not a huge issue.

 

I feel like it is only now we have started to really live together. This is the way it should have been. I wished I have protested and refuse to let him have so much freedom. A man living alone like a single; what was I thinking?! Perhaps, the fact that he was very present in times of family gatherings and such made me never to suspect much. How was I to know he has so many cars and bank accounts I never knew existed! I guess the fact that he never has anycalls from his mistress whenever he is home with us made me to not doubt anything. Looking back, I see how blind I was. So many tell tale signs. He has a new set of stylish clothes,he started using face fream and his love for boks and animals developed overnight. I am a fool. My H is a simple man but as it turned out, I was the simple one.

 

Lately, things between us have gotten better. I followed him everywhere he is so no more rude shocks or skeletons in the closet in the future from him. In the past, I have not even meet any of his goodtime friends whom he have lotsa boys nite out with. These days, he brings me but it seem a bit awkward at times as I know all of them cant truly have fun. In fact my H rarely go out partying unless it is for work. I did a bit of reading and I know that most men miss their mistress. Can it be the same for my H? Just bcos he is existing on autopilot at times, which he hides very well, doesnt mean he will rather be with her right?

 

I have to say I put in more effort in the way I look now. I try to dress better and I am naturally skinny so buying clothes are easy. I wear my hair differently too but I have to admit it boost my self esteem but I enjoy staying at home cooking and watching tv to puttin so much effort in dressing up. My H told me to buy stuff that I like and not clothes 15years my junior and I yelled at him. That is what he likes isnt it? So these days, he kept mostly to himself but still as attentive and our sex is a bit awkward but he has no complain. I dont want to twist his arm into having sex with me but it is always me who initiated it and i wonder if he dare reject me cos that will spark off another fight and OW will be brought up. I made him tell me bout their sex lives and felt really sick afterwards even now if i think bout it. My H confessed that they have never pratised safe sex but he did wear a condom when he was with other women. We have both went for tests and we are all Ok. Thankfully no stds or complications. It made me furious to think that he has been cheating on me and crush me further to know that only with her he didint feel the need for a condom. What does that tell me?!

 

I am sorry folks. I am crying again. I want to keave but I cant. I love this family and this life we have built together too much to leave.

[whichwayisup]

My niece and nephews and my siblings added her on facebook

??? Why on earth would your nieces and nephews add the OW on their facebook? That's quite insane.

[whichwayisup]

I am sorry folks. I am crying again. I want to keave but I cant. I love this family and this life we have built together too much to leave.

 

This is sad..So you would rather stay married and know your H is continually cheating on you with the Ow or other women? I guess you should ask him for an open marriage too.

 

Eventually your kids are going to resent both of you for staying married. You both are teaching them how to be in a relationship and what the norm is.

 

Your husband is the one who messed up, not you and so far he's not done much to prove himself to you, worthy of a chance to fix things. not saying divorce now, but he needs to "live life" without you in it so HE can suffer consquences! Otherwise this will go on and on and on.. He likes cheating and has gotten used to having other women meet his needs.

[linda lex]

Like I said, they were all curious bout this woman. N she has no idea they are related to me. Me and all my siblings and their offsprings are very close. As you all can see, we are very close knit and place family and marriage above everything else. There is jisy no walking away. U fix it and keep fixing it.

 

I know it is unhealthy but it is best to know where she is. Her friends check her in places and tagged her so we all know she is keeping her distance away. Besides, thats the way I found out so much bout her. Her photos may not have my husband but it coincides with every locations my husband been to. Thats how I knew he brought her everywhere

[linda lex]

No. As long as he brings me everywhere, he wont have the chance to cheat. I am not Ok with groovy open marriage. I will make sure i dont once turn my back on hom. He will forever be on a very short leash. He cheated so he should do everything I want him to in order for me to feel secure.

Now I have two teams. You all here on Team Divorce. My boys and imediate family members on Team Reunite. As I said earlier, this isnt his 1st affair but this is the 1st of many I found out. Should he seek help? His motivation for cheating isnt sex. I found out all escalated onto relationships! What does it mean by 'he sees me as a wife and mother to hos kids'?

He sees his OW as lover and best fren, my sister told me this. I refuse to to believe tbis. If that is the case, he would have gone with her. A marriage dont merely exist on its own. As long as i make sure he doesnt cheat again things will be well again.

 

I wanted to divorce him 6mths ago. But, my boys begged with him to gave him another chance. My angelic boys pleading me to stay. How can any mother leave?

[ComingInHot]

Linda;

Let me guess. You two are NOT in therapy. He "knows" what he did was wrong and states it isn't about him needing therapy but to just not repeat the behavior. At first he was all about being attentive. Then he realized it was "taking too long" in his eyes for you to "get over it". Without informing you of his feelings, he started acting withdrawn, complacent, lacking joy in you & his family. Soon you will question his lack of enthusiasm which he will either discreetly or obviously turn around on it being your fault that you can't "let it go ". Meanwhile you will grow weary of being his shadow and decide he has been "punished" enough by your constant presence by therefore saying he can start travelling on his own again. You live once again in your picture perfect world while he's bach'n it while on the road again. UNTIL you get the next load of information outing the next OW intruding on your marriage, invited by Your husband and who is more than happy to SPEND Your money and your childrens' inheritence. I guess, if that's what u want...

 

Normally ( if there is a normal) MC is mandatory as well as full Transparency meaning you know about ALL accounts both media AND financial and hold ALL passwords to such as well as phone and account numbers.

 

God in heaven woman, at LEAST go on a spender bender!! Make it UNAFFORDABLE FOR HIM TO CHEAT! YOU get the gems and gave it all insured...