Keenly Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 There is this chick that I work with, and she is pretty into me. However I'm not really into her, its just how it ended up. Recently I found out that when I first started working here , she had a very, very extreme dislike for me. I mean, she reeeeeallly hated me. Now she really likes me. My question is is this normal? Ladies , do you usually form bad opinions about the men you later become interested in ? Or is this a fluke.
Divasu Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 My first serious relationship, neither of us liked the other. We ended up dating for 3+ years.
TheZebra Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 That's how most romance novels start But to answer your question, I wouldn't call it 'normal' per se in the sense that if you meet a girl and she hates you then you can expect her to fall all over you in 2 weeks. Sometimes people give off a bad first impression to us and we initially dislike them. Then after gaining more knowledge, we either immediately lump everything they do into the bad stereotype we built for them, or we use this new information to change our minds about someone. This isn't just women - it's humans in general. So, for some reason she thought you were a jerk at first. Then after spending some time with you she found out you weren't. That's it. 1
KungFuJoe Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Not normal...I would say it's more on the abnormal side.
newmoon Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 (edited) not normal - it's a romantic fantasy that creates tension in books and movies - two people hate each other and fall in love... mainly fiction. although you will always have exceptions, so some people will completely reverse their first opinion. generally, once an opinion about someone is formed it's hard to reverse it, especially when it comes to romance. women assess a guy really fast as a potential partner and if she disliked you that much, i'd say she could be a friend now, but not a potential partner. the things she probably disliked about you are still there, she can just handle them now after knowing you a while is all. Edited December 28, 2012 by newmoon
todreaminblue Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 There is this chick that I work with, and she is pretty into me. However I'm not really into her, its just how it ended up. Recently I found out that when I first started working here , she had a very, very extreme dislike for me. I mean, she reeeeeallly hated me. Now she really likes me. My question is is this normal? Ladies , do you usually form bad opinions about the men you later become interested in ? Or is this a fluke. when i first met my ex, i wasnt in any way attracted to him, i dont really hate anyone,i get hurt by people and i cant say i hate them i can have zero respect, my ex couldnt handle people with differences in particular people with disabilities, he was a bouncer huge and imposing I used to give him crap about steroid abuse,mainly because i didnt want him to know he scared the crap out of me....i later found out, one he didnt use steroids, two he had a problem with disabilities since working at a home where there was this boy who was kept in a chicken coop fro most of his life, and used to act like a chicken, a very agressive chicken who had more strength than two men......you guys think i am whack and i have really different stories to tell, but i swear to you they are all true...i became his friend....and later went on to have a fifteen year relationship with him.....i cant say i hated him at the beginnign i can say that i was wary, unsure and didnt like some of his comments directed towards others.... I am often stand offish when i do like someone that is a protection thing i am worried i wills ay soemthing stupid......andi normallydo ...you know the huh response syndrome..like what are you talking about ...i get that often...i normally stay pretty quiet.....or overcompensate by being goofy if i feel exposed and then hide out for a week....kidding...i actually do think its normal for girls to appear like they "hate" You but deep down the res something ticking......with a healthy add of fear i think and not understanding why they feel that way....so they cover it with the appearance of "hate"......................deb
JuneJulySeptember Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 There is this chick that I work with, and she is pretty into me. However I'm not really into her, its just how it ended up. Recently I found out that when I first started working here , she had a very, very extreme dislike for me. I mean, she reeeeeallly hated me. Now she really likes me. My question is is this normal? Ladies , do you usually form bad opinions about the men you later become interested in ? Or is this a fluke. Almost everybody has a soft side. Don't take this the wrong way, but sounds like you're a good looking arrogant guy. She was probably put off by this, but always thought you were cute, and once she saw your soft side, changed her mind. There's almost no flip-flopping without physical attraction.
Author Keenly Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 Almost everybody has a soft side. Don't take this the wrong way, but sounds like you're a good looking arrogant guy. She was probably put off by this, but always thought you were cute, and once she saw your soft side, changed her mind. There's almost no flip-flopping without physical attraction. I wouldn't disagree that I'm a little arrogant, yet not in an " in your face " kind of way.
red shoes Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 You sound quite young. How old are you? And how do you know she's into you?
Author Keenly Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 You sound quite young. How old are you? And how do you know she's into you? I am 23, and how do I know? I don't know, maybe because she keeps asking me out. The way she looks at me, the smiley faces in every text I have ever gotten from her, the two mutual friends at work that we have constantly telling me how much she likes me, the shade of red her face turns whenever I pay any kind of attention to her. Is that enough evidence? Or maybe it was because when I went to her house to play some Gauntlet a while ago she straight up paused the game, turned to me and said "So can I kiss you now?" Yeah, needless to say there is no chemistry on my end. The point being, no I didn't make this thread to try and gloat, I was actually genuinely curious if negative feelings usually come before positive ones. It would seem from the evidence in this thread that its not very common.
mortensorchid Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Without sounding trite, that is how a lot of romantic novels (trashy and non trashy) start out - think of Darcy and Elizabeth. Why? Love and hate tend to be closer in our minds that we think it is. Otherwise why would others stalk others or fight so passionately? That only happened to me once : second to last serious bf. I was at this party (at Disney World in FL no less), we had just watched a presentation, then I decided to introduce myself to those sitting behind me. I turned around and introduced myself to the two women sitting behind me, I did not see him until I had turned around to say hello to them. He said something back to me that was smart ass (not that I remember it now). I was thinking to myself "That mas is so rude!", and he thought I was a pushy bitch. We dated for two years after that. Ha ha ha ...
TheZebra Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 I am 23, and how do I know? I don't know, maybe because she keeps asking me out. The way she looks at me, the smiley faces in every text I have ever gotten from her, the two mutual friends at work that we have constantly telling me how much she likes me, the shade of red her face turns whenever I pay any kind of attention to her. Is that enough evidence? Or maybe it was because when I went to her house to play some Gauntlet a while ago she straight up paused the game, turned to me and said "So can I kiss you now?" Did you go to her house after knowing she was interested? For her sake, if you don't feel any chemistry, don't feed her imagination. Remember that people (both men and women) when interested in someone think every little thing the other person does is a sign of interest. Make sure she knows how you feel.
somedude81 Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Ever watch anime? Tsundere Tsundere is a Japanese character development process that describes a person who is initially cold and even hostile towards another person before gradually showing his or her warm side over time. The word is derived from the terms tsun tsun (ツンツン?), meaning to turn away in disgust, and dere dere (デレデレ?) meaning to become 'lovey dovey'. The basic premise is, girl hates guy and is mean to him. Something usually happens and she ends up falling for him.
Mme. Chaucer Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 I've never felt an intense dislike for a man and later become interested. If I feel intense dislike, it stems from a place that's real, for me. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 I initially disliked some LS posters that I now like. Does that count?
Redbirdinabrightsky Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 I don't have a lot to add to this conversation, but the topic is interesting. The whole "strong dislike" upon an initial meeting thing can be a barrier to budding interest, but I see it like this, you win by being yourself. If somebody does not like that, oh well, the flipside of this dislike is that if you are strongly disliked by a potential date/mate, then you are on their mind. If you are liked, then the alternate side of the coin also works in your favor... Psychology says that our first impressions are formed within 4 minutes or less of our meeting a stranger. I believe it, most opinions about the people we meet in our daily hum-drum lives are formed more quickly than many of us would like, but that is ok. After surviving and learning to enjoy a lot of Communications/Speech courses in college I learned that a much of the the whole 'first-impressions' game is just that, a game with a lot basic fundamentals that all of us can learn to leverage in our favor. So, I find that most people do not have a strong dislike for me upon an initial meeting. I've met quite a few women actually who did not like me upon an initial meeting, and that worked in my favor. I was just myself, stayed cordial, and let the chips fall wherever. The more there is a dislike, the more you have a chance to surprise them. It is all in how you play the game.
Author Keenly Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 Did you go to her house after knowing she was interested? For her sake, if you don't feel any chemistry, don't feed her imagination. Remember that people (both men and women) when interested in someone think every little thing the other person does is a sign of interest. Make sure she knows how you feel. All I knew when I went over there is we were going to play some guantlet. And I love me some gauntlet.
TaraMaiden Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Yeah, needless to say there is no chemistry on my end. ..... Does she know this? Have you explained it to her? or are you secretly cultivating this because the attention flatters you? It would be fairer to let her know... but then, that would mean her attention would wane....
MoreThanThat Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 The first man I was in love with and serious with, we spent the first 2 years of knowing each other hating each other. We didn't stay together due to circumstances outside of our control but it was a damn fantastic 2 years we had together. So yes, it does happen.
Author Keenly Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 Does she know this? Have you explained it to her? or are you secretly cultivating this because the attention flatters you? It would be fairer to let her know... but then, that would mean her attention would wane.... Of course I told her, I told her the day after the "can I kiss you" incident happened. Just because I have told her that I'm not interested doesn't make her feelings just magically disappear. Don't think TOO much into this now, I don't text her unless I am responding to a text that she sends that requires a response (a question). Even though we work within 20 or so feet of each other, I only say at most 10 sentences to her a day. I'm not leading her on, milking attention etc.
TaraMaiden Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Ok, fair enough. Just a question.... understandable in the circumstances. Hope she doesn't get 'stalker-ish' - !
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