LazyPomato Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 About 5 years ago, I dated a guy for several months and fell head over heels for him. Everything was perfect and everything between us clicked. We loved the same things and were so much alike. I fell for him hard and fast and never experienced anything like it before. He was crazy about me. I was crazy about him. One day, out of nowhere, he expressed to me that I was very sweet, but that it wouldn't work between us. He said that we were too much alike and he couldn't date someone exactly like himself. I became shell-shocked when he rejected me. It didn't make any sense. It came out of nowhere and I never understood it fully. I thought this guy was my soulmate and I had never thrown that term out before. After this happened, I talked to him rarely from time to time, but it was always neutral conversations. I guess you could call him the guy I never fully got over..the one that got away. A couple years ago, we had a conversation where I told him that hes always been the guy in the back of my mind. He said "wow", but didn't express anything back. This was the only time I had expressed feelings for him after he rejected me. The last time I talked to this guy was about a year ago. I started my career and moved into my own place. He moved across the country and started a life there. A couple days ago, he contacted me and I was shocked. He was curious about my life now and where I was living since my new job is coincidentally where his family is from. He is now home for the holidays and expressed extreme interest in seeing me before the new year. He even said he is going to really try to see me before he leaves to go to the other side of the country. For years I wished and dreamed that he would change his mind and want to be with me. I guess I don't know what to make out it. He disappears from my life 5 years ago and is attempting to reconnect with me now? Why? Why do men disappear and come back years later? Is he just a guy wanting to play more head games with me? I never gave myself to him when I dated him, so I doubt he thinks a one night stand would be successful. What would you make of the situation? I'm interested in other people's thoughts on this! Thanks. -K 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pinkie Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 To me, it sounds like he just wants to know how you are and possibly maintain a friendship after all this time. You had/have deeper feelings for him than he did/does for you. He said you were sweet, but that it wouldn't work. Perhaps at the time that's what he felt. Who knows what the future holds? Are you angry with him for the way things turned out? Maybe he thinks of you as the one that got away too... Maybe he's matured. I would suggest you just go with it and see what happens, but I think you still might really be hung up on this guy... No? Link to post Share on other sites
TouchedByViolet Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Well I don't think it's gender specific, but some people just like to keep other people they are not crazy about on the back burner. I STRONGLY recommend not waiting for this person to suddenly change their mind about you. Don't cause yourself unnecessary heart ache in the future. Keep meeting new men until someone new makes you feel wonderful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
pinkie Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 TBV... your tagline says it all... Ha! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Divasu Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Why do men disappear and come back years later? I'm not a guy, so I can't answer the above question. I've also never had a guy 'disappear' and then reappear (those that 'disappeared', never resurfaced). Ex-boyfriends have reappeared, some examples of the reasons given to me: 'I made a mistake' 'I miss you' Things of that nature. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LazyPomato Posted December 29, 2012 Author Share Posted December 29, 2012 To me, it sounds like he just wants to know how you are and possibly maintain a friendship after all this time. You had/have deeper feelings for him than he did/does for you. He said you were sweet, but that it wouldn't work. Perhaps at the time that's what he felt. Who knows what the future holds? Are you angry with him for the way things turned out? Maybe he thinks of you as the one that got away too... Maybe he's matured. I would suggest you just go with it and see what happens, but I think you still might really be hung up on this guy... No? I guess a bitterness resonates when one gets duped into thinking the other person is crazy about them and then he/she calls it off with a bizarre explanation and disappears. I don't think I'm really angry though. I could probably just be friends with him, since I got so fooled the first time. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted December 29, 2012 Share Posted December 29, 2012 He is saying what another posted said on this thread. He is either saying "I made a mistake" or "I miss you" by contacting you again. Whichever the case may be, he wants back in. Honestly? I would not let him back in. He treated you badly once, he will do it again because he sounds incapable of learning a lesson. I have found there are very few people out there who truly have a repentant attitude, that is, they acknowledge their mistakes and make a true effort to change. Instead they blame others for it. Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Fondue Posted December 29, 2012 Share Posted December 29, 2012 Ugh, I hate to be "that guy," but here is the honest truth: If a man tries to reconnect with you and coincidentally tells you he will be "around," hinting at possibly seeing you, he is gauging your possible re-interest. His purpose for all this is for a quick shag before he goes across the country again. He's trying to secure some booty "back home." Trust me. You will bang him, he will say he had a brilliant experience, maybe do it once more before he flies off, and then once he lands, he'll send you a message 2 weeks later saying he realizes that the distance is "just too much" and that it "it wouldn't work." Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted December 29, 2012 Share Posted December 29, 2012 ^ agreed... He's looking for a shag, unfortunately. Do not give him the courtesy of meeting up with him.. my 2 cents. Link to post Share on other sites
GLDheart Posted December 29, 2012 Share Posted December 29, 2012 Yep. I read it that way too. You TOTALLY left the door open for him to exploit you when you told him he was "that one in the back of your mind".... When a girl I've known for years has a thing for me, I KNOW IT. It would be so easy to "suddenly realize what I've wanted all along..." and use them. BUT H*LL NO. That to me is BEYOND WRONG... bleck my Karma would be forever tainted to do that to a girl that cares about me. I really don't care how "dry" of a spell I might be in... that is un-excusable! Link to post Share on other sites
Author LazyPomato Posted December 29, 2012 Author Share Posted December 29, 2012 He is saying what another posted said on this thread. He is either saying "I made a mistake" or "I miss you" by contacting you again. Whichever the case may be, he wants back in. Honestly? I would not let him back in. He treated you badly once, he will do it again because he sounds incapable of learning a lesson. I have found there are very few people out there who truly have a repentant attitude, that is, they acknowledge their mistakes and make a true effort to change. Instead they blame others for it. Move on. Yeah, I'm not going to hang out with him before he leaves to go back. I would feel way too desperate if I did. I'm not giving in to him the first time he contacts me...even if he is literally 5 minutes down the road Ugh, I hate to be "that guy," but here is the honest truth: If a man tries to reconnect with you and coincidentally tells you he will be "around," hinting at possibly seeing you, he is gauging your possible re-interest. His purpose for all this is for a quick shag before he goes across the country again. He's trying to secure some booty "back home." Trust me. You will bang him, he will say he had a brilliant experience, maybe do it once more before he flies off, and then once he lands, he'll send you a message 2 weeks later saying he realizes that the distance is "just too much" and that it "it wouldn't work." Why does he think he would be able to shag me if I didn't do the deed with him when we were actually dating?! Yep. I read it that way too. You TOTALLY left the door open for him to exploit you when you told him he was "that one in the back of your mind".... I really regret telling him this a couple years ago. I blame being over-served via gin and tonics. Link to post Share on other sites
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