Should i stay or should i go?

[aliceb1987]

Hi all,

 

In a bit of a relationship predicament (nothing new there)

Basically the story started in october...met a guy through plenty of fish dating site.We chatted lots,got on well and few weeks later met up.It went well and there was definitely something there,i didnt feel numb and bored and wanting to go home asap like i had on other dates...but at the same time i certainly wasnt instantly into him.I was at that point still unsure what i wanted (had come out of 2 year relationship in august) sometimes i felt i enjoyed the single life,but underneath craved a loving relationship.

 

Over the next few weeks we chatted and met up intermittently...i was keeping my options open at this point and still seeing other people abit as was still not sure about him.One evening on the phone he asked me what was happening between us...i wanted to try and be honest and not lead him on so told him i thought it would be best just to be friends for now.He was kinda gutted,but took it well and wanted to remain close friends.But the minute i had said it i started regretting it.

 

The next few times we met up each time i felt like i was starting to like him as more than a friend.I gave it a couple of weeks to be sure and then told him how i felt when i thought the time was right.That kinda sealed the deal and a week or so later we confirmed to each other we were together (he instigated this) and since then i have really started to fall for him.

 

Now i am trying to work out what has happened...its been a couple of weeks since we got together and things slowly seem to be getting more difficult,He is on medication for depression which he started just before we got together and is very up and down,for example sometimes he shows affection,sometimes he doesn't...sometimes he contacts me alot,other times not at all.He has admitted to me he is scared of talking about anything in the future as regards us and wants to take things a day at a time...he seems very scared of commitment.All the issues that are cropping up were not things i was really aware of when we were friends/seeing each other.

 

I spent the past two years with a depressed ex boyfriend who would never admit he had a problem and just self-medicated weed (which of course made things worse) and took everything out on me even though all i did was try to help. His moods were alot more intense but i am still scared that i am getting into a similar situation again and will end up giving my all to get it thrown back in my face again if his condition causes too many issues between us.I really want to be supportive but dont want to have to sacrafice my own needs and happiness again.

 

I would feel pretty gutted if we broke up as i have already become very involved in his life and we have a very soulful connection...know each other inside out.We have shared an intimate relationship so cannot imagine just being friends.I don't know if i should try that though rather than not have him in my life at all,or try stay it out abit longer giving him some space and allowing him to control the pace of things so i dont feel like i am being to intense too soon

 

Thoughts appreciated...many thanks,Alice x

[LazyPomato]

Well Alice, he probably has his guard up because you friend-zoned him when you started dating. He is probably afraid to get close to you. Imagine if the roles were reversed. Would you easily be able to accept the guy back in a romantic way and let your guard down? It sounds as if you were kind of playing with his head and he is distancing himself a bit because of it..

[aliceb1987]

Thanks for your reply...i made the decision to end things tonight.To be honest there had been countless alarm bells ringing in terms of whether i could trust him,his attitude,goals in life and our sexual compatibility just to name afew and my best friend encouraged me to make the decision to get out now before its too late.

It is a great shame in some ways because we did get on well, but he didnt seem too bothered and deleted me off facebook straight after so maybe i was saving him the trouble of making the move himself.

Admittedly you are probably right that i didnt help matters by messing him about somewhat at the start,but i guess he has repaid me good and proper now by instigating a relationship, allowing me to fall for him then wanting out afew weeks later....thats karma alright!