scraptvalentine Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Been going through a terrible couple of months from this break up. Me and her dated for almost 3.5 years. We were fighting a lot in the end and were not getting as intimate as I would have liked. Instead of working on our relationship I basically gave up. We broke it off pretty mutually but after a week she kept contacting me and telling me how wrong it felt. A couple days after we broke up I was at a party, wasted, and I'm not using that as an excuse because I was fully aware of what I was doing. But I ended up hooking up with a girl that both me and my ex know, and who the ex doesn't like because of the girl's constant comments on my facebook. I didn't feel anything for this girl, was just physical basically. Of course my ex found out. I did not lie to her at all, I told her everything she wanted to know and that I didn't feel anything for this other girl. She basically told me that she had to get me out of her life from that point. She cut all ties, blocked me on facebook and everything else. About 3 weeks go by and we had not talked. I wrote her a letter to sincerely apologize to her and let her know that I was sorry for disrespecting what we had and for all that I had done to hurt her. I called her to see if she was home so that I could bring the letter over and she agreed it would be ok. When I was almost to her house she texted back that she didn't think it was a good idea to see me and that she didn't want to hurt me. I called her to let her know that I just wanted to give the letter to her in person and that she wouldn't hurt me. She then told me that she is "finally happy and that it would be unfair to someone else." So I just left the note on her car...got no reply from her after that. That was the last time we spoke, about 5 weeks ago. She is with some other guy...who is actually her ex boyfriend's brother, which weirds me out. I can't seem to shake her. I know that I should just go on with my life and move on, work on me and eventually meet someone else. But there is something deep down inside me that is holding on to her and doesn't want to give up. We had talked of marriage and kids and plans for the future. She is probably the only person that I have ever cared about in this way. I know that there are so many other women out there and it's not a problem for me to attract women. Problem is I only want her, I wanted her back even before I knew she was seeing someone else. So I'm stuck at an impasse; Do I take it for what it was, a fun relationship full of great memories and move on with my life? Or do I hold out hope and keep fighting? I don't want to be sitting on a park bench 30 years from now regretting that I lost the love of my life.
Axee Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 she loved you.. you should have behaved more responsibly.. How can you just like that sleep with someone whom she knew.. fite for sometime, or else take her as your learning in life 1
Leegh Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I think having been with this other gal is no big deal, especially since you indicated you were drinking. Everyone I know has had one-night stands, even if they had a significient other. I would try a time or two more to get her back, and then leave the ball in her court. Possibly if you wait a while to contact her again, a month or so, it will make her wonder why she has not heard from you. If after several more attempts to win her back, without success, I would consider moving on.
Author scraptvalentine Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 The biggest hurdle is that she is now seeing someone else...what do I do about that? Wait until that relationship ends or contact her during? I don't want to push her away and into his arms.
crashvector Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 The biggest hurdle is that she is now seeing someone else...what do I do about that? Wait until that relationship ends or contact her during? I don't want to push her away and into his arms. You have no choice. If you try now, you will only bring them closer, as she will cling to her new relationship. the ONLY thing you can do...is wait. Trust me on this.
Axee Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I think having been with this other gal is no big deal, especially since you indicated you were drinking. Everyone I know has had one-night stands, even if they had a significient other. . It is a VERY BIG DEAL drinking isnt an excuse, drinking just gives you the courage to tell or act the way you have always wanted . 1
Axee Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 yes, wait , But there is also a possiblity that these 2 really get along well. Then you have to step aside gracefully. Be prepared for that scenario .
crashvector Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 It is a VERY BIG DEAL drinking isnt an excuse, drinking just gives you the courage to tell or act the way you have always wanted . I lost my first wife because she cheated on me. sleeping with someone else...is a REALLY good way to ensure that she never wants to see you or hear your voice EVER again. Even now, 7 years later, my ex and I get along amicably in regards to our son...but other than that..I want NOTHING to do with her. Just hope I can get there soon about my recently ex-fiance too.
LostOne1 Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 You have no choice. If you try now, you will only bring them closer, as she will cling to her new relationship. the ONLY thing you can do...is wait. Trust me on this. I agree. In some ways I feel pushing myself on my ex with letters and all pushed her away from me and to another guy. The best way is to give it time I suppose and see if she changes her mind. I mean right now the OP has no choice, but to go NC and move on. If she changes her mind she will come back and if she doesn't at least he's on his way to healing. I wish I had given my ex space like she wanted and just moved on at that point. But I kept pushing and well it pushed her away. In fact it felt like even when I did nothing it still pushed her away. Guess my luck was just horrible. I wish this guy more luck, but there is NOTHING he can do but be patient.
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