Adamgem Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Before I left - he wanted to get married. Lovely. I see how he has treated his ex(current) or whatever she is.... and I think if he could do that to her - he could do it to me. I wouldn't want a man like that in my life - ever. Yet I allowed it. It is so strange and difficult to understand. How vulnerable I am.... How desperate. I heard him shout at her - that she is a liar. He didn't sleep with her. He wants to be with me..loves me... she is a liar. Why is he still going to their house then? Why not seperate properly if she is such a liar??
Mount Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 You are in NC, assuming you determine to end the affair, correct? Yes/No? If above saying is correct, the point of following bolded words is? Before I left - he wanted to get married. Lovely. I see how he has treated his ex(current) or whatever she is.... and I think if he could do that to her - he could do it to me. I wouldn't want a man like that in my life - ever. Yet I allowed it. It is so strange and difficult to understand. How vulnerable I am.... How desperate. I heard him shout at her - that she is a liar. He didn't sleep with her. He wants to be with me..loves me... she is a liar. Why is he still going to their house then? Why not seperate properly if she is such a liar??[/QUOTE] 1
Mount Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Agree. As a OW, only two things to decide - maintain the A with MM (if MM wants to have A with you), or end the A (does not matter if ending A by NC or ending A suddenly, there has no stardard mode anyway). What difference does it make? It sounds like you desperately want to believe she IS lying.
Mount Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 That is amazing you even remember the whole story and afterwards, based on thousands of posts here. :p Because the affair isn't over. She let their mutual friends know where she is - that means she knows he will "stalk" her again.
Author Adamgem Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 That is amazing you even remember the whole story and afterwards, based on thousands of posts here. :p AS usual alice has it wrong. I did not let anybody know where I am. I simply asked certain people to promise me not to give out my new phone number.
Author Adamgem Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 You are in NC, assuming you determine to end the affair, correct? Yes/No? If above saying is correct, the point of following bolded words is? Before I left - he wanted to get married. Lovely. I see how he has treated his ex(current) or whatever she is.... and I think if he could do that to her - he could do it to me. I wouldn't want a man like that in my life - ever. Yet I allowed it. It is so strange and difficult to understand. How vulnerable I am.... How desperate. I heard him shout at her - that she is a liar. He didn't sleep with her. He wants to be with me..loves me... she is a liar. Why is he still going to their house then? Why not seperate properly if she is such a liar??[/QUOTE] It is true that it doesn't matter..... I am ranting and feel angry. Everything is over - so much has happened and I do not have anybody to share my anger with... or to vent. Alice seems to like attacking me and others on this forum - or so it seems to me. I do not value those posts.
Author Adamgem Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 What difference does it make? It sounds like you desperately want to believe she IS lying. Of course I want to believe that..... He tells me she is a liar... many people around tell me the same. Of course I want to believe it is her that has caused the split and not accept the reality that he still owns a house with her and goes there a few days every month. Why do you post if you are not going to offer support or help? What is the point of being sarcastic? What value do you add? Do you enjoy being mean to people obviously suffering and vulnerable? Please do not bother responding to my posts in future. You are not helpful.
Author Adamgem Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 So in other words you gave your former co-workers (his employees) your new number and made them promise? What other "mutual" friends do you have? You claimed you had no friends or family where you were - they are HIS friends. There is no need for any of your "mutual friends" to have your new number. Wrong again Alice.
Mount Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Frankly, I do believe people are supporting, although from two directions of course. However, you often post conflicting post yourself, make people no idea which direction to support - to support maintaining A, or support ending the A. Today your two posts are self-conflicting again. You have to adjust yourself inner mental status to know what you want first - to have the A or not have the Affair. Of course I want to believe that..... He tells me she is a liar... many people around tell me the same. Of course I want to believe it is her that has caused the split and not accept the reality that he still owns a house with her and goes there a few days every month. Why do you post if you are not going to offer support or help? What is the point of being sarcastic? What value do you add? Do you enjoy being mean to people obviously suffering and vulnerable? Please do not bother responding to my posts in future. You are not helpful.
Author Adamgem Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 Frankly, I do believe people are supporting, although from two directions of course. However, you often post conflicting post yourself, make people no idea which direction to support - to support maintaining A, or support ending the A. Today your two posts are self-conflicting again. You have to adjust yourself inner mental status to know what you want first - to have the A or not have the Affair. I don't believe that anybody on here has to support having an affair or not having an affair.... I think if people want to attack or be sarcastic then they are not helpful and what is the point of posting? Is this forum not to help/support persons suffering from their situations? Also... I do not know what I have posted that is conflicting. I have been involved with somebody - things keep changing. I get confused. I have different feelings but is that not normal in this situation? What did I post today that was conflicting?
ThatJustHappened Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Adamgem, you're so completely all over the place in your threads, and you say so many different and contradictory things..it's hard to follow where your head is at and to figure out what the truth is, and that makes it hard to give you any solid advice. I'm sorry you're hurting, I really am, but what's the real story here? Can you consolidate it for us so we all understand what's going on? 3
Author Adamgem Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 Your words: I am in a country where I do not have my friends around me. I am very much alone You have said these exact words countless times in almost every thread you have created. Pick a thread and a variation of the above will be in it. You already know that your "mutual friends" (most likely your former co-workers and employees of AP) are probably going to give out your number. You did not consider that I moved country? That I am not in the same country as he is? Yes, I know they will give my number out unless I ask them not to. What is wrong with you? This is the last time I will respond to your posts. They are not helpful. I don't need them.
Author Adamgem Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 Adamgem, you're so completely all over the place in your threads, and you say so many different and contradictory things..it's hard to follow where your head is at and to figure out what the truth is, and that makes it hard to give you any solid advice. I'm sorry you're hurting, I really am, but what's the real story here? Can you consolidate it for us so we all understand what's going on? To be honest. I do not know what is conflicting or all over the place. I can not write every detail of what has happened to me. I do not think I contradict myself. I am completely confused that anybody would think I am contradicting myself? In what way?
ThatJustHappened Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Can you type out the basics of your story here so we don't have to hunt around the forum to find all your threads? That would make it easier to talk to you. And please don't respond defensively. I'm not being rude, I'm trying to help you. 1
whichwayisup Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Before I left - he wanted to get married. Lovely. I see how he has treated his ex(current) or whatever she is.... and I think if he could do that to her - he could do it to me. I wouldn't want a man like that in my life - ever. Yet I allowed it. It is so strange and difficult to understand. How vulnerable I am.... How desperate. I heard him shout at her - that she is a liar. He didn't sleep with her. He wants to be with me..loves me... she is a liar. Why is he still going to their house then? Why not seperate properly if she is such a liar?? Do you not see HE is the liar? The bad guy here, not her. He lied to you so many times.. Who cares now what his and her reasons are that they are still together on some level. It's unhealthy and sick dynamic they both are addicted to. BE glad he's out of your life. Just please try your best to stop wondering the why's and how's of this. What's done is done and your A with him is over. Forgive yourself for making mistakes, by trusting him and allowing him to take advantage of you. Focus on letting go, grieving that loss and healing so you can find a happier and healthy love when the timing is right.
Author Adamgem Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 I started seeing someone almost two years ago. When I met him he had a partner with three kids. She had a legal case where she could cause him trouble. He told me nothing positive about her and that their relationship was over but he had to keep her sweet until the case ended. Many other people around confirmed that she was not a pleasant woman and was capable of doing very bad things to him. He moved in with me and we were very happy together. He had very little - almost no contact with her for about one year. Once he told her about me she started behaving very negatively. At first she told me that yes their relationship was over and that it had been over for years but now she had decided she wanted her man back. She said she would do anything to get him back. That would include threats, blackmail and being nice and seductive.... it goes on and on. He changed his attitude towards her in the last five months. I spoke to her again and she told me that they were sleeping together and that they had never split up. He said she was a liar then admitted he had made a mistake with her - but only once. I left. I had been working for him and living with him. I packed all my belongings and moved country. I had let my friend move into my place when I started living with him so I ended up in an awkard situation. Whilst I was working for him - I made some big commissions but these were/are dependent on clients payments. I wanted to keep the relationship positive with him (and friendly) so that he wouldn't find some loop hole to avoid paying me what I am due. It is a lot of money for me and I need it. I do not have much contact with family or friends where I am living. Nobody knows where I am living. After meeting him I met his ex wife - he was married before he met his last partner - we became very friendly and she lets me get some mail at her house. I had to give her my number but made her promise she wouldn't share it with him - even though they are still friendly. She is probably closer with me (at this point) than she is with him. He insists the relationship with his ex(current) is over and that the only reason he is still going to their house every month for a few days is because of business arrangements with her and the children. I know (from him and other people) he has told her hundreds of times he doesn't want a relationship with her and he wants only to be with me. She tells me they are sleeping together. I left again. I had not moved back with him but I had spent some time with him in various places. I hope this helps. I am so confused and really wish he was telling me the truth but deep down I think he is a liar. I am usually paranoid and find it difficult to trust that anybody really loves me. My friends saw a very positive change in me since I started seeing him. They are/were generally positive. His friends told me how much happier he has been since he met me. More recently things have changed. I have trust issues.
Author Adamgem Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 Do you not see HE is the liar? The bad guy here, not her. He lied to you so many times.. Who cares now what his and her reasons are that they are still together on some level. It's unhealthy and sick dynamic they both are addicted to. BE glad he's out of your life. Just please try your best to stop wondering the why's and how's of this. What's done is done and your A with him is over. Forgive yourself for making mistakes, by trusting him and allowing him to take advantage of you. Focus on letting go, grieving that loss and healing so you can find a happier and healthy love when the timing is right. That would be much easier if she hadn't lied to me. But I know she has too. I know he has. That was one of the things I said when I was leaving that they had both lied and I wanted nothing to do with it anymore.... I was so happy with him it is difficult to accept how things turned out..... my heart wants what my head knows is no good.... It is difficult to get them to match up
whichwayisup Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 That would be much easier if she hadn't lied to me. But I know she has too. I know he has. That was one of the things I said when I was leaving that they had both lied and I wanted nothing to do with it anymore.... I was so happy with him it is difficult to accept how things turned out..... my heart wants what my head knows is no good.... It is difficult to get them to match up It will, it'll just take some time. But you really need to try your best to stop over thinking this. They are messed up. They said and did things that messed you up..aka the lying and game playing.. It hurt you deeply and now you must let go and focus on healing. you have no choice now but to accept how things turned it. IT is what it is... Cliche I know, but it's what has happened. 1
ThatJustHappened Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 They both sound pretty toxic. I would suggest cutting both of them out of your life for good. Nothing good will come of keeping this pair in your life. Yes it's hard, but it's possible. I was in an on/off very toxic relationship with a man for 5 years..it killed me to let him go but I did it and now I rarely think about him. If I can do it, you can do it. Edit: The guy I was with was single (but cheated on me constantly) 1
Mount Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Oh my.... you are opening a can of w%^& all over again.:eek: Can you type out the basics of your story here so we don't have to hunt around the forum to find all your threads? That would make it easier to talk to you. And please don't respond defensively. I'm not being rude, I'm trying to help you.
jwi71 Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I was so happy with him it is difficult to accept how things turned out..... my heart wants HIM what my head knows HE is no good.... It is difficult to get them to match up FTFY by addidng the bold words HIM and HE. The problem, and I remember you adamgem, is less HIM and more YOU. You know now and have known that this is a toxic situation - from moving to living together to the exes of his to your abortion and all. NOTHING positive has come of this for you. Take off the "what could have been" glasses. They are retarding your progress and acting as blinders on your life. Dead weight pure and simple. You gotta let it go. This is less paradise lost and more bullet dodged. What ACTION can you take to move forward...one ACTION that creates distance?
Author Adamgem Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 FTFY by addidng the bold words HIM and HE. The problem, and I remember you adamgem, is less HIM and more YOU. You know now and have known that this is a toxic situation - from moving to living together to the exes of his to your abortion and all. NOTHING positive has come of this for you. Take off the "what could have been" glasses. They are retarding your progress and acting as blinders on your life. Dead weight pure and simple. You gotta let it go. This is less paradise lost and more bullet dodged. What ACTION can you take to move forward...one ACTION that creates distance? I can see how you say that.... but why was I must happier with him than before or after? Why did all of my family and friends notice such a positive change in me if nothing good came of it?
Mount Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Exactly, I almost posted the same thing. Honestly, no point at all to futher post/discuss anything if Adamgem really wants to end the affair. Futher threads of discussion, back and forth, back and forth saying if MM is lying, or MM's wife is lying, no point at all. They are them, they are enjoying their marriage life, does not matter if their marriage life being abusive, healthy, happy or not happy, nothing to do with Adamgem anyway. So why Adamgem keeps not letting it go?! FTFY by addidng the bold words HIM and HE. The problem, and I remember you adamgem, is less HIM and more YOU. You know now and have known that this is a toxic situation - from moving to living together to the exes of his to your abortion and all. NOTHING positive has come of this for you. Take off the "what could have been" glasses. They are retarding your progress and acting as blinders on your life. Dead weight pure and simple. You gotta let it go. This is less paradise lost and more bullet dodged. What ACTION can you take to move forward...one ACTION that creates distance?
ThatJustHappened Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Oh my.... you are opening a can of w%^& all over again.:eek: People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. 2
Mount Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Stop those kind of circular questions.....just stop the madness. I can imagine even we/virtue audience can not tolerate the madness, how come a man will bear with that. I can see how you say that.... but why was I must happier with him than before or after? Why did all of my family and friends notice such a positive change in me if nothing good came of it?
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