Author crashvector Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 You cant give this up =( but i know how you feel... you would do anything to have all that back. even once more.. but maybe try to think of it as at the very least you got to experience this true love. at least you got to meet her and be with her for the past 5 years. Some people never even experience this so your still lucky you did. Right now theres nothing thats going to make you feel better unless she decides to come back. you have to slowly try get yourself together again. It sucks cause your going to want to talk to her and want her to just come back again. i do feel and hope inside that if you give her sometime she may turn back to where her happiness was. She might just feel overwhelmed? or feels like you've put up with enough trouble and she doesn't want you to deal with it anymore. and i know you would definetly want to be by her side. Is it possible that maybe something happened? like her cancer came back and she doesnt want to put you through the trouble? Sorry im just thinking of every possibility Oh dear God I hope not. I would hope she didnt do this to "spare" me of anything. I would be SO hurt for the rest of my life if she did that...she should know me better than that....that I would take JOY in being there for her and helping her again. but sadly, no. I think she was plain in the email. she feels that I was too scolding and demanding of her and that I emotionally bullied her. True or not true...this is how she feels, and is reality to her.
Author crashvector Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18 I need you.
Author crashvector Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 We took ballroom dance lessons together as well as tennis lessons. I have always loved Frank Sinatra, but now every time I hear "Ive got you under my skin", which was "our song" I feel like breaking the CD. also, the song "more than words"...we used to go on road trips and sing that song at the top of our lungs in the car to each other:) Now, there's not much music I can listen to, as everything I like reminds me of her. thank God I was able to get in touch with a doctor I know that is a friend of mine, and he was kind enough to order a prescription of Xanax for me...because he saw how distraught I am. It's making me loopy and tired, but is doing nothing to blunt the pain. I think I am going to have to get back on Lexapro again...I was on it for 3 years after my divorce because I simply could not handle the pain and depression. This time, its going to be FAR worse. what the email she sent me makes it clear: Its not that we don't love each other very much, or that she's angry at me. she just feels like she cannot give me what she feels I need from her, and doesn't want me to pressure her to give more than she feels she can anymore. Translation: Neither of us really did anything WRONG. However, I remember a conversation we had about that about 2 months ago. I told her "You know..this is really a self-fixing problem right? When we get married, I'll see you every single night we go to bed together, so it makes spending time together kind of a moot point since we will see each other every day." I guess she didnt believe me, or forgot that we talked about it. Whatever the case, she decided she wanted out. I am trying to be respectful of her and show her the last gesture of love that I can..by giving her the space to heal her own pain. It hurts me so to kn0w she's hurting, and my instinct are SCREAMING for me to help her and make it better. However, I know this is unhealthy thinking. she ended the relationship because she felt justified...no matter HOW special of a bond we shared. We had been through SO much together...it will impossible to forget her or to stop loving her. We had made a solemn promise to each other long ago and again about three months ago: If we ever did not work as a couple, that we would work VERY hard to stay friends...because as much as I loved her in a romantic way, I REALLY loved her as a friend and companion. she looked at me and said "that makes me SO glad to hear that, because you have been the BEST friend I have ever had. I wouldnt want to lose you forever." I guess my one consolation is that hopefully in time, we can learn to be friends again. she is THAT special. I'd rather have her as just a friend that to not have her in my life at all...even if it means I have to wait until I meet someone new...which will definately be a very long time before i even consider that option. Thank you to everyone who has tolerated me bearing my soul. I am just hurting SO much...I wish I could have my angel and my love back...but I know she's gone.
Bumaga vsyo sterpit Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 (edited) Reading your posts was quite emotively painful, and I like to think I feel detached from these matters. You honestly brought back memories of my exes, and times when I felt exactly as you do now. Everything right down to the Sinatra songs - I remember when I fell hard for a beautiful older woman from Sweden (I was barely 21) and though it only lasted 12 days it hurt to listen to ABBA or look at a box of matches from that country. Neither I nor anyone here nor in the world really, can offer you any real comfort - in this crestfallen, extremely sensitized state where all your inescapable thoughts and feelings are torture, nothing will help you but time and an environment as sentimentally rich as your memories of her. Even without the environment, time always restored me completely, and I scarcely have a second thought, let alone a physical pang, of any of the women I would have died for when they left me. If I were you I would send a few notices, lock up my house, cut off all lines of communication with the outside world, go into a hiatus with my academic/professional life, gather a little money and board a flight to rural northern Japan or a village in Central Asia, Poland or Belarus, and stay there at least five or six months, completely re-contemplating and rediscovering myself. This was my natural instinct whenever an ex made the life I'd known unbearable, but I could never afford it. I hope 2013 will be different. Edited December 29, 2012 by Bumaga vsyo sterpit
Author crashvector Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 I'm sorry if I am upsetting people with this. I just wish someone could help me...I'm hurting SO much...I dont know what to do I contacted the pastor of the church she and I attended, and asked him to PLEASE pray for me and her. For me, to PLEASE ask God to show me mercy in my hour of darkness and pain...and for her...to bring her peace and happiness. I'm just hurting SO very much...I wish someone could help me with this...I'm DESPERATE for this pain to go away...I've never felt anything like this before...
Coping Vortex Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Crash, I was where you are now, two weeks ago. I have been completely devastated by my ex leaving me as well. On a Monday 4 weeks ago I was in front of my TV watching football after seeing her a few hours before. I had a huge smile on my face. I text her "I miss you" the next text I got from her was "we need to talk" I was just Christmas shopping with her a few hours before that, we were laughing, held hands, kissing had sex etc. No sign of anything wrong. With those three words my life changed. I was blindsided. Out of nowhere. Apparently she had been planing to tell me that day but just couldn't face to face. I can tell you I have been distraught and totally destroyed for over a month now. I am now in therapy and started taking AD something I never thought I would be doing in a million years. I understand how you feel about being throughly desperate t get her back, but you will have to tough your way through it. The panic you show in your posts is what I felt as well. Every bit of it. Part of why you are so distraught is the fact that men and women behave differently what makes sense to us does not make sense to them and visa versa. A women will sacrifice day to day passion and happiness for what she think is right for her security and for future. Even if means giving up someone she loves. As men we are the ones that take a more emotional response to a relationship. We ask our selves "Why would she want to leave what we have?" "even if we have a few problems anything is solvable." "how can she do this?" "Won't she miss being in each others arms?" "we have so much history, how can she just give up all of that?" But the truth is women have reasons why they break up with men. They have a switch that can be thrown in an instant. It may have nothing to do with how she feels about you but more about whats best for her own security in the long run. A famous comedian said the most profound words I ever heard about women "a woman loves you until she doesn't" No truer were ever spoken. I, like you, have felt my loss like it is surreal. Like I will wake up from this awful nightmare. What's worse for my situation is she told me she is already with someone else. He is getting all her "i miss you" texts, all her kisses all of her body. All I can tell you is, you will go through a process as others have had here already. I was where you were four weeks ago. Now I am more numb like, I am slowly accepting the fact that she is gone and not coming back I haven't slept more than two hours a night for 4 weeks. Last night i got 5 hours sleep. A small victory. I know you can't imagine life with out her but it will happen. i am still extremely depressed and i keep thinking of my ex in bed with her new man and that is a killer. Based on what you said it may not be another man at this stage just something that she feels that she must do. That being said, your BU is still in it's infancy, try to calm down for now. Women take much longer to come around. She may in fact take a few weeks and then suddenly realize what she lost and reach out to you. With my ex we broke up last September and by New Years Eve she reached out to me and we were back together within a few weeks she told me she made a mistake and missed me terribly she was meaning to reach to me weeks before but felt ashamed. So don't get too upset right now. Give her some space let her collect her thoughts and you may be surprised. If you hound her and beg her she will definitely string out her decisions and won't respect you, driving her away further. In your eyes the relationship was perfect but based I what I read in her email to you she did have some issues with your relationship. You have to accept that in her mind there is something wrong, and you don't see it because you are devastated. I would spend some time to really look into what her issues are and undertand them. If you get another chance with her make sure you tell her that you will address those issues. You also should be prepared to live your life with her gone. Do not bug her or stalk her she will never ever respect you again. Keep your wits about you I know it's hard but you have to hang on. keep posting here and get a friend. A buddy of mine and I have talked everyday for the past four weeks. The guy has been a life line for me to vent. He knew my ex and was blown away she broke up with me. But without being able to speak to him to vent I could never be stable right now. A break up can be surreal. I can actually see a pin hole of light at the end of tunnel. I realized you have to fill in those times that you talked, texted, had sex had dates with other things. Take another week and then join something anything. Volleyball team, join community theater etc. I just signed up for a music program at a local college that has night classes for adults. Also, workout join a gym NOW!!!!! A hard work out definitely made dealing with this easier. Takes the edge off severely and let me get some sleep. I am still a mess but you start to get used to that hole where the ex was. I wouldn't have thought that two weeks ago. Plus the fact you start to accept that she is gone and whatever she is doing now she isn't going to go backward, as much as you want her to. She would lose respect for herself if she was committed to moving on. If you do get her back your relationship would have to change, that is a given. I know you want to go back to the way it was but that will never be however it will be, it will be different from now on. I feel for you my man. I totally know everything you are feeling and thinking. I would also say to you that you should look forward in a positive light as you are only 36 years old. A sweet spot age for meeting all types of amazing women. You can date 20 somethings as well as women in their 40's and 50's. I wish I was your age again you have the opportunity to start over with a lot of choices. Don't panic yet. I'm telling you hold on for now think of it as a break. Give yourself a couple of weeks before you decide what to do next. Then figure out where things stand in your own mind. You either work it out or move forward for yourself. If there is way to contact you directly let me know I am always willing to speak to anyone live it has helped me immensely. 1
geegirl Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 I'm sorry if I am upsetting people with this. I just wish someone could help me...I'm hurting SO much...I dont know what to do I contacted the pastor of the church she and I attended, and asked him to PLEASE pray for me and her. For me, to PLEASE ask God to show me mercy in my hour of darkness and pain...and for her...to bring her peace and happiness. I'm just hurting SO very much...I wish someone could help me with this...I'm DESPERATE for this pain to go away...I've never felt anything like this before... You're not upsetting anyone. We're all here to support and we've all been there, those dark holes. I know you're hurting and it is the most uncomfortable gut wrenching twisting pain all festering inside. There is no way to escape it but all you can do is feel it and let that pain come. The worst thing you can do is be by yourself. You need to be around people. Try not to stay indoors and be by yourself. I can't PM you because you haven't hit the 50 mark. Thinking of you and all this is bringing back memories of my divorce.
happyme Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Dear, dear crashvector..... wow your pain is tangible.. I feel for you. But, as always in these cases, we've GOT to be missing something.... surely. What could it be? Oh and btw I've been there.... and I'm still here. Wishing you all the very, very best.
Author crashvector Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 Thank you all for reading my posts and replying. knowing I am not completely ignored gives me some comfort. Thank you coping vortex for offering to talk, I just may take you up on that. I have thought through her email, and I do not agree with all that she said, but realize that I DID often ask her for more time, and she would tell me she could not offer more. However, just two months ago, we talked about it. I told her "I realize this is a self-fixing problem. Once we are married, we won't be going days or a week without seeing each other anymore...we'd see each other at LEAST at night when we went to bed, so it will become a non-issue. I look forward to kissing you goodnight every night for the rest of my life" she said "Yes, indeed that sounds wonderful. I love you." and I thought that was it and we had settled it. Geegirl: We were just months from being married. Its worse than a divorce....I been through a divorce already, trust me. My exwife betrayed me by cheating three times before I finally divorced her. This...this is worse. happyme: What I am missing is the companionship..her friendship...feeling loved and accepted. she was SO good about making sure I felt accepted and loved. Somehow I ruined all that. 1
Author crashvector Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 You're not upsetting anyone. We're all here to support and we've all been there, those dark holes. I know you're hurting and it is the most uncomfortable gut wrenching twisting pain all festering inside. There is no way to escape it but all you can do is feel it and let that pain come. The worst thing you can do is be by yourself. You need to be around people. Try not to stay indoors and be by yourself. I can't PM you because you haven't hit the 50 mark. Thinking of you and all this is bringing back memories of my divorce. I am sorry I am reminding you of your divorce, i assure you it is not intentional.
OJ loved Nicole Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 I am 36, she is 53. This could be the other way around (it can always be worse). Rule number 1- relationships end! Don't take that as a personal attack but people change their minds, we are allowed this right. I know exactly how you feel ("not good enough, what's wrong with me") but you need to change your mindset to "I'm F*CKING perfect exactly the way I am", and you are. I looked in the mirror everyday and said "I'm perfect, maybe not perfect for her, but that's ok". Ok... You have 2 roads to go down- 1.) Continue sulking, keep beating yourself down, keep thinking "I'm not good enough". Maybe in another 3 years you'll reemerge. 2.). Stand up for yourself today, discontinue chasing an unavailable woman, and start moving on. Option 2 will take a lot of work from you, but you don't have another 3 years of your life to waste on someone who doesn't want to be with you, someone who's told you "I do NOT want to marry you and I dont want to continue our relationship." P.S. She decided to leave you a looong time ago. She might have done a great job hiding her true intentions, but people don't change their mind this fast. Stop looking for signs/clues, reasons don't matter. 2
Author crashvector Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 This could be the other way around (it can always be worse). Rule number 1- relationships end! Don't take that as a personal attack but people change their minds, we are allowed this right. I know exactly how you feel ("not good enough, what's wrong with me") but you need to change your mindset to "I'm F*CKING perfect exactly the way I am", and you are. I looked in the mirror everyday and said "I'm perfect, maybe not perfect for her, but that's ok". Ok... You have 2 roads to go down- 1.) Continue sulking, keep beating yourself down, keep thinking "I'm not good enough". Maybe in another 3 years you'll reemerge. 2.). Stand up for yourself today, discontinue chasing an unavailable woman, and start moving on. Option 2 will take a lot of work from you, but you don't have another 3 years of your life to waste on someone who doesn't want to be with you, someone who's told you "I do NOT want to marry you and I dont want to continue our relationship." P.S. She decided to leave you a looong time ago. She might have done a great job hiding her true intentions, but people don't change their mind this fast. Stop looking for signs/clues, reasons don't matter. I know she's gone, and I appreciate the tough love. What is hurting me is that I know what I must do...i must allow her to die in my heart, and it brings me GREAT pain to have to do this. You have to emotionally kill off this person you loved SO much for SO long...and its VERY hard to do, but I know it is what must be done. I just....I just really wish it didn't have to be like this. I wanted to be HERS...and I wanted her to be mine. Obviously, that is not what SHE wanted, and that's all that matters in the end. Even knowing all of this...it does not stop the torrents of pain, or the tears. I have cried until there is literally a puddle on the floor. I am desperate for the life I had 48 hours ago...but I know...I never will.
OJ loved Nicole Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 I just....I just really wish it didn't have to be like this. I wanted to be HERS...and I wanted her to be mine. Obviously, that is not what SHE wanted, and that's all that matters in the end. These two sentences... The Battle Royale!! Get used to it, the battle between your emotional mind and your logical mind (they're going to be fighting for a while). Even knowing all of this...it does not stop the torrents of pain, or the tears. I have cried until there is literally a puddle on the floor. Cry, let it out, who cares?!?!! 5 years is a loooong time, your "baby" your "girlfriend" is dead (you can't just get affection/love/talks/kisses you're accustomed to anymore). Grieve/cry as if she's gone, do it to the point of exhaustion. There is no shame in it! 1
Author crashvector Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 These two sentences... The Battle Royale!! Get used to it, the battle between your emotional mind and your logical mind (they're going to be fighting for a while). Cry, let it out, who cares?!?!! 5 years is a loooong time, your "baby" your "girlfriend" is dead (you can't just get affection/love/talks/kisses you're accustomed to anymore). Grieve/cry as if she's gone, do it to the point of exhaustion. There is no shame in it! Yes, I am familiar with the battle you speak of very well. I dealt with that when I was forced to leave my ex-wife. I hope there is no shame in this...because I cannot help it. It might be awful of me to say so, but I knew the "deal" with my ex wife...she "loved" me because she needed me, and I kind of always knew she would leave one day, so i was at LEAST a tiny bit ready for it. With my newly ex-fiancee, we genuinely loved each other. Apparently though, I loved her more than she loved me. I can certainly say I wouldn't have ended our relationship over something so trivial. She told me over and over again how committed she was...how she saw our relationship like a marriage...that she would have to have a DAMNED good reason to leave. I guess she wasn't telling the truth. It wouldnt hurt so much if I wasn't caught SO off-guard. I was perfectly happy, even cheerful on the phone...excited like I always was to be talking to her...when she uttered the words that have changed my life...and broken my heart. To say I am in pain...the pain I suffered during my rehabilitation from the car wreck...broken bones and all...was NOTHING compared to this.
OJ loved Nicole Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 She told me over and over again how committed she was...how she saw our relationship like a marriage...that she would have to have a DAMNED good reason to leave. I guess she wasn't telling the truth. She might have been truthful, at the time. My GF tells me this everyday, how I'm her "perfect man", how she'll never leave me, BS! I never forget Rule #1. She might feel that way now, but taxes are the only thing that's forever. This won't be your last relationship (you're still very young), maybe another chance with your ex is in the mail (don't get your hopes up though). In your next relationship, never lose sight of Rule #1. Never lose yourself in a relationship because finding yourself again after it's over is extremely difficult. Yes, there is such a thing as giving too much. Also, yes it hurts and it's going to hurt for a while. Nothing will bring relief to this pain, no amount of closure, sex with other people, vacations, words from us, nothing will fill that void. You're in for a long road ahead (you already know this, not your first rodeo), but you'll come out stronger and better on the other side. I wish you luck. 1
Samilia Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 I'm a single dad, 36 years old, previously divorced. My ex wife cheated on me and left with another guy, I tried to wait things out for a year before finally filing for divorce. Fast forward to now: I've been in a 5 year long relationship with a woman I am absolutely crazy about. We were in the middle of planning our wedding, etc. There's just one problem: she broke things off yesterday afternoon. Three days ago, she was all "I love you" and "Have I told you recently how much you mean to me?" and the like. We have a minor arguement on the phone, and she said "Ive been thinking about it lately, and I do NOT want to marry you and I dont want to continue our relationship. I have to go." and hung up. The arguement was that we were planning to be together today, and she said she would spend a little time with me and then we could go back to hang out with her kids. I said "What about this: Since we've both been focused on our kids the last two weeks or so and haven't really seen each other much, how about we make the day about just us, without the distractions with the kids?" She absolutely blew up on me and broke things off. I just don't get it. for the record, her kids are all grown, the youngest is 18 and just got accepted to a college on the east coast for the upcoming summer. My son is 7. I am 36, she is 53. I just dont understand...Christmas day, she gave me an "adventure journal" book and a luggage tag. As she gave them to me, she said "This is in the hopes of lots of adventures together, and I want to travel the world with you." Two days later, she's ending everything saying she's been considering it for a while. I dont know what to think, or believe. I feel absolutely CRUSHED. For five years, I have adored and loved her. She was my sweetheart, my companion, and my best friend. We have BOTH been going through some bad times...I lost my job (I'm a nurse and the place I worked closed), her son needs sugery, her sister-in-law told her she was going to ask her brother for a divorce, etc. Her kids all love me...her parents who are in the 80's took a special trip all the way from Alaska just to tell me they were excited to hear we were getting married, how they could tell I was just crazy about their daughter and how wonderful it was that she found someone that loved her as much as I do, etc etc. Now, I'm left to try and pick up the pieces..again. She WAS my plan for the future. I told her I have always had two dreams: to be a good father, and a good husband....and how I would try with all my soul to be both. I could NOT have loved anyone more. I would have adored that woman until the day she took her last breath on this earth. I dont even know where to start...I'm a grown man and I've been crying for 19 hours straight. I feel like my soul has been torn away...the love of my life..is gone forever. Im not in her head, but I have been in her shoes. I dated a younger guy (10 years younger) and I broke it off. First the age difference freaked me out, second we were at different points in life and if at first I thought it would work out, I then changed my mind. Not saying that's the same for her, just a thought. Give it a week or so and ask her for an adult conversation, you should be both capable of it, yes?
Author crashvector Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 (edited) Im not in her head, but I have been in her shoes. I dated a younger guy (10 years younger) and I broke it off. First the age difference freaked me out, second we were at different points in life and if at first I thought it would work out, I then changed my mind. Not saying that's the same for her, just a thought. Give it a week or so and ask her for an adult conversation, you should be both capable of it, yes? I should hope so. The age thing was a big deal at first, until she really got to know me, and realized that I dont ACT like (then) 31 year old man. Ive had a hard life, and am wise beyond my years, trust me. She said one of the things that made us so good was that I was much older than my 30-something age would portray, and she was much younger than her 50-something age would. Also, Ive lived a very FULL life...well beyond what most people my age have. I've composed orchestra music for symphonies since I was 9 years old. I have been a national-class piano player in my teens. I competed and was a nationally ranked TaeKwonDo competitor in college I went to culinary school and have an AAS in culinary arts. I started WingTsun and became an MMA competitor in my 20's. I rode for team Volvo Cannondale for a year racing mountain bikes I am an nurse who is currently in school to earn my master's degree to be a P.A (although I am considering dropping out now) I am the medical consultant for the History Channel show "Swamp People" since the first season. I compete in ISPCA pistol shooting competitions The list goes on and on and on. She found all these things fascinating in someone she considered chronologically so young, and said that I had the same sense of adventure she did. Edited December 30, 2012 by crashvector
Author crashvector Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 Right now...every day for the last five years, we would be on the phone happily chatting about our day... My GOD this hurts....
happyme Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Hi there again Crash.... what I meant by 'missing something' is that, although you were very happy and in love, your fiance clearly had been brewing up some resentments which, un-expressed and confronted, grew into an insurmountable issue, for her. I can understand your shock... but things do not go from hot to cold with nothing inbetween... were you not aware of her feelings, were you in denial of them, or did she truly not express them to you at all? If she never expressed them.... why? There are many questions, surely, that you would like answered. It's early days yet anyway... give her a bit of time and as another poster suggested, get in touch at some point just to talk things over and get some clarity, or closure. Something's got to give.... Wishing you all the best xx
Author crashvector Posted December 30, 2012 Author Posted December 30, 2012 Hi there again Crash.... what I meant by 'missing something' is that, although you were very happy and in love, your fiance clearly had been brewing up some resentments which, un-expressed and confronted, grew into an insurmountable issue, for her. I can understand your shock... but things do not go from hot to cold with nothing inbetween... were you not aware of her feelings, were you in denial of them, or did she truly not express them to you at all? If she never expressed them.... why? There are many questions, surely, that you would like answered. It's early days yet anyway... give her a bit of time and as another poster suggested, get in touch at some point just to talk things over and get some clarity, or closure. Something's got to give.... Wishing you all the best xx If she was building resentment over things, she never told ME about it...and obviously hid it VERY well. I realize the one left behind ALWAYS hurts the most...but damn...why does it hurt THIS much?!?!?! my baby is gone forever...and I dont know how to live without her.
LostOne1 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 If she was building resentment over things, she never told ME about it...and obviously hid it VERY well. I realize the one left behind ALWAYS hurts the most...but damn...why does it hurt THIS much?!?!?! my baby is gone forever...and I dont know how to live without her. Well sometimes people do hide it. My ex didn't but I didn't listen to the advice and feedback. In your case it's possible something bothered her and she didn't say what it was.. or she hinted at it and you never noticed it at that time. It's hard to say and the worst part is sometimes we NEVER get that closure from our ex. We never find out what happened and we just gotta live with it. I never got the full closure either.. I don't know if my ex left me for someone, or if she had feelings for someone else slowly or what... I just know she wanted out and I'd never seen her side of it before. She hated being with me as she said and well I'm glad she bailed out now than a year or so later. It hurts but I guess at the end of the day we were not meant to be. We just are too different in some ways and I guess life only had us on the same path for 3 yrs... then it was time to split and go our own ways to where ever our life is supposed to take us. I don't know if I'll see her at school now, or if things will ever get better. I can't see the future.. all I know is if we are supposed to be together something will happen. And if we are not.. then nothing will happen and life will jsut go on as usual. I keep no hope all I keep in my mind is I have new goals and I want to reach them.
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