ugh this is why i date older guys

[grkBoy]

SweetKiwi, I didn't dive much into this topic other than my other response.

 

You have to understand that men aren't as cold and emotionless as women make us out to be.

 

Some guys simply don't like the "agony of defeat"...that they got this hot woman home, made out with her, fell asleep with her, and now she's saying she's not into him. Thus he'll keep trying so he can perhaps get further and thus feel like a bigger man that he got you...either as a lay or a relationship.

 

Other guys honestly get attached to women who give them physical attention. I'd be that way in my past. We don't easily separate sex from emotion, so the hot girl who spent the night making out (or having sex) with us we want to try to build it into more than just a night of physical fun.

 

You said your peace, you pushed him away. Don't spend too much brainpower on the "why" he did what he did. Just move on, but remember that guys aren't simple creatures who crave NSA physical fun...no matter how much the media tries to say otherwise.

[Charlene78]

Last night while drinking i kissed a 20 year old guy. I was developing a crush on hin and it was obvious it was mutual. Well we made out sooooo much. I woke up on the couch with him at 7am. Fully clothed. No sex. But i have a hickie on my neck. HUGE ONE. And one on my cheek. Yes. My cheek.

 

So this morning he asked If i wanted to go for a walk to talk. Right away he asked me what i think of him. I told him Im in love with my ex (the one Im still sleeping with). And that i wanted to be his FRIEND. Which is not possible now.

 

Why do you make out with a guy that you just want to be friends with? And why do you make out with another man when you're still in love with your ex and sleeping with him?

 

Your behavior doesn't make any sense at all.

Edited December 29, 2012 by Charlene78

[sweetkiwi]

Why do you make out with a guy that you just want to be friends with? And why do you make out with another man when you're still in love with your ex and sleeping with him?

 

Your behavior doesn't make any sense at all.

 

Well i wasn't sure what i wanted at first. Silly me. I kissed him before i knew exactly what i wanted. SKANK!!!

 

I never WANTED to leave my ex. I had to stop pretending it was going somewhere. But i love the sex we have. Especially now. I can explain all the reasons Im having sex with someone i love but really you'll still think what you want.

 

And the reasons i DIDN'T want to date the young guy all happened AFTER or DURING the night we kissed. Don't you know how easy it is to turn a woman off???

 

Things like being clingy. Following me around like a puppy. Hickie on my face.

 

Next day insisting i go on a walk to talk about "us" even though we only kissed. Continuing to try to convince me that i like you more than i do.

 

And when i use my WORDS to say stop trying to hold my hand, kiss me, and put your arm around me YOU DONT LISTEN and i literally have to remove you several times from my personal space.

 

And most recently he's continued to try. He's a nice guy. I was his friend. But now its nt possible.

 

I did what anyone would in my situation. Tried it. Didn't like it. Was honest. Backed off. WTF is so wrong with that.

[sweetkiwi]

sweetkiwi...I think you're a REAL cool girl...but if you can't see what you're doing in this situation...I don't know what to say.

 

You led the guy on...said you were developing a crush on him...spent the freakin night with him...THEN tell him you're in love with your ex the next morning. AND TO TOP IT OFF, you get upset when he keeps coming on to you?

 

Again...I think you're great, but there is SO much wrong with this, I just gotta shake my head.

 

Just saw this. Im not saying i did nothing wrong. I shouldn't have got drunk and kissed him back. But at the time i was into it.

 

He was a friend. He hears me talk about my ex all the time. He has heard me say i love my ex. So that's why when he asked why i didn't want to date him i said i wasn't into him and am still in love with my ex.

 

I take responsibility for hurting his feelings.

[Sylar]

To be fair, I've been "that guy". Although Sweet Kiwi did bit of a **** thing, it's better to stop before it gets really complicated. I was sooooo peed off with the girl for doing it to me, but in the end I was understanding. If we had gone on and had sex etc, it would have been far more difficult.

 

My advice is to nip it in the bud a bit sooner.

 

The fact she is still sleeping with her ex shows that she can be strung along anyways.

 

You're a great looking girl, but if you're still in love with your ex. Stop trying to get with other guys. You'll just keep hurting people unless it is known its only a bunk up.

 

Hope you get your head screwed on straight.

[amaysngrace]

I know what you mean about clingy guys kiwi and they can be brutal. I hate to break it to you but guys can act like that in their 30s and I even met one in his 40s like that.

 

At least you'll know what to look for and hopefully avoid in the future.

[sweetkiwi]

To be fair, I've been "that guy". Although Sweet Kiwi did bit of a **** thing, it's better to stop before it gets really complicated. I was sooooo peed off with the girl for doing it to me, but in the end I was understanding. If we had gone on and had sex etc, it would have been far more difficult.

 

My advice is to nip it in the bud a bit sooner.

 

The fact she is still sleeping with her ex shows that she can be strung along anyways.

 

You're a great looking girl, but if you're still in love with your ex. Stop trying to get with other guys. You'll just keep hurting people unless it is known its only a bunk up.

 

Hope you get your head screwed on straight.

Youre so sweet being concerned about me regarding my ex. Funny thing is he's not stringing me along at all. This isn't about him. Its about me kissing a guy and then realising i didn't want anything more with him. And then HIM hurting himself even more by not taking my no as a no.

 

If you'd like we can discuss my sexlife with my ex. Its very interesting isn't it.

 

As far as having my head screwed on straight this is merely one aspect of my life. Thinking you know anything beyond what i post is silly.

[KungFuJoe]

kiwi,

 

You sound a lot like my wife. Like you, she's very sexy and extroverted and she knows she can walk into any room and all eyes will be on her. Men used to throw themselves at her left and right and you get so much of that throughout your life...men start to become..."disposable". That might be a harsh word, but it's the best word I can think of right now.

 

Not saying what you are doing is wrong, but it's not exactly "right", either.

 

Look, you know how awesome I think my wife is and how much I think she is a great person, so in no way am I saying you have bad character. You don't. But I think people like you, and my wife, who are so used to having your way with the opposite sex...you get a bit "spoiled". And you don't even realize what you're doing.

 

We're here telling you that you kind of "used" that guy for your own enjoyment and then just discarded him when the fun was over, with no concern with his feelings. And you're saying that you did nothing wrong...you were completely honest...and he should just take it like that. I had some pretty long talks with my wife about the guys she was with before me and it's the same story. She thought she was being honest with them (and she was) but when I showed her what she was doing from MY point of view, she realized she was toying and even hurting them.

[stillafool]

Because the younger ones cant read body language OR take your truthful answers seriously!!!

 

Last night while drinking i kissed a 20 year old guy. I was developing a crush on hin and it was obvious it was mutual. Well we made out sooooo much. I woke up on the couch with him at 7am. Fully clothed. No sex. But i have a hickie on my neck. HUGE ONE. And one on my cheek. Yes. My cheek.

 

So this morning he asked If i wanted to go for a walk to talk. Right away he asked me what i think of him. I told him Im in love with my ex (the one Im still sleeping with). And that i wanted to be his FRIEND. Which is not possible now.

 

But this kid. Instead of backing off comes on STRONGER to me. Telling me i should be over my ex. (DUH). And he wouldn't stop putting his hands on me. Trying to hold my hand, put his arm around me, kiss my cheek.

 

He's a nice guy and i should have realized where this was headed in his mind. I feel bad about leading him on. But after being honest and straightforward, he still isn't backing off.

 

/young guy rant

 

I don't see his behavior as something only a young man would do. I think this guy was just being assertive in wanting you. There are plenty of old men who would act the same way.

[NYC-BigKat]

I don't see his behavior as something only a young man would do. I think this guy was just being assertive in wanting you. There are plenty of old men who would act the same way.

 

Yup..a girl like kiwi wouldn't even look my way 'cause she probably thinks she's too good for most guys to have.

[ScreamingTrees]

I wouldn't consider the guy "clingy" for simply taking his chances, it's not like he called you for two or three days after that, he was just a bit persistent after the fat, he probably figured "Eh? Going from hot to cold like that? Your words don't match up with your actions.."

 

I'd probably respond to something like that with "But you were temporarily over your ex while we made out, huh?"

 

Not to start a fight, I'd just find it amusing and contradictory that she's not over her "ex" (who for all I know, she may end up back with the next day) while she's making out with a total stranger.

 

I even personally knew a pair like that, the girl would constantly break things off with this kid, end up in tears fighting over NOTHING, fights that she always started out of nowhere, and go off to sleep or make out with some random kid.. The kid even found out most of the time. Her song and dance got old quick, but he kept her around.. That isn't to say that OP is anything like that, but for all a guy knows about some random girl, she could BE "that" girl..

[sweetkiwi]

kiwi,

 

You sound a lot like my wife. Like you, she's very sexy and extroverted and she knows she can walk into any room and all eyes will be on her. Men used to throw themselves at her left and right and you get so much of that throughout your life...men start to become..."disposable". That might be a harsh word, but it's the best word I can think of right now.

 

Not saying what you are doing is wrong, but it's not exactly "right", either.

 

Look, you know how awesome I think my wife is and how much I think she is a great person, so in no way am I saying you have bad character. You don't. But I think people like you, and my wife, who are so used to having your way with the opposite sex...you get a bit "spoiled". And you don't even realize what you're doing.

 

We're here telling you that you kind of "used" that guy for your own enjoyment and then just discarded him when the fun was over, with no concern with his feelings. And you're saying that you did nothing wrong...you were completely honest...and he should just take it like that. I had some pretty long talks with my wife about the guys she was with before me and it's the same story. She thought she was being honest with them (and she was) but when I showed her what she was doing from MY point of view, she realized she was toying and even hurting them.

 

Thank you KungFu.

 

I am not intentionally toying with them. Though I have in the past. I guess after being a female my entire life I have seen how people can be. I realize after experiencing this pain I kind of develop a "strike first" attitude.

 

When I am in a relationship I am trusting my partner not to pump and dump. I can't trust easily, at least not with my vagina. I am used to men tryin' and lyin' evetythiiiiiiiing in the book to get me to give up the goods. So I have developed a callus attitude regarding the initial dating dance.

 

This is a common theme in my life. My friends tell me I am a heart breaker. I know I have males interested in me. More if I am meeting them in a social scene. I just talk to everyone. Humans are interesting.

 

I supposed I don't see myself as "using" men. I think in general I am more giving. I am just the girl who bakes my man cookies every Sunday.

But when it comes to dating I tend to cut it off fast. If I like the guy obviously I will keep dating.

 

I consider myself a sweet person and I dont like to be a cold person. I know that this is a theme and I definitely need to be more aware.

[sweetkiwi]

I wouldn't consider the guy "clingy" for simply taking his chances, it's not like he called you for two or three days after that, he was just a bit persistent after the fat, he probably figured "Eh? Going from hot to cold like that? Your words don't match up with your actions.."

 

I'd probably respond to something like that with "But you were temporarily over your ex while we made out, huh?"

 

Not to start a fight, I'd just find it amusing and contradictory that she's not over her "ex" (who for all I know, she may end up back with the next day) while she's making out with a total stranger.

 

I even personally knew a pair like that, the girl would constantly break things off with this kid, end up in tears fighting over NOTHING, fights that she always started out of nowhere, and go off to sleep or make out with some random kid.. The kid even found out most of the time. Her song and dance got old quick, but he kept her around.. That isn't to say that OP is anything like that, but for all a guy knows about some random girl, she could BE "that" girl..

 

You're funny. We were friends. For a few months. Not a stranger.

 

My ex and I will not be getting back together. We disagree on some major relationship necessities. Such as communication. I love him. I always will. But he is not what I want in a life partner.

 

And what was strange about the young man's behavior is he was insisting I liked him more than I did, kept touching me after I asked him not to, and after the incredibly awkward walk, he STILL TRIED TO KISS ME.

 

Maybe you like women who come on too strong. I dont appreciate it myself.

[Imajerk17]

Good stuff. You have every right to "try and not decide to buy" but next time, be aware of what the other person might be feeling.

 

How do you think this all looked from the kid's perspective? He is only 20. When he got up in the morning he probably was hopeful that your night was the start of something more. You needed to acknowledge all that outright to him and then tell him that you realized that night that are not in a place to make that happen. And yes you needed to expect him to try to change your mind, given what happened the previous night and what you told him.

 

I noticed something else, and I hope this doesn't come across as too judgemental. In other threads you talk about how you happily had sex with several of your male friends who had the assertiveness to make a move on you. Now here you talk about how you've been burned by men who did whatever to get into your pants. Interesting juxtaposition. (I comment about this because I have dated women in the past who reminded me of you somewhat and I am trying to better understand.)

[Divasu]

And what was strange about the young man's behavior is he was insisting I liked him more than I did, kept touching me after I asked him not to, and after the incredibly awkward walk, he STILL TRIED TO KISS ME.

 

It's not all that strange. He probably wanted to continue sexy time, making out, whichever. You gave him a taste of it and he wanted more. Don't forget, he's young and his hormones were probably raging. You just need to be more careful...

[sweetkiwi]

Good stuff. You have every right to "try and not decide to buy" but next time, be aware of what the other person might be feeling.

 

How do you think this all looked from the kid's perspective? He is only 20. When he got up in the morning he probably was hopeful that your night was the start of something more. You needed to acknowledge all that outright to him and then tell him that you realized that night that are not in a place to make that happen. And yes you needed to expect him to try to change your mind, given what happened the previous night and what you told him.

 

I noticed something else, and I hope this doesn't come across as too judgemental. In other threads you talk about how you happily had sex with several of your male friends who had the assertiveness to make a move on you. Now here you talk about how you've been burned by men who did whatever to get into your pants. Interesting juxtaposition. (I comment about this because I have dated women in the past who reminded me of you somewhat and I am trying to better understand.)

I would like to believe I am aware of how he feels. He probably felt just like you described. And I am the only finding out now how much he likes me. Honestly that's why I can't date him. I see how "into" me he is and it reminds me of myself.

 

Yes I did post in that thread. I have a casual sexual relationship with one friend maybe once a year. I have had two friends become LTRs. So obviously we had sex. This young man we're talking about had been my friend for two months. He is very sweet and a genuine person. I simply dont want to be in a relationship with him.

[ScreamingTrees]

You're funny. We were friends. For a few months. Not a stranger.

 

My ex and I will not be getting back together. We disagree on some major relationship necessities. Such as communication. I love him. I always will. But he is not what I want in a life partner.

 

And what was strange about the young man's behavior is he was insisting I liked him more than I did, kept touching me after I asked him not to, and after the incredibly awkward walk, he STILL TRIED TO KISS ME.

 

Maybe you like women who come on too strong. I dont appreciate it myself.

 

I didn't pick up on that from your OP, so maybe I just didn't see it, my bad.

 

If you can compartmentalize casual mess-arounds while still not being mentally over your ex, more power to you. I think I'd rather just be alone for awhile, myself.

 

I probably wouldn't have acted anything like the guy you're *describing*, but then again, until you made it clear it was only meant a hook up, who knows what he was thinking, that was my only point, really.

 

Personally, I don't care what a woman does or how she operates, period, if it works for her in the moment. I think being assertive (aka coming on too strong for some people) is the best course of action in some situations, as opposed to being subtle (aka passive aggressive for some people)..

[sweetkiwi]

Alright I see your points. Honestly I was not intending a hookup situation at all. And for me a hookup is more than kissing. I don't go out and think of how I am going to hookup or get laid. That's usually men. In fact I don't really like getting physical fast.

 

But that's beside the point. The point is it happened. I tried to let him know I wasn't interested in more. From that point our actions are our own responsibility. Or did that change?

[nofool4u]

Well i wasn't sure what i wanted at first. Silly me. I kissed him before i knew exactly what i wanted. SKANK!!!

 

Well we made out sooooo much.

 

Oh if it was just a simple kiss, that would make all the difference in the world, but according to you you made out with him soooooooo much.

 

There is a difference between a kiss that probably could be discarded as meaning anything with this other guy, and a full on night long make out session.

 

The latter can be interpreted as you were into him.

 

 

And the reasons i DIDN'T want to date the young guy all happened AFTER or DURING the night we kissed. Don't you know how easy it is to turn a woman off???

 

Kind of hard to ascertain when said woman made out with the guy sooooooo much.

 

 

Things like being clingy. Following me around like a puppy. Hickie on my face.

 

Uh, according to your post you told him right away you didn't want anything with him. So this isn't the reason you didn't want to date him. The clinginess, according to your timeline, happened AFTER you told him.

 

Now thats neither here nor there, but please own up to your role in the "misunderstanding".

 

Next day insisting i go on a walk to talk about "us" even though we only kissed. Continuing to try to convince me that i like you more than i do.

 

Again, you didn't just "kiss". Unless you lied in your first post.

 

And when i use my WORDS to say stop trying to hold my hand, kiss me, and put your arm around me YOU DONT LISTEN and i literally have to remove you several times from my personal space.

 

There is a simple solution, don't have full on make out sessions with guys you have no interest in.

 

And most recently he's continued to try. He's a nice guy. I was his friend. But now its nt possible.

 

That is on him. Once you pulled the bait and switch on him, he should have had enough self respect to realize this was your problem and he should have walked away.

 

I did what anyone would in my situation. Tried it. Didn't like it. Was honest. Backed off. WTF is so wrong with that.

 

Again, because you didn't just "kiss" as you indicated in your first post. If that was all it was, then I can see your point.

 

Instead, you lead the guy on and somehow he is now the creep.

[sweetkiwi]

Ugh god. All we did was kiss. We were both drunk and honestly I barely remember. I asked him to go home and then I fell asleep on the couch. He fell asleep with me.

 

Do you want to know what color his panties were?? Too bad. Didn't see them.

 

I simply kissed the guy. The VERY NEXT DAY HE'S A STAGE 2 CLINGER. Im sorry but why the hell should I take responsibility for his actions.

 

UPDATE: now he's A STAGE 3 clinger. He's still a nice guy. But you know when I said no it didn't mean pretend to be okay then call me a million times, invite yourself over to my home, and tell my brother you love me and won't give up that easily............

 

If this isn't weird and immature to you then I can give you his number.

[sweetkiwi]

Maybe you should move on from the drunk hicky parties filled with 20 year old horny guys to avoid this problem?

 

You are so off-base its kinda funny. It was at my home. Where my brother and him were. I had already been out. When I came home there he was drunk. As was I.

 

Why are you assuming so much instead of asking?

[KungFuJoe]

Ugh god. All we did was kiss. We were both drunk and honestly I barely remember. I asked him to go home and then I fell asleep on the couch. He fell asleep with me.

 

Do you want to know what color his panties were?? Too bad. Didn't see them.

 

I simply kissed the guy. The VERY NEXT DAY HE'S A STAGE 2 CLINGER. Im sorry but why the hell should I take responsibility for his actions.

 

UPDATE: now he's A STAGE 3 clinger. He's still a nice guy. But you know when I said no it didn't mean pretend to be okay then call me a million times, invite yourself over to my home, and tell my brother you love me and won't give up that easily............

 

If this isn't weird and immature to you then I can give you his number.

 

And what does ANY of this have to do with him being a younger guy? You think older guys can't be Stage 3 clingers?

 

Even in my late teens/early 20s, if some girl had done to me what you did, she wouldn't even get a call from me afterwards...and there would be no hard feelings.

 

In fact, when I was 24, I went out with this girl to a club and she was absolutely freakin me all night long. Her ass was as if it was sewn to my crotch. Afterwards, at 2:30AM, we end up at a restaurant where all she talks about is how she owes me a massage and she wants to go back to my place to pay up. So we go back to my place, go to my room, she gives me a massage, we end up on my bed, we start making out, then all of a sudden she just stops in the middle. Says she just wants to be friends. I remember being pretty surprised, but I didn't get angry. I didn't persist. I stopped and asked if she wanted me to take her home and I did. Done. I never called her after that and I didn't lie awake at night wondering what was wrong. It was just people being people. Nothing more. Nothing less. She did call me a few days later to apologize and explained that she had been sexually abused when she was younger and had sex issues. I completely understood...no hard feelings. And definitely no stage 3 clinger. But that's me. I've NEVER been a fool for women. And it has nothing to do with age.

[sweetkiwi]

And what does ANY of this have to do with him being a younger guy? You think older guys can't be Stage 3 clingers?

 

Even in my late teens/early 20s, if some girl had done to me what you did, she wouldn't even get a call from me afterwards...and there would be no hard feelings.

 

In fact, when I was 24, I went out with this girl to a club and she was absolutely freakin me all night long. Her ass was as if it was sewn to my crotch. Afterwards, at 2:30AM, we end up at a restaurant where all she talks about is how she owes me a massage and she wants to go back to my place to pay up. So we go back to my place, go to my room, she gives me a massage, we end up on my bed, we start making out, then all of a sudden she just stops in the middle. Says she just wants to be friends. I remember being pretty surprised, but I didn't get angry. I didn't persist. I stopped and asked if she wanted me to take her home and I did. Done. I never called her after that and I didn't lie awake at night wondering what was wrong. It was just people being people. Nothing more. Nothing less. She did call me a few days later to apologize and explained that she had been sexually abused when she was younger and had sex issues. I completely understood...no hard feelings. And definitely no stage 3 clinger. But that's me. I've NEVER been a fool for women. And it has nothing to do with age.

 

Okay now we're on topic. IME it has been 100% of younger men who behave this way versus <20% of older guys who act this way.

 

I am sure that there are unique cases to disprove my opinion. But its just that. My opinion. This is simply why me, myself, personally prefers older men.

[KungFuJoe]

Okay now we're on topic. IME it has been 100% of younger men who behave this way versus <20% of older guys who act this way.

 

I am sure that there are unique cases to disprove my opinion. But its just that. My opinion. This is simply why me, myself, personally prefers older men.

 

But why are you mad at me?

[Divasu]

Okay now we're on topic. IME it has been 100% of younger men who behave this way versus <20% of older guys who act this way.

 

If you knew this information beforehand, you obviously knew what you were getting yourself into...

 

So, let's not put all the blame on this young lad (IE: "ugh this is why i date older guys").

 

I was developing a crush on hin and it was obvious it was mutual.

 

There is nothing wrong with having crushes.

There is nothing wrong with 'making out'.

 

If in the future, if you want to avoid a 'stage 5 clinger' afterwards --then go to a bar, pick up a dude, have a ons and be gone the next morning.

 

Problem solved.