KathyM Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 In all fairness to the young guy, you did give him mixed messages, spending all night making out with him, and then sleeping over on his couch. Naturally, he thinks you're into him, and you said you both had a crush on each other. To be led on all night and then you turn off like a switch the next morning is hard for any guy to follow, let alone a 20 year old. 9
Author sweetkiwi Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 NO. Women EXPECT you to read their signals. That's why they are crazy. Seriously?? Its like you didn't read my words at all. I VERBALLY EXPRESSED that i wasn't into him. He proceeded to try and kiss me, hold my hand, and put his arm around me. I then VERBALLY told him AFTER squirming away from EVERY ADVANCE HE MADE. Next time i will karate chop him across the face. Direct enough. 1
Author sweetkiwi Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 In all fairness to the young guy, you did give him mixed messages, spending all night making out with him, and then sleeping over on his couch. Naturally, he thinks you're into him, and you said you both had a crush on each other. To be led on all night and then you turn off like a switch the next morning is hard for any guy to follow, let alone a 20 year old. Actually it was my couch. I told him to go home and he didn't leave. But yes. Its my fault for making out and then not marrying him. 3
Lonely Ronin Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Its like you didn't read my words at all. I VERBALLY EXPRESSED that i wasn't into him. Sorry Kiwi, but you where all over him the entire previous evening. he asked you out, so you should have been clued in before you got drunk that he was interested in you, and preemptively indicated you where not over your ex. I'm significantly older than you, and it's probably safe to assume infinitely more experienced that the 20 year old, and I to would have been like WTF the next morning. I would have handled the walk a lot differently though. As soon as you said i'm still in love with your ex, I would have given you a peace of my mind, and let you finish the walk by yourself. 7
KathyM Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Actually it was my couch. I told him to go home and he didn't leave. But yes. Its my fault for making out and then not marrying him. Regardless of whose couch it was, you led him on. You didn't say in your OP that you told him to leave. You made out with him all night, making him believe you were interested, and then the next morning you turn it all off. No one is saying you need to have something serious with the guy. I'm just saying you gave the guy the message you were very much into him, and then to do a 180 the next morning, it's no wonder the guy is confused and doesn't know what to believe. 1
nofool4u Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Another thing I hear about the difference between older/younger guys is that the younger guys have more "stamina". I think its quite the opposite. When you are young, things are really sensitive down there. Its all I could do to hold off the orgasm. Now that I'm older I can control it and O when the time is right and I can go much longer.
nofool4u Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 He's a nice guy and i should have realized where this was headed in his mind. I feel bad about leading him on. But after being honest and straightforward, he still isn't backing off. /young guy rant Well duh! after making out sooooooooooo much. Let me ask you, do you think he would have been entitled to, instead of coming on stronger, to call you on your leading him on and give you a good ass chewing instead?
scratch Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I told him to go home and he didn't leave. But yes. Its my fault for making out and then not marrying him. I think you handled the situation pretty fairly, but you have to understand that anytime you change your mind, especially in a way that negatively impacts someone else, you're going to be disliked, scorned or ridiculed. The single most common thread on the dating subsection of this board is from people who have to deal with rejection because someone changed his or her mind. Most people respond by saying "that person was a flake/game player/attention seeker/manipulator. Ignore them and move on." Thus, most people responding to you here see you as the flake/game player. The fact that you then try to shift the blame to the guy because he was immature is rubbing salt in the wound. I'm not saying you can't or shouldn't change your mind. Just own the consequences. 2
somedude81 Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Actually it was my couch. I told him to go home and he didn't leave. But yes. Its my fault for making out and then not marrying him. It's your fault for making out with him when you only wanted him as a friend. Seriously, this guy could come here, make a thread. "Made out with girl, slept with her (no sex) and now she wants to be friends" Then everybody who replies would talk about how crazy the girl is. 1
Shaun-Dro Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Because the younger ones cant read body language OR take your truthful answers seriously!!! Last night while drinking i kissed a 20 year old guy. I was developing a crush on hin and it was obvious it was mutual. Well we made out sooooo much. I woke up on the couch with him at 7am. Fully clothed. No sex. But i have a hickie on my neck. HUGE ONE. And one on my cheek. Yes. My cheek. So this morning he asked If i wanted to go for a walk to talk. Right away he asked me what i think of him. I told him Im in love with my ex (the one Im still sleeping with). And that i wanted to be his FRIEND. Which is not possible now. But this kid. Instead of backing off comes on STRONGER to me. Telling me i should be over my ex. (DUH). And he wouldn't stop putting his hands on me. Trying to hold my hand, put his arm around me, kiss my cheek. He's a nice guy and i should have realized where this was headed in his mind. I feel bad about leading him on. But after being honest and straightforward, he still isn't backing off. /young guy rant You let him leave love marks on your body but yet you want to put him in the friendzone? I'm glad he's pestering you. What makes you think being with an older man will be any different with your kind of attitude? 1
Imajerk17 Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 (edited) What is disappointing kiwi is your not taking responsibility for the confusion that naturally led from your actions. And then when people on here call you out on that, you get defensive. THAT is immature. It's fine for things to not lead anywhere. But given what happened the night before (your words AND actions), the way you handled things was poor (although it was better than merely disappearing). Until you suddenly turned your switch on the guy, you gave *every* indication you were interested in more. You needed to acknowledge that. "I had fun but I'm not over my ex." "I've done some thinking and I just think we're too different to date." "I'm sorry but something was missing for me." This is what men OF ALL AGES find most frustrating about (the more immature) women by the way: Women not taking responsibility about how their words and actions affect the guys they are seeing. Maybe you're expecting a guy to be mature enough to be able to read your mind and get what is going on. It's like in your mind the way you acted makes perfect sense and if the guy were more mature it would make perfect sense to him too. Anyway kiwi, people (such as the posters on here AND the guy you date) get angry less about things not working out, and more about the other person not respecting their feelings. It doesn't sound that you respected the feelings of the guy you spent last night with. Edited December 28, 2012 by Imajerk17 7
Els Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I'm not sure the problem is with the guy, though I agree that a more mature guy would likely have shown more self-respect and left you the instant you told him he wasn't into you, instead of badgering you further. But really, making out with a guy and falling asleep with him on the couch when you're not into him? Really not sure that's a good idea unless you'd already told him you just want a casual hookup. Not nice to do that to someone, regardless of gender. 1
edgygirl Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I think the difference is that most young guys are not jaded and cynical by relationships yet. As kiwi dates older guys, she is probably used to getting away with sleeping with them and not looking back the next day and not having to consider their feelings - they are used to confused women although they might not like it. Younger guys still have feelings, kiwi... handle them with care. Or they'll become the older ones we complain about who do the same thing to us.
MrCastle Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 ImaJerk nailed it. Sorry Kiwers, this one is on you. And it has nothing to do with the maturity level of younger men.
angie2443 Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Because the younger ones cant read body language OR take your truthful answers seriously!!! Last night while drinking i kissed a 20 year old guy. I was developing a crush on hin and it was obvious it was mutual. Well we made out sooooo much. I woke up on the couch with him at 7am. Fully clothed. No sex. But i have a hickie on my neck. HUGE ONE. And one on my cheek. Yes. My cheek. So this morning he asked If i wanted to go for a walk to talk. Right away he asked me what i think of him. I told him Im in love with my ex (the one Im still sleeping with). And that i wanted to be his FRIEND. Which is not possible now. But this kid. Instead of backing off comes on STRONGER to me. Telling me i should be over my ex. (DUH). And he wouldn't stop putting his hands on me. Trying to hold my hand, put his arm around me, kiss my cheek. He's a nice guy and i should have realized where this was headed in his mind. I feel bad about leading him on. But after being honest and straightforward, he still isn't backing off. /young guy rant I have dated a few older guys (above 35) in my late teens/early twenties. Three of them were into the hicky thing. Old guys can do yucky things to. 1
KungFuJoe Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Because the younger ones cant read body language OR take your truthful answers seriously!!! Last night while drinking i kissed a 20 year old guy. I was developing a crush on hin and it was obvious it was mutual. Well we made out sooooo much. I woke up on the couch with him at 7am. Fully clothed. No sex. But i have a hickie on my neck. HUGE ONE. And one on my cheek. Yes. My cheek. So this morning he asked If i wanted to go for a walk to talk. Right away he asked me what i think of him. I told him Im in love with my ex (the one Im still sleeping with). And that i wanted to be his FRIEND. Which is not possible now. But this kid. Instead of backing off comes on STRONGER to me. Telling me i should be over my ex. (DUH). And he wouldn't stop putting his hands on me. Trying to hold my hand, put his arm around me, kiss my cheek. He's a nice guy and i should have realized where this was headed in his mind. I feel bad about leading him on. But after being honest and straightforward, he still isn't backing off. /young guy rant sweetkiwi...I think you're a REAL cool girl...but if you can't see what you're doing in this situation...I don't know what to say. You led the guy on...said you were developing a crush on him...spent the freakin night with him...THEN tell him you're in love with your ex the next morning. AND TO TOP IT OFF, you get upset when he keeps coming on to you? Again...I think you're great, but there is SO much wrong with this, I just gotta shake my head. 4
Imported Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Seriously?? Its like you didn't read my words at all. I VERBALLY EXPRESSED that i wasn't into him. He proceeded to try and kiss me, hold my hand, and put his arm around me. I then VERBALLY told him AFTER squirming away from EVERY ADVANCE HE MADE. Next time i will karate chop him across the face. Direct enough. I read your words and it was confusing as hell till this point. Although this is the following day and the guy was probably still basing things off of......less than 24 hours ago. One night you're consentually making out with the guy, the next morning is the opposite, confusion is understandable. And somehow its the guys fault for not understanding. You don't need to karate chop him.......just don't make out with a guy you have no interest in, seems pretty simple. I think you being drunk was the real problem. Some women are just 180 out when they're drunk. If you find you don't make the same decisions when you are drunk that you would make when you are sober with regards to what you do with guys, maybe train yourself to handle your alcohol better or learn your limits and regulate yourself.
Divasu Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Yes i made out with him. Omgggggg. Im talking about my body language today. Read. He kept trying to hold my hand and i was avoiding it. Stiffening up. Avoiding any contact. ALONG with verbally telling him i wasn't interested. Ohhh, okay... I guess changing body language within a (estimate, 10-hour period?) makes a huge difference. So, why couldn't you tell him this AHEAD of time: I told him Im in love with my ex (the one Im still sleeping with). And that i wanted to be his FRIEND. I don't view this as having anything to do with a man's age, but a failure on your part to express the above beforehand.
LazyPomato Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Maybe you should move on from the drunk hicky parties filled with 20 year old horny guys to avoid this problem? 3
Negative Nancy Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Because the younger ones cant read body language OR take your truthful answers seriously!!! Last night while drinking i kissed a 20 year old guy. I was developing a crush on hin and it was obvious it was mutual. Well we made out sooooo much. I woke up on the couch with him at 7am. Fully clothed. No sex. But i have a hickie on my neck. HUGE ONE. And one on my cheek. Yes. My cheek. So this morning he asked If i wanted to go for a walk to talk. Right away he asked me what i think of him. I told him Im in love with my ex (the one Im still sleeping with). And that i wanted to be his FRIEND. Which is not possible now. But this kid. Instead of backing off comes on STRONGER to me. Telling me i should be over my ex. (DUH). And he wouldn't stop putting his hands on me. Trying to hold my hand, put his arm around me, kiss my cheek. He's a nice guy and i should have realized where this was headed in his mind. I feel bad about leading him on. But after being honest and straightforward, he still isn't backing off. /young guy rant You probably haven't met the right type of younger guy yet. Not surprising though, judging by your description of the type of men you usually go for.
SilentVoice Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Going on a date with someone who you aren't interested in. Showing them you are. Then you are mad that they show interest. Since your actions aren't meeting your own words. Now some how this is a fault with young - or the young, dumb and full of cum' Now did he pay for that date? Ugh, I am so happy I don't like chicks. Sadly enough this guy will continue to chase you - since guys like the craze. 1
Failboy Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Women should stick to players when they are only looking for short hook-ups. Some men are having a really hard time getting a woman they desire to kiss them so whenever this happens they can be very heartbroken when the woman suddenly loses interest completely for no real reason and on top of that expects the guy to be totally okay with that. I had this happen to me a few months back.. hot girl holds hands with me and all, I didn't even go for the kiss because I wanted to do that on the first real date (met her while being at a bar with friends). Then it turned out she didn't even want to date. I would have married that girl, realizing she was just having fun for the moment is pretty hurtful and I am still sad about this.
phineas Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Going on a date with someone who you aren't interested in. Showing them you are. Then you are mad that they show interest. Since your actions aren't meeting your own words. Now some how this is a fault with young - or the young, dumb and full of cum' Now did he pay for that date? Ugh, I am so happy I don't like chicks. Sadly enough this guy will continue to chase you - since guys like the craze. Don't forget the whole time she is in love with her ex & sleeping with him. Strong WTF. And women wonder why they can't find a guy who wants more than a ONS. LOL! 3
nofool4u Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 You let him leave love marks on your body but yet you want to put him in the friendzone? I'm glad he's pestering you. What makes you think being with an older man will be any different with your kind of attitude? Well an older man, instead of being aggressive, would probably have told her what he thought about her, then walked away without skinning his teeth.
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