Why would she say this?

[Confused420]

Basically, my girlfriend broke up with me a little over a month ago. We were in a LDR and I completely understood her reasons why and we ended on very good terms with the intention of being friends once I had sorted my head out.

 

I sent her a message on Christmas Eve wishing her a Merry Christmas.

 

Then, yesterday, out of the blue she started talking to me, asking me questions about my life and what I was planning to do over the next year. I kept my answers short, answering her questions but not really showing much interest in her life. She asked me how my Christmas had been, I told her it was good and I enjoyed it. She told me hers didn't feel like Christmas at all and a major factor of that was because she didn't have a boyfriend to celebrate it with.

 

This hurt. I mean, it was her fault she didn't have a boyfriend to celebrate it with. She ended things with me, why would she even say that? I don't understand. I replied with a 'Yeh :/' and left it at that.

 

A few hours later I sent her another message saying 'I miss you, you should move over here.' I wasn't being serious. She replied saying 'I'd love that, I miss you too I'd love it over there'.

 

This was last night and we haven't spoken since. I don't think there's any chance of us getting back together, she just doesn't wanna do long distance which I can respect. I'm in school and she isn't willing to move over here. I've told her that I'd be move over there once I'm done with school, which is about a year and a half away but that's too long for her.

 

But why would she say something like 'the worst part about Christmas was not having a boyfriend to celebrate it with'. To her ex. Who she broke up with about a month ago.

 

I know it's probably nothing but this really got with me. I was making progress and this has just knocked me right back. I understand she probably took my 'Merry Christmas' as an indication I was ready to talk again but it was just a friendly gesture to remind her I still cared about her.

 

I plan on talking to her today when she wakes up and telling her that I'm not ready to talk because I still love her and it's not fair on me to have my feelings played with.

 

I'd just like a few outside opinions before talking to her though. Thanks LS

Edited December 28, 2012 by Confused420

[TaraMaiden]

Do NOT Contact her again.

That was a "please pity me" whinge.

She's resentful that you seem to have moved on, but she's amking all this about her, not about you.

It's an ego-trip.

She wants you - to feel sorry for her - after she was the one who dumped you??

 

You can see how warped that is, right?

 

Of course you can, hence your question.

 

She's feeding you breaqdcrumbs.

 

If she really wants to tkae the opportunity to try to get back with you - let her do the calling.

It's on her shoulders, not yours, to make things ok.

 

Read the "All-New Caliguy No Contact Guide!" link in my signature.

 

You must, at all costs, go complete and total No Contact.

Do not carry out your plan.

 

That's just pandering to her ego and making her feel better.

Why?

She won't ask you back, she will just look for more of the same. Validation that she's wonderful, and that you should be as miserable as she is.

 

Of course she's set you back.

 

That was the whole point.

 

Stay NC and do not contact her again.

Read the guide, and learn the only time you should ever respond to her, in future.

Everything else is for her ego, not your well-being.

[cavalier99]

Umm I'm confused. Why are you texting her Merry Christmas? Then continuing to text and communicate with her? I mean this is a VERY bad idea if you want to recover. I guess you wanted to see if there was still a chance?

 

She really didn't do anything wrong ...you did. Does she want her ego stroked?...sure..does she want your shoulder to cry on? ..sure..BUT...This is what most EXs do and is to be expected if you communicate.

 

This one is on you. ..and hopefully will be a lesson for the future. Stay NC This time

[cavalier99]

Her "i miss you too, id love it over there" meant.

 

I am upset i don't have a new boyfriend now, i feel lonely, in another life this would have been cool but too bad it didn't happen and i needed (past tense) to move on. It is pure nostalgia. Nothing to do with you right now in the present.

 

My ex misses me and my dog too, and always remembers me with love and affection and would like to talk some day. according to a unsolicited email for my bday. But I'm pretty she still has a new BF and i don't see her knocking on my door. I didn't respond.

 

This type of communication means nothing even though it is hard to grasp. We are groping for meaning that isn't there.

Edited December 28, 2012 by cavalier99

[Confused420]

Thanks guys, really helped.

 

I've blocked her again now, I did send her a message telling her how I felt and why I was blocking her (you might disagree with this but I still respect her and want her to know I'm just ignoring her for the sake of it) but blocked her before she had a chance to message me back.

 

Cavalier, I know you're right and if the roles were reversed I'd be saying the same thing to you. I wish I could take my own advice!