Met a new woman....very interested but.....

[Jai]

For some reason seeming that I was with my ex for 6 years I am totally unaware of signs that are given to me. Anyways let me give you the story and you can possibly help me out.

 

Well I met her about a month ago. I was out for drinks with my friend and she was our waitress. She looked incredible. Well since then I have been going to the same place almost every weekend for the past 4 weeks and she is there always when I am there. Now we have to keep in mind that she has a boyfriend and apparantly she has been with him for 13 years.

 

Now here are the things that she is doing:

 

1) Always smiling and I catch her staring sometimes.

2) Gets annoyed when I chat with another woman. ( She gives the girl a death stare)

3) Always leans against me (not sexual) but makes physical contact with me when she is talking to me.

4) I asked her if she wanted to hang out after work and smoke a joint and she said yes without hesitation.

5) She never goes out like that with a customer...I can tell she was being honest and I never doubted the fact.

6) She asked for my e-mail addy.

7) She kept asking herself "What am I doing?" when we were driving to the spot but yet seemed so comfortable.

8) When we were talking in my truck she was leaning in listening to everything I said and was genuinely interested in what I had to say.

 

Now I think that her old relationship is going sour. I can't think of anyone being with someone that long and not getting married and I am not sure but I can tell she is not happy in her current situation.

 

I want to put the moves on her but I can't seeming that she has a bf and that is a major no no in my books. I will not interfere in a persons relationship. If it ends with the two of them I would for sure but I dont want to be the reason for the break up.

 

Before she left I told her that I had a real great time hanging out and getting to know her better and I informed her that I felt a connection with her. As she was leaving I could see that she was so excited that I had told her that. She was kind of bouncy and lively as she went to get into her car.

 

Am I right to think that she has something for me?

 

Oh and before anyone asks....I am 25 and she is 31.

 

 

Peace,

 

Jai

[moimeme]

Until she leaves him, putting 'the moves' on her will make you a skank.

[DazednConfused]

Dude,

 

You are already "putting moves" on her by taking her out after work.

 

Big No-No huh? I am calling B.S. You want to sound like this nice guy, but the real fact is that you are consciously pursuing a woman in a committed relationship. If you respect the girl, tell her you can't see her anymore while she is attached. What about the guy? He put in thirteen years with this woman. Ring or not, I think that deserves some consideration.

 

You make her feel good. She feels attractive and flattered that you are showing interest, but given the failure rate in relationships that start this way, you will probably be nothing more than a temporary ego boost for her.

 

Jai, I know I sound a little harsh, but dayum, open your eyes. You're 25, and there a million or more hot, single women out there.

 

Just my .02, for what it's worth.

[Jai]

Ok hold up a second.....

 

It is a big no no to meet someone (plutonic) and smoke a joint with them. I am asking a simple question and all of you are acting like we are ****ing. Relax a second. First of all yes I do have feelings for her but I never told her that. When she said she doesn't hang out with a customer I told her I felt we had a connection. Trust me...this lady gets hit on more then anyone I can think of but she seems to warm up to me. As far as we go right now we are only friends. Could there be something more????who knows. I like the person she is and we click together but I will not break up the relationship.....who even said I was going to do that anyways. I know I didn't. If she has a thing for me and leaves him for me that is fine....but I am not going to help the cause. I don't have a [problem with the age thing. I generally get along with people older then me anyways. I am very mature for my age and can not handle the bull **** from these hot, young chicks. They are too indecisive and can never figure out what they want. I am so ahead of that bull **** and want to settle down....I suggest that you go out with those fine young hotties and get your heart ripped out when they meet someone else. Trust me buddy 6 years faithful to my ex and I got cheated on. As far as me acting like a nice guy........I am a nice guy. Like I said if she leaves him because it is not working and wants to start something with me then I am game but my intention is not to break them up

 

 

I don't know what the **** is going on with you people but you seriously need to relax and read the whole post....not just what you want to read. I am asking advise and if you are going to be negative then don't bother.

 

This is loveshack not hateshack so cheer the **** up.

 

Peace,

 

Jai

[DazednConfused]

Jai,

 

FYI, I read the whole post.

 

1. You show up where she works on a regular basis, specifically because she is there. - You are hoping the opportunity presents itself to ask her out.

2. You invite her out to smoke a J. - You find that you have at least one similar interest, so this is good for you. Also, there is an outside chance that she does something out of character.

3. You pick her up from work and you drive someplace to enjoy your smoke. - Hey, look, I have her alone, it's late, we are doing something illegal, so there really can't be anyone around....

4. You tell her you have feelings for her. - Sure thing pal, just drop a line out there and she if she takes it.

 

None of these things qualify as courting or "making moves" to you? Just what is a "move"? Do you have to kiss? Maybe make out a little? get naked?

 

All this and you firmly believe that you have taken some kind of moral high road in this? Does her b/f know you took her out and got high? I doubt it.

 

You asked a question, and you have a couple of answers. Take it or leave it, it makes little difference to me. To respond to the answers in the way you have speaks volumes about your maturity, regardles of what you so vehemently profess. This site is not about always getting pats on the back regardless of how wrong you are, it is the exchange of ideas and opinions. We all have some. It's also not about comparing who has been hurt most.

 

Don't ask questions if you only want the answers you want to hear.

[Jai]

bump....

 

I would like some more advice. Dazed I do appreciate your opinion.....but we are at a point where we beleive different things. Lets agree to disagree and move forward. Thanks for your advice.

 

 

Jai

[DazednConfused]

Fair 'nuff.

 

I do hope it all comes out for the best.

[Jai]

I have come to realize through my experiences that..especially with my ex... that either people are meant to be or not. The ones that are not meant to be are your learning experiences so that you do not choose the same kind of person again. I beleive that if the connection is not there from the beginning then it is probably not meant to be. With my ex and I....I did not realize that I wanted her until 3 days after I met her hence it was not meant to be. If you have a connection with another person right from the start regardless whether or not they have a SO or not then there is potential future. What I wanted to do with this new woman was tell her that I felt this connection....not to get a rise from her but just so that she knows. After that the option is hers. We really match up great together and lets be honest but if she was happy in her relationship because she was totally connected with her man then she wouldn't have had that connection with me. I don't beleive that it is an ego boost for her. I can see that she has a genuine interest in me. My ex had left me for another person but she cheated on me. I will not be the other man. I have too much self-respect to do that to myself and is the reason I haven't tried anything physical on her. I do not want to confuse her like that. That happened to me and my ex broke up with me because of that. Not because she didn't love me but because she had a stronger connection to the other guy. If we had a strong enough connection we would have never broke up and she would not have found interest in the other guy. As far as my situation goes I feel the same way. If she had such a great connection to her man then she wouldn't be connecting with me on the level that we are. I mean lets be honest.....she asked for my contact info.....I never asked for hers, so I can only assume that she is planning on leaving her man soon. Keep in mind that she does not do this at all but finds something in me that she really likes and wants. I can tell by the look in her eyes.

 

She makes me feel so awesome....and has never complimented me or anything like that nor have I to her. We have just had conversation and realized that we have a lot in common....as well as being attrcted to eachother. I feel that the two of them are not meant to be. I mean why would she be out with me if she was meant to be with him.

 

I have never felt the way I do about anyone before.....even my ex. My ex was too into changing me and this woman likes me for who I am (flaws and all). No woman I have ever been with has liked me for me.....they always want to change me and I am a great person as is.

 

Anyways, I don't want to be the other man but I real feel like there is something special about our connection and would be shooting myself in the foot if I didn't at the very least tell her how I felt about her.

 

You may disagree but believe me I have been in her boyfriends shoes to and I came to the realization that some people are meant to be together and some are not meant to be together.

 

Oh well....I am giving her space right now to figure things out. I am not planning on going back to the bar until next weekend so by then we will see where we stand.

 

Jai