Having serious problems dealing with his past....

[loveregardless]

Hello. I've never posted before but I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to keep your mind clear of unhealthy obsessive thoughts about my boyfriends past. We've been together for a year now but I have recently started to develope the most obsessive aweful images and thoughts of him with other girls from his past. When we first got together he had pictures up of all kinds of girls all over the place and he was a little too honest with me i suppose about certain things, and now those pictures (which have been gone for months) and thoughts (which we stopped talking about that stuff completely months ago as well) are drving me insane. I have alot of guilt and regret about my own past which has caused me to be in almost complete denial about any if it,(which was much worse than his) but that has caused my thoughts of his past to just be amplified. I was diagnosed as being bipolar several years ago, and over the last few years i have managed to control my symptoms without medication almost completely...until all this started again. and these thoughts...they're just about as obsessive copulsive as they can get. and it's not only waking thoughts, but nightmares as well...i wake up crying all the time. and my poor boyfreind, upon seeing how emotional i get, he gets so angry...which he has told me is because he doesn't like thinking about his past either, and it makes him feel guilty and upset when i act this way. i just don't know what to do. i refuse to go back on medication. but what can i do on my own...how can i forgive myself of my own past and let his go. please help me.

[YellowLioness]

Sometimes, your mind gets sick just like your body does. When your body gets sick, you take antibiotics and such.

 

When your mind gets sick, it needs drugs, too.

 

Why in the world did you get off your meds?

 

Perhaps you are just obsessive compulsive about those pictures. I'm not sure what you can do to rid yourself of the pictures, unless you try what smokers do to quit smoking:

 

My dad put a rubber band on his arm, and every time he had a craving, he snapped it. Dad has been smoke free for a year!

 

Maybe if you tried a similar method, it would work for you.

 

Otherwise, maybe every time you have bad thoughts you could take a walk, read, cook something, paint, play a musical instrument, whatever you do.

 

Now, I'm not a doctor, and these are just my suggestions. If this is affecting your life badly, go to a psych.

[loveregardless]

the meds seemed to be doing me more harm than good. i have been quite successful at handling my symptoms for some time now, but this is some newly developed obsession that has just beaten me for some reason. i don't know if maybe it has more to do with my own personal guilt or what...but it is really aweful and i would appreciate any help. the rubber band idea seems helpful, i already have one on my wrist as we speak.

im finally starting to understand why people tell you your whole life to stay a virgin until marriage. apparently sexual activity just causes problems for relatrionships further down the road. i just feel like...i dunno... this aweful feeling of disgust and this intense pain at the onset of these thoughts. and the pictures are only so much of an issue...i can imagine things with people i've never seen even pics of before. it's just aweful..

[BettyBoo]

I am so sorry you are suffering from bi polar. I think you have been great on managing up to now. However your 'obsession 'as you call it with your boyfrineds past is certinly bringing up a lot for you now.

 

Please find yourself a good therapist and process these feelings. You need help as we all do from time to time. You also need to find a'space' to process your feelings and thoughts. A therapeutic space is just that. Your boyfriend cannot manage your constantly going on about his past in the long term. It will destroy your relationship.

 

I wish you the best of luck (((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))))

[loveregardless]

I just wanted to say thank you so much for the rubberband idea! I know it sounds really simple. But since I put it on my wrist yesterday afternoon, other than the fact that it is quite painful, it is really working! I know that everyone thinks I should go back on medication...but I just hate who it makes me. i turn into a zombie, with no emotion at all. and i don't think that's any better...i like being emotionally sensative. it's one of my weakest points as well as my strongest points...but it's just the OCD part of my disorder that gets to me. I've actually started to make up poems to distract my mind while I'm snapping away at my wrist as well. And daily affirmations will help as well..like affirming myself that the past is over, and unchangeable, and that regret is futile. I think I need to do a little more soul searching and heal my own past wounds as well. I think that may have A LOT more to do with it than I realized before. I suppose maybe I'm just supremely stubborn...but I just think I can do anything. Including conquer this "flare up" of my "disease". I plan on going into the natural health feild and am going to be getting my massage therapy liscence, yoga instructors liscence and master herbalist certification. so as you can see, my life style just doesn't fit that of being on medication. If I had more time to do my yoga here ately, it probably wouldn't have "flared up" in the first place. But we shall see... I'll keep on snapping. Geeze, what a great idea-I just can't get over it.

[YellowLioness]

Hrmmm.... no

 

To clarify:

Bi Polar related to mood swings, a chemical imbalance.

 

Obsessive complulsive:

more of a personality disorder, but can also be caused by anxiety/depression

 

Lol!

 

Just because someone is on meds, doesn't mean that they are bi-polar. ;-)

 

http://www.geocities.com/HotSprings/Spa/3247/bi-polar.html

 

Here is a link if you would like to know more about the condition.

[BettyBoo]

(I was diagnosed as being bipolar several years ago, and over the last few years i have managed to control my symptoms without medication almost completely...until all this started again.) Quote from original post.

 

Yellowlioness I said bipolar as this was in the original quote I am sure she knows her own medical history.

[loveregardless]

actually...bipolar is a disorder that encompasses many of it's cousin disorders which include but are not limited to: obsessive compulsive disorder, ADD, and ADHD as well as severe depression. all of which can be due to a chemical imbalance and in fact all of which I have. (among many others) as well as being clinically narcassistic. bet ya never woulda thunk that one! bipolar is an awful disorder that is very rarely understood properly. it is a daily struggle...it is my full time job...to maintain normalcy despite all of these constant internal conflicts. but i do it, partly because i have to..and partly because i know i'm smart enough and strong enough to do anything. im also a taurus so add that all together, bake it for nine months and then tell me what you get.

but i think anyone can manage their mental issues without medications. one of my dearest friends is, among many things, schizophrenic, and he's been off meds for quite some time, some days are successful without trying, other days are so difficult it seems futile. but basicly it comes down to this...if mental illness is a chemical imbalance, than medications, change your brains chemical status. that means it changes who you are and how you act. and the effects of a psychiatric medication are not confined to the negative aspects of your personality...they change the positive as well. they make it so you don't cry every day, but they'll make you numb and cold. (just i.e.) and honestly, doctors don't really know how you are going to react to any medication they give you, it is all trial and error. nothing is assured, and quite often the meds have far worse physical side effects that beings crazy. like kidney and liver damage, thyroid damage... really, read the warning levels- now that's CRAZY! meditation, spiritual searching and emotional therapy are by far better alternatives if you are willing to dedicate yourself to a lifetime of really hard work! but it only makes you stronger. honestly, most "crazy" people, are where the world gets it's geniuses from . but then again...some people are just "nuts". =)

but anyways...thats why i don't want to be on medications. obviously. but like i said, suggestions like the rubber band trick are realy very helpful. tricks to distract the mind. just in the last day since i started with the rubber band it has helped...that and i took some advice from another post i read, which lead to the idea of making up poems as a distraction. yesterday i was just feeling extremely desperate...that is why i found this site in the first place. plus...i never really have anyone to talk to besides my boyfreind and my father (i work as his office manager) so...i know that sounds pathetic or whatever...but....well it has just been good to have someone else to talk to.

[YellowLioness]

Perhaps I should read more carefully, next time, huh?

[loveregardless]

just tell me how to get a nifty picture for my posts like yalls. =)

[BettyBoo]

it's great to see you are so informed and empowered in relation to your illness. I feel so many people with mental health problems have little or no say over meds, treatment etc and are banished to an impoverished life.

 

I got my pic off images at google!!! Look forward to seeing yours!

[noni]

well, im having kind of the same problem, having nightmares and having these wierd feelings that i feel like im an emotional freak. One minute im with my boyfriend and everything is fine and the next minute i start cranking myself up with thoughts of him with other women of his past and just being nasty and it disgusts me to a point where i have even thrown up. my boyfriend has never cheated on me and hes very loving with me and he tells me he has never felt like this for anyone hes constantly calling me and telling me how much he needs me and loves me.. we are almost always together we live togther and are getting married next year (hopefully).. i have never had these feelings like this. i feel like i cant control my feelings.. i think im crazy! im thinking of getting help soon, ive talked to my boyfriend about it and he agreed to to anything that could help me. hes so patient and kind i dont know why im feeling like this!!..

[loveregardless]

First of all, I just want to say that I typed out a huge response to this only moments ago to have a power surge wipe it all away. Not that it matters, just whining is all. But anyways...

Basicly there has to be a reason why you are having these thoughts/dreams. It sounds to me like you are experiancing EXACTLY the same thing that I was going through, and if so, then I have a few suggestions and questions. I'll start with some suggestions...

The rubber band idea is a good place to start

The next level is distracting your mind when the thoughts/images manifest themselves. Try humming or making up poems about things around you at the time.

Get downright nasty if you have to. Yell at yourself if necessary (internally unless you want those around you to make weird faces). tell yourself that you simply refust to entertain such thoughts in your head. "I refuse to see this right now. This isn't real. This is a waste of my energy. I refuse!!!"

 

All of these things, as well as any ideas you come up with on your own (which would preobably work better for you since they would be more personal--except for the rubber band thing--really do that one) for distracting your mind will help you to quell the thoughts when they arise.

 

But then you have to deal with the problem on the OTHER level. And that is the source. There is a reason why you are having these thoughts/dreams. What that reason is will most likely require a lot of soul searching on your part, and support on you partners part. So then my questions are...

Is there anything about your relationship that you are unhappy about?

Are you going through anything else right now emotionally that is putting you under stress?

Do you completely trust your boyfreind?

Does he completely trust you?

Do you have issues about your own past that you are denying or repressing? (that was a big one for me)

Are you having marriage jitters?

Are women from his past constantly around or calling?

 

You don't actually have to answer those questions for me, but they, among many others, are questions you should ask yourself.

 

But the bottom line is that there is a reason why this is happening, and if you figure out that reason, and resolve the issues that need to be resolved, then they will go away...eventually.