MelissaD Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Has anybody here taken a break until you and your partner could be in the same place? My boyfriend of 2.5 years and I could potentially (if he gets into grad school) be living in the same city in 8 months... or 1.5 years, once I complete a rotation for my job but are having a hard time with our relationship now. We were in the same city for a year but he moved away for his first job and I have been in school. We are in agreement that now it is just not working but are still planning our future and are trying to get to the same city. Any similar situations? Did you "no contact" or keep in touch? Move in together once you finally ended up together? Agree not to date other people or keep it open? Any input is appreciated!
salparadise Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Has anybody here taken a break until you and your partner could be in the same place? My boyfriend of 2.5 years and I could potentially (if he gets into grad school) be living in the same city in 8 months... or 1.5 years, once I complete a rotation for my job but are having a hard time with our relationship now. We were in the same city for a year but he moved away for his first job and I have been in school. We are in agreement that now it is just not working but are still planning our future and are trying to get to the same city. Any similar situations? Did you "no contact" or keep in touch? Move in together once you finally ended up together? Agree not to date other people or keep it open? Any input is appreciated! While I understand the practical difficulties of trying to hold a LDR together for a certain amount of time until you can be together in the same city, I really do not understand how it could be anything other than a big, awful mess to declare a break in the meantime and while continuing to make plans and holding out hope that the relationship will survive. What's the point exactly? If one (or both) of you start dating others and develop feelings then you will effectively be in two relationships at the same time. It will be confusing for you emotionally and blatantly unfair and potentially devastating to whomever you start dating. Would the two of you continue being open and honest with one another, including sexual exploits and attachment status to other people? If so, how is that going to feel, and if not, what effect will the double life have your trust and respect for each other? Will you be open and honest to new dating partners about having one foot in and one foot out of a prior relationship and still making plans for the future? I suppose if you're the type who could be in an open relationship then perhaps you could pull this off, but I can't see it being anything but a confusing mess. If the two of you are so emotionally distant that this wouldn't bother you then I'd have to seriously question whether there's any point to holding onto the LDR while playing around on the side. So the question is, what's the point? Is it just about getting enough sex and having some companionship and entertainment? 2
TaraMaiden Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 You either break up, or stick together come what may, and both strive to make it work. There IS no middle ground. Taking a break' means.... what? Can you date others? Can you even meet and hang out with others? What would you consider acceptable? Do you have to remain exclusive and faithful, or can you fool around a little....? See? Too much like hard work. Either break up - or stick it out. What's it worth to you? 2
HeavenOrHell Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 A break usually means you're needing time to think if you can continue with the r/ship. You said you've agreed things aren't working, is this just because of the distance, or are there other reasons? If it's the latter then taking a break won't help, as those problems will still be there at the end of the break, why plan a future if things aren't working? But if the distance for the next 8 months to 1.5 years is the only problem then why have a break, why not remain as close as you can? You will most likely grow apart if you have no contact for that time. I have no end in sight to my r/ship (together 3 years next April), but it doesn't stop us wanting daily contact/closeness and meeting up whenever we can. To me 8 months or even 2 years is worth waiting for him for. I can't see any LD r/ship survive if you keep it open to seeing others. So, personally I can't see the point of having no contact until you can be together. Has anybody here taken a break until you and your partner could be in the same place? My boyfriend of 2.5 years and I could potentially (if he gets into grad school) be living in the same city in 8 months... or 1.5 years, once I complete a rotation for my job but are having a hard time with our relationship now. We were in the same city for a year but he moved away for his first job and I have been in school. We are in agreement that now it is just not working but are still planning our future and are trying to get to the same city. Any similar situations? Did you "no contact" or keep in touch? Move in together once you finally ended up together? Agree not to date other people or keep it open? Any input is appreciated!
Amelie1980 Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Either break up or stay together and do your best. I was in a LDR some 12 years ago. My bf of 2.5 years went to study abroad after college. we talked about it and decided to see if we could wait for each other. but then there was an opportunity for him to stay abroad longer, he didn't know if he was going to stay etc. e got distant with me and as it eventually came out, he was seeing someone else but still stringing me along in case he came home for good. Surprisingly it wasn't a hugely painful break up as I was used to him not.being there. he had been gone for 5 months before we broke up and I was used to him not being there. Anyway, my point being your situation smacks of what mine did: ifs buts and maybes. you might end up in the same.city but you don't know when etc. So either break up completely now and see if you're still single if you end up in the same city. or do your best now to keep it going and make it work.
Author MelissaD Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 It seems that the decision is to break up. He called today to say he can't do it. We didn't talk about what's next (if anything), but I am going to see him for New Years. I suppose we'll have our goodbye and then move on.
HeavenOrHell Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Sorry to hear this Melissa, I think the majority of people can't handle LDR's and wouldn't even attempt it. Wishing you all the best. It seems that the decision is to break up. He called today to say he can't do it. We didn't talk about what's next (if anything), but I am going to see him for New Years. I suppose we'll have our goodbye and then move on.
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