winter_02 Posted August 16, 2004 Posted August 16, 2004 I met a guy that I am crazy about. And my kids are crazy about him too. The first month he would call 2x a day, we would chat in the a.m and p.m and we would take turns visiting each others homes. We do alot of family stuff. He showers us with gifts, takes us to dinner and spends quality time with the kids. I agree we went pretty fast in the beginning. We are no spring chickens so we both are looking for a serious relationship. We have both been hurt in the past so we are very happy to find one another. I know he likes to keep busy. Likes to work. Esp.OT. But, normally he would leave a message saying,"Hey Hon working late. Will call you tomorrow." This past week he hasn't called. No emails replied. He's not even on the computer. I had called several times and asked "What's up?" he finally called and told me he was busy with work. I waited a couple days to call him and still nothing. No communication. It hurts. I told him that when he doesn't call, email or leave message saying "he's thinking of me" I don't feel like I'm special to him anymore. His response is that he's busy working and when he gets home he goes right to sleep. I wanted a relationship because I was sad and lonely. I'm in one right now and I feel sad and lonely. I have trying to keep busy and not dwell on everything, but it's still there. Please tell me I'm over-reacting and need to be more patient. And that he is really busy and not to take it too serious. I know he still loves me, but I'm still so lonely.
uriel Posted August 16, 2004 Posted August 16, 2004 It's possible he's just busy with work, but it's also possible that he's using that as an excuse. You're right to note when a partner's behavior changes suddenly and for any extended period of time. In this case, you'll have to wait and see what happens. Sometimes men with commitment problems (women too) come on very strong at first and then begin to distance when they feel too attached. But then, sometimes men who feel secure in a loving relationship feel they can turn to other concerns now and then without worrying always about the relationship. They view this as a sign of the relationship being good. I don't know that it's a good idea to introduce men you date to your children until one seems to have made a commitment to you first. That's important because kids get their hopes up too. In this case, you'll just have to pass your bf's excuse on to them and try to keep from them how much the lapse is bothering you. You don't want your romantic trials to become your kids' emotional burdens too. -- uriel
Author winter_02 Posted August 16, 2004 Author Posted August 16, 2004 Thank You for your reply Uriel. He does feel secure about our relationship. Which makes me think maybe the 'falling in love' stage is over and now we're getting to the next phase. He enjoys being with the kids cause his are all grown and he has no one to come home to. 'He likes being with the kids cause they'll definately keep you busy'.( Busy, busy, busy. Where I'm more of a couch potatoe.)
Author winter_02 Posted August 17, 2004 Author Posted August 17, 2004 It's been almost a week with no response to my calls or emails. He's not been too busy, though, I found that he has an active personal profile on a dating site. This hurts. Now, I know why he's avoiding me. I just wished that he had the guts to let me know he's no longer interested and not play these games with me. I'm sorry I ever did this.
cat girl Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 Hello, I am sorry you are hurting, and there really isn't any cure for this type of rejection or pain. However; i read in your post you want to be in a relationship because you are sad and lonely. In my opinion a relationship is for 2 people who are sufficient on their own and grow to gether. If you are sad and lonely and expect a man to fill that void, you only want him around for your neediness and to buffer your pain. I think you need to look at your life accomplishments, enjoy the company of your friends family and kids. This in itself should make you feel loved and wanted. When you can honestly say you are sufficient and a happy fufilled person, then you will attract the right person. I firmly believe there is some one for everyone. As for the man, i think he felt he may have jumped in too soon and didn't realize you may have more needs then he can handle. He may just be looking and wanting something lighter in his life for the moment. Give him the space he needs, but also look your self. keep your options open. Date, go out , have fun. Don't let this keep you down or get depressed over it. In this stage of the game you need some one that is mature enough to handle the situation. hope all goes well
surfergirl Posted August 17, 2004 Posted August 17, 2004 Catgarlo you are right on!!! Good advice. After my divorce of 9 years I jumped into a pretty serious relationship for a few months and my daughter (3yrs) became attached to the new guy. After realizing "Mr. Rebound" was "Mr. Wrong" I too had to find happiness in my situationa as it is. I am now secure in myself and completely happy, except getting hit on by married men. I will be very cautious before introducing her to someone new until I know it's going to work. Hang in there and good luck.
Author winter_02 Posted August 17, 2004 Author Posted August 17, 2004 Ty for your support. I am a very trusting, honest person and tend to believe what people tell me. One of my downfalls. Dating is new to me after so many years and I can only learn from my mistakes. TY for letting me vent here. I'm not going to let this bother me and move on. This week will be hectic with the kids going back to school next week. Lots of Orientations. And I'm looking for P/T work and well as work at home. I will also be inviting two of my girlfriends out this weekend. Both single and maybe we can just relax and have fun. I agree I jumped into this too fast to fill a need of companionship. It still hurts cause I had actually believed he was looking for a serious relationship and I was the one. I had lost myself these past few weeks and I'm going to find myself again.
chicasha Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 hang in there...its completely normal to feel what you're feeling. Its so easy to fall for someone really quickly.....I mean, u meet someone really nice, you're attracted...things go well for a while...how else are you supposed to feel. I'm the same way. I'm going through a similar thing (altho, i don't have kids). I am dealing w/ the man i'm dating not calling me. Its really frustrating, b/c just like you....I really thought he was 'the one'. honestly don't know what to make of it....b/c its not like we ever argued or anything, and we always had a good time, and very deep discussions. I just hope things work out...for you and for me.
surfergirl Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 Hey "ya'll" I need some picking up today. I'm kinda down in the dumps and have this crazy idea I want my recent bf back? I think it's because I haven't been out on a date in a few weeks. Whata you think? Please tell me the loneliness is only temporary. Anybody feelin' like I do today?
cat girl Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 Hey girls, All I can say is being , sad and lonely, just sucks! plain and simple. Yes the Ex you will miss, the hurt weakens in time, but i think if you really were in love, you will always miss him. Try to remember why you broke up, and why you wanted to go your own way in the first place that will help. There must have been times he just made you miserable. More then likely he made you more miserable then happy. That's why you broke up. I also suggest, just going out to have fun. With friends or family or even a trip with strangers, get your mind off of it , you will feel better, and things will look brighter. I can say men are very hard to understand because they are so complicated, but sadly i think it is the other way around, he's not calling, he's not around, it's because he's chasing some one else, or he has lost interest. I hate to be so sadistic about it , however; 90% of the time if you think their doing something wrong or that might hurt you, you probably are right! Or why woundn't they let you in on it? Forgive me for being so blunt, but we all have to wake up and smell the testostrone.
surfergirl Posted August 18, 2004 Posted August 18, 2004 Hah I needed that!!! Ty for your response. Somedays I just feel like a crybaby but I can't let it show on the outside - thought I was alone here too for a while - just tryin' to make some new friends out there .....be good.
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