SunsetRed Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I'm wondering if any other women out there have more doubts, misgivings and trust issues with the men they meet online, compared with the men they meet in real life. I seem to fear that every man I meet online will have drastic character flaws or that something is "wrong" with him and that's why he's meeting women online. Of course, I know that this idea is stupid, as I'm also dating online, so how can I judge those "people who date online." I think the problem I'm having is that the men I meet online are really quick to want to jump in the sack or really quick to want to meet at my apt. I prefer moving much slower with a guy I met online, due to needing to take more time to get to know him and the online men seem to want to move faster and seem to have an agenda to accomplish. I trust the men I meet online much less than the man I met through random chance and attraction, so I am opening up at a slower rate to them and alas, many of them give up and move on to the next woman in their inbox or match list. anyone else have this problem?
todreaminblue Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I'm wondering if any other women out there have more doubts, misgivings and trust issues with the men they meet online, compared with the men they meet in real life. I seem to fear that every man I meet online will have drastic character flaws or that something is "wrong" with him and that's why he's meeting women online. Of course, I know that this idea is stupid, as I'm also dating online, so how can I judge those "people who date online." I think the problem I'm having is that the men I meet online are really quick to want to jump in the sack or really quick to want to meet at my apt. I prefer moving much slower with a guy I met online, due to needing to take more time to get to know him and the online men seem to want to move faster and seem to have an agenda to accomplish. I trust the men I meet online much less than the man I met through random chance and attraction, so I am opening up at a slower rate to them and alas, many of them give up and move on to the next woman in their inbox or match list. anyone else have this problem? I am going to have this problem...i am not going to multi date, and plan on catching up instead of giving it dating status....i am secure in the fact i can read inflections and body language.....arrrgh...its not enough...i really prefer to date a guy i know.......or catch up with guys i like to hang with...bit scared....unsure.....especially if i havent heard their voice......but last time i dated online i dont feel i gave it a chance and just met the wrong types.......i am not limiting myself to online dating and i still wont multi date...but i will catch up with guys without limiting methods of meeting them .i am actually rebounding with my feelings towards a non interested in me guy.. my last relationship was a rebound and it lasted fifteen years....so i dont have preconceptions going in of me being on a rebound.... in the catching up with guys realm..ill give what i have to give and i hope i get th esame in return....am i nervous.....ummmmm....its a definite yes............deb
edgygirl Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I am seriously starting to think that many men use OLD as a means to get a free h***er. Be smart and don't be one of those. Let them wait. If they don't wait, they're not worth it anyway. That's my main lesson from LS. 3
soccerrprp Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I'm wondering if any other women out there have more doubts, misgivings and trust issues with the men they meet online, compared with the men they meet in real life. I seem to fear that every man I meet online will have drastic character flaws or that something is "wrong" with him and that's why he's meeting women online. Of course, I know that this idea is stupid, as I'm also dating online, so how can I judge those "people who date online." I think the problem I'm having is that the men I meet online are really quick to want to jump in the sack or really quick to want to meet at my apt. I prefer moving much slower with a guy I met online, due to needing to take more time to get to know him and the online men seem to want to move faster and seem to have an agenda to accomplish. I trust the men I meet online much less than the man I met through random chance and attraction, so I am opening up at a slower rate to them and alas, many of them give up and move on to the next woman in their inbox or match list. anyone else have this problem? Hi, OLD guy here! Here are my thoughts: 1. Yes, easier to subscribe to multiple OLD sites and "cultivate" dates, so many men (and women) find it difficult to settle or focus on one relationship at a time w/o going after the next best thing....sad. 2. Guys (and some girls) do troll the sites just to hookup. But there are some men like myself, looking for much more. Unfortunately, we get bunched into the "sleezy" category and find it difficult to find quality, non-cynical ladies to date. 3. Because of 1 and 2, guys are probably moving faster for sex. Ultimately, though, it comes down to options and numbers. OLD dating offers convenience both good and bad, it offers a smorgasbord of temptation and if you're halfway attractive, more opportunities to find a partner. Doing it the old fashion way doesn't guarantee that you that guy is any less of a douche-bag or that he isn't using OLD as well. For me, OLD is a way to make that first contact and then, if things work out, go into old-fashioned style dating. People who OLD can be quite deceptive. Creating false, flowery profiles to try to impress to lure you in, but then again, there are smooth talkers you meet in person who do the same. Anyway, all to say, I understand your hesitation and cautious stance. I've dated a healthy number of women from OLD and none of them, but perhaps one, turned out to be other than advertised. Remain friends with some of them. So, not all bad, but you need to weed, vet-out the potentials by asking lots of questions, talking to them over the phone, expecting consistency and commitment to time and boundaries....just like real person-to-person dating. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 From what I have observed, OLD women are of much better quality than men. Most have intelligently written profile and are better looking too. Pretty much every women I click on is like that. Men on the other hand, looking for sex, barely bother to string two words together, use cliches etc etc. No wonder that women are rejecting most men. 2
sweetkiwi Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Yes i go through, and went through, the same thing regarding trust. But its not much different with men you meet IRL. With online dating its easier to lie and butter women up I am sure. Usually i talk to multiple men myself. Being fairly attractive means i have plentiful options. But what are those options really when those options are talking to +/- 100 women at the same time? Im much better in person myself and from what i can see most men are much better online. So I've unplugged myself from OLD because frankly i dont like it.
soccerrprp Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 LOL...it's true. Most of the guys on dating sites are hardly 'pick of the litter.' I've always maintained (and it's been consistently proven again and again) that most people's 'crazy' usually comes out by the 6 month mark. They're usually one of the following: sexual deviants, nutso's, emotional basketcases, personality disordered, lying cheaters who are really married (or otherwise coupled up) and pretending to be single, looking for sex and lying that they want a 'longterm relationship,' or they're alcholics - spin the wheel and take your pick. EEESH! I am none of the above and am not looking for men, but is it really THAT bad?! ;)
soccerrprp Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Yes i go through, and went through, the same thing regarding trust. But its not much different with men you meet IRL. With online dating its easier to lie and butter women up I am sure. Usually i talk to multiple men myself. Being fairly attractive means i have plentiful options. But what are those options really when those options are talking to +/- 100 women at the same time? Im much better in person myself and from what i can see most men are much better online. So I've unplugged myself from OLD because frankly i dont like it. sweetkiwi, you're probably and likely right about men being more comfortable with OLD. we're not the most sociable or communicative in person at times....
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Basically, women in general tend to prefer long term relationships while men prefer casual sex. A relationship oriented man is in such high demand that he would need to have something serously wrong with him to be unable to find it unless he goes on OLD site. Using this analogy - imagine how bad a woman would have to be to be unable to get casual sex in real life? Well that's about the quality of a relationship oriented man on an OLD site.
Angel Heart Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Trusting a man or woman one just met on OLD is simply unwise just as it is with one IRL. People in general have an agenda and we have to read thru all the BS that we hear and weed out the ones that have unhealthy, unproductive agendas. We are, of course, on our best behavior when first meeting someone. And OLD and IRL people put their best attributes, positive values and belief systems in their profile or discussion to entice the opposite sex. What a mistake to assume a particular person is all they've indicated; we have to be very careful in selecting a partner and that takes time. Many people just don't want to take that route and just want what you're willing to offer. Spending quality time with a new person and reading between the lines, asking them pertinent questions, and observe how they are in different settings will be a great way to gauge whether he/she is your type. Men and women get lonely, feel unloved and need instant companionship; I find this belief to be more prevalent with OLD. With OLD, who knows how many people they are 'winking', 'chatting with', and setting up 'meet and greets' in hopes of finding someone to meet their agenda. Same with IRL dating, we can't assume men/women are not spreading themselves thin looking for the one they find most willing, most physically attractive and most gullible. We may want to ask ourselves what do we want from this new person in our lives and take the time to find out if compatible. Please don't trust what either sex is sharing with you initially; he/she needs to earn your trust. 1
mysteryscape Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Online women can be just as deceptive, manipulative, flakey, and self-centered as any of the men. Chances are good they're stringing along several men at once -- OLD seems to foster this. Or they may flake out on you for no apparent reason. Or they may just be living in a fantasy world. I have no advice to offer about OLD except, if you're a decent person, don't get too wrapped up in someone too fast, don't trust too easily. All of this applies somewhat to real life, of course, but in my opinion, much more so in OLD.
Keenly Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 With such low opinions of men on OLD sites, it makes me think that I don't even have a chance . I'm definitely not like any of those things being described, and I don't want to get skipped because people assume I am flawed right from the start. I'm only on them because I'm very shy and terrible at meeting new people .
turt Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Basically, women in general tend to prefer long term relationships while men prefer casual sex. A relationship oriented man is in such high demand that he would need to have something serously wrong with him to be unable to find it unless he goes on OLD site. That's definitely not true. Online women will just move on to a new guy if the current one doesn't turn the relationship physical quick enough (regardless of how decent the women seem or claim to want a long term relationship). Men end up moving quickly because it's the only thing that works.
salparadise Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 They're usually one of the following: sexual deviants, nutso's, emotional basketcases, personality disordered, lying cheaters who are really married (or otherwise coupled up) and pretending to be single, looking for sex and lying that they want a 'longterm relationship,' or they're alcholics - spin the wheel and take your pick. Basically, women in general tend to prefer long term relationships while men prefer casual sex. A relationship oriented man is in such high demand that he would need to have something serously wrong with him to be unable to find it unless he goes on OLD site. Using this analogy - imagine how bad a woman would have to be to be unable to get casual sex in real life? Well that's about the quality of a relationship oriented man on an OLD site. My goodness you ladies sure are jaded! I think that while some of your observations are accurate, the conclusions are based on faulty logic. You are assigning a set of characteristics to all, based on experiences with a few which have one common characteristic that is unrelated to those characteristics being assigned. Ecological fallacy – inferences about the nature of specific individuals are based solely upon aggregate statistics collected for the group to which those individuals belong. Fallacy of composition – assuming that something true of part of a whole must also be true of the whole. Using this line of reasoning you could also conclude that since the men you saw at the grocery checkout today were buying beer, that all men who shop at the grocery store buy beer. A conclusion that you can make logically is, monogamous, family-oriented men (and women) who are capable of nurturing healthy, enduring relationships, and are adept at selecting mates with those same qualities rarely show up on dating sites. Of course two exceptions to this would be young folks who have not yet married and widows and widowers. Many successful parings are initiated through online dating sites. I can think of several within my small circle of friends and relatives. Success in online dating involves both chance and skill, and just as in real life the nature of the game is to select one highly appropriate individual from a pool of many thousands of prospects who run the gamut from highly inappropriate to highly appropriate, with the inappropriate far outnumbering the appropriate. In other words, whether in real life or online, we know we are looking for a needle in a haystack, and therefore the odds of any individual being a person whom we would choose as a life partner are extremely small. Online dating sites tend to sneak high expectations in the back door for many I believe. They are catalogs of available people. They function in a similar way to retail shopping sites wherein you can enter search terms and view a range of products that you may want to purchase. The similarities end there but the expectation for quickly finding what one wants tends to persist. It's the expectation that is faulty, not the concept of dating sites or the nature of the people who use them. Finding the right person, especially for older folks on the second time around, is inherently hard work and a low odds proposition. I married at age 32 (before internet) after about 10 years in the process of finding and attracting the right person from a pool of at least hundreds and I still didn't get it right. After my divorce I spent about a year doing coffee dates until I found someone I wanted to have a relationship with, and it turned out to be a beautiful relationship––better than my marriage but an order of magnitude. It looks like it will not endure at this point but it's not because of the quality of either of us, or any fault in the online dating process. In fact, there is zero chance that we would've crossed paths otherwise. My opinion is that OLD is a huge benefit that opens up far more opportunity than you would otherwise find in real life, but beyond that factor you still have to be extremely selective and astute in the ways of love to find success. 1
SJC2008 Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 From what I have observed, OLD women are of much better quality than men. Most have intelligently written profile and are better looking too. Pretty much every women I click on is like that. Men on the other hand, looking for sex, barely bother to string two words together, use cliches etc etc. No wonder that women are rejecting most men. LMAO! They don't have the brains to realize that dream boat is way out of their league and they were an easy lay! They'd rather lie to themselves and wonder what they did wrong instead of come to terms with their looks and stop ignoring the men in her league who want a relationship. 1
Lonely Ronin Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 One forum member here commented that that must make me proud, but it doesn't. I'm not proud of that, it's a hard thing to do and emotionally painful when you feel attracted to that person, but I do it because I want more from a relationship than just sex. A relationship where it's just about sex, is an empty and unfulfilling relationship. Personally I have found this a lot easier to deal with, because the handful of times it has happened to me, the women in question got really pissy about me turning them down. It's much easier to handle when they make it really easy for you to not like them.
truth_seeker Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Basically, women in general tend to prefer long term relationships while men prefer casual sex. A relationship oriented man is in such high demand that he would need to have something serously wrong with him to be unable to find it unless he goes on OLD site. Using this analogy - imagine how bad a woman would have to be to be unable to get casual sex in real life? Well that's about the quality of a relationship oriented man on an OLD site. Lets not leave out women who use OLD solely for validation, attention, string men along, use them for dinners only (ie, dinner whores), to cheat on their SO, and have no intention of taking OLD seriously at all.
Anela Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 LMAO! They don't have the brains to realize that dream boat is way out of their league and they were an easy lay! They'd rather lie to themselves and wonder what they did wrong instead of come to terms with their looks and stop ignoring the men in her league who want a relationship. Gee, thanks. Yeah, I should forget about men my own age, who are average weight, short and bald - that's one guy I messaged earlier this year. None of the guys I've messaged have been studs, although it makes me feel better when I see them changing their profiles, too, in order to attract someone. I'd figured they were having a lot of fun, and it turns out they had trouble getting interest on there - at least from those they want. I've been avoiding the guys who are much younger and much older, and they're the ones who want me. Either a Mrs. Robinson for the kids, or a younger piece of ass for the older ones. On the other hand, I turned down several guys when I was afraid that I would be a disappointment, and was an emotional wreck. I've been called both "sexy" and "beautiful" on that site, but have hardly ever felt like I'm either one, which I guess was my biggest problem all along. I gave up on dating a year ago, when I was hit on by another attached guy, but opened up my profile in the hopes of making friends locally (all of my friends are scattered over the world - my childhood friends are in England, and California, and I'm not).
Lonely Ronin Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 While I have faced similar behavior, I generally don't hold it against them if they snap at me or act frustrated (if they don't push it too far). I can understand why they feel hurt and react that way. They think they were rejected, but in fact I stepped back due to incompatibility and to protect both our feelings. IMO rejection is a part of life, and as an adult you should be able to handle it.
edgygirl Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I didn't step back because they weren't good enough, I stepped back because if we would have proceeded, then someone would get hurt. They only wanted casual sex, while I'm LTR oriented. Those two attitudes don't match. You guys are like my main ex Why can't I find men like that anymore, specially on OLD? Seem they're in extinction these days. 1
Lonely Ronin Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 You guys are like my main ex Why can't I find men like that anymore, specially on OLD? Seem they're in extinction these days. We avoid old like the plague, I have had several un-activated/hidden/invisible old accounts. I have yet to see a woman on OLD, that made me think I have to meet her.
truth_seeker Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 IDK, IRL I meet some good looking women, get numbers, occasionally hook up with ease. When I tried OLD average women wouldn't give me time of day. Go figure.
edgygirl Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 We avoid old like the plague, I have had several un-activated/hidden/invisible old accounts. I have yet to see a woman on OLD, that made me think I have to meet her. Nooo don't give up, come back to OLD. There are good women out there! And you'd have a significant advantage over the 99% jerks. You never met any woman from OLD? why?
edgygirl Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I too have never done online dating. Come back!!! How are we supposed to meet a decent guy online?
Anela Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Come back!!! How are we supposed to meet a decent guy online? This was the first thing to come to mind, at the thought of it.
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