thembones Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Do dumpers really care about the ones they left? No matter how strong the love and bond was, can they really just forget/stop caring for us after a fraction of the time the relationship lasted? If she appears to be happy and living the single life happily, is she just happy to have dropped the dead weight that was holding her back? I don't even know why I'm posting here.. Maybe Christmas on the 25th, my birthday on the 27th, and hers on the 28th. Just a really ****ty time for me I guess and although i didn't expect it, no contact was made at all Maybe i thought she might want to get together for our birthday(s).. That she realized she didn't want to go on without me. Maybe that this is the last time she will ever "have" to think about me and after this, I'll be free from her mind forever... I don't know.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Do dumpers really care about the ones they left? No matter how strong the love and bond was, can they really just forget/stop caring for us after a fraction of the time the relationship lasted? If she appears to be happy and living the single life happily, is she just happy to have dropped the dead weight that was holding her back? I don't even know why I'm posting here.. Maybe Christmas on the 25th, my birthday on the 27th, and hers on the 28th. Just a really ****ty time for me I guess and although i didn't expect it, no contact was made at all Maybe i thought she might want to get together for our birthday(s).. That she realized she didn't want to go on without me. Maybe that this is the last time she will ever "have" to think about me and after this, I'll be free from her mind forever... I don't know. Sadly, once they are done, so is their level of caring. It's a mind bogging aspect that a person you spent every moment with are so cold to you like that. In.some form, she probably cares about you in the sense that if you were to pass away, she would cry and going to your funeral and that's where it stops. Decision was made and that is that. Tough to swallow but the truth
planC Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 (edited) Do dumpers really care about the ones they left? can they really just forget/stop caring... My ex did this... she walked away when things got a little rocky... When we were together she said it all... she loved me, wanted to spend the rest of her life with me... made plans for the future.. etc etc etc When we broke up she said "don't ever think that I didn't love you" "I'll always care about you" blablabla... she probably went and got F'd by some other guy on the same night. I've learned to see it for what it is... if she loved you she would be with you. She's walking away from you, she doesn't love you, whether she ever did... What does it matter? (Personally I didn't understand how she could just change, lose the love she had, walk away from it never happened, so I don't believe she ever loved me anyway) Either way... I hope the new guy likes the taste of my D. Edited December 28, 2012 by planC 2
MyAngel Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 That is what I have struggled coming to terms with as well. How can they love us and tell us they love us, right up to the very Moment they say it's all over? I swallowed so many words that was said to me over the time we were together and I never saw this coming. I truly do not understand how they can switch off so easily and walk straight out of our lives. Were all the words meaningless? Because I damn well meant everything I said
th90 Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 The only reason they'd still care is to ease their guilt, whether you like it or not.
Missing Him Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I think some do. Some don't. I think that my ex cares. I think that he still cares a lot about me. But at the end of the day - they care more about themselves. I don't know that it's wrong, since prioritizing one's own happiness should take precedence, but it's certainly very hurtful. 2
LostOne1 Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I think some do. Some don't. I think that my ex cares. I think that he still cares a lot about me. But at the end of the day - they care more about themselves. I don't know that it's wrong, since prioritizing one's own happiness should take precedence, but it's certainly very hurtful. It's true... I think they care more about themselves. My ex told me for once she wants to be selfish now and spoil her own self. I kinda felt like she was brainwashed by someone else while she was away. It was hard to see the change in her and what was MORE weird was at times she was normal. There were days or moments she was normal like we always were. And then she went back to being cold and all. So for me it was really creepy and scary to see such a sudden change in a person, who claims to love you so much. I think they care still,. but not the same way. Meaning if we were hurt they would care, but they wouldn't get back with us or love us like they used too. Something inside of them has changed and let go. The ones that realize they let go something that meant a lot to them. They run back and come back. But most are content on the decision and leave it at that I assume. I see it as what ever happens... happens for the best. So take it for what it is and accept that all of us HAD to go through it for some reason we will notice down the road. In my yr 2012 it's been the worst of my life. I lost so many loves ones and so many things. But I tell myself it all happened to change me as a person, so I can get to where I need to be for the future. And if I didn't go through this pain of loss and sadness, I wouldn't have that motivation, determination and learn my own inner strength to get to this point. So accept that this HAD to happen and it's an experience that will make you better, and get you to where you need to be in life. As time goes on I slowly am accepting this is how it is... and I can't do anything about it. I have no control, so why whine, or cry about it. I rather accept it and see a new future. 2
MyAngel Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 So accept that this HAD to happen and it's an experience that will make you better, and get you to where you need to be in life. . You are so right. As much as it hurts now and we don't know why some things have to end, who knows what our future has in store? We have to go through this to get where we're meant to be.
LostOne1 Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 You are so right. As much as it hurts now and we don't know why some things have to end, who knows what our future has in store? We have to go through this to get where we're meant to be. exactly.. for me I think it's about getting somewhere in life and I was going WAY off track. And losing my grandma and my ex around the same time hurt a lot. But I think I need this to get through it all and become stronger. I've started a new career now too and a new school. I am looking for a job now too. Those are some huge changes for me, but maybe these are the changes I needed to make to get me somewhere. And maybe I wouldn't have made them or been as determined to make them if I didn't go through the pain. It's almost as if I feel sorry for myself, but at the same time I am pushing myself to look back and say this pain was WORTH it. I don't want to look back 5 yrs from now and say I let some girl, and my grandma's death, and life take me down. I want to look back and say that was the hardest year of my life, but I pulled through and I did something great and I am here now because of those things that effected me. I guarantee my ex is not sitting at home worrying about me or my school and life. So I might as well care for myself and do something GOOD for myself. My ex during the BU did out of anger I presume say she has done more in her life than I have... well it's time to prove her wrong and anyone else out there. it's time to do something good for myself and NOT because of anyone else, but just for me and myself. 2
WhatsTheAnswer Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 A comedian once made the most profound statement about women: "Women love you until they don't" Truer words were never spoken.
boblet Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I wonder the same thing.... but I agree with LostOne, I'm sure in retrospect we'd all see why we had to go through this one day.... I think it has been one of the most heart wrenching and awful experiences.... it gets better though. But I'm still plagued by these same thoughts, how they could care so little. I think I needed the time to focus on myself though.. right now it's about focusing on yourself and becoming better, so the next time around, you attract someone better 1
na49 Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 You were all "meant for your ex" just like I was "meant for mine". The fact is that they stopped caring while they were dating us. It's frustrating to think of it that way, but it's true. That's why they are able to let us down and not feel depressed about it for weeks like we do. They've been over us because they met someone else or want to be single. They spoon feed us all of that "I love you" crap because what else can they say? "I don't love you, but I don't want to dump you JUST yet because I want to make sure the time is right and I don't look bad". Honestly though, I don't want my ex to care anymore. She doesn't owe me anything except an apology. If she doesn't care though, I won't get one. That's fine at this point. There are so many nicer people on campus that I haven't met yet. 3
crashvector Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 The only reason they'd still care is to ease their guilt, whether you like it or not. I hate this. I'm a nice guy for God's sake. I treated her SO well.. I dont deserve to be tossed away like garbage..especially after 5 years and we were planning our wedding, etc. However, I fear what you say is true. Love is a selfish thing....when you are making them happy, its all "I love you" and "I want to be your wife" etc. As soon as you dont..it's "goodbye forever...oh, and good luck trying to put your life back together, and moving on with your life without the woman you pledged your life to." I think I'm finished with all this ****.
Inviv_girl Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 No one likes to be tossed away like garbage, I am in that position and its hurt so bad! after all the loving relationship with him, the lovey dovey I love you crap everyday he told me, then out of the blue he ended it and say his feelings change. And I was like, what about the promises you made, what about the married and having kids together as you said, what about bla bla bla and bla bla!!! and nope I dont get the explanation for that! he said he cares for me at the beginning of our break up, couple of weeks ago he told me he "cares" for me but we need to stop contact and "maybe" one day we speak again, so wtf?! I dont think they care once they end the thing with us, he told us that just to make them feel better after dumped and hurt us like hell 2
Author thembones Posted December 29, 2012 Author Posted December 29, 2012 I came across a funny thing today while leaning some stuff out: a valentines day card from this past year. She wrote of soulmates, marriage, I'm perfect, never been happier, can't imagine living without me, etc.. Yet, 3 short months later she goes on a trip with her family and says she wants to move out but stay together.. then leaves me a couple days after we each settle. The card was full of lies, every last bit was bull****. Reading it didn't make me sad, but pissed off because she was a liar. She must not have ever thought those things, or she wouldnt have thrown it all away. Enjoy being a club slut.
sadbunnyy Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 I think my ex cares BUT he cares more about himself lol....that's why he broke up with me. I wasn't a priority in his life and that's okay with me now, because he isn't a priority in my life either! 1
NoMoreJerks Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 I think my ex cares BUT he cares more about himself lol....that's why he broke up with me. I wasn't a priority in his life and that's okay with me now, because he isn't a priority in my life either! Yeah, well, as the saying goes: don't make someone a priority in your life who sees you as only an option! My ex : I can never be sure if he really cared about me. He claimed he did , but words are one thing, and actions another. His actions did not show that he did. I'll go with that. In the end, of course it was very easy for him to break up with me over some tiny argument that *he* started. I think he just baited me, and I took the bait willingly.
NoMoreJerks Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 It's true... I think they care more about themselves. My ex told me for once she wants to be selfish now and spoil her own self. Maybe they care ONLY about themselves, not "more" about themselves... IMO that's the case for a lot of people, including my ex. My ex came up with the same line when he dumped me. He needs to be selfish "for once." WTF? He was selfish THROUGHOUT our pseudo-relationship. Selfish and disrespectful. One day, the last day that he was here in my country (for a job he was doing) he told me he wasn't going to eat anything after coming home from work so that we'd go grab dinner together. When I got to his place and said, are you ready to go grab dinner? He told me he had just had a sandwich at home. Just like that. No advance warning, etc. I hadn't eaten anything all afternoon because if I eat something I can't eat for a long time after that, and he didn't even care. I stayed hungry because I felt like if I left him to go grab a bite on my own, he'd get angry. I didn't even say anything, but now that I think about it, it was so disrespectful... I can't believe I just accepted that instead of telling him to go f*ck himself. I mean, seriously? I wanted us to have a good time together on the last day that we were together (it was going to be a while before he would get back to my country for a job), go out and eat, and then spend some quality time together.. But instead, we just sat there in his hotel room, in the dark.. doing nothing. I was bored out of my mind but didn't dare say anything.
crashvector Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Do dumpers really care about the ones they left? No matter how strong the love and bond was, can they really just forget/stop caring for us after a fraction of the time the relationship lasted? If she appears to be happy and living the single life happily, is she just happy to have dropped the dead weight that was holding her back? I don't even know why I'm posting here.. Maybe Christmas on the 25th, my birthday on the 27th, and hers on the 28th. Just a really ****ty time for me I guess and although i didn't expect it, no contact was made at all Maybe i thought she might want to get together for our birthday(s).. That she realized she didn't want to go on without me. Maybe that this is the last time she will ever "have" to think about me and after this, I'll be free from her mind forever... I don't know. I'm sure they care to SOME degree, but probably minimal at best. The hard truth is, that the person who left suffer less than the one who is left behind. I hate this too..as it is the place i am in, but its true. If she left you, then YOU will be the one who is hurting more and for longer.
jen_r Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 Some care, but I'd say majority don't. My ex immediately stopped caring about me as soon as we broke up. I think you could tell him that I was dead and he wouldn't bat an eye. It's a hard thing to swallow to know someone you loved doesn't care anymore. 1
LostOne1 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Some care, but I'd say majority don't. My ex immediately stopped caring about me as soon as we broke up. I think you could tell him that I was dead and he wouldn't bat an eye. It's a hard thing to swallow to know someone you loved doesn't care anymore. Agreed. It hurt a lot back then for me too. To know this person constantly worried about me and even little things for my safety. And now BOOM.. a total 360 turn and she could care less. She did say she cared.. but if she did.. she wouldn't have done what she did... Sad to see she pinned it all on me at the end of the day. 1
Samilia Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Personally I don't see why it's so important to keep in touch with someone who doesn't want to be with me. Who am I? A poor soul that need mending? Nop. Break ups sure suck, but it's not the end of my world. I don't need anybody's recognition to live my life the way I want to, to know i matter to my friends and family, because family is what's really important. And to bounce from this idea, I don't want to hurt my family by neglecting them over some douche who walked away. 1
crashvector Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Some care, but I'd say majority don't. My ex immediately stopped caring about me as soon as we broke up. I think you could tell him that I was dead and he wouldn't bat an eye. It's a hard thing to swallow to know someone you loved doesn't care anymore. When I was in the hospital with a broken neck after my car wreck, my then coworker, who would eventually become my now ex-fiancee, called my ex wife to come get our son who was in the car with me at the time. Thank GOD he was okay. The doctors told my exwife I was paralyzed, and at the time, my jugular vein was lacerated and they did not know if they could stop the bleeding in time to save me. when she showed up, they told me she just picked out our son, said "thanks" and left. the cold-hearted biatch didnt even ask if I was alive. How's THAT for not caring? 1
suladas Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 It depends a lot on the person, i'd bet most care. Maybe one day they realized they knew they couldn't see it working anymore long term for some huge reason. So they went cold almost instantly to force themself to end things, because it was best. I'm sure some are cold hearted and don't care but I bet most aren't. Really though it doesn't matter. I don't see why most people are so focused about what their ex thinks, what you think is the only thing that matters. 3
LostOne1 Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 It depends a lot on the person, i'd bet most care. Maybe one day they realized they knew they couldn't see it working anymore long term for some huge reason. So they went cold almost instantly to force themself to end things, because it was best. I'm sure some are cold hearted and don't care but I bet most aren't. Really though it doesn't matter. I don't see why most people are so focused about what their ex thinks, what you think is the only thing that matters. I just think it's a rejection thing, which makes the dumper feel and think about the ex. Which is why people do it naturally all the time. No one likes to feel rejected and thrown away and when it happens you DO think of your ex hoping things work out. You become too attached to something for so long. I guess when the emotions kick in.. people don't use their mind anymore. And I feel the mind can beat emotions if done properly. The emotions take over and you go into that thinking stage and missing, feeling stage. And that is the hardest to get out of and over.
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