Missing Him Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 So I've started talking (flirtatiously, but nothing heavy) to a new guy. This comes two weeks after my ex boyfriend dumped me from what I think he and I both agreed was a case of G.I.G.S. If you've read my other thread - it was a long distance relationship that required a lot commitment and a plan for the future, and being both of our first relationships, he decided that he needed to explore being single. He wanted to stay "good friends" and would tell me that he still saw a future for us after he was done being confused (although he didn't want me to hope for one because it would cramp his style and make him feel obligated to get back together with me ) So anyway I stopped speaking to him because despite his request to be friends and maybe have a future - he made it blatantly clear to me that my presence in his life was hindering his happiness and ability to be single. Fine. My problem is - I've started talking to this new guy and he's nice and I like him, but I still am holding on to a hope for a future with my ex. I want to give this guy a fair chance and I want to move on and be healed from my past relationship but it's so hard. Does this sort of thing fade on its own or do I have to make an effort to let-go of a possibility of a future with my ex? I just don't want to never be able to have another relationship because of "Him"
NoMoreJerks Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 (edited) IMO you will never be able to have a proper relationship with another man until you let go of the hope / expectation that you will get back with your ex. I know this is the case for me anyway . I feel guilty a lot of the time, if I am talking with other men (because I still feel like we're together and this might just be a "break") . I'm just not "there" yet, emotionally .. I think if he does not contact me for a month, I will finally know that he will never contact me again, and move on. It will hurt (I'm still holding out hope) too much, so I don't even want to think that far ahead right now, but I think that if there's any hope that I'd move on and have a relationship with another man, it'd have to happen at some point: that hope needs to be shattered. Do not push yourself unnecessarily. If you're not ready, you're not ready. Do things at the pace dictated by your heart/mind. Don't let friends/family pressure you into getting your act together. We all need time to grieve properly, in order to be able to move on. Edited December 28, 2012 by NoMoreJerks 1
Author Missing Him Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 That's exactly how I feel! Not that I'm happy you're in the same situation, but it's good to know I'm not being insane. I'm trying to take it slow with this guy and just be friendly and a little flirty because I know I'm not ready to move forward. It's hard to let the hope go. My ex initiated the break up and I think he wanted for both of us to live our own separate lives and just magically come back together one day. I know I need to move on and not sit around hoping for that day, but it's definitely hard to let go of the hope.
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