cavalier99 Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Well do the texts say "I need to talk to you" Do you think I should wait for her to do it again cav? I wouldn't mind texting her something like "We don't need to talk about anything. Leave me alone" and then blocking her. DONT TALK TO HER. Wording is up to you. Id personally be harsher. Not out of spitefulness. It will stop her (shame her) form contacting you obsessively and really let her know you dont want to her communication. Let me put it this way. What would you say if you had a new girl friend and she didn't like these texts form your EX. You would say f-off..stop obsessing over me, im blocking you. Understand now NA49? Wording is up to you. But this will be a big step forward in your recovery. Guarantee it. May feel bad for a bit but it is for the best to get it over with. 1
geegirl Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 DONT TALK TO HER. Wording is up to you. Id personally be harsher. Not out of spitefulness. It will stop her (shame her) form contacting you obsessively and really let her know you dont want to her communication. Let me put it this way. What would you say if you had a new girl friend and she didn't like these texts form your EX. You would say f-off..stop obsessing over me, im blocking you. Understand now NA49? Wording is up to you. But this will be a big step forward in your recovery. Guarantee it. May feel bad for a bit but it is for the best to get it over with. He's not ready. He wants the door open to communication because he hopes that one day her texts will be of a different tone in that she wants him back. I don't think he's ready for recovery. He's not ready to let go.
geegirl Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Well do the texts say "I need to talk to you"? I guess I admit I hope they will be that. I'm in the process of coming to terms that they won't. Would texting her to leave me alone be just as sufficient or is blocking her number really the only way to go? I've found that I question less than I used to, but it's still questioning. The texts are what keeps me from going through with blocking her. Once I block her I know that will be the last I EVER hear from her which I guess is what has stopped me. The thing that I don't understand is even though I know nothing she has to say to me is good. Why do I like hearing from her so much or just knowing that she called? Do you think I should wait for her to do it again cav? I wouldn't mind texting her something like "We don't need to talk about anything. Leave me alone" and then blocking her. Not needing to talk but wanting to be friends and would be nice to catch up. Your ex wants to talk but has indicated she wants to be friends. No different.
Author na49 Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 He's not ready. He wants the door open to communication because he hopes that one day her texts will be of a different tone in that she wants him back. I don't think he's ready for recovery. He's not ready to let go. Harsh words. But just what I need to hear right now. I want to let go, I'm getting there. I admit that I do hope the texts would be different but I know that they won't. Why am I making this so much more difficult than it has to be? This is frustrating..
geegirl Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Harsh words. But just what I need to hear right now. I want to let go, I'm getting there. I admit that I do hope the texts would be different but I know that they won't. Why am I making this so much more difficult than it has to be? This is frustrating.. I'm sorry. I didnt mean to be harsh. You're having a hard time because of that crazy little thing called love.
Author na49 Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 I'm sorry. I didnt mean to be harsh. You're having a hard time because of that crazy little thing called love. Harsh wasn't the right word. More like telling me the truth which hurt. Love? Why do I have any love for someone who disrespected me? I will be so relieved once this is all done. Debating on whether or not telling her to leave me alone then blocking or just flat out blocking her. Getting there has been tougher than I thought.
geegirl Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Harsh wasn't the right word. More like telling me the truth which hurt. Love? Why do I have any love for someone who disrespected me? I will be so relieved once this is all done. Debating on whether or not telling her to leave me alone then blocking or just flat out blocking her. Getting there has been tougher than I thought. You have love because you developed an emotional attachment with her. There is a bond. Eventhough she disrespected you, that attachment doesn't break. You can tell her that you can't be friends and to please respect your need for NC. That way you put it out there and she has to respect it and when she breaks that boundary again you can ignore because you know she knows the rule. At that point it's her problem. I think you should get it over and done with otherwise you will be climbing the walls at every text from her. 1
suladas Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Harsh words. But just what I need to hear right now. I want to let go, I'm getting there. I admit that I do hope the texts would be different but I know that they won't. Why am I making this so much more difficult than it has to be? This is frustrating.. If it was easy to let go, people wouldn't be struggling so much. It's not easy to let go, i'm at nearly 6 months and haven't completely let go, it doesn't happen overnight.
cavalier99 Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 You have love because you developed an emotional attachment with her. There is a bond. Eventhough she disrespected you, that attachment doesn't break. You can tell her that you can't be friends and to please respect your need for NC. That way you put it out there and she has to respect it and when she breaks that boundary again you can ignore because you know she knows the rule. At that point it's her problem. I think you should get it over and done with otherwise you will be climbing the walls at every text from her. I agree. This will be a PROACTIVE step in finally getting over her. You have built this up so much it will hurt. Guaranteed. But you should do this for you now. This isn't about her. It is about you getting back your self respect. Being a man. And saying to yourself that you aren't at her beck and call (even if you are maintaining NC) As far as I'm concerned if you set this boundary you aren't even breaking NC. You are cutting ties on YOUR terms and taking back your personal power. This is ABOUT YOU FACING YOUR FEARS AND OVERCOMING! Its your choice oviously. If you do it.. Cry after. Mourn. For me it is better to Take the plunge forward instead of waiting for the next text anxiously. In a way she has given you a chance to take charge of getting over her. Good luck bud. Were here for you. You know i have a special interest in you recover. I have faith in you. 1
Author na49 Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 Thanks a lot everyone. I really appreciate all of the help. I've found I felt much better since I've started posting here, reading other's stories, and getting help on my own. Another night, another late night text from her... This one, was short and simple. "hi na49" Now I won't play twenty questions, but I honestly feel like at this point she's just bored and wants to bother me. Doesn't even want to talk to me anymore. The same person who has so many friends, has to bother me late at night? This is four nights in a row she's bothered me. It's getting old if it hasn't gotten old already. The attention isn't even giving me an ego boost at this point, it's making me roll my eyes, delete the text, shut my phone and wonder why I'm letting myself put up with this. I'm definitely getting there, I am a little more ready each day. I was thinking about this after the text she sent me last night. Should I wait for her to text me again, respond telling her "We don't need to talk about anything. Leave me alone" and then block her number? Should I wait to send this if I do it? Or just send it now? Or just block her number without saying anything. I really would like to maybe "stick up for myself" in this whole situation and tell her to stop bothering me. Which way would insult her more?
geegirl Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I was thinking about this after the text she sent me last night. Should I wait for her to text me again, respond telling her "We don't need to talk about anything. Leave me alone" and then block her number? Should I wait to send this if I do it? Or just send it now? Or just block her number without saying anything. I really would like to maybe "stick up for myself" in this whole situation and tell her to stop bothering me. Which way would insult her more? If you read your posts, you keep persisting with the pattern, "I will send if she texts the next time." And she texts and texts everyday and you're still here and again asking if you should respond the next time she texts. Do you see the craziness in this cycle? Whether you send it now or 2 weeks from now, what is your objective? If you are truthful to yourself in that you do not want her bothering you anymore, then text, "I can't be friends with you. Please stop contacting me." Then block. I don't understand the whole should I do it now, later, how, when, up, down. If the objective is to rid her. Then do it. ps: No need to insult. Take the high road. 2
cavalier99 Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 (edited) This is the last time ill post about this. The rest is up to you! Type up geegirls text. Send and block. Or type up mine "Stop obsessing over me and show some self control. Please don't contact me anymore. We aren't friends. I wont be receiving your communication anymore anyway". Then block. I like mine . Good luck Edited December 28, 2012 by cavalier99 3
Author na49 Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 Wouldn't it be kind of random to just send it now? That's why I thought sending it after she texts me is the best idea. Does it even pay for me to say something to her? Maybe just blocking would be the way to go? I appreciate both of your patience with me, I realize I'm making this MUCH more difficult than it needs to be.
Jono85 Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 i say don't even give her the satisfaction of a msg. just either block now, or continue to ignore if u have the will power. eventually she'll get the picture you'd think. but she won't get that picture if she gets any replies, so keep up the ignoring.
cavalier99 Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 (edited) Wouldn't it be kind of random to just send it now? That's why I thought sending it after she texts me is the best idea. Does it even pay for me to say something to her? Maybe just blocking would be the way to go? I appreciate both of your patience with me, I realize I'm making this MUCH more difficult than it needs to be. NO it wouldn't be random. And the text is for you not for her so it doesn't matter. Because you cant decide just do what me and Geegirl say. DONT THINK ..ACT. You have already thought for like a month plus. Im sure you will let us know when you do something. Edited December 28, 2012 by cavalier99
geegirl Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Wouldn't it be kind of random to just send it now? That's why I thought sending it after she texts me is the best idea. Does it even pay for me to say something to her? Maybe just blocking would be the way to go? I appreciate both of your patience with me, I realize I'm making this MUCH more difficult than it needs to be. Random, shandom. Again, what is your objective? If it is to put a stop to it, "random" plays no part in your need to move on. Again, what is your objective? Blocking after a message or blocking with no message. What difference does it make? You do this for you. You don't do this to provoke a reaction, to instill insult or to make some grand statement. You do it for you so that you can move on. If you have to put this much effort into cutting the cord, it seems you are not ready to cut the cord.
Author na49 Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 This is so frustrating, the second time I've been close to cutting the cord and I haven't been able to just do it. Once I block it, it'll probably hurt right away, but in the long term it's the only way. I realize that. I feel better the longer I go not hearing from her. So even if I tell myself it's not a setback, it really is. Oh and I'll definitely be making a thread about it once I DO eventually block this damn number.
veggirl Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Cavalier's text sounds PERFECT! Send that. Who cares if it looks "random" ?? Dont all of her texts look random? Who cares what she thinks about the timing? 1
cavalier99 Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Cavalier's text sounds PERFECT! Send that. Who cares if it looks "random" ?? Dont all of her texts look random? Who cares what she thinks about the timing? NA49. I bumped your thread from NOV 30. You should reread this to realize this is holding you back now.
Chi townD Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Well, you were able to block her on Facebook. Once you did that, I haven't heard one peep about it from you. So, blocking her phone number shouldn't be that big of a deal when you finally pull the trigger. You can do what Geegirl said and send her one last text before you block. Stating that you and her aren't friends. That she made a choice to have you out of her life and that you're giving her what she requested. And that since she dumped you, you are maaking an effort to move on with your life without her and she's making it difficult with her contacting you all the time. Therefore, you need her to stop contacting you. Then block her. Now, she'll know what boudries you have in place.
cavalier99 Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 You wont burst into flames when you block her number. If that is what is worrying you. I guarantee this 1000%
Author na49 Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 Alright well I think I've been convinced enough (it only took a month). Send one final text then block? That sounds like what everyone is thinking. How would something like this sound? "There's nothing need that we need to talk about. Please leave me alone"
cavalier99 Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 alright well i think i've been convinced enough (it only took a month). Send one final text then block? That sounds like what everyone is thinking. How would something like this sound? "there's nothing need that we need to talk about. Please leave me alone" perfect. Then block immediately.
Author na49 Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 perfect. Then block immediately. It's a done deal. Just sent it. Oh boy 3
cavalier99 Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 It's a done deal. Just sent it. Oh boy Awesome! Is dad there to block? DONT forget this part.
Recommended Posts