na49 Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Well this site apparently had a virus which scared me away for a few days, but it must be gone. Well as if my story hasn't been tiring enough, I'll give you an update. On Christmas Eve I got a call from her. On Christmas day I got two texts from her. One in the afternoon that say "I miss you, it's me and I really want to talk to you" then later that night I see I have another text from her "*my full name*... we realllllllyyyy need to talk" Fast forward to last night. Another missed call from her at about 10:00 at night. If WE needed to talk. Shouldn't I know what WE need to talk about? I honestly have no idea what it could be besides her easing her guilt. That's not my problem though, so why say "we"?
Samilia Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 yeah same here.. it seems to be gone indeed. Ask her what she wants to talk about?
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Well this site apparently had a virus which scared me away for a few days, but it must be gone. Well as if my story hasn't been tiring enough, I'll give you an update. On Christmas Eve I got a call from her. On Christmas day I got two texts from her. One in the afternoon that say "I miss you, it's me and I really want to talk to you" then later that night I see I have another text from her "*my full name*... we realllllllyyyy need to talk" Fast forward to last night. Another missed call from her at about 10:00 at night. If WE needed to talk. Shouldn't I know what WE need to talk about? I honestly have no idea what it could be besides her easing her guilt. That's not my problem though, so why say "we"? Call back and ask what she wants. Act like you are very busy and it needs to be quick. Don't give her the time of day. She'll say whatever she wants to say and you can choose whether or not to react to it. Desperation is all over her calls and messages.
Author na49 Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 I've considered it. I'm just worried that it will evolve into a conversation which I don't want. She'll probably ask me to call her, she'll cry and sound all innocent on the phone. She won't apologize for anything, but will ignore it instead. Then she'll try to pull me into the friend zone. Even though I won't go, why bother with her? I'd technically be breaking my almost 2 months of NC if I said anything.
Samilia Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Then don't bother. If you want you can text her back by telling her there's nothing to talk about and not to contact you anymore, that should put a nail in her coffin.
Author na49 Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 Call back and ask what she wants. Act like you are very busy and it needs to be quick. Don't give her the time of day. She'll say whatever she wants to say and you can choose whether or not to react to it. Desperation is all over her calls and messages. Desperation is right. But just for SOMEONE to talk to. She probably figures I'm always available to talk to. A mistake I made during our relationship. Would it make sense to call back and ask? Like she called last night, why bother with her now? 1
Author na49 Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 Then don't bother. If you want you can text her back by telling her there's nothing to talk about and not to contact you anymore, that should put a nail in her coffin. Probably would. I love the attention from her though lol. It's nice to know she still would go through the trouble to bother me on Christmas Eve/Christmas day just to ease her guilt and get a response from me.
Samilia Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Well I can see how it would be a sweet revenge, sort of
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I've considered it. I'm just worried that it will evolve into a conversation which I don't want. She'll probably ask me to call her, she'll cry and sound all innocent on the phone. She won't apologize for anything, but will ignore it instead. Then she'll try to pull me into the friend zone. Even though I won't go, why bother with her? I'd technically be breaking my almost 2 months of NC if I said anything. Yeah......thats rough. You've worked hard on the 2 months of NC. I wish I would have kept NC the whole time because breaking it just makes things so much worse. However, my ex wasnt calling me almost every day and sending text saying WE need to talk. hmmmmm...... You can call and just say what do you want? She can do her crying and what not...only take it for face value and don't read into anything UNLESS she actually apologizes for anything....then maybe you can reply with something. I guess again if it starts evolving to a conversation you don't want, say you have to go or something. Make her mad who cares lol. If she is wanting friend zone, make it clear you do not want that and just be honest with her. Acting like you are pissed off you are hearing from her is a good thing for you. It will make her angry/depressed that she is not getting the reactions from you that she wants.
veggirl Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Nooo don't call her back! You will get sucked into a big conversation full of her crying and YOU comforting her!! At the end of the day, it WON'T change things! Like I said before, if there was some emergency she would say what it is. This vague "we really need to talk" BS is just dramatic bait. Talking to her will set you back!! She hasn't said anything worth replying to yet!
Author na49 Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 You guys are all right. I think I'll stick with my NC. She really hasn't given me anything worth responding to yet. She can keep telling me that WE need to talk. But WE both know that WE don't NEED to talk about anything. SHE wants to relieve HER guilt for treating ME like dirt. Well she can go f*ck herself. I'm noticing minor changes in my behaviors since the BU so I know I'm improving. Two months ago, I respond to the first bread crumbs text she sends, I pick up immediately when she calls. Now? I ignore it and can laugh. It really has become funny how inconsistent her efforts are. I also think it's funny how she only calls when I don't expect her to. If I'm anticipating her to call, she never will. Christmas day? Umm... don't you like... have a family or something to be with? Why are you bothering me again? 3
coffeebean201 Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 If you talk to her on the phone you will probably get upset at the end of the phone call. And then you will have to deal with all those feelings. frustration, anger etc. If someone really loves you and wants to be with you, I don't think this is how they would communicate. This sounds like she wants to chat.
Samilia Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Well to put it bluntly, f the b and get on with your life. What a nice ending to your story, you got the last word. And on to the next one, new adventures, fun, life...
geegirl Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/363081-friend-zone-bs Maybe this will refresh your mind.
Author na49 Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 I know it's friend zone BS/her wanting to relieve guilt. Just had to make a thread about it. Not looking for answers, just looking for responses to it. Like honestly, the past three days she's bothering me (on Christmas!!!). I give her credit for trying, she needs to try harder if it's that important. and if it's not, she should give up. She'll have to live with the fact that there is a guy who doesn't think she's a nice person. She can live with the guilt until she gets over it. By that time I'll be so done with her I won't be making threads related to her drama anymore. 1
geegirl Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I know it's friend zone BS/her wanting to relieve guilt. Just had to make a thread about it. Not looking for answers, just looking for responses to it. Like honestly, the past three days she's bothering me (on Christmas!!!). I give her credit for trying, she needs to try harder if it's that important. and if it's not, she should give up. She'll have to live with the fact that there is a guy who doesn't think she's a nice person. She can live with the guilt until she gets over it. By that time I'll be so done with her I won't be making threads related to her drama anymore. The thing is you won't be able to move on because her consistent texting will keep you stuck. Everytime she texts, you question the motive. And you'll question because her text messages keeps your hope alive. You'll get to being done when you stop accepting these text messages and start moving on with your life, minus the triggers.
suladas Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Ya man, she said before it was friend zone, why bother?
Author na49 Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 That's true. I don't find it sets me back as much as it used to, it's getting annoying to be honest. If I never heard from her again I would definitely feel better much quicker. Although I do like the attention, I like being able to move on even more. The motive is obvious, I'm more confused that she still cares this much. To be bothered with someone who SHE dumped. By "stop accepting this text messages"? Do you mean tell her to leave me alone?
geegirl Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 That's true. I don't find it sets me back as much as it used to, it's getting annoying to be honest. If I never heard from her again I would definitely feel better much quicker. Although I do like the attention, I like being able to move on even more. The motive is obvious, I'm more confused that she still cares this much. To be bothered with someone who SHE dumped. By "stop accepting this text messages"? Do you mean tell her to leave me alone? If she knows she can manipulate you, then it isn't about care but the need to be in control and the inability to accept that you won't stroke her ego. Stop accepting her messages as in block her number. Until you are ready to completely let go, you will keep trying to balance on a tight rope. The fact that you question her motive, means you are hoping to hear that she wants you. That is why you keep the door slightly ajar.
Author na49 Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 (edited) If she knows she can manipulate you, then it isn't about care but the need to be in control and the inability to accept that you won't stroke her ego. Stop accepting her messages as in block her number. Until you are ready to completely let go, you will keep trying to balance on a tight rope. The fact that you question her motive, means you are hoping to hear that she wants you. That is why you keep the door slightly ajar. Does she still know she can manipulate me? I haven't bothered with her in almost two months. She wants me. As a frrend. I understand that. I'm not going to be her friend. I realize that blocking her number will be cutting the final string of contact and I will finally be done at that point. I honestly don't know why I haven't done it. Maybe I'm not ready? Edited December 28, 2012 by na49
geegirl Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 Does she still know she can manipulate me? I haven't bothered with her in almost two months. She wants me. As a frrend. I understand that. I'm not going to be her friend. I realize that blocking her number will be cutting the final string of contact and I will finally be done at that point. I honestly don't know why I haven't done it. Maybe I'm not ready? I get an ex texting me even after we have broken up since 2009. You are not ready because you hope her texts will one day read she wants you back. Till then, you'll be questioning.
cavalier99 Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I know it's friend zone BS/her wanting to relieve guilt. Just had to make a thread about it. Not looking for answers, just looking for responses to it. Like honestly, the past three days she's bothering me (on Christmas!!!). I give her credit for trying, she needs to try harder if it's that important. and if it's not, she should give up. She'll have to live with the fact that there is a guy who doesn't think she's a nice person. She can live with the guilt until she gets over it. By that time I'll be so done with her I won't be making threads related to her drama anymore. She's having problem with her new guy. Ill say it once again. It is time to tell her to "f-k off and stop stalking you and to to control her self". Then block her number. I'm not kidding about the wording. It time to do this. It is could affect your recovery.
Oberfeldwebel Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 The fact is you don't have to do anything and in fact I wouldn't do anything. If you do run into her then you can just blow it off that you meant to get back with her, but was busy. If she asks what you are doing, don't be specific, it isn't really any of her business. Be cordial, but that is it, she can't put you in the friend zone unless you go willingly.
cavalier99 Posted December 28, 2012 Posted December 28, 2012 I would definitely break NC in this scenario to send a text and cut this crap off. What is this the 10th attempt that you need to ignore. Tell her to f-off and block her. Not kidding.
Author na49 Posted December 28, 2012 Author Posted December 28, 2012 I get an ex texting me even after we have broken up since 2009. You are not ready because you hope her texts will one day read she wants you back. Till then, you'll be questioning. Well do the texts say "I need to talk to you"? I guess I admit I hope they will be that. I'm in the process of coming to terms that they won't. Would texting her to leave me alone be just as sufficient or is blocking her number really the only way to go? I've found that I question less than I used to, but it's still questioning. The texts are what keeps me from going through with blocking her. Once I block her I know that will be the last I EVER hear from her which I guess is what has stopped me. The thing that I don't understand is even though I know nothing she has to say to me is good. Why do I like hearing from her so much or just knowing that she called? Do you think I should wait for her to do it again cav? I wouldn't mind texting her something like "We don't need to talk about anything. Leave me alone" and then blocking her.
Recommended Posts