Respect yourself

[youngnlove89]

I'm only 23 and can honestly say I've been in love THREE times....yes three. With my first boyfriend, I thought it was love (I was in Highschool) but it's like seeing the lake for the first time, you think the lake is the biggest land of water until you see the ocean. And my gosh, when you see the ocean it's even bigger and better! Nothing can beat this. Then you see the sea...and you never imagined it would be bigger than the lake or the ocean! Love is like that.

 

When I love, I love HARD. I was that naive person who believed no one could do wrong. I believed in the idea of real love with all my heart. After the second time I told myself I was DONE, no more falling in love, because when it's over it hurts WAY too much and you feel like you're whole entire world has fallen apart (I was cheated on with my second love, the one I planned to marry).

 

The 3rd time around was so unexpected....he really swept me off my feet and I was clouded by love. He was perfect in his own way. Later on, even when I saw signs of behavior I would normally not accept, I just swept it under the rug because I didn't want to risk making him upset and leaving. In essence I was losing myself...compromising my morals and values over someone who clearly knew he had me strung right around his finger. At the end of the day and a year and half later, I had to tell myself...honey,

 

1. THIS is not love. Someone who LOVES you will not allow you to compromise yourself.

 

2. Someone who LOVES and doesn't want to lose you and wouldn't ignore your messages and phone calls. Every second they would want to be with you.

 

3. RESPECT yourself enough to walk away from this. You don't have to CHASE anyone for love/respect.

 

4. If someone is trying to leave, they WILL...trying to get them to change their mind and begging them to come back not only makes you look weak, but desperate. My mom didn't raise a fool.

 

5. You have to tell yourself R.I.P to the old partner...stop thinking about the past and how many good times you had together. People change, end of story...and the person you thought you knew and fell in love with has died and is gone. Once you realize that the better off you'll be.

 

We have to stop making excuses for those who were heartless enough to walk out with no real reason and put yourself on TOP the pedestal. I know its easier said then done, but at some point you have to tell yourself ENOUGH is ENOUGH dammit. Trust me....no one wants to be alone. Especially being so used to cuddling up with someone every night. But you have to think about it logically and realistically....you want to cuddle with the OLD partner not the one that's changed because it's no longer a mutual feeling. Why would you want to be cuddled next to someone who doesn't want to be with you?

 

I know this all sounds harsh but I believe in TOUGH love. I had to snap myself back to reality when I found myself going back into that depression and feeling sorry for myself and I told myself I'm NOT gonna do this to myself.

 

YES it hurts

YES you want them back

YES you wish things never changed

YES imagining them with someone else hurts like hell

but guess what.....

 

Not only are they gone, but THEY chose to leave knowing how it would effect you. So it's up to YOU if you will allow them to have so much power. Because at the end of the day it is YOUR choice.

 

YOU aren't alone....there are others going through what you are going through at this very moment.

 

YOU will find love again...REAL love. Yes there is someone out there PRAYING they find you.

 

YOU have the mental ability to get through this! I fnd the fact that some of you are still moping about this a year past is disgusting and disrespectful to yourself. They aren't coming back! It's about YOU now, stand up for you and love yourself! Do you think they are at home moping and missing you? Nope. So why do they get the privilege to ruin your life?

 

Don't be afraid to seek help. Therapy, friends, and if you are believer pray to God about it. Nothing is too big for him.

 

Do whatever you need to, in order to find peace. Because hate in your heart will consume you too.

 

I end this to say again...RESPECT yourself enough to walk away, RESPECT yourself enough not to lose your dignity and your DESERVED respect.

 

It is hard, trust me and believe me I know...there were nights (and still are) I believed my heart would stop because I was in so much pain...mornings my heart would race because I realized he was gone, possibly in someone else's bed. It's okay to cry. A major part of your life walked out on you, someone who you trusted....but you have to tell yourself you'll be okay...because you WILL be!

 

I'm sure most of us have been through this before. The other two guys I loved, I got over. Isn't that inspiration? I never imagined I could feel indifferent towards them. But I am indifferent now! That is my little glimmer of hope, knowing that I can overcome this again and I will only be stronger.

 

Empower yourself and be your own cheerleader...its one thing to say it, and another to BELIEVE it! Yes time can heal some wounds..but only YOU decide when to get up and start applying the ointment.

[KatZee]

So have YOU decided it's time to move on from the ex? You say you're applying the "tough love" but when it was given to you for months you didn't really take that advice.

[Samilia]

I'm not too much on board with the "we deserve respect". That's a nice idea but I find that more and more people use the word "deserve" without earning the right to. To deserve respect we have to work for it, show something for it. I'd have to agree with the other poster's comment.

 

All in all I understand what you're trying to bring out in your post, I just find the concepts to be a bit generic.

[nsteen87]

Great post and keep up the great work. I am right there with you on the struggle, but I'm starting to see light at the end of the tunnel.

 

What we are going through is hard, but the juice is worth the squeeze.

[MyAngel]

I found this very inspirational, thank you ❤

[livelife]

Thanks for this post. I agree with it 100% and this is the attitude I have finally started to get! I have FINALLY started to see how I deserve better. NC is the way to go!! Good for you girl. Keep it up.

[KatZee]

I want to see you actually walk the walk this time. You talk a big game, you say a lot of things, 99.9% of those things wind up crumbling... so, until we see further updates, things actually happening... I'm going to take this thread with a grain of salt.

[NoMoreJerks]

So have YOU decided it's time to move on from the ex? You say you're applying the "tough love" but when it was given to you for months you didn't really take that advice.

Give it a rest will you? OP deserves a break . We all do. Sometimes we come here for advice but don't take it, despite the overwhelming consensus about what we should do. It is totally understandable. I have done the same thing (ignore advice), because I wanted to rule out any regrets for not having done what I wanted to do / given my relationship with my ex another shot, when he contacted me after a week of NC following the first break-up. If I hadn't given that second chance, I would've been left constantly wondering, full of "what if"s and regrets. On the other hand, I gave it a second chance and it didn't work out and things got even worse, but do I regret not having taken advice given on here? No, I do not regret it, not one bit. I had both good and bad times after we got back together, and I treasure the good memories and have some sense of closure because I gave this another try, gave it my best. And you know what? If he comes back again, I would probably do the same thing again. But I would be more careful, that's for sure. Every time I give him another chance, I am more and more careful and try to protect my emotions. Sure, my emotions might get way ahead of my head/mind at some point, but the hurt isn't so bad because it's now mixed with your growing realization that things aren't your fault, or that he's an *******, or you two are just not compatible, etc. To expect that people would follow the advice given on here , to the T, is asking for too much. I would offer advice unconditionally, without expecting that anyone would follow it. Is it frustrating when people come back and whine about what happened after they didn't follow the advice? Sure, but you know what? Totally understandable. Been there, done that.

[Tree_Salmon]

Give it a rest will you? OP deserves a break . We all do. Sometimes we come here for advice but don't take it, despite the overwhelming consensus about what we should do. It is totally understandable. I have done the same thing (ignore advice), because I wanted to rule out any regrets for not having done what I wanted to do / given my relationship with my ex another shot, when he contacted me after a week of NC following the first break-up. If I hadn't given that second chance, I would've been left constantly wondering, full of "what if"s and regrets. On the other hand, I gave it a second chance and it didn't work out and things got even worse, but do I regret not having taken advice given on here? No, I do not regret it, not one bit. I had both good and bad times after we got back together, and I treasure the good memories and have some sense of closure because I gave this another try, gave it my best. And you know what? If he comes back again, I would probably do the same thing again. But I would be more careful, that's for sure. Every time I give him another chance, I am more and more careful and try to protect my emotions. Sure, my emotions might get way ahead of my head/mind at some point, but the hurt isn't so bad because it's now mixed with your growing realization that things aren't your fault, or that he's an *******, or you two are just not compatible, etc. To expect that people would follow the advice given on here , to the T, is asking for too much. I would offer advice unconditionally, without expecting that anyone would follow it. Is it frustrating when people come back and whine about what happened after they didn't follow the advice? Sure, but you know what? Totally understandable. Been there, done that.

 

Tough love is EXACTLY what the OP needs.

And all of us.

 

Its so easy to fall back to old patterns of bull.

Love can be harsh and unforgiving.

 

We cant keep giving ourselves false pats on the back.

 

People on here say one thing then go do the opposite.

 

I want the OP to get over this as well. But itll take more than posting on here.

Remember the crap you get from everyone. We all want the same thing and we've all be in the same spot.

[KatZee]

Give it a rest will you? OP deserves a break . We all do. Sometimes we come here for advice but don't take it, despite the overwhelming consensus about what we should do. It is totally understandable. I have done the same thing (ignore advice), because I wanted to rule out any regrets for not having done what I wanted to do / given my relationship with my ex another shot, when he contacted me after a week of NC following the first break-up. If I hadn't given that second chance, I would've been left constantly wondering, full of "what if"s and regrets. On the other hand, I gave it a second chance and it didn't work out and things got even worse, but do I regret not having taken advice given on here? No, I do not regret it, not one bit. I had both good and bad times after we got back together, and I treasure the good memories and have some sense of closure because I gave this another try, gave it my best. And you know what? If he comes back again, I would probably do the same thing again. But I would be more careful, that's for sure. Every time I give him another chance, I am more and more careful and try to protect my emotions. Sure, my emotions might get way ahead of my head/mind at some point, but the hurt isn't so bad because it's now mixed with your growing realization that things aren't your fault, or that he's an *******, or you two are just not compatible, etc. To expect that people would follow the advice given on here , to the T, is asking for too much. I would offer advice unconditionally, without expecting that anyone would follow it. Is it frustrating when people come back and whine about what happened after they didn't follow the advice? Sure, but you know what? Totally understandable. Been there, done that.

 

 

YnL is saying she wants tough love, so frankly, there's no point in "giving it a rest." Have you followed this story from day one? Because I have. If you haven't just go back and read all of the threads but long story short is that for almost 8 MONTHS she has done the same thing. "I'm done with him! I'm strong!" and mere days later sleeping with him. Then back to "I'm SO done this time!" to mere days later sleeping with him. There is no deviation from this story at all. I get that "we've all been there done that" but very few take it to this extent.

 

I kind of found it ironic that YnL said it was disgusting that some people are here a year later still pining over the ex, but SHE'S that person! So I didn't quite know where this post was going, if she was posting it for others to read and get inspiration from, or if this was more of a rant and aimed at herself.

 

There are many LS veterans who have followed YnL from day one, and everyone's jumped ship. I continue to follow YnL because 8 months later I'm still waiting for the day where she actually DOES follow through on what she says, and she does take our advice, and she does wake up and stops caring if she'll ever talk to this ex again. I would "give it a rest" if there were progress at some point. An inch or a foot forward. But there's none. And I just found this entire thread kind of ironic.

 

I wasn't even attacking YnL. I asked a simple question. Is she done with it at this point and is she taking her own advice. And no response. I don't think it's a complicated question or one in which that hounds her.

[frederickkk]

the op is hot. give her a break.

 

she could have anyone. yet can't let go.

 

this is a statement she has made.

 

its a choice whether to follow through with it or not.

 

i keep wanting to make such a statement like this, but in my heart, i won't go through with it.

 

don't pressure someone on this.

[Tree_Salmon]

the op is hot. give her a break.

 

she could have anyone. yet can't let go.

 

this is a statement she has made.

 

its a choice whether to follow through with it or not.

 

i keep wanting to make such a statement like this, but in my heart, i won't go through with it.

 

don't pressure someone on this.

 

this is the exact opposite of good advice.

[KatZee]

the op is hot. give her a break.

 

she could have anyone. yet can't let go.

 

this is a statement she has made.

 

its a choice whether to follow through with it or not.

 

i keep wanting to make such a statement like this, but in my heart, i won't go through with it.

 

don't pressure someone on this.

 

Any hot girl can have anyone. That's not really some fantastic feat. Flaunt the goodies and guys come running. It's whether or not she actually can get, or if she even WANTS someone who is decent. Someone who's not just going to use her for sex. Someone who wants more than a FWB situation. A guy that's going to respect her, and actually treat her like a girlfriend.

 

Unfortunately YnL has zero respect for herself. And it's why she continues running back to an ex who has told her she's not a girlfriend, that she's not the one he wants, blah blah blah. It's why YnL continues to throw herself at guys who just want FWB but not a real relationship. You get the respect you think you deserve, and people only respect those who respect themselves.