Still friends with my ex, after a 3 yr relationship, but I'm still in love with her

[jriverajr081]

So, it's like this, my ex girlfriend and have known each other for about 10 years, she was the first friend I made when I transferred to her college. Even when we were in other relationships we were good friends, we would tell each other everything. We reconnected in '08, after losing touch for almost year. I just got out of a really bad long term relationship. She had a few bad ones, too. That whole year we were hanging out a lot, then we sort of started dating, then got serious in early '09. Best relationship ever, everything was great. She was great! My best friend became my love. We moved from San Francisco to LA together in Nov '10, to pursue careers in entertainment, like many others. It was great living together. But things got stressful for me at my job, but things were getting better for her. I was becoming afraid of marriage, thinking she would never marry me, even though she said she would marry me for me. We were drifting apart, then I got laid off. I started doubting myself a lot, instead of giving her support. I was always happy for her, it was just my life was sucking. After 3 years she wanted to break up, May '12. It's been a very rough year. I told her being friends would be to hard. She broke down in tears and said, she couldn't bear not having me in her life, and I'm her best friend. So, we're still friends, after almost 7 months, though it sure hasn't felt that long. Mostly, we just don't see each other for 2-3 weeks then hang out and catch up. We still love each other. Well, I'm still more in love with her. And still always there for each other, if we're having bad days. I finally got a new job, and things are getting better in my life. She said she was proud of me. It's just hard because I'm still in love with her, she'll call me if she needs anything, and I'm always there, and vice versa. We didn't end on a bad note, just drifted I guess. I just want some advise, it's hard to talk to people, because no one I know has had this same situation.

[Serbai]

I just have to say after reading that wow you sound like a really nice person, just the way you described the relationship I suppose. I think if its a hundred percent that you too will never ever ever get back together then you need to accept that. It's super super super hard I know (check out my question and give it an answer if you don't mind?) but staying in contact will only remind you what you love(d) about her and if she cares about you enough she will you space and a chance to move on if you explain yourself

[soccerrprp]

Man, i have some idea what you are going through. i'm friends with an ex and like her more than she likes me. I told my ex that I loved her and that was a good move on my part. it's the one and only thing that I would have regretted not doing....not together, but that's okay. we continue beiing friends and get together and plan things with our kids. i date other ladies and have moved on...i realize that she has less to offer than i'm looking for, but my heart didn't listen to that! LOL!

 

anyway, if it hurts, distance yourself. good luck!

[KatZee]

This really sucks because you seem like a nice guy, but honestly if you're still in love with her, you can't be her friend. It's horrible because you have so many years invested together as friends even before the relationship started but now you guys have romantic history. You can't just go back to being "just friends" especially when you want more.

 

I think in this situation there's a chance for you guys to be friends again, but I don't see that happening for a very long time. That's at least a few years down the line.

 

Constantly catching up with someone you're in love with isn't allowing you to heal and move on. You'll always be in the background pining away, listening to her new love stories, being around when she's making out with a new boyfriend... trust me you don't want to go down that road because it SUCKS.

 

I'd cut back on how much you catch up, I wouldn't seek her out, or confide in her, or continue to see her. You need to start putting her in the past and move forward from here. Meet new people. And if at some point down the line you're with someone new, and you're able to look at her as a strict platonic friend... that's when you'll be able to start the friendship again.

[mammasita]

Do yourself a favor and stop being friends with her. I know its the last thing you want to do because you are in love with her, but you will only be hurting yourself if you continue down this road.

 

Distance yourself.