linda lex Posted December 29, 2012 Posted December 29, 2012 My husband and the boys did things diffrently this year after my H affair was blown 6months ago. We went to Koh Samui in Thailand. All was well until I succintly asked him to text his OW to wish her a happy yuketide. He told me to not ruin it bcos he has no idea where she is and has not been in touch with her at all. I have him now and OW lose. Case closed. I was livid but for the sake of the boys, I kept silence and both me and H knocked back glass after glass of wine. The day after, he apologized again and told me how sorry he was for causing so much pain. And he was sorry to his mistress too although he has never get the chance to talk to her.
wheelwright Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 interesting. I have always treated them with courtesy and respect and continue to do so, despite my opinions. In addition to everything else he feels guilt for, he has to bear his oldest doesn't much care for this sister, the one he adores, all that much anymore. Actions, actions, actions people. We use to go apple picking every year at the same place with the in laws, but he brought her there, and now my children refuse to go and told the in laws this. We nowapplepick elsewhere. Don't enjoy it half as much. But my kids enforced that change out of respect for me and my feelings. They did not have to do that. I would have gone for their sake. So, another tradition has changed too! I remember us discussing how love and marriage is actions. I am sensing you think now that feelings are also involved. So how important are feelings in relation to actions?
wheelwright Posted December 30, 2012 Posted December 30, 2012 Absolutely no doubt about that! And I apologize. My attempt was not to be snarky. There were changes I made to avoid triggers, and it retrospect, I am so happy I did! I moved away from that big family dinner, where I had felt somewhat chained, And focused on both what would make me and my children happy and made some fun, fun changes. I'm glad I did. It's five years later and I do not trigger anymore. But the changes I made to get away from pain were good, strong, and important ones for me and my children. I created our holiday traditions whether I stayed married or divorced. I am sorry spark
DBella Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 This year I was lucky enough to have a few of my family members coming to visit from out of town, so the kids and I spent Christmas with them. After midnight then their father and my mother-in-law stopped by my house to see the kids opening their gifts. A different Christmas but we still had a great time with my relatives. 1
ekim Posted December 31, 2012 Posted December 31, 2012 I found out about my wifes A right after new years christmas and her b-day, DD was 9/12 just after our wedding anniverary. When she left she left around 3/27 and returned just before thanks giving of the same year, Id say no holiday or event is safe from the hurt, I end up getting her stuff for the special occasions, but ive never received any thing in return, after finding this site and the support of you folks, I dont think she will be getting any thing else from me, or mooching off of me any more, Bi**h needs to get a job. 1
Author Spark1111 Posted January 2, 2013 Author Posted January 2, 2013 I remember us discussing how love and marriage is actions. I am sensing you think now that feelings are also involved. So how important are feelings in relation to actions? I think it just evidences a stream of poor judgement. He involved his sister who, in helping her brother and not disclosing, and not threatening to disclose events to me, became another ally in deceiving me. That's how my daughter views it. Another family member keeping a secret from my mother, a secret which hurts her deeply. Another betrayal, and a betrayal of us as a family. I forgave her her because I believe she had his and our best interests at heart. She encouraged counseling and was furious he did not go. I understand my daughter's anger. She feels her aunt should have at least set a deadline. Three weeks? A month? Something along the lines of, You have to tell her. If not, I will! Never happened, and that is what my daughter can't forgive. A family of conflict-avoiders. 1
Rager50 Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 Found out about his one night stand on December 12th of last year, so last Christmas was a disaster. I couldn't even look at him. This year I got the blues but kept busy through Thanksgiving...by Christmas I was exhausted, just going through the motions. Maybe creating new traditions is the key...I don't know. Not there yet. Maybe the holidays will always be a little sad for me.
Author Spark1111 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 Found out about his one night stand on December 12th of last year, so last Christmas was a disaster. I couldn't even look at him. This year I got the blues but kept busy through Thanksgiving...by Christmas I was exhausted, just going through the motions. Maybe creating new traditions is the key...I don't know. Not there yet. Maybe the holidays will always be a little sad for me. change it up! Every Dec. 12, either work through it to the point of exhaustion, or make a new, fun, just for you memory, such as, Grab the kids and see a show or grab a girlfriend and head into the closest city, or invite your friends and have a cookie swap that day. replace, jump on it until dead, or ignore (ha!) those dates until you have successfully obliterated the triggers with new memories.
Author Spark1111 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Posted January 5, 2013 I found out about my wifes A right after new years christmas and her b-day, DD was 9/12 just after our wedding anniverary. When she left she left around 3/27 and returned just before thanks giving of the same year, Id say no holiday or event is safe from the hurt, I end up getting her stuff for the special occasions, but ive never received any thing in return, after finding this site and the support of you folks, I dont think she will be getting any thing else from me, or mooching off of me any more, Bi**h needs to get a job. Ask for something. I'm not kidding. Ask her why she never reciprocates. tell her it hurts you. ask her, don't you think I'm worth it? ball in her court.
waterwoman Posted January 5, 2013 Posted January 5, 2013 We had a good christmas. Best for years. Because H and I were communicating properly. Not allowing resentment to flourish as we have done in the last few years. I love christmas so much and all it's traditions. I wouldn't change anything because he screwed up! Our christmas belongs to my children and myself as much as to him. Having a hard time now as H starts back in school on Monday - a year since she was in bits about her grandfather dying and he comforted her and she told him she loved him. Sweet eh? Effing b*stard! He should have kept a little distance and gently put her off but his ego couldn't resist. 1
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