Fundamental Lack of Understanding about Opposite Gender

[jakelongot]

When I read about a lot of the issues one gender has with the other it seems like there is a fundamental lack of understanding.

 

As a guy, I don't think we fully understand what it means to be an "object of desire". Of course I don't mean that women are objects, but their sex can be desired like an object. Whenever we see a pretty girl it is hard to not to check her out and admire her beauty. From a dating perspective, this translates in our mind into "this girl could have sex with any guy she wants." As guys, we are driven by sex. Yes, we are capable of loving relationships and do seek such things, but there is always a burning primal desire for sex. Because women can attain sex so easily this can be misconstrued in our mind as "women have it so much easier".

 

That being said, I'm sure there are several drawbacks that also come with being an object of desire that are negative. But again because men value sex so much this does not compute. Easy to get sex = easy life.

 

 

Women on the other hand don't seem to fully grasp how sex driven we are. I mean, of course they have an idea because what we all see on TV, movies, magazines is sex sex sex! But unless you spent a day in a guy's body it is tough to fully grasp this concept. It is almost like we have no control to check out a girl's ass as she walks by in a tight fitting pair of jeans. The perceived advantage is that men have power, control and are sexually liberated (don't have to worry about stigmas such as being a slut).

 

That being said, there are so many drawbacks to have so much testosterone flowing through our systems. It sucks to be controlled by your dick and have this innate desire to want to have sex with almost every beautiful woman we meet. You may choose not to believe it, but it is incredibly difficult to surpress this urges and behave regardless of how easy you might preceive it to be.

 

I think until we can truly walk a mile in ones shoes it will be impossible to fully empathize with what the opposite sex has to deal with...espcially when it comes to DATING!!!

[SJC2008]

The playing field is level in that women don't seem to realize that the guy they will marry/get a relationship from is going to be about 3 points lower than that good looking guy that was using them for easy sex. Men will sleep with women up to 3 points lower than them for sex on average. While some don't care and will sleep with anything.

[jakelongot]

The playing field is level in that women don't seem to realize that the guy they will marry/get a relationship from is going to be about 3 points lower than that good looking guy that was using them for easy sex. Men will sleep with women up to 3 points lower than them for sex on average. While some don't care and will sleep with anything.

 

 

Ha! That's pretty funny

[jakelongot]

so no traction on this one, ey? After rereading, this might just be bull****

[veggirl]

Well personally I'd rather not think of my man as something that is solely driven by sex which is what you seem to be getting at. What a turn off. I have never seen him check out another girl, maybe he just doesn't do it in front of me, but I can tell you I wouldn't be cool with that. I prefer to think of my man as a bit more evolved than just a body full of testosterone that can't resist any pretty girl walking by.

 

I mean really popping a boner or being so distracted by the thought of sex at the site of a pretty woman sounds like something a 12 yr old boy going through puberty would do. I get that men are sexually driven but "controlled by their dick" ??? Really?

[MrCastle]

I thought this was gonna go more in depth. When I think of lack of fundemental understanding of women, I think of men who don't understand what it takes to attract a woman. They think being super nice and complimenting them every five minutes wins them over. All that wins is a spot in the friendzone. Stuff like that to me is more dangerous than a man not understanding what it's like to be an object of desire.

 

The same can be said for some women's lack of knowledge in regards to what makes a man tick. There are some statements made on here, questions asked on here by women in their 20s and 30s, forget teens; adult women, that leave me floored like "They really believe this????", stuff that I thought was common knowledge about how men operate is not so common.

Edited December 28, 2012 by MrCastle

[jakelongot]

I just think it is impossible for women to truly appreciate our chemistry and the effect that testosterone has on us. There is a reason we are thinking about sex every 9 seconds. It's not like a switch we can just turn off.

 

So when guys are criticized for wanting sex to soon or early or just being overly focused on it, it is more a matter of chemistry than personality. Some guys can control their primal urges better than others, but we are literally fighting our fundamental chemistry.

 

It's not a direct apples to apples comparison, but it's like when women are having their period and are moody and bitchy. As a guy we could say "stop acting like a bitch" but a woman might feel justified because of how her chemistry is affecting her. Something we as guys could never understand.

[Lonely Ronin]

I just think it is impossible for women to truly appreciate our chemistry and the effect that testosterone has on us. There is a reason we are thinking about sex every 9 seconds. It's not like a switch we can just turn off.

 

How old are you?

[TheZebra]

 

The same can be said for some women's lack of knowledge in regards to what makes a man tick. There are some statements made on here, questions asked on here by women in their 20s and 30s, forget teens; adult women, that leave me floored like "They really believe this????", stuff that I thought was common knowledge about how men operate is not so common.

 

Like what? Now I'm curious as to whether I've made those questions

 

EDIT: Also, they disproved the fact that only men think about sex every 7 seconds or whatever it is. Women think about sex just as much as men, even though they don't like to admit it.

[veggirl]

I just think it is impossible for women to truly appreciate our chemistry and the effect that testosterone has on us. There is a reason we are thinking about sex every 9 seconds. It's not like a switch we can just turn off.

 

So when guys are criticized for wanting sex to soon or early or just being overly focused on it, it is more a matter of chemistry than personality. Some guys can control their primal urges better than others, but we are literally fighting our fundamental chemistry.

 

It's not a direct apples to apples comparison, but it's like when women are having their period and are moody and bitchy. As a guy we could say "stop acting like a bitch" but a woman might feel justified because of how her chemistry is affecting her. Something we as guys could never understand.

 

Well i'm a woman and I never use my period as an excuse to be a bitch. Yeah I feel VERY moody when I am PMSing but I am also an adult and I control that. I mean seriously I'm sorry but I don't buy that grown ass men are so driven by testosterone that they are turned on and sporting wood cause they see a pretty girl.

[somedude81]

I mean seriously I'm sorry but I don't buy that grown ass men are so driven by testosterone that they are turned on and sporting wood cause they see a pretty girl.

Well for me, it's not just about seeing a pretty girl and then get hard. It's see the girl then thinking about why she is hot, what I like about her. Thinking about touching her, and then the erection comes.

 

Though it is also possible for me to get hard if I look a little too long at a girl whose showing some cleavage.

[veggirl]

Well for me, it's not just about seeing a pretty girl and then get hard. It's see the girl then thinking about why she is hot, what I like about her. Thinking about touching her, and then the erection comes.

 

Though it is also possible for me to get hard if I look a little too long at a girl whose showing some cleavage.

 

Well if I saw a hot guy and started thinking about touching him and us fking and stuff I'm sure I'd get turned on too. Instead, I may note "oh he's cute" and then go on with my day. OP acts like a hot girl walking by turns regular dudes into drooling dogs.

[jakelongot]

Well i'm a woman and I never use my period as an excuse to be a bitch. Yeah I feel VERY moody when I am PMSing but I am also an adult and I control that. I mean seriously I'm sorry but I don't buy that grown ass men are so driven by testosterone that they are turned on and sporting wood cause they see a pretty girl.

 

it's not about physically getting an erection, its more about what testosterone does to your brain and how it influences your actions. This might be extreme, but its like not breathing. We physically need oxygen to live, we can't just stop breathing for a while. Testosterone does something to us that would be nice to turn off every once in a while, but can't.

[jakelongot]

jumping back to the other side of this...

 

Women, do you feel like there is a lack of empahty/understanding about being "an object of desire"? Considering how sex driven we are as males, it seems like it would be great to save random women always coming up to us and hitting on us...propositioning us for sex.

 

Do you ever feel "trapped" as a woman and wish you could turn off your female alure from time to time?

[somedude81]

jumping back to the other side of this...

 

Women, do you feel like there is a lack of empahty/understanding about being "an object of desire"? Considering how sex driven we are as males, it seems like it would be great to save random women always coming up to us and hitting on us...propositioning us for sex.

 

Do you ever feel "trapped" as a woman and wish you could turn off your female alure from time to time?

Oooh I have so much to saw about the "object of desire" aspect. It usually leads into me saying how much easier that women have it and then it basically turns all the women (and Lonely Ronin) on the board against me for the next several hours.

[serial muse]

Oooh I have so much to saw about the "object of desire" aspect. It usually leads into me saying how much easier that women have it and then it basically turns all the women (and Lonely Ronin) on the board against me for the next several hours.

 

OK...but doesn't this kind of prove the OP's point?

[somedude81]

OK...but doesn't this kind of prove the OP's point?

The OP didn't make much of a point for that topic.

 

His conclusion was "That being said, I'm sure there are several drawbacks that also come with being an object of desire that are negative. But again because men value sex so much this does not compute. Easy to get sex = easy life."

 

Which just states that he's not really sure about the downfalls about being an object of desire.

[edgygirl]

Oooh I have so much to saw about the "object of desire" aspect. It usually leads into me saying how much easier that women have it and then it basically turns all the women (and Lonely Ronin) on the board against me for the next several hours.

 

SD what you don't get is we all think you're a nice guy and want you to succeed and be happy! No one is against you!

[loveunlimited]

What wouldn't I do to be an object of desire.

Ex-husband loved me, but wasn't in love with me. That lasted 15 years.

basically celibate and sexless. I think we did it maybe twice in that time.

 

Current, husband has ED, and is diabetic, but he always had problems in that department. The first time we ever made love, he came inside me, and exclaimed "Well at least I know I can!"

That rang alarm bells....I asked what he meant, and he said that his ex GF would stop making love as soon as she came, so he got into the habit of not ejaculating, just to spite her.

I fell for it. *slapshead*.

 

So, now I have been in two sexless relationships, and i just want to get out.

 

I would just like to think that at 40, I'm not going to be trapped in another sexless relationship for the rest of my life.

 

It would be so wonderful to be desired.

[Lonely Ronin]

SD what you don't get is we all think you're a nice guy and want you to succeed and be happy! No one is against you!

 

What she said.

[veggirl]

This conversation has occurred a lot lately. We get it, we are women and if we get hit on we should be happy. Forgetting I guess that maybe we want something other than sex and being desired for sex is meaningless when you guys ADMIT you would pretty much fk anyone who is not fugly!!!

 

So wow I should be FLATTERED that a guy would have sex with me? When he'd ALSO have sex with 90% of the other women he sees today?! Oh gee lucky me!

 

And to whoever said I think being in a relationship kills attraction to others, no I never said that. I said I've never seen my BF checking out other girls in front of me.

[jakelongot]

The OP didn't make much of a point for that topic.

 

His conclusion was "That being said, I'm sure there are several drawbacks that also come with being an object of desire that are negative. But again because men value sex so much this does not compute. Easy to get sex = easy life."

 

Which just states that he's not really sure about the downfalls about being an object of desire.

 

I don't think there was a hard stance I was trying to make, but rather stir some discussion and debate. I think a lot of the arguments you see on LS (or in real life for that matter) is due to lack of empathy. And this lack of empathy comes from physically not being able to experience the biology/chemistry of being a member of the opposite sex.

 

There are a lot of assumptions on how the opposite sex feels and how they should act and what is controllable, but they are just assumptions. Going back to my OP...being a guy, it sounds desirable to be an "object of desire" and have women constantly hitting on you and making it easy to get sex if you want to. On the other hand, I can understand how that might be annoying for a woman to constantly have that going on. That being said my empathy only goes so far because in the back of my head i'm thinking, "yeah she complains now, but if she didn't get the attention she is used to she would definitely miss it." That statement might not be true or fair, but without actually being a physical female it is impossible to truly understand that feeling because I will never have the opportunity to experience it.

 

Vice versa with the testosterone thing. A woman might understand to a degree that testosterone makes us a little sex crazed, but as veg girl put it, "Well personally I'd rather not think of my man as something that is solely driven by sex which is what you seem to be getting at. What a turn off. I have never seen him check out another girl, maybe he just doesn't do it in front of me, but I can tell you I wouldn't be cool with that. I prefer to think of my man as a bit more evolved than just a body full of testosterone that can't resist any pretty girl walking by."

 

I understand why you would think that, but you can never truly know unless you were physically a man. You might think you have an idea, but you don't truly know what effect testosterone has. Your bf might never show his "primal" side (as most good bf do), but how do you know what is really going on in his mind/body?

[jakelongot]

This conversation has occurred a lot lately. We get it, we are women and if we get hit on we should be happy. Forgetting I guess that maybe we want something other than sex and being desired for sex is meaningless when you guys ADMIT you would pretty much fk anyone who is not fugly!!!

 

So wow I should be FLATTERED that a guy would have sex with me? When he'd ALSO have sex with 90% of the other women he sees today?! Oh gee lucky me!

 

And to whoever said I think being in a relationship kills attraction to others, no I never said that. I said I've never seen my BF checking out other girls in front of me.

 

 

Please don't be upset or feel offended. This isn't an attact on either gender, just acknowledging that some huge differences in thought about the opposite sex is a product of not being able to biologically feel what it's like to be a man/woman. In light of this, I think there should be way more slack cut (to both sexes) when we have to act and behave in a way that goes against or internal wiring.

 

EX: There is a thread on here where some girl is upset with a guy for wanting more sexually after making out with him all night? Where is the empathy? What do you think a guy would want in that scenario.

 

EX: There is a thread about all you have to do to be successful in dating is be a woman. empathy? Ok, yeah maybe you are getting more attention, but 90% is probably attention you don't want.

[TheBigQuestion]

 

Vice versa with the testosterone thing. A woman might understand to a degree that testosterone makes us a little sex crazed, but as veg girl put it, "Well personally I'd rather not think of my man as something that is solely driven by sex which is what you seem to be getting at. What a turn off. I have never seen him check out another girl, maybe he just doesn't do it in front of me, but I can tell you I wouldn't be cool with that. I prefer to think of my man as a bit more evolved than just a body full of testosterone that can't resist any pretty girl walking by."

 

I understand why you would think that, but you can never truly know unless you were physically a man. You might think you have an idea, but you don't truly know what effect testosterone has. Your bf might never show his "primal" side (as most good bf do), but how do you know what is really going on in his mind/body?

 

This. I don't check out other women when in the presence of my girlfriend (unless she does it first ), but your sentiments are accurate. My sex drive has always been through the roof, and being committed to someone isn't really going to change that. I obviously have enough self-control to "resist" any pretty girl that walks by me in the sense that I don't pursue her, but that doesn't mean I won't have sexual thoughts about her or won't admire her physical features. Of course a man will deny this if his woman holds the attitude that she is the only person to whom she may feel attraction. But go ahead and eavesdrop on any boys' night, regardless of the socioeconomic demographic. Most of the time, you'll hear at least a few comments about women they find attractive who happen to not be their partners. This is reality. Accept it. The guy who actually can turn off his lust for other women like a light switch (as many women here claim to be able to do in regards to their attraction for men) is a rarity, and probably has an extremely low sex drive in the first place.

[KraftDinner]

I just want to clarify something.

 

It isn't so much that we hate being viewed as 'objects of desire.'

 

What sucks is getting involved with someone you think likes you, having sex (which, scientific fact, releases hormones for a woman, causing a feeling of bonding) and then getting dumped.

 

You feel rejected and used.

 

It's usually not good enough to just have sex to 'get off' or whatever. Feeling rejected for the sake of an orgasm? No thanks.

 

And I'm not even really going by personal experience here because I've never had a one-night stand or whatever. But seeing my friends' hearts ripped out time and again...